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LadyHugs -> RE: How Long Until Doms Trust Subs (5/18/2006 9:56:45 PM)
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Dear substantialsub, Ladies and Gentlemen;
Good question and topic.
I personally have to be just as comfortable as the submissive/slave I am doing a scene with. Trust is earned and not expected, as well as it goes both ways.
As some have gathered by my recent postings, I do have knowledge and experience in many areas however, each slave and or submissive is different. No two are the same. So it is with dominants and their techniques, knowledge and experiences.
It is basicly coming to an agreed harmony, to where we communicate the same language, as my "hard" may not be your hard but "medium" instead. By communication and trusting your ability to judge what level of intensity we're operating on, then one can be relaxed. However, I will add that Male Dominants on female slave/submissive types are more likely to play a bit under the intensity because they are indeed targeted by false allegations; more so than female dominants with male submissives/slaves. However, both male and female dominants are subjected to disgruntled individual's false claims and such.
Experienced slaves/submissive/Switches help me but, again--they haven't been exposed to my particular techniques and styles, I would play a bit reserved. I rather be under power and not over powering.
Giving a supportive scene situation, to which I was invited to come to a BDSM support and educational's 'host' dungeon. The lad who was submissive, as well as a BoD member begged me to do this female masochist. This female claimed she was a heavy player. I wanted to take her word for it however, I brought in my gear and set up. The girl was blindfolded, started and just on warmup alone had her so zoned out as she was flying way beyond where she ever was and ouching to deer and lamb floggers. I had it so the girl was mixing up rabbit fur with sandpaper and vice versa. The dungeon stopped and watched amazed. I hadn't touched the cows, bulls, cat o nines, rubber floggers, rubber barbwire flail or chain flails. No heavy caning was done, just tipping and partial strokes and warm up strokes. Didn't get to the quirts, single tails or other whips I had. In summary, if I would have jumped in onto this lass's claim of a heavy masochist and pain puppy, I could have soured the entire scene by going into a Sadist mode.
I have done scenes with masochists to whom were fairly accurate in their skills, knowledge and experiences. So, these individuals I went ahead onto Florentine flogging, cat o nines, Dual single tail action (Florentine) as well as Florentine caning, using 2 to 4 canes on them. They got their giggles and grins and I got mine.
The most concern I have is; 1)They understand the risks involved. 2) They understand what communication provides to both of us as to come to a common agreement of pain levels; 3) They give consent to what will take place (with witnesses) and 4) Safe words and limits will be respected. 5) There is a get to know you scene first before moving onto more heavier S&M. And, if they are bad--I'll have them listen to Barney's song "Friends."
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs
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