Finding a Balance

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AshricsSlave -> Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 9:10:21 AM)
I have been with the woman on my profile for roughly 16 months now, and she actually brought up the idea of being my slave girl. Being a Dominant, I jumped on the chance. We, (or should I say I?) are looking for someone to make us an uneven three. The person in question would have to be willing to please not only myself, but my first slave. Relocation, while not exactly necessary, is looked upon highly. What am I doing wrong? I thought we had found one person, but I think that my girl doesn't like her. I'm not the kind of Master that is going to force anyone to do anything they don't want to, but I have a need for a second and even a third sub/slave under my collar. Am I doing something wrong?

littlewonder -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 9:12:39 AM)
You haven't even been in your first relationship long!! How about concentrate on that relationship first and then maybe seek the mythical unicorn.

leadership527 -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 9:14:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AshricsSlave Am I doing something wrong? You are not "doing anything wrong". You are, however, doing a TON of things I wouldn't do. Who's to say whether or not those things will work out well for you?

myotherself -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 9:17:04 AM)
In addition, your profile does not sell the two of you very well. It's all about "teh rulez" and nothing about you or your slave. What makes the two of you special enough for someone to accept a live-in position with you? What do you do when you're not issuing orders? Do you have hobbies? Do you work? Would you expect the third to work? Would she be sharing a room with you two, or have one of her own? Would you mind if she had kids? Just a few questions to kick-start a rewrite of your profile [:)] Good luck!

angelikaJ -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 9:49:34 AM)
My suggestion: Go to the search menu at the top of the screen and do a search (that includes subject and body) for posts by KnightofMists and read those posts. See if any of them strike a chord with you and if they do then pay attention. If you are looking for another sub or slave (someone to be under your #1 slave) then why are you possibly seeking a Mistress who will probably have an alpha personality? It makes it sound like you are just looking for another place to put your penis... and if that is the case, are you sure your #1 slave is on board with that? And if it isn't the case are you sure she is really on board with it anyway? Also, many 2nds don't want to be treated as secondary citizens. It tends not to feel good to them. That is not to say there aren't women out there who would embrace it, but they are rare. In your profile you don't say why you need a second (or third). It should. Why should they choose your household out of all the other households that are also seeking a third? There may be a perceived incongruency between how you portray your dominance style. On your profile you talk about your rules and here you talk about not making anyone do anything they don't want to really do. There is nothing wrong with being an easy going Dom who still likes structure but if that is what you are, say that. You say you need a second slave... under your collar. Are you 100% certain that your #1 slave is okay with this and her issue was with the person and not the concept itself? It is completely different to go from discussing a thing to actually doing it.

DesFIP -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 1:32:30 PM)
Did you tell her upfront that you're poly or did you wait till you collared her to say "Surprise". Because if she doesn't want anyone else, and you need multiple partners, then you simply aren't compatible.

Focus50 -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 3:01:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AshricsSlave I have been with the woman on my profile for roughly 16 months now, and she actually brought up the idea of being my slave girl. Being a Dominant, I jumped on the chance. We, (or should I say I?) are looking for someone to make us an uneven three. The person in question would have to be willing to please not only myself, but my first slave. Relocation, while not exactly necessary, is looked upon highly. What am I doing wrong? I thought we had found one person, but I think that my girl doesn't like her. I'm not the kind of Master that is going to force anyone to do anything they don't want to, but I have a need for a second and even a third sub/slave under my collar. Am I doing something wrong? The first question you need to answer for yourself is why the "need" for 2 and 3 slaves. Because if it's just about pumping up your ego to impress your friends by living some fantasy (and it usually is), the slave you already have and those you try and recruit will see straight through you. Which is a great way to have no slave at all.... Many a slave has been supportive of their master adding another. Hell, many slaves even get stuck with the chore of finding that extra. Which is fine right up until that extra becomes a real life proposition, and then the troubles and jealousies take hold.... Now come on, which part of your anatomy is doing the thinking here? Focus.

peppermint -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 3:20:21 PM)
First, get your story straight. Your present submissive has been with you either 16 months as you say here, or 6 months as you say in your profile. You are looking for a submissive or a Mistress. Will a Mistress have to obey you and your first submissive/slave or will you and your submissive/slave obey the Mistress you bring into the relationship? You are both very young. Have you thought about how this 3rd person will be introduced to family? Will she be introduced as a partner, or as a roommate? Will both your families accept her during holidays? Will you also take time to spend time with her family during holidays? How will the sleeping arrangements be made? What happens if and when there are children? How will money be handled? From what I've read it seems you like the idea of having more than one submissive/slave/Mistress, however, you just haven't figured out how it should work for you. Give it more thought. Also, give the relationship you have more time to develop. Then when the time is right be prepared to look for years if necessary to find just the perfect addiction to your family. We have searched for a male or female to join us for 5 years without finding even one who would fit into our way of life. Makes us realize how precious the male submissive who was part of our family was before we lost him. Most of all, have patience. Three whole days of searching is really very little time spent. Be prepared for months or years of searching.

AshricsSlave -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 4:13:52 PM)
Alright, my slave has been in the LIFE for or so months, and it was her idea. I told her when we met that I was interested in the poly life, and she was alright with it. The Mistress, as it states in my profile is more to refine her, and wouldn't have to listen to any but the most basic rules. Those would be discussed with the Mistress in question when I have found one to my liking. Also, I've only been searching here for a few days on this account. I've been searching for a few months, February to be exact for the Mistress to refine my girl. I haven't finished going over the profile and making sure that everything that I need and want is down there. Patience isn't something I'm used to having, which I know is a bad thing, and I work daily through kata'a, meditation, and other ways that I've picked up through my sensei, Ex-Mistress, and friends. I'm prepared to take as long as it takes to find the right mix for my circle. I was more asking what am I doing wrong on my profile. But thanks for the input guys.

peppermint -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 7:07:35 PM)
Okay, here is some advice about your profile. Scrap the first paragraph. That you were once a submissive does not help in finding you a female submissive. Many female submissives will not consider a Dom who has bottomed, let alone was a slave. As to how you were uncollared, your description of the event makes you sound as if you have a lot of resentment. That is not a Domly trait that endears you to potential 3rds. Better to not mention the uncollaring at all. Then again there is the conflict of seeking a slave/submissive, or Mistress. Are you looking to add BOTH a Mistress and a submissive/slave to your household or do you seek one or the other? Also, a Mistress might have rules besides the ones you list that are important to her. Does she, as a Mistress, get a say in what the rules are in the household or is everyone sub to you? The complicated way you seem to be hoping to set up your household means that you must make it clear as to how this household will work. Your profile just confuses any reader.

AshricsSlave -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 8:15:33 PM)
Alright, as always the profile is a work in progress, and I'll take what you've said under consideration. Again, thanks for the info.

LadyPact -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/2/2011 9:02:09 PM)
I don't usually read the profiles of folks who come to the boards looking for a third to find out what they are doing "wrong". In most cases, it is sufficient to say that for every one female that is willing to join an established household, there are at least a hundred couples looking to add someone. Those aren't the greatest odds odds on the planet, even if you are doing everything "right". In your case, I read the profile. Truthfully, if it hadn't been upon request, there are several issues in it that I would have hit the "next" button. The only bonus points that I would give you would be the changes that you have obviously made from the inception of this thread. I'm not even going to ask what you had there before that. Honestly, I think it's kind of a mess. You've got some good things going for you. Both of you are attractive, in school, and seem to have goals. All of these are positive. Here are the things that trip you up. Your primary relationship has no longevity, and therefore could be lacking stability. You have no poly experience and at best, very minimal authority dynamic experience. Her prior experience as a sub does not translate to years of experience for you. Neither does your experience on the other side of the kneel. This seems to be your first experience as being the head of household and you are still getting your feet wet. You say as much when you are unsure in your own profile of whether you want an additional s type or a Mistress who you would be relying on to teach you what you are lacking. Considering how much of your profile is written in third person speech, referring to yourself as "The Master", I'm going to wish you good luck in finding a Dominant woman who is willing to address you as such. The "if you can't follow these rules then walk away" bit, even when you say for yourself that you tend to yell rather than communicate calmly doesn't shine brightly on you. Get that under control before you consider adding another s type. While many will appreciate your service to your country, not all will be willing to deal with your adjustment back to civilian life. Some things that I would do if I were you: I'm thinking that leaning more towards adding an additional Dominant (either gender) would be more beneficial than adding an additional s type right now. Do it from the position of getting more experience under your belt. In such, propose it as a temporary situation, at least to start. If you like it, you can always continue. In the meantime, you benefit from her experience and all of the things she can teach you. Find one who has what you would like to have someday. Give your primary relationship with your s type a year to establish stability before you look to add another s type. This works great because you kill two birds with one stone. While you are learning from another Dominant, you are fortifying the primary relationship. Kill the relocation bit. You aren't in the position to ensure the financial security of someone leaving their roots to join your household. If you haven't done so already, get out to your local BDSM and/or poly communities.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/3/2011 5:23:15 AM)
1. What does one have to do to earn the honor of getting your Yahoo ID? 2. If you can't master getting the picture right, how in heaven's name are you gonna master a person? 3. What does this mean - cause it's puzzling - The Master ... will not willingly call them sluts, whores, or anything like that, but some times it does slip out. 4. You love being a beginning cross stitcher? 5. You're in a new relationship, and you are looking for someone else already. One or both of you must be pretty boring if you are already looking for someone else to spice things up. 6. Your rigidity comes off sounding pompous. 7. You don't seem to know your own mind. Your profile is full of inconsistencies, you aren't terribly interesting, and it's just plain boring. Did I mention you sound like an armchair dom? Good luck, sunshine

sunshinemiss -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/3/2011 5:26:17 AM)
Oh, yeah... and I don't think having "slave" in your name is terribly domly. Not in Sunshine World anyway...

Killerangel -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/3/2011 10:38:06 AM)
You're looking for something that is difficult to find, a third. Small things can count for a lot when the only thing you have to represent yourselves is this profile and you're hoping to garner interest with it. Some of the comments can seem picky, but everything adds up to the impression you're giving out. Think of an advertisment or commercial. It's clear, concise, and hopefully free of imperfections. I'd fix your primary picture and the one of your slave so they are not sideways- it looks sloppy because that's an easy fix. I do like the candid shots you have up of you both - you two look happy. I think that's important. You mention having rules but then say they can be changed. Confusing. The rules themselves are fairly ridiculous and as someone else pointed out, they seem like posturing from you instead of true Dominance. Like you're playing a part. The part that says you and your slave are not above helping people with their emotional issues...what the heck? If you're in a relationship with someone, which is what you looking for, that's pretty much part of the package. You can't take one part of a person and not the other. The possibility of yelling and calling deragatory names shows no control on your part, the yahoo ID being an honor is weird, and you say you are willing to talk and learn more about the new sub or slave - well, um yes. You'd have to do that, so saying it just kind of sounds strange. All of the profile text just adds up to a mess in my opinion. Instead of giving people a clear vision of who you are, what you want, and what you are offering to them. it's all over the place stating things that are a given and bringing up other things that are weird and confusing. Scrap it all and concentrate on who the two of you are, what you have to offer, and what you are looking for. Take it to a more simple level without the threats. Adults who are choosing this as a way of life shouldn't need threats to keep them in line. It's nice that you offer both BDSM entries plus hobby type things in the interest column as well as an accurate reflection of level. The overall impression I had upon reading the profile is that I'd pass it by at the speed of light as it seemed to jump all over the place with a lot of macho BS instead of substance. It comes across as you having very little real experience which is another reason I'd avoid anything to do with it. If you do have experience, that does not come through. I think it speaks well of you that you asked people to give their opinion...hopefully the things I said will give you something to think about and not come across as harsh. I didn't try to be punitive, rather just said how it all seemed as I read it.

Killerangel -> RE: Finding a Balance (8/3/2011 10:41:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Oh, yeah... and I don't think having "slave" in your name is terribly domly. Not in Sunshine World anyway... This is yet another bit of confusing detail giving an overall impression of WTF, your username totally does not make sense. Just FYI, I'd not go the other way and posture some more by calling yourself MasterDomKingBlahBlah, but really something more in line with who you are and what would reflect you accurately would not go amiss.

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