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RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 10:30:48 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		So...you have pro subs in the London scene but no pro doms...interesting.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 10:31:25 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: DavidLee44UK

have been over the last few months been talking via email this prosub who says she is sub with few limits





2nd thoughts - if that has been going on for a few months, she doesn't think you will book anyway and thinks you're one of the typical internet wankers, and therefore making it twice as difficult for you before she even thinks about possibly wasting her time (which in her case is money) for somebody who might not show up. Very unusual to message months in advance in this business.


QFT

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RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 10:32:57 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So...you have pro subs in the London scene but no pro doms...interesting.


Huh? I think there must be at least 50 pro doms in London last time I checked...

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RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 10:45:18 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
2nd thoughts - if that has been going on for a few months, she doesn't think you will book anyway and thinks you're one of the typical internet wankers, and therefore making it twice as difficult for you before she even thinks about possibly wasting her time (which in her case is money) for somebody who might not show up. Very unusual to message months in advance in this business.


QFT

That's My understanding of the situation as well from what I've heard from others in the business.  I'm more familiar with pro dommes than I am with pro subs, but from My understanding, the longer someone drags out making an appointment, the less likely the would-be client is going to pay off.  It does happen sometimes that the time investment is worth it, so the pro is sitting on her side, rolling her eyes thinking "time waster" but she's still being professional about it.

Just second hand info, so maybe folks who have experience in the area can confirm or deny that.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 11:21:35 AM   
RqrCompanionS


Posts: 76
Joined: 7/16/2011
Status: offline 		Uhm .. sorry, sweetie, but, as you described it, you are wrong. Also it is "who is" not "whose"
A submissive, who is not owned, who has her own job and life and etc. has to set limits on when she meets people, etc. The more submissive she is, the more this is true. If she does not stick to those limits, hard and fast, she is lost, as there is no one above her to guide her. She needs to look out for her safety, and, to make sure she is not going to far, where she will end up out of control, giving so much that she can't maintain her life and she loses her job, her home, neglects those things she must do to survive, only to find out that the person she is neglecting them for is only playing.

So, as long as you are not taking care of her, you are wrong to think she has no right to make such choices. However, if you ask her for her schedule, take into consideration her needs, etc. and then ell her that you are going to set a play date that works around her schedule, discuss it with her to make sure it is workable, and, then set it - and, she still will only show up when the date is set by her, that is a different matter.

And, if you have never met, and, she seems to be doing this to the point of you thinking she will never show up, then, that is a different matter.

Discover when she is available, address her qualms - like if she wants to meet in public, make it a very public place, etc. And, if she still will not show up, forget her.

(in reply to DavidLee44UK)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 11:52:06 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm more familiar with pro dommes than I am with pro subs, but from My understanding, the longer someone drags out making an appointment, the less likely the would-be client is going to pay off. It does happen sometimes that the time investment is worth it, so the pro is sitting on her side, rolling her eyes thinking "time waster" but she's still being professional about it.

Just second hand info, so maybe folks who have experience in the area can confirm or deny that.


I pro-subbed in a dungeon. I can't imagine being able to create a situation as an independent that would make me feel safe. Ms V dealt with the potential clients. NO WAY she would have dragged out a convo for days, let alone months.

I was really a bottom rather than a sub. I assumed the client had no experience until he proved otherwise, so he received a briefing (sometimes mini, sometimes extensive) in wrapping and other safety issues. I'd start a client off with a flogger that would wear him out long before it hurt me and if he proved competent, would let him graduate to heavier floggers.

Use of every piece of equipment was negotiated - clothes pins, St Catherine's Wheel, stocks, cross, etc.

Scenes were negotiated. Clients who wanted a schoolroom or medical office scene would tell me their script. AFAIK, I agreed to everything but scat and sex, but they always asked rather than demanded during the pre-scene negotiation.

OP - Why would you feel like you should have to skip pre-scene negotiation with a stranger?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 12:14:14 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I knew a few pro subs, most of them only worked out of a dungeon and when at least 1 or 2 more were present, with new clients they insisted on the doors being open, no gags, no heavy impact tools, if somebody seemed incompetent (or very unexperienced) the sub would demand a domme being present to show him and guide him. Some subs would consider taking outside appointments with long term clients they trusted, i.e. a guy had the fantasy of doing a spanking scene in his kitchen or living room, still, they were covered, the people in the dungeon knew the address, the phone number and the mobile number of the sub.

Now female pro-subs are a lot more sought after than pro dommes (sorry guys, but you can always have a sex change) and used to charge quite a bit more, I doubt they'd waste much time or months emailing back and forth, especially that with your average pro-domme if you don't indicate fairly quick when you want to book, which specific activities you are looking for, what your limits are and usually also a reference (i.e. another pro you have seen), she's not going to be your best new email buddy and write you lots of mails so you can pleasure yourself reading about what she might do to you... As a rule of thumb, the longer the contact goes on, or the more they talk on the phone, the less likely they are to show up. Simple.

I'm actually a bit surprised that this pro-sub was indulging in a long email conversation over months...

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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 12:24:24 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I'm actually a bit surprised that this pro-sub was indulging in a long email conversation over months...


Why do i get the impression "Fuck off, fella" is DavidLee's idea of a long e-mail?


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 12:39:42 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My thanks for those who took the time to confirm what I've been told over the years. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I'm actually a bit surprised that this pro-sub was indulging in a long email conversation over months...

I was thinking about this for a moment on My side.  Some people consider "months" as maybe three or four emails over a long course of time.  Not so much the frequency or the actual number of emails sent, but how long the duration is from the first email sent to the most recent.

Before I became stricter with My blocking policy, I used to have people who would mail Me every couple of months or so.  I wouldn't even recognize their names unless the system had retained the prior email over the course of the last six months.  In their mind, we were friendly for "months".  To Me, they were some random person that I had barely spoken to.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 12:57:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ha...I get those all the time...

"You remember me. We've spoken to each other for years!"

"eerm....sorry, can't say I remember you. Are you sure you have the right person?"

"Yes! We just talked a couple months ago about <whatever it was>....."

"Sorry...I have a lot of people who message me so unless I talk to you on a consistently frequent basis...like every day or couple times a week, I most likely do not remember who you are"

"well fuck you then. I thought we were friends".

LOL...this is pretty much how the conversations go each and every time



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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 1:17:12 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


LOL...this is pretty much how the conversations go each and every time




CM version of "I once saw you in a bar/pub/club a few months ago and nodded, you nodded back - since we already know each other, how about a fuck?"

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 1:48:43 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


LOL...this is pretty much how the conversations go each and every time




CM version of "I once saw you in a bar/pub/club a few months ago and nodded, you nodded back - since we already know each other, how about a fuck?"


OK, how bout it?

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(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 1:50:14 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

OK, how bout it?


You perv, we never met in a bar or nodded at each other there, no short cuts

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 1:51:31 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

OK, how bout it?


You perv, we never met in a bar or nodded at each other there, no short cuts


Well get that gorgeous ass over here.  I cant wait to see how that catwoman getup goes over at the local Elks lodge on karaoke night.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 1:55:16 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Hell no, it would have to be halloween or they'd possibly stone me, from what you told me about the locals, they always have their pitchforks ready!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 2:28:14 PM   
SweetShySubgirl


Posts: 64
Joined: 6/15/2011
Status: offline
quote:

have been over the last few months been talking via email this prosub who says she is sub with few limits

yet she dictates when shes meeting people

so in my estimation she is controlling the situation

which she agrees with yet still says she has few limits

which in my views is wrong as shes picking areas, dates etc

am i being to pinickity or am i right


quote:

loll

i dont disagree with settin g up appointments etc

and thats not my point

my point is how can she say shes sub if shes controlling situation


I'm not sure I understand how self preservation means she's not a sub?

When I meet a Dom I sure as hell am going to do some dictating of my own when it comes to our initial meeting. In my opinion, when I'm not owned by someone I still have the right to dictate how things will go. Especially the first few times we get together.

I'll let him know that I have some free time coming up and would like to meet him and tell him that it would need to be sometime in the early evening and public. Or, maybe even at a munch or some other public event. Nothing sexual will occur (sub doesn't mean whore) and that it's just so we can see how well we can get a long on an intellectual level and see if we're able to carry on a conversation with each other.

My question to you is: Why do you feel it's wrong for a [female] sub to ensure their safety and comfort when meeting a Dom?

Because, it's what she's doing, it's what I would (and do) do.

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(in reply to DavidLee44UK)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 2:34:16 PM   
DavidLee44UK


Posts: 436
Joined: 5/13/2011
Status: offline 		zephyr

lol ok shes a sub that takes control

yet a sub is one that gives up control

YOU F**** tell me witch is correct

im not denying that s sub suggests where to meet

but lol even vanilla life is a comprimise

as a prosub

she controls everything where she meets what time what they do lol

sounds like controlling to me

oh what the heck u all want a fight have one

and notice i havent been rude and nasty


but i guess thats because if i was rude to certain people theyd call in there oh so friendly mods and ban me

lol







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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 2:44:26 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavidLee44UK


as a prosub

she controls everything where she meets what time what they do lol

sounds like controlling to me

oh what the heck u all want a fight have one

and notice i havent been rude and nasty


but i guess thats because if i was rude to certain people theyd call in there oh so friendly mods and ban me

lol






David, several of us have pointed out PRO SUB, not your sub, she's willing to sub for you as a service you pay for! What is so hard to understand?

She doesn't know you, she doesn't know if you are a psychopath who's going to maim and kill her, of course she's controlling the situation, like everybody would do. I asked you before, if she was your sister or a close friend would you tell her "Yeah, let the guy in complete control, he says he's a dominant, just trust the word of a stranger!" Bet you wouldn't.

Nobody started a fight, stop playing the victim, you asked a question, we answered, I noticed that you didn't answer the questions we asked you!

What do you want? That we all say she's wrong? As a woman I think it is absolutely great that she's taking care of her safety and not running stupid risks with a stranger, plus it's much more fun to play with an intelligent person, if she would do anything else she'd be stupid.

FFS what do you expect from a pro sub? That she asks you for an online collar and declare that you're her master? This is the real world....


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to DavidLee44UK)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 2:52:03 PM   
SweetShySubgirl


Posts: 64
Joined: 6/15/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


FFS what do you expect from a pro sub? That she asks you for an online collar and declare that you're her master?


I'm thinking that's exactly what's expected.

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(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: whose right - 7/20/2011 2:57:14 PM   
DavidLee44UK


Posts: 436
Joined: 5/13/2011
Status: offline 		you have every right tgo disagree with what ive saidpost



ik have the same right to disagree with everything you say

you have a right to

i have a right to post

but also i have the right to object to people being flamming rude and downright nasty

but dont bother

ive had enough rudeness and nastyness

and the downright blatant running to the mods everytime i say something rude but people hedre can be as nasty as hell

ive had enough of my rigfht to put up a thread where the resident playacting of swearing every 4th word

i dont comed here for that the same way u dont

and i damm well know that some here make nice to the mods because they can then say what the hell they like without retribution

i actually do have great problems getting my point across and stuff that is why i live in sheltered accomodation for gods sake

i suffedred from depression so every 6 months risk assessments have to be done

no f*** consideration its all a joke

ive had it with this site

for one reason only the nastyness

you can all self destruct for all i care




(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 40
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