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As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 9:23:40 AM

VonGlorious

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/19/2011
Status: offline

It's a question i would like some feed back on. There may be a situation where a submissive is interested in a Dominant, but isn't sure he/she is interested. In your opinion, is it proper or appropriate for the submissive to approach the Dominate? Why or why not?

I'll give me POV a llittle later, im more interested in what you have to say :)

Post #: 1

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 9:33:52 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Speaking for myself, unless I am the one being pursued pretty aggressively, I lose interest. It would defeat the purpose for me to make the initial contact.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 2

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 9:38:25 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

There's no reason why a submissive shouldn't send a Dominant an email to say that they are interested in them, if that person is what the other person might actually be looking for. I'm of the mind that common courtesy applies. (In other words, if that person says "no men" in the profile and the submissive is male, that's a no. Never expect to be the exception to the rule.) The sit back and wait approach really doesn't work that well for most male submissives on the internet. In the case of female submissives who contact first, it's probably going to make somebody's day.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 3

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 9:40:01 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious

It's a question i would like some feed back on. There may be a situation where a submissive is interested in a Dominant, but isn't sure he/she is interested. In your opinion, is it proper or appropriate for the submissive to approach the Dominate? Why or why not?

I'll give me POV a llittle later, im more interested in what you have to say :)

I adore being approached by a person that has obviously taken the time to read my profile, understand ME a bit from that, and wishes to show active interest.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/18/2011 9:44:59 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 4

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 9:41:46 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

Yes, please approach. In person OR on internet. That is, if you're at a munch, or even on the street.....

Why? Well, how else are you going to find out if "he/she is interested." Also, I don't have time to check out each and every sub. If you happen across something that seems interesting, go for it. YOU might be just what *I* would like to find. The internet gives us world-wide possiblities.

As a young man, I was always wondering "Why did those two high-school sweet-hearts get married, saying, 'They are the ONLY person for me.'?"

Heck, that was the only other person in the class of less than 100 students that they had talked to for more than 30 minutes. Oh, and same age, and of same cultural milieu..... get a LIFE!

So, short answer, "Yes, approach." If nothing else, I'd like to see what I have that interested you. LOL!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/18/2011 9:48:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 5

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 9:56:47 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You are not submissive except to your own Dominant. So if you're currently not serving, approach anyone you want.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 6

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 10:12:28 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

We are all people, all on equal footing. By all means, approach anyone that interests you, as one human being to another!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 10:16:18 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Please do. We are doms, not psychics. There is a big difference. We can't read your mind all the time, just once in a while. ;)

I personally really enjoy it when s-types come to me first. Shows initiative and gives me a feel for their personality much more quickly.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 8

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 10:16:56 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

From my experience as a submissive approaching dominant men, they seem to like to do the pursuing. I am sure they find it flattering to be approached, but in my experience if a man likes what he sees in your profile, he will contact you. The most I do is view them first... and then if they contact me I respond.

I am sure other people have different experiences, but that is mine.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/18/2011 10:17:20 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 9

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 10:23:51 AM

McCaine

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/16/2009
Status: offline

Yeah why not? After all, as was said before, up until the point someting happens, we're all just people trying to flirt with each other at an equal level.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 10:24:08 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I never approach anyone. I figure, if they are interested, they will approach me first. I like when the man takes the initiative.

I am in sales, so I have to cold call too much as it is. :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 10:26:02 AM

PainObjectForUse

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/10/2011
Status: offline

I've said something like this before, but ...

First amke sure you read and understand the profile of the person you are interested in, that is, be sure that you don't turn out to be something that person is NOT looking for. Read that person's forum posts and try to understand what the best approach would be.

Tips i've learned on Collarme - be original, no one liners or corny remarks, or objectifying remarks. Work smart, not hard, and be witty.

Once you are in the right frame of mind, send a message. Be sure to know what you want to accomplish and work on your profile also. A first good impression goes a long way.

Tony

A.K.A. -Your friendly ( pretentious ) neighbourhood silver tongue devil.

_____________________________

"I may be submissive, but I am not your slave" by me.

- Yes , I suffer from the syndrome of over-generalization.

It's not so much what I write, but the way I write it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 12

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 11:13:42 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I will make an initial approach, but will lose interest if he does not subsequently pursue me aggressively.

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 13

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 11:19:19 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I will make an initial approach, but will lose interest if he does not subsequently pursue me aggressively.

seconded.
if it seems like he thinks it's not that important, then i'll assume he's not interested and wander off.
anyway, i don't think it's inappropriate for s-types to approach D-types.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 14

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 11:27:55 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

sure..until you're actually in a relationship with the other person you're both just normal, regular everyday dudes. Would you approach someone in real life that you thought you might like to get to know better? Why would bdsm make it any different?

I personally never approached men because well....so very few have ever really caught my attention. Until a man actually approached me I just rarely found them of interest.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/18/2011 11:29:34 AM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 15

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 11:45:25 AM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

There's nothing wrong with sending an initial message to a Dom who may be of interest to you. Just make sure you're compatible to his wants and needs. If you don't receive an answer or a polite "no thank you", then move on. It's no different than meeting someone in person and seeing if there's a spark there. Make sure you're polite, show that you've read the profile and any journal entries, and make comments about that also. Show you've taken the time to read about them as opposed to sending a message about nothing but you.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 11:47:48 AM

Anomandaris

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/17/2011
From: Toronto
Status: offline

As a newish Dominant, I would definately like it if a sub approached me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 17

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 12:10:54 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VonGlorious
It's a question i would like some feed back on. There may be a situation where a submissive is interested in a Dominant, but isn't sure he/she is interested. In your opinion, is it proper or appropriate for the submissive to approach the Dominant?

Of course it is.

quote:

Why or why not?

'Cause there are like... what... THOUSANDS of profiles on CM -- who knows if they've even seen you/your profile in order to "approach" you in the first place?!! Hit 'em up!!!

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 18

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 2:23:13 PM

VonGlorious

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/19/2011
Status: offline

wow, thank you everyone :) i appriciate the feed back, I to don't see anything wrong with approaching someone at a munch or play party. As far as the internet, I approach, but not too often.

However, from a friend of mine, her view was that she doesn't approach. It could sometimes come off as desperate. I understood her point, but felt it didn't apply to me.

What do you all think? A Submissive approaching first seeming desperate? Could it be the manner in which he/she approaches?

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 19

RE: As a submissive, should i approach you? - 7/18/2011 2:25:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Style. Definitely.

Any reasonable person is going to be able to tell if it is a friendly message or if the smell of desperation is so thick that it would make most people hurl.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VonGlorious)

Post #: 20

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