Punishing boys who lie

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trubblemaker -> Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 10:48:48 AM)
Hello. I would love to hear how you would respond to this scenario: A man has been messaging me on AOL for approximately one year. His messages came once every month or so, and after reading his profile I told him everytime I was not interested and to go away. The reason being is that in his profile he implies he has a girlfriend (Intials followed by "forever). He has always told me that his account was long gone and it was a glitch of aol that the old profile was still up. One day I'm feeling good, he messages me and I decide to believe him. He has been pursuing for so long and it's true when you send email to his screen name it forwards to aim, which made me think the account really was gone and perhaps he was being honest. Of course he was not. We spoke a few times online, in great detail and at length. he asked to meet me, he said he has been fantasizing of me for a year, etc. He shared several fantasties, etc, really laid it all out there. One night he said he has the next day off work, could I meet him, would I please dominate him? Dreams of being my pet, kept on a leash, eat of a dog bowl, yadda yadda, same old thing they all say, etc. While we're speaking I search the internet for his screen name and lo and behold, a quick browse through his Myspace page reveals lovey dovey messages posted by him in a woman's profile. More messages from others confirmed this guy was her boyfriend, and the messages were recent. They clearly were still involved. Further reading shows they live together. And of course her profile listed her contact information as well. The amusing/sad part is that on his Myspace page, he listed his name, town, age, birthday,occupation and place of business. Wow, huh? You would think someone trying to cheat on his girlfriend would be a bit more careful. I don't care about him, not attracted to him and won't miss him a bit but it does really really PISS me off that he has been constantly lying to me and bothering me after I always said leave me alone. It does PISS me off that this scumbag has a girlfriend but is stupid enough to lay all his business out on the open. I have a bit of an anger issue when people lie to me, I need to punish them severely. I got his phone number from information (publicly listed) and called him that night when I saw the Myspace page - I asked this little worm FIVE times "Are you sure you don't have a girlfriend?" and each time - even though it was CLEAR I knew otherwise (why would I be calling and asking over and over? I said nothing else, no hi, nothing else but "You sure you don't have a girlfriend?) he lied. Then I read his post to him (The aforementioned lovey dovey post) and he hung up like a bitch by and sent me email saying I had succeeded in scaring him. Since then he's made his and his girlfriends myspace private, and doesn't answer my emails (which is another thing that fuels my fire, being ignored). I wonder if he told her the truth, or if he made up something to get her to turn off her profile. But I am not done and frankly I think he deserves whats coming to him. I use Google desktop which caches your chats, so I have all his conversations. I have every intention of telling his girlfriend. I think she deserves to know. If he was chasing me for a year he certainly has been chasing others, and will continue to do so. But I am enjoying the mental torture I have subjected him mto and moreso what I could do. I have so much information, his business associates, his girlfriend, his friends. he posts very actively online in his line of business and uses the internet to promote it (as does his girlfriend), so he's just an easy target. It's very sadistic, and when I think of him being ruined, losing his girlfriend, being embarrassed, all the shame and humiliation I could cause him - I have to be honest I get almost giddy at the thought of destroying him and teaching him a lesson about lying. I'm not looking for advice. And I certainly don't want to be lectured. I'm just curious how others would react to the same scenario.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 10:52:49 AM)
I'd have put him on ignore somewhere in the period that I told him I wasn't interested, and he insisted on contacting me to ask me yet again. Online drama doesn't deserve my time and efforts. As far as "destroying" him, that's simply NOT your place. Yes, he lied to you. Big deal - you knew he was lying to you. To run around "destroying" him because some idiot lied to you online? It would not only be unethical on YOUR part, but also just downright wrong. Is your need to be "right" so strong that it is worth compromising your own integrity?

yourMissTress -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 10:54:46 AM)
Obviously you do care, or you wouldn't allow this to take up so much of your time, energy, and effort. I would spend some time examining why.

LaTigresse -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:09:16 AM)
If and when I prove someone online lies to me I imediately sever all ties with them after advising them. If I know that they also lied to others and they ASK ME about it I calmly explain what happened and my position on the situation. While it is very tempting to intrude on that persons personal life and wreak havoc in revenge it would only drag me down to their level of bad behaviour. My rule is that if an innocent party ex. ( a child ) will be hurt in some way by their bad behaviour then it is my responsibility to advise someone close to that innocent of my personal experience with the person in question. What they do with that information afterwards is not in my control. If it is a grown adult as it appears his girlfriend probably is, she would more than likely not believe you anyway and my opinion is that if she cannot see this guy for the loser he is then she obviously has a lesson she needs to learn from her relationship with him. Sooner or later he will pay the price for his bullshit.

LaTigresse -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:10:34 AM)
I really need to get in the habit of NOT using the "fast reply" option!

Proprietrix -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:39:20 AM)
Wow, people really get this caught up in the shit that happens online? You asked what I would have done... I would have gotten a life long before I ever lost a wink of sleep over something that happened on my computer. Watching grass grow is more exciting to me than online drama. Someone on line actually lied? Go figure. I believe maybe 10% of what goes on on a computer screen in the first place, so it really barely effects me at all when I find someone lied. I might take the time to shrug. Maybe. If I'm really bored at the moment. I'm the queen of the block and ignore features and don't hesitate to use them. As for ruining his life... I know you didn't ask, but you posted about it, which opens the door for unwanted comment on the topic. I have to admit, I found this entire part of your post rather disturbing. quote: ORIGINAL: trubblemaker I have every intention of telling his girlfriend. I think she deserves to know. If he was chasing me for a year he certainly has been chasing others, and will continue to do so. But I am enjoying the mental torture I have subjected him mto and moreso what I could do. I have so much information, his business associates, his girlfriend, his friends. he posts very actively online in his line of business and uses the internet to promote it (as does his girlfriend), so he's just an easy target. It's very sadistic, and when I think of him being ruined, losing his girlfriend, being embarrassed, all the shame and humiliation I could cause him - I have to be honest I get almost giddy at the thought of destroying him and teaching him a lesson about lying. I find ruining someone's life to be more a reflection on the person doing it than the victim. It speaks to your character, your integrity, your values (or lack thereof). It shows that you can't be trusted with information. It shows that you are vindictive, selfish, and uncaring. It shows that you have issues, way too much free time on your hands, and that you take things very personally. So the guy lied to you. Big fuckin deal. People lie all the time. People use the internet to live out different lives. How did this all really effect your life? Did you lose a spouse? Did you lose your children? Did you lose your job? Did your family and friends turn their backs on you? Was your public reputation discreditted? Were you excommunicated from your church? How exactly were you negatively impacted besides the fact that someone lied? His lying doesn't give you the right to ruin his life. I don't condone his lying, but in this scenario, I'd take his side and stand in his defense because you are wanting to meet out cruelty that in no way compares to his level of dishonesty. And you're getting off on it. He is the lesser of the two evils. He tells lies. You torment, torture, humiliate, shame, break up relationships, cause unemployment, and destroy lives. What makes your actions any more dignified than his? Do you believe anyone who ever tells a lie should have their lives completely ruined? Do you believe you are the 'chosen one' that should hold liars accountable for their actions? You phrased yourself like you were punishing your submissive for an infraction. However, your scenario has absolutely nothing to do with D/s, power exchange, consensuality, or the lifestyle. Someone misrepresented himself to you and now you want to get revenge. That's a far cry different than punishing someone's subbie for an infraction. Quite frankly, based on your post here, I'd have nothing to do with you, nor would I allow mine to have anything to do with you. I see you as someone who can't be trusted and if we happened to piss you off or disagree with you online, you might decide to ruin our lives as well.

LadyHugs -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:40:20 AM)
Dear trubblemaker, Ladies and Gentlemen; I will have to agree with the previous posters here. You knew he was lying and allowed the liar to give you a "sale's pitch," to which you knew wasn't true, confirmed it and made a confrontation of it. People will lie. And liars will get caught in time. However, when you become the self imposed vigilante` you cross the legal line and become someone who may be arrested for harassment, character assassination, etc. Just because they have your print outs, anybody can create chat logs. He might sue you, girlfriend also. You'll then have your PC seized as to do forensic evidence on, they'll find your motives for your behavior and be hard to defend. The question is how much is it worth to you? Nobody likes to be lied to. That isn't the issue. However, when you allow a little lie to grab your power, control, self-worth and more and have you so worked up, he got what he wanted. Screwing over another woman. So, the best way to win, is take your power back, learn from the experience and let the hosts of the boards he is on know that this guy has lied and is a cheater. It is up to them to pull the plug on the account. But, as we know--they'll just create a new one. It is everywhere. Men and women do this often, if they are bent on cheating. Just be thankful you're still alive. You were not more entangled, that is a blessing. Treat yourself to a dinner and take your power back. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

zebra -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:48:05 AM)
If that happened to me I'd pat myself on the back for being clever enough to figure him out, and I'd move on.

dominantricdiva -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:54:17 AM)
I think your name in its self says it all "trouble maker." It is a shame you finally trust this person and proceed with talking to him to find out he is a liar. And yes boys who lie should be perhaps punished. But it is what you do with the information that counts. How do you know he does not perhaps have kids with his girlfriend, is it worth destroying many lives? Why not use the information you have on him to black mail him into straightening up, instead of causing so much damage? Just a thought.

UtopianRanger -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:59:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Proprietrix Wow, people really get this caught up in the shit that happens online? You asked what I would have done... I would have gotten a life long before I ever lost a wink of sleep over something that happened on my computer. Watching grass grow is more exciting to me than online drama. Someone on line actually lied? Go figure. I believe maybe 10% of what goes on on a computer screen in the first place, so it really barely effects me at all when I find someone lied. I might take the time to shrug. Maybe. If I'm really bored at the moment. I'm the queen of the block and ignore features and don't hesitate to use them. As for ruining his life... I know you didn't ask, but you posted about it, which opens the door for unwanted comment on the topic. I have to admit, I found this entire part of your post rather disturbing. quote: ORIGINAL: trubblemaker I have every intention of telling his girlfriend. I think she deserves to know. If he was chasing me for a year he certainly has been chasing others, and will continue to do so. But I am enjoying the mental torture I have subjected him mto and moreso what I could do. I have so much information, his business associates, his girlfriend, his friends. he posts very actively online in his line of business and uses the internet to promote it (as does his girlfriend), so he's just an easy target. It's very sadistic, and when I think of him being ruined, losing his girlfriend, being embarrassed, all the shame and humiliation I could cause him - I have to be honest I get almost giddy at the thought of destroying him and teaching him a lesson about lying. I find ruining someone's life to be more a reflection on the person doing it than the victim. It speaks to your character, your integrity, your values (or lack thereof). It shows that you can't be trusted with information. It shows that you are vindictive, selfish, and uncaring. It shows that you have issues, way too much free time on your hands, and that you take things very personally. So the guy lied to you. Big fuckin deal. People lie all the time. People use the internet to live out different lives. How did this all really effect your life? Did you lose a spouse? Did you lose your children? Did you lose your job? Did your family and friends turn their backs on you? Was your public reputation discreditted? Were you excommunicated from your church? How exactly were you negatively impacted besides the fact that someone lied? His lying doesn't give you the right to ruin his life. I don't condone his lying, but in this scenario, I'd take his side and stand in his defense because you are wanting to meet out cruelty that in no way compares to his level of dishonesty. And you're getting off on it. He is the lesser of the two evils. He tells lies. You torment, torture, humiliate, shame, break up relationships, cause unemployment, and destroy lives. What makes your actions any more dignified than his? Do you believe anyone who ever tells a lie should have their lives completely ruined? Do you believe you are the 'chosen one' that should hold liars accountable for their actions? You phrased yourself like you were punishing your submissive for an infraction. However, your scenario has absolutely nothing to do with D/s, power exchange, consensuality, or the lifestyle. Someone misrepresented himself to you and now you want to get revenge. That's a far cry different than punishing someone's subbie for an infraction. Quite frankly, based on your post here, I'd have nothing to do with you, nor would I allow mine to have anything to do with you. I see you as someone who can't be trusted and if we happened to piss you off or disagree with you online, you might decide to ruin our lives as well. Wow.... It's not common I comment on such a childish, stupid-ass thread, but I really need to commend the logic used here - I'm impressed. - R

TNstepsout -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 11:59:35 AM)
quote: I'm not looking for advice. And I certainly don't want to be lectured. I'm just curious how others would react to the same scenario. OK, I won't give you advice and I won't lecture but if I were faced with a similar situation and I found myself reacting the way you describe I think I would seek counseling. QUICKLY! This behavior is obsessive and WAYYYYY over the top.

MHOO314 -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 12:13:50 PM)
My question is "why all this effort on an obvious online troller"--after all YOU opened the relationship when he came back knowing that he had lied once---sorry, you walked in eyes open--now be an adult and walk away--lesson learned.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 12:15:47 PM)
As to how I would respond the scenario, I would have ignored him long before. I would have never let it get as far as it did. That said, unsolicited advice and all, I am agreeing absolutely with the other Ladies. There is a big difference between taking a boy down when he is owned or in a relationship and trying to get even for some online chit chat. (Another reason I don't chat!) It is then up to the person to in the relationship to make that decision. Example: MsFoxy's boy was cheating on Her with another Domina. We found out quite by accident, and all three of us discussed the situation. We did decide to take him down. She made the decision and we helped. It never went past the living room. Believe Me, there was enough personal information to completely ruin the boy, but it was not that important. He probably didn't really learn a valuable lesson since he walked away after a bit of humilation and being called on the carpet and facing all three Dominas involved in his little deception. He lost contact with three amazing Women, and we had an amusing evening at his expense. But there has been no further contact. I am sure he is still playing games, but We were done with him. And maybe he now thinks twice about betraying a trust and a relationship, and at least is more careful! Smile What you describe sounds like a vendetta, and you are expending a great deal of energy on something that should not be bothering you quite this much. Please rethink the situation and how important this really is. I am sure you have much more positive ways to spent your time.

DiannaVesta -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 12:41:03 PM)
[sm=sleepy.gif]

thetammyjo -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 12:51:27 PM)
You don't know this man from Adam or his girlfriend from Eve. I would never talk to him again and ignore him if he should try and contact. Unfortunately if you continue to try and contact him, he'll be within his legal rights to tell the cops you are stalking him... don't give him this ammo!

Mistrix -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 12:57:03 PM)
Ignoring is punishment enough.

Lashra -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 1:04:04 PM)
Don't let this guy get to you and you should feel sorry for his girlfriend a she's stuck with the asshole. I've heard of people telling some monumental lies online and IRL too. Its just a heck of alot easier on line to get away with it. I wouldn't keep pursuing him, next thing you know he will label you a stalker and might possibly get you into trouble with the law. Let him be to rot in his own bed of lies, it will catch up to him one day. ~Lashra

Najakcharmer -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 3:13:33 PM)
Mess with his job? No. That's unethical and probably illegal stalking behavior. But you could make a pretty good case for warning his girlfriend that her lovey-dovey is actually a cheating, lying skirt-chaser who could put her life at risk if he fools around without her knowledge. .

Wulfchyld -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 3:23:03 PM)
You should have done the rational thing and set up a date. Just before his arrival you should have contacted the G/F and invited her to watch and read the printed conversations.

Emperor1956 -> RE: Punishing boys who lie (5/18/2006 3:30:03 PM)
He's a liar. You are a deciever. You "cache" his chats without telling him. You google him 9 ways to Sunday and cyber stalk him. Oh, and you don't bother to post a profile on CollarMe, a further indication that you two are peas in a pod. I bet you'd be very happy with him. You share the same vacuous moral code.

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