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AAkasha -> RE: Is It Really All About Sex? (8/3/2011 5:02:09 PM)
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It's mostly a personal preference, but I am surprised that some people think that even physical, sensual S&M must include sex to be rewarding. I'm not denying that many (perhaps most) aspects of physical BDSM - pain, bondage, humiliation - while not necessarily directly sexual, they create sexual feelings, reactions. But for many, that's a side effect (or side "bonus") but not the end-all, be-all of BDSM.
I was doing S&M (in the form of bondage, pain, humiliation) for some time before ever having my first orgasm, and even longer before having sexual intercourse. I was playing elaborate bondage games combined with roleplay and foreplay - but no sex - purely for the satisfaction of S&M. Getting "hot and wet" was a mere side effect and not of much consequence at the time - other than wondering, wow, what the hell is going on with my body?
To this day, I can have highly enjoyable (and fully clothed, yes) BDSM encounters that give me an absolute rush that rivals the intense pleasure of physical orgasm - but not have sex. In fact, in many ways, the BDSM "femdom mind orgasm" is more coveted because it cannot be achieved alone (ie with a vibrator), I need a living, breathing partner to surrender. When it's good, it creates the same mindblowing, toe curling shivers of a good orgasm, but is different at the same time.
S&M still makes me incredibly wet. More than any kind of traditional foreplay. Oddly enough though, that kind of wetness does not lead to aching arousal which demands sexual intercourse and/or physical orgasm - sure, it's a natural next step or concurrent step, but not my priority. When I'm doing good S&M, my mind is thinking about good S&m. Orgasms or sexual release or intercourse following - it's a negotiable "bonus". But if I engage in traditional foreplay and get "wet" from it, my brain is all about the orgasm - and only the orgasm - and to stop short of that would be aggravating. Wet from BDSM? Then I want more BDSM.
Akasha
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