Need help in understanding

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Need help in understanding

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Need help in understanding

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 12:27:12 PM

andreaK

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline

Hi:

I would like some help in figuring out if i am wrong or right. Here's the situation, a few days back i was really tired, working alot and my Dom said something to me and i said *hell no*. So since that moment He hasnt talked to me at all as He said He didnt want to talk to me for the rest of the day.

But the thing is that, i've told Him before that i was really tired, doing lots of overtime and i could barely stay awake. When i said hell no, i didnt mean it in the way of just basically say no to anything He asked. Also, i didnt say no to disrespect Him. All this is making me very sad cause now i have no clue when He will talk to me again.

Was i wrong?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 1:52:33 PM

darkpetal

Posts: 24
Status: offline

"One thing important for me is communication, i am always allowed to speak freely. So i guess it doesn't hurt to express yourself in a good manner of course and respectfully to your Dom. Remember, they aren't mind readers :)"

you said this on another thread.... is this not true in this situation?
just wondering

peta

< Message edited by darkpetal -- 10/15/2004 2:01:06 PM >

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 3:14:46 PM

IservBlkKingPaPa

Posts: 84
Joined: 8/17/2004
From: Long Island NY
Status: offline

Hi

I can empathize with you. I have been there myself. However i have been taught that while there is nothing wrong in letting your Dom know how you feel, there is a negative and a positive way to do so. It would seem to me that your Dom believes that you have chosen the negative way to show your feelings and probably most Doms would find your words disrespectful. It probably is not that you said no but only the way you said it.

@}slave}viktorya}--
Every Rose has her Thorns...

(in reply to darkpetal)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 6:19:24 PM

pepper

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/14/2004
Status: offline

This truly sounds like a relationship defining moment to me.

As a slave, I cannot imagine in my wildest and most free of dreams, verbalizing "HELL NO" to my Master.

In the definition of your own relationship, do you have the freedom to "sub" when you feel like it? - and has this boundery been discussed?

On this one - even in the "Damn, I've had a rotten and exhausting day" - I think you are the one that should question exactly what your bounderies are, within your dynamics of this relationship.

In the spirit of leather,
pepper

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 7:23:42 PM

danae

Posts: 46
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaK

Hi:

I would like some help in figuring out if i am wrong or right. Here's the situation, a few days back i was really tired, working alot and my Dom said something to me and i said *hell no*. So since that moment He hasnt talked to me at all as He said He didnt want to talk to me for the rest of the day.

But the thing is that, i've told Him before that i was really tired, doing lots of overtime and i could barely stay awake. When i said hell no, i didnt mean it in the way of just basically say no to anything He asked. Also, i didnt say no to disrespect Him. All this is making me very sad cause now i have no clue when He will talk to me again.

Was i wrong?

andrea,

I have occasionally been able to get away with begging, "Oh, please, no" when I've been having a day like yours. Sometimes my Master will give me a reprieve (which, ironically, ends up making me feel worse later, when I am feeling better and can't forgive myself for letting him down) and sometimes he says, "Do you want to be my slave or not? If it's too much for you..." which is really nasty, but immediately snaps me right back in line and makes me feel better. lol

But I had to learn the hard way, too, a long time ago never, ever, to use profanity. We were having an academic discussion (we both teach) and I said the argument he was making was b.s. I just used the initials, but disrespect is disrespect. His anger was scary, and I had to earn his forgiveness, but I've never forgotten the lesson.

danae

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 7:41:12 PM

realophelia

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaK

Hi:

I would like some help in figuring out if i am wrong or right. Here's the situation, a few days back i was really tired, working alot and my Dom said something to me and i said *hell no*. So since that moment He hasnt talked to me at all as He said He didnt want to talk to me for the rest of the day...

All this is making me very sad cause now i have no clue when He will talk to me again.

Was i wrong?

Probably (IMO). But if he said he wasn't going to talk to you for the rest of the day he should have MEANT rest of the day. He shouldn't have left you hanging for days wondering when he will talk to you again. Where is the credibility in that?

Take care :)
Ophelia

< Message edited by realophelia -- 10/15/2004 8:24:57 PM >

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 9:20:00 PM

andreaK

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline

Thanks for replying to my post. Tonight i've met with my Dom and i might have forgotten to mention. I did tell Him that i was having a rough week and that i would never do anything to jeopardize my work. It was an agreement at first when W/we met.

be well :)

(in reply to darkpetal)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/15/2004 10:37:18 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I am allowed to be frank and honest with my Dominant as well. Although I would never say hell no to him. To me it is dis-respectful. Well, hey it is dis-respectful to say that to anyone period.
I'd explain to him the sort of week I had. Although he would most likely already know. He would know I wasn't up to whatever at the time. I'd ask him nicely if I could do it later on. I see no reason I would not be granted the request. I've never encountered a time in almost 6 years now I have'nt.

Communication goes a long way in a relationship.

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/16/2004 3:57:58 AM

andreaK

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline

I guess i've got more training to do :) but i can be very spontaneous and i was on that day. Like one of my subbie friend said, W/we have a complexe relationship my Dom and i.

I did meet Him last night and i apologized to Him and said i was wrong to have said what i said. So all ended well, well not exactly since i am in for it. But at least i will take this lesson and learn from it.

andreaK

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/16/2004 7:40:02 AM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

Its is very good that you did apologize to your Dom. Doesn't really matter to much what W/we all think about this it is how your Dom feels about it what is important. Now that it has happened there is no way to take it back so learning from it and now knowing how your Dom will react is all you can do. Of course and take what discipline He sees fit for you on this -- which i would really like to hear about if you do not mind posting later *smiles*

Even so it really doesn't matter what W/we think it is good to know to make sure your Dom isn't being totally unreasonable and maybe a red flag coming up! i don't know how long you have known Him and things -- but my opinion is He is right. i do not hardly ever use a cuss word but i surely would not at my Dom (if i had one) out of respect. i think you should express your feelings to Him when you really don't want to do something or had a very bad day but need to do it tactfully/ respectfully. IE - "Please Sir, i had a bad day can W/we do this later?" i am not sure what was asked of you but take a couple seconds to breath deep and think about your words before yelling out. i am sure this is easier said then done, most things are *grins*

Good luck with everything, wish you and your Dom the best.

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to andreaK)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/16/2004 12:52:46 PM

bottominwa

Posts: 240
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

This is simply about "tact"...your response was "tactless" and showe ddisrespect in this girl's opinion, whether you meant it that way...and apparetnly Your Master feels the same way. As for His reaction, well He has the divine right as your Dom to react to you however He sees fit, doesn't He?

This girl means...isn't this the whole point?

Be well and behave...hehehhehe

sabrina King

House of King

(in reply to subbiejenn)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Need help in understanding - 10/16/2004 6:33:23 PM

gypsy1110

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

I went through a similar experience. I'v found the best route is to give a sincere apology. Any explanation you have ..tired, worked hard etc.. is still no excuse to be disrespectful to your Dominant or anyone else for that matter. There is never a good excuse to disrespect anyone period. There is a right and a wrong way to say things.. (i'm just learning this lol).

(in reply to bottominwa)

Profile

Post #: 12