RE: Personal Responsibility

RE: Personal Responsibility (Full Version)

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zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 5:21:34 AM)
quote: For me it's not about fault. It's about accepting accountability for my part in something - past, present, or future. If I don't look at the past and accept accountability for my part of what happened, then I risk never learning from it, and then repeating it. Absolutely! I was addressing the issue of having something bad having happened and feeling partially responsible for it. In the case of the past yes it's necessary to accept responsibility for things we've done in the past so that they are not repeated. Then I let them go. I'm very much a live in the moment and enjoy it kinda girl. The past is the past (once dealt with) and the future hasn't happened so I live in the present and look for what's good and enjoy it. While I don't ignore the bad and deal with it if it needs attention, I don't focus on it. Zeph

NuevaVida -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 6:54:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida As for the list in the OP - Try not to get frustrated with others. Sometimes people are just not in a place in their lives yet where they're ready to be there. It took me until I was will into my 40s to really figure it out - I was a great "victim" until then. Why? Because those lessons have to come from within someone, and some people just have more things they need to go through before getting to those lessons. It's not up to me to determine when it's time for someone else to get it. Its called hitting bottom, and it can be hard to watch and know you are helpless to help someone in a downward spiral (especially someone that doesnt want your help/advice). I understand. I had to hit my own bottom to figure things out for myself. I'm a fan of letting people hit their own rock bottoms and letting them own their shit. If it's someone I love, I'll be there for them when they reach out for help. Until then, I can only offer advice or insight, and then let go and let them take their own path.

NuevaVida -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 6:55:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: For me it's not about fault. It's about accepting accountability for my part in something - past, present, or future. If I don't look at the past and accept accountability for my part of what happened, then I risk never learning from it, and then repeating it. Absolutely! I was addressing the issue of having something bad having happened and feeling partially responsible for it. In the case of the past yes it's necessary to accept responsibility for things we've done in the past so that they are not repeated. Then I let them go. I'm very much a live in the moment and enjoy it kinda girl. The past is the past (once dealt with) and the future hasn't happened so I live in the present and look for what's good and enjoy it. While I don't ignore the bad and deal with it if it needs attention, I don't focus on it. Zeph Oh I agree. Resolve the past, learn from it, and move on. Holding onto it and dwelling on it keeps you there and prevents you from living and thriving in the present.

juliaoceania -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 7:28:43 AM)
Our society is extraordinarily punitive, so it is not surprising that most of us would be afraid of the concept of "personal responsibility" rather than being empowered by it. Our entire culture is about assigning blame and avoiding it, basically.... and in that environment survival depends on being good at avoiding it because when blame is assigned there is usually some sort of external penalty added to it. This is why people that are in the victim mindset avoid personal responsibility, and those who mete out punishment do not understand the spiritual component of being personally responsible. In my eyes there is nothing more motivating or empowering than realizing that at any moment I can take ownership of my thoughts and by extension I can take ownership of my life.... but if I thought there was going to be nothing but recriminations from others for doing that, I would avoid it. When you truly take personal responsibility it is freeing, because you can openly decide what you care about and what you do not. I do not feel at the mercy of other people's whims. I know that if one set of circumstances does not suit me I can create another.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 7:35:50 AM)
quote: Oh I agree. Resolve the past, learn from it, and move on. Holding onto it and dwelling on it keeps you there and prevents you from living and thriving in the present. I've known people who claim to have "just let go of past issues" and it makes me shake my head. Letting go of past issues is all well and good but without having actually faced and dealt with them they won't stay gone for long. Zeph

tj444 -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 5:19:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I absolutely agree, though I am not sure that I would call us victims in all cases, it's just life and it's not always fair. I understand depression is not something people chose to have, but to a certain degree how they handle it is their responsibility. When my brother and grandfather died within 3 month of each other and I was recovering from cancer surgery, I was going to pieces, it was more than I could handle and I just turned into a complete recluse for a few months, diving into work so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain and avoiding all social contact, basically worked 12 hours then hitting the gym until I dropped into bed, trying to deal with it all or just trying to avoid thinking about the loss. Luckily a friend told me to snap out of it, to think of them and if I think they would like to see me like that and that I'm sullying their memory by not enjoying my life and wasting it as a robot. but you still have to mourn and go thru that stage, which is what you were doing. Perhaps you were already done the majority of that when your friend suggested you snap out of it. My mother died 1-1/2 years ago now and it was hard for me. It took me a while to work thru the emotions and that stage of mourning. Its a process and happens bit by bit. I think for me it took longer than 3 months but i have no idea when I snapped out of it. Just one day you realize that you have come to terms with it all. Now when my cat died a few years ago... I cried every single day for a month..

LadyConstanze -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 5:30:09 PM)
It wasn't 3 months, all the shit happened within 3 months and it was too much at once and I wasn't dealing with it at all, I wasn't mourning or dealing with it, I was covering it up with excessive work and workouts, so I was too tired to contemplate and think about it, because I couldn't face it. Being told to snap out of it forced me to deal with my feelings, something that had to be done, a lot of crying after that but it was something I needed to do.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 5:32:54 PM)
I hate, hate, hate it when people say snap out of it. Who the fuck are they to decide how long and how someone should mourn. Everyone is different and there is no standard way or length of time to mourn. Zeph

tj444 -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 5:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze It wasn't 3 months, all the shit happened within 3 months and it was too much at once and I wasn't dealing with it at all, I wasn't mourning or dealing with it, I was covering it up with excessive work and workouts, so I was too tired to contemplate and think about it, because I couldn't face it. Being told to snap out of it forced me to deal with my feelings, something that had to be done, a lot of crying after that but it was something I needed to do. I will at times put things on the back burner and tell my subconscience to sort it out and tell me the solution and it usually eventually does. Imo, your subconcious was doing much of the mourning for you even if you & your conscience werent. You would not have been able to snap out of it or move forward otherwise, but thats just my opinion of course.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 6:04:57 PM)
I don't think I would have without a good kick up my backside, which my friend provided. Sometimes you build walls around you and later realize that it doesn't only keep the pain out, it also keeps you locked inside of them. Thank fuck for friends!

tj444 -> RE: Personal Responsibility (7/22/2011 7:07:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I don't think I would have without a good kick up my backside, which my friend provided. Sometimes you build walls around you and later realize that it doesn't only keep the pain out, it also keeps you locked inside of them. Thank fuck for friends! You had to have been to the point where you were open to your friends suggestion/kick. Or you never would have been able to move forward to go thru the rest of the pain of mourning, imo. I dunno, I guess I have faith that my subconscious takes care of me. And it finds lost things for me too! [:D]

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