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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 5:12:17 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

Thank you A/all for your respones, some have helpped.... next time i speak with a Dom for two years and He gets me to call Him Master because He Himself beleives He is, i shall take it as just words until He can prove it other wise. A lesson learned and not to be repeated i hope.

sublee

I think it's not quite so much about HIM believing he's your Master , than whether YOU feel he is. If someone *gets you* to call them Master it must have been satisfactory if you did so, at least at the time.

A fact; relationships can change or end and there isn't always a *blame* factor. Sometimes they just do.

Two years is a goodly amount of time to get to know someone.....but was this online and phone mostly?...because there is no shortcut to really *knowing* someone in the flesh and spending time physically , in their company.

agirl

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 7:57:02 AM

sublee

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/8/2005
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W/we spoke for two years on the phone and the reason it took so long to meet was His doing not mine......
CanadianGuy, if You thought my posts was a personal matter and didn't need to be dragged into the forum, why then did You even bother to answer it............... shakes my head.

i thought this was a forum to ask A/all what they thought, sorry if it seems ti have bothed so many, i won't be posting again.

good luck to A/all

sublee

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

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Post #: 22

RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 8:30:07 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

Hi,
can anyO/one please tell me, why is that a Dom will play with you then turn around and tell you that there isn't a connection but wants to keep in touch???
i'm really confused.

He may not have felt a connection in person, or he is a player. Chemistry is person is paramount, even if it's there online, or on the phone, in person is another story.

Of course, if he is a player, then you are not the only person he has done this too and that makes him a predator.

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Post #: 23

RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 8:49:19 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

W/we spoke for two years on the phone and the reason it took so long to meet was His doing not mine......
CanadianGuy, if You thought my posts was a personal matter and didn't need to be dragged into the forum, why then did You even bother to answer it............... shakes my head.

i thought this was a forum to ask A/all what they thought, sorry if it seems ti have bothed so many, i won't be posting again.

good luck to A/all

sublee

Now hold on for just a minute. This is a public forum and you are asking for others opinions and advice. I simply asked you a question. I'm sorry if THAT offended you.

I know you would like to absolve yourself from all responsibility and make everything his fault...when things go south we'd all like to do that. But the fact is that you consented to wasting two years of your life on someone you had never met. So that is not all his doing not yours. Maybe you will learn at least not to do that again.......

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Post #: 24

RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 9:02:55 AM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

Thank You all, i don't wish to be anyones play thing until someone better comes along.

That's a bit on the extreme side. From personal experience, i have met several Doms on here where once we met in person, there was no physical connection BUT we have an incredible friendship and i talk to them almost daily. In the months of online connecting, we really got to know one another very intimately...we finish each other's sentences, we instinctively know when the other is down or happy. They have been my greatest suppost system. I would never think of cutting them off simply because there was no chemistry between us. We have invested way too much time in getting to know one another to just say "so long"...

Edited to add...And yes i felt much as you did. I was hurt, although in the back of my mind i knew he was right...there was no chemistry. Wishing and wanting doesn't bring about something that isn't there. I found He makes a much better friend than a target for my disappointment and hurt.

< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 5/19/2006 9:14:26 AM >

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 3:03:18 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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It is a forum to ask what you want. You need to learn if you're going to ask a question, you are most likely going to get an answer. It may not be the answer "you" are looking for....it may be a smartass answer...it may be just exactly what you need. This is the internet..............ya' need a spine darlin'.

Take what you want from the one's that answered and ignore the rest.

Happy Friday!

~smilezz~

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 11:22:30 PM

sublee

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/8/2005
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[/quote]

Now hold on for just a minute. This is a public forum and you are asking for others opinions and advice. I simply asked you a question. I'm sorry if THAT offended you.

i said that in respones to CanadianGuy, if You had read it properly ( no disrespect intended)

sublee

< Message edited by sublee -- 5/19/2006 11:26:45 PM >

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Post #: 27

RE: Connection or not?? - 5/20/2006 3:37:25 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
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dear sublee,

Lessons I have learned in BDSMland:

as a life coach i find most people in vanillaland have relationships by accident, rarely by design. here on the other side i like to think we have full communication and agreements on our side to pave the way to sanity and clarity.

You have to be straight with yourself and straight with the other person. You can't step over your own dreams, needs, wishes and desires, if you want to be happy. Well, yes you can, but there is a price to pay.

"Master" is a term highly overused by many employing it with a bottom. "Slave" is a term filled with wishful thinking on the part of the unclear bottom who has not employed all the faculties (voice, gut, ears, eyes, weighing actions and responses, full and complete communication, leaving no stone unturned) at her command to ascertain whether where she is is where she needs to be.

Master/slave relationships can either have romance and collar-commitedness or not. It is a matter of conscious agreement and design.

Anyone can have a desire to have sex with, or play with, another, with no attached commitment. You have to make your boundaries. If someone is calling themselves Master, and wants you to, you need to find out if, in your estimation and education, they really deserve that level of obeisance from you. You will live and learn on that that one based on how willing you are to educate yourself and be straight with yourself.

Stand for your boundaries and value. It can be lonely. If you decide to let down your guard, be prepared to pick it back up immediately. And sometimes in mature ability to relate, play as just play can be pleasing and can go on longterm. Sometimes where feelings are involved, you can't keep it that way (as just play) yourself - in which case you need to have the will to say no and keep looking for your true desire.

His reason for not wanting a relationship with you are not about YOU. They are about HIM. Try to remember that, and try not to look for ways to make yourself inadequate in your own eyes.

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Post #: 28