New Domme seeks knowledge...

New Domme seeks knowledge... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

Hotwife101 -> New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 7:28:06 AM)
Hey mistresses. I would like to spend some time with a professional domme and get some training. I'm in the San Diego area. Are there any courses I can take or training opportunities for someone like me? I don't want to become a professional domme...I just want to learn the ropes from a pro so that I can be a good domme. I want to further explore the lifestyle learn more about myself in the process. Knowledge is power, after all... Any info would be appreciated... Even open to finding a mentor on CM... Thank you, ladies!

Tantriqu -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 7:34:21 AM)
Hey, guy! And honesty is the best policy!

Hotwife101 -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 7:44:21 AM)
Huh? I'm not a guy...just a wife of a sub.

LadyConstanze -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 8:08:33 AM)
You might just want to look around in the lifestyle community, a lot of pro dommes are both pro and life-style. I don't know much about San Diego, but a couple of cities have a rather lively scene, with TES and various other kinky organizations running demos and all that. Instead of going to just any pro, I'd watch the demos and check if the style of the person giving the demo is something that you like, it's a lot more fun if you're learning from somebody you also like as a person. Or you could do the cheap thing that I did when I was a student, apprentice with a pro, you won't earn anything for quite some time, some might even charge you, but you learn a lot of stuff about hygiene, tools, how to look after your tools and all that, and of course safety, because as you can imagine, an ambulance or a hearse outside a dungeon is a good way to ruin the business and land somebody in jail...

VaguelyCurious -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 9:32:12 AM)
FR Actually, as a concept a comprehensive topping course would be awesome. I don't mean a series of demos, I mean an actual structured course with weekly lessons and a syllabus and a consistent format - split different activities down into technique, safety concerns, equipment maintenance.... I'd take that, if it existed and I could afford it and the instructor seemed knowledgeable.

PeonForHer -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 10:35:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Or you could do the cheap thing that I did when I was a student, apprentice with a pro, you won't earn anything for quite some time, some might even charge you, but you learn a lot of stuff about hygiene, tools, how to look after your tools and all that, and of course safety, because as you can imagine, an ambulance or a hearse outside a dungeon is a good way to ruin the business and land somebody in jail... Don't know why, but that makes me chuckle. Did you get a certificate at the end of your apprenticeship?

PeonForHer -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 10:36:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious FR Actually, as a concept a comprehensive topping course would be awesome. I don't mean a series of demos, I mean an actual structured course with weekly lessons and a syllabus and a consistent format - split different activities down into technique, safety concerns, equipment maintenance.... I'd take that, if it existed and I could afford it and the instructor seemed knowledgeable. One day, I think it'll generally be seen as a good idea. One day . . . .

LadyConstanze -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 10:42:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Don't know why, but that makes me chuckle. Did you get a certificate at the end of your apprenticeship? It's great that you are easily amused lately, and no I didn't get a certificate, but maybe the fact that I wasn't allowed to do anything on my own unless a very experienced Domme who had serious medical background as an ER nurse might count for something? Maybe that's the reason why I always have a 1st aid kit with me but never had to use more than the odd band aid from it? Let's put it this way - and hope that this won't make you chuckle too much - she wouldn't have risked her business and reputation by letting me whip, flog, needle, cut, tie up somebody, etc. before she was satisfied that I could do it safely, because as mentioned above, ambulances, hearses and police in or outside a dungeon tend to be rather bad for business. Personally I don't find safety and hygiene all that funny, it's something that I do take damned seriously, but to each their own.

PeonForHer -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 10:54:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze It's great that you are easily amused lately, and no I didn't get a certificate, but maybe the fact that I wasn't allowed to do anything on my own unless a very experienced Domme who had serious medical background as an ER nurse might count for something? Maybe that's the reason why I always have a 1st aid kit with me but never had to use more than the odd band aid from it? Let's put it this way - and hope that this won't make you chuckle too much - she wouldn't have risked her business and reputation by letting me whip, flog, needle, cut, tie up somebody, etc. before she was satisfied that I could do it safely, because as mentioned above, ambulances, hearses and police in or outside a dungeon tend to be rather bad for business. Personally I don't find safety and hygiene all that funny, it's something that I do take damned seriously, but to each their own. Please holster your revolver, Lady C! I was just picturing a Domme certificate on the wall, that's all. I meant what I said to VC, no tongue in cheek. One day, no doubt, BDSM will be much more widely accepted. Soon after, it'll be clear that what dominants do requires skill and care. And that's only on the physical side, we have emotional health to consider too. Actually, I've been impressed by the dominants I've come across. They've taken a lot of interest in these matters and taken it very seriously. Quite rightly.

Hotwife101 -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 10:56:55 AM)
Can we get back on point? I am not worried about hurting my sub. His pleasure comes more from light physical pain and heavy mental pain. So I want to learn how to humiliate him in a healthy way...it's a difficult balance. He is my husband who I love and respect...so I need to communicate effectively during play time.

PeonForHer -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 11:19:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hotwife101 Can we get back on point? I am not worried about hurting my sub. His pleasure comes more from light physical pain and heavy mental pain. So I want to learn how to humiliate him in a healthy way...it's a difficult balance. He is my husband who I love and respect...so I need to communicate effectively during play time. I've had the impression that humiliation, and 'heavy mental pain' particularly, are the hardest things of all for dominants to pull off. The mind is, arguably, more delicate than the body. Such things have something to do with a lot of dominants not wanting to to get into humiliation play, no doubt. From my point of view, that of a sub, the key is communication. You must know what you can and cannot give. He must know what he and cannot take and not be reticent about saying it. This is one thing about which he doesn't get to be the standard, uncommunicative male, all bashful about his feelings . . . . That said, I'll bow out and let the experienced dominants advise you.

LadyPact -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 11:36:30 AM)
I just moved a couple of months ago from a few hours away from that area. I don't recall any mentoring programs from around San Diego. I do remember one that was being advertised for a while in Los Angeles, but that is way too far for you to have to go for that kind of thing and, if I recall correctly, was more geared towards those who wanted to be professional. I'm not familiar with the lifestyle groups that are available in San Diego, but that would be My best suggestion for you. Through those, you could meet experienced Dominant women who would be able to help you achieve your goals. Also, I'd recommend Claudia Varrin's books. "The Art of Sensual Female Dominance" might be a good fit for you. It does have a specific chapter that talks about humiliation that might be just what you are looking for.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 11:53:45 AM)
quote: One day, I think it'll generally be seen as a good idea. One day . . . . i think it's a fucking awesome idea right now. not sure what that says about the validity of the idea to the rest of the world. [;)]

HannahLynHeather -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 12:03:05 PM)
quote: I've had the impression that humiliation, and 'heavy mental pain' particularly, are the hardest things of all for dominants to pull off. The mind is, arguably, more delicate than the body. Such things have something to do with a lot of dominants not wanting to to get into humiliation play, no doubt. From my point of view, that of a sub, the key is communication. You must know what you can and cannot give. He must know what he and cannot take and not be reticent about saying it. This is one thing about which he doesn't get to be the standard, uncommunicative male, all bashful about his feelings . . . . peon speak true. you beat the shit out of somebody and do it wrong, you take them to the hospital and they fix the fucker. you get into messing with his head and you do it wrong you can end up with one seriously fucked up sub. be really careful when you go down that path. he just might start believing he really is a worthless little worm. as for what to do? get involved locally. go to a fucking munch and take it from there.

PeonForHer -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 12:56:50 PM)
I've got to say: I would find it hard to say exactly what kind of, and how much, humiliation would be a turn-on. And I'm not your ordinary macho type who won't express his feelings, nor do I have trouble with words. To compound it, I'd only half want a femdom to play-act - a major part of me would want her to mean whatever humiliating thing she says. Something of a tightrope for both parties, basically.

LadyPact -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 1:14:30 PM)
I think it is, peon. I really don't see it all that much different as working with pain tolerance or something similar. Starting small and working your way up. When we talk about things like humiliation, it really is something of a process. It's a matter of trying little things out making sure that there isn't a negative effect that lasts beyond what was intended, getting feedback, and then going a bit further the next time. I happen to think that these areas are more comfortable for Me within a particular dynamic because I know the person better, so I'm not as likely to do anyone any real damage. I'm not going to hit triggers that I'm not aware of or take somebody too far.

LadyConstanze -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 1:20:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hotwife101 Can we get back on point? I am not worried about hurting my sub. His pleasure comes more from light physical pain and heavy mental pain. So I want to learn how to humiliate him in a healthy way...it's a difficult balance. He is my husband who I love and respect...so I need to communicate effectively during play time. You may want to take special effort to do very effective aftercare and start slow, he's your husband so you possibly will know best what will humiliate him in an erotic way and when it becomes too much and will have a negative impact. Not knowing where his interests lie, it could be anything from verbal, to having him dress up for you, dance for you, clean the house for you in a maid's outfit (just an example, can be anything from what you like to see him in)...

Giermo -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 1:27:13 PM)
Hell, I want to take that course.

Hotwife101 -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/22/2011 4:45:05 PM)
I love this thread so far! You all bring something to the table....thank you! We are taking it slow. Slower than I'd like sometimes but I'm also trying to be a careful as I can not to damage him. Being a sensual domme and his wife makes getting in his head easier and therefore, more satisfying but also more dangerous. Focusing on feminizing him in panties and such make things lighter when necessary and it gets much darker when cuckolding comes into our fantasy play...but the darkness also brings out a ton of eroticism...as I said, a delicate balance - of which I wish to master. Thank you for all of your thought!

SthrnCom4t -> RE: New Domme seeks knowledge... (7/23/2011 10:14:22 AM)
Midori does a great talk on erotic humiliation. Not 'specifics' as those are unique to each individual, but the concept behind how and why it works. In summary, we all have core values, secondary values, and tertiary values. Think of them as pillars holding up the house. You can 'play' with tertiary values and secondary values, but don't start pulling on the core values or you could bring down the house. In determining what a person's values are, look to see how someone identifies. Age, gender, personal, professional, ethnicity, etc are some places to start. Another idea for the OP and her husband could be to go to one of the national weekend conferences. A nice weekend away, and immersion among like-minded folks. Check out Fetlife.com and activities going on for your area. There are several months left in the year with well known events being held. Good luck,

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625