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question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 7:50:09 AM

strebor

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Joined: 6/23/2011
From: TN
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ok first a apologize if this is in the wrong thread i wasn't sure exactly where this question belonged. but my wife and i are very new to this and we both wondere how do you make a relationship work if your both dominant or both submissive. i'm sure there is a simple answer but my lack of experience is blinding me to it. we both switch roles but we both are for more comfortable in the submissive role or bottom may be a better term. anyhow i was just curious as to how it works for others. i would love some insight.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 7:52:23 AM

littlewonder

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those couples i know in that position are poly. Both have their own Dom/me or have a Dom/me who dominates both of them. I don't see any other solution. Good luck. It would drive me completely batty.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 7:54:50 AM

kalikshama

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Take turns switching or look for a service top.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 7:57:26 AM

DesFIP

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Usually the relationship opens up to allow certain needs to be filled with others. In the meantime, people service top their partner out of love and consider that the service topping is a form of service to the other.

You can set whatever parameters you feel necessary to protect the marriage. So a top who wanted to refuse either of you having sex would not be acting out of what was in the best interests of the marriage and should be avoided. A top who wanted this short term for a specific scene should talk to the other spouse first and get approval for it.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 8:58:31 AM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

those couples i know in that position are poly. Both have their own Dom/me or have a Dom/me who dominates both of them.

This. It's going to be challenging to do as a 'traditional' couple, but if you allow for poly it can make for a unique and positive situation.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 9:12:56 AM

Muttling

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I wouldn't describe it as "poly", many people play and have play mates other than their spouses without any sexual activities in the play. Some don't even have nudity in their play.

I would suggest that you and your wife visit a BDSM club during a new comer's night. The Mark in Nashville has a new members night once a month. It starts with a munch then everyone goes to the club. You'll learn a lot and there's no pressure to participate, you're quite welcome just to watch and talk with others.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 9:31:56 AM

LadyPact

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The easiest description for us is D/D couple. We don't do what would be called 'service bottoming' for each other (which would be the opposite of service topping, since folks want to throw that out there). Neither of us are bottoms, subs, or switches. Yes, you can do that out of 'love' for each other, but when you know the person isn't really into it, and the BDSM chemistry just doesn't work together, that kind of takes the fun out of it. Instead, we are poly and we do play with other people. That gets our BDSM wants met. I have a sub that is collared to Me (just Me, not us). Not all couples on the same side of the kneel want to have one person in the opposite role for both.
.
For the rest of it, we interact with each other the same way that most couples with no power dynamic between them do. There's no power dynamic between us. I'm the decision maker for the things that involve My dynamic with My sub. Other than that and our attendance at munches and such, if you focused on just what happens between My husband and I, it just looks like your standard relationship.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 9:45:19 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Usually the relationship opens up to allow certain needs to be filled with others.

Pretty much just that, I'm a sadist, my other half isn't submissive and more of a mild kinky masochist at times, he's alright if I whip somebody else because he said he's not going to be at the hurting end of the whip or at the pointy side of a knife or needles. Our rules are pretty simple, nobody is inserting anything into me or licking bits that are covered by a thong. He's welcome to spank somebody elses butt, because I'm certainly not going over his knees but he better keeps his pants on...

Apart from that, we're just a normal couple, we argue about things, agree on things, do normal things together and sometimes have vanilla sex, sometimes kinky sex, to be honest, we don't give it much thought and just do what feels right at the moment.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 10:42:02 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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My situation with my husband is pretty much the same as LadyPact's. Spyder and I have always had a poly relationship, so we have no problems with bringing in other partners to meet those needs. In fact, the biggest problems are finding people who are compatible and the time to devote to other relationships. The interaction between each other is vanilla.

In your case, since you both prefer to bottom/submit, you can either continue what you're doing - which is perfectly legitimate - or you can look for other partners. Since you're an established couple, you might want to search for someone who is willing to take on both of you. That way you don't have multiple dominants pulling each of you in different directions. You can also look for one or more service tops who are willing to play without developing a D/s (M/s) relationship beyond it.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/28/2011 9:35:22 PM

siamsa24

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I actually split from my first boyfriend because of this. We were both submissive and it just couldn't work for us (I am listed as a switch because I top from the bottom).
I was open to a poly relationship, but he wasn't and we just couldn't make it work for us.

In the end it was all for the best, he ended up meeting (and marrying) a Dom type woman and I ended up meeting (and marrying and producing offspring with) a Dom type man. We still keep in touch and chat from time to time, but we have the understanding now that it just couldn't work with us.

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/30/2011 2:53:27 AM

MaamJay

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Couples I have met in this position either take regulated turns (one couple had 3 weeks with him as Top and she as sub and just 1 week with her Topping ... mainly because she was an 'evil' Top and that's about all he could handle! ... so it doesn't have to be 50:50 ... just what works for you) OR they open themselves to poly. As a sub couple you might be very attractive to a D-D couple or a hierarchical household where there is one overall D and the other person is sub to that D but D over everyone else. For eg, Master and I could really enjoy a sub couple, He'd like to have another girl and I'd love to have the boy as My sub!
Good luck!
Ma'am Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: question for dom/domme sub/sub couples - 7/31/2011 3:53:58 PM

strebor

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From: TN
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thanks all for your input. after some discussion and i'm sure following quite a bit more discussion we may be seeking a domme for the both of us. i suppose we'll see but thanks again for all of your insight it has been very helpful

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