RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (Full Version)

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AngelControlsU -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/19/2011 9:48:57 PM)

quote:



You posted your "rules" regarding tribute on July 13, 2011. Honey. That's not six years ago. That's last week. Later, you add a "disclaimer" post which says the posts written just a few days ago "may or may not" reflect your current beliefs? Give me a break. After a week? You can't have it both ways, babe. Either you demand tribute before looking at an application, or you don't.

Any sub male who falls for your sad story is going to be be too stupid to earn you much money. You are not competent, let alone dominant.

January




I am sick of repeating myself, but as I mentioned several times that I just re-did my site, I also stated those "rules" used to have their very own page, When switching things over I took the whole page and though it in to a blog, yes it was posted last week, but I never said it was posted any other time I said it was "WRITTEN" 6 years ago. You can check the blog the day that was posted is the first day anything was ever posted. It is tucked away in what will become the very last page of my blog, not displayed prominently on the front or anywhere near the application.

I have never been dishonest to anyone I have talked to on here. Even if I do want money from self labeled pay pigs (which I never said that I did not or was against it anywhere) that does not means that I want the same thing from everyone I talk to? Or that I can not want any other relationship dynamic with anyone else. When I talk to people in correspondence I am always extremely forthcoming and open about my past (and you think you don‘t like me now! Lol). You may not believe that or have your own opinion that I am being dishonest because it might take someone an email or two to learn everything about me, I do not ask for a tributes in my “personal ad” and while yes my site is on every signature HERE, it is not everywhere else and while it can only be found on one place on fetlife.

I do KNOW from experience MOST people who have respond to this or any other CM journal post have NOT taken that to be directed towards them, even when it was prominently displayed on it’s own page titled “Rules” all by it self. I guess I never really thought of it all that much before this either because frankly only two or three people have ever listened to it in the history of me having the website. When I took down the old site a few weeks ago and thou this one together literally one day last week, I knew I no longer wanted to make that the focus of my page, but I did not want to get rid of that and the about me section writings all together, so I just copied threw them into blogs and did not even re-read. They had never in the past interfered with me having non-findom related dealings with people who had saw the site so it did not make such a strong impression on me until you guys made the very valid and great points about it that you did. I know I can not say now that I was not expecting my site scrutinized as well as the post I had asked for input on, I realize the connection was not hard to make even if it was much easier for you to make it here then where I intended the ad for. But I do not think this makes me “dishonest”

I also need to take in to consideration that while your feed back has been very helpful and insightful you guys are not my target audience, as of course I am looking to attract people with similar ideas and views and believe me there are plenty of them out there. A handful of people did contact me privately to offer their support or and had many positive things to say, I will hopefully continue to speak with some of them. I think we are only beating dead horses here at this point but I will certainly reply if anyone has any questions or anything we haven’t covered.

As for My ad, after expressing on my journal and CM profile that I was looking for a long term cuckold I received many responses about it, some messages were easy to weed out, less then a paragraph, talking about the sexual acts they want me to take part in, and stuff like that I like most others from what I can read here just ignore. The problem was the number decent and intelligent sounding guys who were replying. To many for me to deal with and while going back and forth with so many I also got bored of repeating myself, having the same get to know you conversations and I know that I probably over looked some good guys while wasting time with ones that ultimately were not a match.

That ad was an experiment on lessening those responses and targeting a specific type of slave. My reason for posing it here and asking for your opinions was to further study that experiment. Which could not have been more helpful. I was not looking for validation from strangers on the internet, I wanted feed back on it. When you feel the need to lash out at people as some of you guys have who while may have posted something you do not agree with or believe in, something that could be offensive to some people (which is almost everything to someone) then I see I may be going to far and my goal could possibly be lost to controversy. While I want to save myself time and effort wasted on dead ends, I do not want to go over bored.


To erieangel who said that my 90k was probably mostly from tributes, Wow that is really flattering, you may not realize the compliment there but thank you very much.
But when you said “I am a poor speller, myself and my son has dyslexia. However, neither of us use that as an excuse to justify obvious laziness and a lack of care.” you imply that I ever made any excuse, I never once said anything about dyslexia or learning disabilities. I said I always try to use spell check, if it does not work as well as I would like then I guess I should just not be allowed to express myself with written word I suppose right.

Thank you for all of your comments and opinions, A few people few people mentioned that I did not like the feedback I was getting, I do not know how they presume to know what I like and do not like but yes this is what I asked for and I have enjoyed it and learned a lot from it. I have not lashed out at anyone, even those of you who have lashed out at Me, so why you would think I am upset with differing opinions is beyond Me. All of your comments, insight and colorful advice has been very helpful and I think I have a better idea of what to change, what to put out in the open from the beginning and what to save for later discussion.

Thank you all again and I really must stop assuming the Fetish Community is more open-minded then any other community.



scarletsubbie -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/19/2011 10:52:03 PM)

@OP  I'm simply going to say that you need to slow down. Read, and re-read, what you post for content.
You misspell and use incorrect homophones.
(waist time, for example)





AngelControlsU -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 8:53:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: scarletsubbie

@OP  I'm simply going to say that you need to slow down. Read, and re-read, what you post for content.
You misspell and use incorrect homophones.
(waist time, for example)






Yes you are correct, I think fast, talk fast and type fast. I make those mistakes when typing all the time unfortunately. I hate it and spell check doesn't help with that sort of thing. I am usually in to much of a hurry or to busy doing 10 other things at the same time to spend the time I should on actually re-reading slowly enough to edit myself (I usually skim it for red underlined words and fix em) even though most of it I could fix on my own. You can choose to believe me or not but I do know the difference between my not to slim waistline and the amount of time I waste on my computer, I know that while I am going over to their house for dinner tonight they're taking me out there to that new restaurant next week.

I should for the readers sake take more time on my posts here and edit my stuff more thoroughly. It will if nothing else save the space used up by people who only comment on the grammar, spelling or homophonic mix ups (I have a big problem with run on sentences too!) when in all actuality, while these mistakes are annoying (I will be the first to admit that), you still know exactly what I am saying. Your not sitting there reading, all confused thinking "what? she has waist time? what about butt time? and feet time?". Some of you might bust a gut laughing in disbelief but I have not only sold and been paid for my writing, I also make money off of my writing everyday (I have done lots and lots of article marketing as an internet marketer, go a head google how to catch a cheating husband or why buy a car from a government auction and you can probably find an article written by me about 4 or 5 pages back (I still haven’t mastered SEO)) but I have also paid for the services of a skilled editor. Just because someone is not a master of the written English language does not mean that they are not intelligent or even unable to become great writers, all real writers have editors (not saying I’m a “real“ writer by any means!). Sadly while I know there will always be a handful of people who will pick apart only that and nothing else which is to me the most unimportant part of the writing it self. Forgive me if thought and feeling and pouring out your heart for others to better understand you and possibly themselves means more to me then whether or not I used the right word for the beautiful weather I was describing. But I am just not going to spend money or even more time on forum posts when I am already wasting more time then should be just because I am so damn long winded a can't even shut up on a screen. I will make a better effort to self-edit as I have done here (Oh oh! Here comes the nit-pickers I can feel it right now, I am sure there are at least 5 mistakes someone will just have to find now).

This is why my sub will have to work for me and my business in stead of outside the home, as my personal assistant and office assistant she would be responsible for being my personal editor. You all can see I need one! When I am ready for that it is definitely something I will add to the ad, “Must be great with spelling, grammar and have excellent editorial skills!”




*Ahh Geeze! See I still found one mistake!*



Punkt -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 9:25:22 AM)

One opinion: You are not honest (maybe even with yourself).

Another opinion: You paid for your ex's every kind of costs, and you don't want to do that again or be in a relationship where the man is in that position to be supported by you.

As someone whose mother-tongue is not English, maybe I shouldn't write this; but I think you write good indeed. You are able to express your thoughts. You are using commas when needed in long sentences. Your grammar is not bad at all, it is good. Spelling errors can happen because of a bad keyboard, and the connection interruptions for different reasons (slow computer getting frozen for less than a second can cause a spelling error for example), other than your own mistakes.

In one of the forums; I wrote "Sometimes I eat them on the same table" instead of "Sometimes I eat with them at the same table" two days ago, and I am still laughing about it. [sm=biggrin.gif]



rulemylife -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 9:38:43 AM)

A BDSM prostitute?

Who would possibly think that?

As I was saying, the male sub’s first priority is financial gain for his Mistress....







rulemylife -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 9:53:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I didn't need to read your post.

You're not advertising sex for money, so it ain't prostitution. Block, delete, ignore. Save effort.


Then what is being advertised?

Are we going to come to the conclusion that domination is not sexual, even if it does not overtly involve sex?



AngelControlsU -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 10:30:15 AM)

Ok,
WHAT am not being honest about?
HOW am I being dishonest?

Are there just things people believe I am out-right lying about?
Or is it just that you feel I am purposely misrepresenting myself?

Maybe you are right, maybe I am not being completely honest with myself, I do not believe that to be the case (but if course I wouldn't). I would certainly not be the first person to not have the best general idea of what is going in the their own head.

If you just think I am lying about this or that, I didn't make that much money working for as an internet marketer or I don't have a kid or didn't just get divorced or things did not go down as I said they did in some way then fine, If that is the case fine. I know the truth and I don't feel any need to prove myself to people I don't know on the internet.

But if that is not what you are referring to then Why do you think I am not an honest person?


quote:



In one of the forums; I wrote "Sometimes I eat them on the same table" instead of "Sometimes I eat with them at the same table" two days ago, and I am still laughing about it. [sm=biggrin.gif]


LMAO! It's funny everytime I read it too.



BitaTruble -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 10:37:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelControlsU

This is a classified ad I posted on fetlife, I realize it is a little long and I hope it does not seem as if I am trying to circumvent rules and post it here under the disguise of something else but I would really like some feed back as to how it makes me sound as a Mistress and person really. Especially to a sub who might be reading it, if someone thinks it belongs in a different area I am sorry.


You need to edit. Less potato, more meat. Get someone else to proof for you if you have trouble with spell checker. A second set of eyes will often pick up on errors of spelling and grammar which an author misses. It doesn't have to be perfect but you do want to avoid confusion. I would tweak a bit on what you are actually looking for as it seems to me, from reading through this thread, that it's not the occupation so much as the personality which goes along with certain occupations which appeal to you. Stress the personality aspect if it's really important to you. It will come through to the right people. You don't need to appeal to the entire male slave population after all.. just one will do.

I would also avoid generalizing so be specific in expressing that service to 'you' means that male slaves should have your financial well-being as their top priority because that's not what it means to most slaves who are seeking out relationships. Your pool is already going to be small. Don't shrink it even more. I would suggest though, that you really give that some thought. In these economic times, jobs are lost easily. Should you get a male slave then they suddenly lose their job.. what do you do then? Men are not like dogs. You would never kick out your dog, right? Would you kick out your slave because (perhaps through no fault of their own) he lost his job? Are you prepared to allow them to put some of their money aside for their own benefit should the well run dry? (These are rhetorical and I put this out there so you can think about how you would answer such questions were they asked of you.)

Kudos and a brownie point for coming back and responding to the posters though. You have acknowledged flaws, already changed a few things and yet stand your ground on what's important to you. I think you are fairly mature in the way you handle adversity (as adults should be) and don't think you are asking or expecting anything which would be considered unreasonable for someone who holds a fem supreme POV with financial underpinings.

You are articulate, frank and seem to know exactly want you want and are able to express it fairly well. I find adult, reasonable humans make for pretty good friends and whatever life you choose to live is up to you. I wouldn't hold it against you and I don't see what you have put forward here in a harsh light.

Good luck to you and as a very smart lady here often says.. may you find your bliss.






Punkt -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 10:51:33 AM)

I didn't mean it very deeply as you mentioned. I just said that it could be an opinion that you are not honest. Maybe with the changes you made at your website very recently. As I say, I know you changed them, but since the changes were recent, it could be considered as dishonesty. On the other hand, it could be considered as honesty too, which would make more sense. And I did put another opinion that you were out of a relation that you wouldn't wanna be in the same situation again. I didn't mean that you are a dishonest person; I just meant that your website, that you changed recently, could confuse people (Like my words about honesty confused you, that is because English is not my mother tongue!).

You are also right about the human psychology, and what is going through someone's head. Let me make a couple of psychology quotes here:

"Only stupid people say I am not stupid!"

"The only people who are sure of their sanity are insane people!"



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 7:14:11 PM)

what the fuck do you care? some fucker got his tightie whities in a bunch, so fucking what? heather just had some dom emailing her insisting she really was looking or she wouldn't have a profile with pictures. apparently people here for the boards only have blank profiles. who fucking knew eh?

just ignore the fuckwits, there's way to fucking many of them, if you pay any attention to them your fucking head will swell up to twice it's size and turn green. its a well known fact.



erieangel -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 7:33:45 PM)

quote:

A few people few people mentioned that I did not like the feedback



If you notice, you types "few people" twice. That is something spell check would not pick up on most of the time and shows your carelessness. That was what I talking about, not that you have a learning disability or anything. You are simply careless.



TheShrew -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/20/2011 8:54:26 PM)

OP, as per your request I have perused your ad and offer my critique ... First and foremost, it's just too damn long. Edit, edit, then edit more.
Now ... were I a male, I would not find this ad the least bit enticing for a number of reasons... unless my sole focus was to enter into a coupling in which I held little to no value, and desired to experience this disparity in every possible regard. {However, many people are into that sort of thing, so let us proceed...}

People often post to these forums and the responses contain a slight bit of awesome advice, which is... remove the bdsm aspects substituting vanilla and re-ask the question. I have used this method by applying a few of your statements directly to me. After having done so, I reiterate "I would not find this ad the least bit enticing."

he will be responsible for holding a good job outside of the home and take a large part in supporting My home
(Shrew, you need to work and maintain the bulk of my support, even though I don't need it because I made 90$k last year.)

I prefer a slave who is a business or property owner
(Shrew, I will like you more if you're a business/property owner even though I don't need it because I made 90$k last year.)

I am especially attracted to attorneys and successful entrepreneurs
(Shrew, I'll find you attractive if you're a lawyer or otherwise gainfully employed with your higher education netting a tidy sum. Which, as preciously stated, comes to my household in bulk, even though I don't need it because I made 90$k last year.)

(In spite of your having explained, in detail, why you made mention of finances you see the topic of money is equally as unappealing whether addressed by a man or a woman.)

In light of all I have said, I agree with the vast majority of those who've responded to you. Whether you see it or not, like it or not, or accept it or not ... when a stranger reads your ad the general perception is that it was created with a financial slant. Too, I note the uses of "Me, I, My" on a grand scale within a cut and dry IwantIwantIwant ad. Those are among the glaringly obvious portions of your ad.

Then, there is the rigidity of your post. In many instances rigidity is not only hot, but necessary. However, you come across as unyielding. My personal experience has been that bdsm is often a fairly fluid arrangement. There is give and take, yin and yang, push and pull.. etc etc There may be staunch, non-negotiable items {hard limits} and bendy, negotiable items {soft limits} but there is normally room for error, fun, spontaneity, creativity, growth, exploration etc.

Conclusion ~ What you seem to be offering is the equivalent of... 13 minutes, missionary only {lights off} every Thursday night at 8:30 sharp.


ETA ..*looks at the length of her response to the OP then thinks*..{hi pot, I'm kettle, lovely shade of black you have there}..



DominaKathryn -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/22/2011 7:05:51 AM)

Goddess Angel - I am a professional Domme in Florida and I carefully read over your ad and I think it is just fine.  You stated clearly what you are seeking and in no way does it come across as a "quid pro quo" sort of deal which would lead one to accuse you of being a prostitute.  As an Alpha Female, various submissives will challenge you and your dominance periodically.  Ignore them.  I only respond to serious replies to my ads.  If someone wants to go off on me - that is their right, we have freedom of speech after all - but it is my right to IGNORE them and not reply.  Don't get caught up in their madness.  A true submissive seeks a goddess to whom he can say "How may I serve you my Divinity?"  and those are the ONLY ones we should reply to.  True submissives enjoy great blessings by belonging to me.



kalikshama -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/22/2011 6:17:37 PM)

quote:

(I have done lots and lots of article marketing as an internet marketer, go a head google how to catch a cheating husband or why buy a car from a government auction and you can probably find an article written by me about 4 or 5 pages back (I still haven’t mastered SEO))


Page 4-5 link juice is $10/hr work. Just sayin.



AngelControlsU -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/23/2011 6:40:54 PM)

Thanks for the tips, and no I really do not care what one or even all of the dom men online or in the world thing of me, anyone else for that matter, especially trolls who look in ads that are clearly not looking for them, but chose to comment anyway, the reason I wanted feed back on my ad is because it was sort of an experiment in a more extreme approach, with the hopes of clearing out my inbox. I have gotten way to many responses in the last 3 months and have had trouble not to mention have not had the time to weed out the good ones from the bullshit. I wanted to try and cut some down but I did not want to go to far either.

Erie angel : if you just meant that I was careless why would you not just say that instead of telling everyone “I am a poor speller, myself and my son has dyslexia. However, neither of us use that as an excuse to justify obvious laziness and a lack of care.“ It definitely seems to imply something more and since I had not tried to make any such excused for my “carelessness” Seems rather off point then don’t you think?

Shrew and Kathryn thank you for your advice!

Kalikshama, Article Marketing and SEO are definitely not my only marketing tactics and only a couple of many different things that I do.



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/24/2011 8:26:00 PM)

I have a big issue with anyone who demands or asks for financial tribute or support. Arent you kinda full of yourself? you have a long list of demands. Get real. Its not all about you - or is it?



AngelControlsU -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/24/2011 8:40:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I have a big issue with anyone who demands or asks for financial tribute or support. Arent you kinda full of yourself? you have a long list of demands. Get real. Its not all about you - or is it?


Ahh yeah, actually it is.



littlewonder -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/24/2011 8:43:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelControlsU


quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I have a big issue with anyone who demands or asks for financial tribute or support. Arent you kinda full of yourself? you have a long list of demands. Get real. Its not all about you - or is it?


Ahh yeah, actually it is.


There's your answer then.

That's i think what most people seem to have a problem with.

When you want a relationship it's NOT all just about you



AngelControlsU -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/24/2011 9:09:05 PM)

You are right, usually it is not just about one person, but then we branch off in to these different kids of alternative relationships, such as D/s, M/s, many others and more variations of each then anyone could count. A few people have mentioned me being “full of myself”, Maybe I am. I do not think that I am so great and so wonderful that everything should always be all about me in every interaction I have, I certainly realize that I am not and never going to be all that to everyone and I wouldn‘t want to be. But my ad is not for everyone. It is not to make friends. It is not to explain myself to the world. It is to find that one person who wants a relationship to be all about the other person. This is not an extremely unusual thing on here. There are many subs who are looking for exactly what I am (reversed obviously) and even before I wrote that particular ad I got tons of messages stating they were looking for a relationship that revolved around the Domme with no concern for the subs thoughts or feelings. Now this is not even what I want, I can not help but have concern for others feelings especially if I am close to them or care about them in anyway. I am just saying that when you come to a site like this there is a huge range in what people are looking for. I am looking for someone who wants to devote themselves to me and always put my needs and wants before their own. So for now, in my search it is all about Me, My search is all about finding that perfect person to compliment Me, I am not out here trying to find people that I can accommodate. At this stage it most certainly is all about Me, now maybe down the line when I actually find one of these such individuals that is looking for the same thing and is up to my standards I something’s will eventually be able them as well.

I understand that not everyone is looking for the same thing but I am actually surprised by the fact that it seems many people on this forum do not know that there really is a large group of men subs who want to live in such a way. I guess they have been seeking me out for a while so it comes as no shock to me, but as members in a BDSM forum I would think that it would be at least something you had heard several times before from both the Domme side and the sub side. Though I have noticed a very different demographic here in the forum then on the site, I have seen many more sub women then men posting to the forums. (I could be wrong about that, though I have not been here all that long)



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Do you think this classified ad makes me sound like a BDSM prostitute? (7/26/2011 11:35:46 AM)

Angel,
Sorry I'm late joining the party, but I'd like to share a bit of feedback with you.

Firstly, I'm a male sub and a business owner, so I probably fit your intended target a bit better than many of the dominant women who have responded.

Having said that, here are a few points that you might want to consider:

1)  What you ask for doesn't make you sound like a prostitute, nor is it unrealistic.  However, you have to realize that there is only a very small segment of the population that is looking for what you're selling.  You want a very successful man (preferably a lawyer or business owner) who is also submissive, polyamorous, believes in female supremacy, enjoys financial domination, is seeking marriage, wants to be a father, desires to be a cuckold, is open to the idea of you having a live-in girlfriend, and wants to do the majority of the housework.  And of course, for all of that to happen, he either has to live near Minneapolis, or be willing to relocate there.  I'll bet if you look at every profile of submissive males on CollarMe and Fetlife combined, you will likely find less than 5 who fit all those criteria.  And none probably live in Minnesota.  That doesn't mean that you should give up, but it does mean that you will need to be patient.

2)  You state that you want a successful and highly educated man, yet your profile doesn't make it seem as though you offer equal value in return (no offense intended).  Your website, profile, and every message that I've read from you has been filled with typos and grammatical errors.  That doesn't make you seem like a well-educated woman.  You have multiple (very visible) tattoos and several piercings (that are not located on your ears).  You also have blue, pink, and burgundy hair in several of your pictures.  That is not the image that is going to fit best with your future successful lawyer husband/sub.  You may not fit in well with the other wives at the law firm Christmas party.

3)  Some men enjoy financial domination.  But many do not.  I fall into the latter group.  Frankly, I am extremely generous when it comes to spending money on a Domme.  However, it is because I choose to spoil her in that fashion.  It is NOT because she demands tribute as a part of the relationship.  There's something about a demand for tribute that turns me off.  Also, women who refer to male subs as "pay piggies" irritate me to no end.  You use that terms several times on your website and profile.  That would turn me off completely.

4)  Your profile, your website, and every message that you've posted are far too verbose.  Shorten all of them.  You can communicate your message with far fewer words.  Few subs are even going to take the time to read what you have to say.

5)  Coming on here and asking what others think about you makes me question your dominance.  Self confidence is sexy.  This thread communicates a complete lack of it.

I hope you receive this message in the way that it was intended.  I am trying to help you, and hope these points provide useful feedback.  I apologize if it comes off as an attack.  That was not my purpose.

Good luck in your search.
-Roch



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