Question for the Slaves... (Full Version)

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HisPet21 -> Question for the Slaves... (8/7/2011 6:30:37 AM)

I identify as a submissive, but I'd never identify as a slave. I like to be in relationships run by the man, I like to be generally submissive to the man, but I'm not sure I'd ever feel comfortable with the concept of being "owned" by my man. We often use the phrase, "Your mine and I'm yours," but it's not the same thing, I think, as being completely and totally owned by someone else, a piece of property. For me, that would be a little much. Maybe its because of my social upbringing that I feel this way, or my perception (realistic or not...don't know many people personally who are 24/7 slaves) that slaves have less say in their relationships and less power than subs generally do. And I don't think I'd be comfortable totally giving up so much power as to become property. I don't want to get into semantics. I just had a question...

For those of you who consider themselves 24/7 TPE slaves, how did you realize that was what you wanted? Was it just totally natural to you, an aspect of your personality that was always there? Was making that decision easy for you? Did you start out with someone as more of a D/s couple and it just kind of evolved to M/s? Was it really scary at first...did you struggle with becoming a slave?

And, just as an aside, what do you see as the major differences between a full out 24/7 TPE M/s relationship and a D/s relationship. I don't know a hell of a lot about the differences and was just curious...maybe the differences aren't as drastic as I've perceived them to be. In fact, it may even be impossible to answer this question since, after all, every M/s and D/s dynamic is tailored to the people in it. Anyway, thanks!



lizi -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/7/2011 8:28:53 AM)

My current relationship is a lot like what is described in your first paragraph. D/s is the base of our relationship, and we live it mostly in public in a vanilla manner, which we find gratifying....for now. We're happy to have our own separate lives and have them entertwine on a sporadic basis....for now. Life circumstances dictate our time together and how it is structured. Once those things change, we will be evolving with each other as well and 24/7 M/s down the road has been discussed. It took a while for me to wrap my mind around M/s, I panicked some when he brought it up. After quite a bit of time thinking about it, I think it's a natural course for us to take. So it wasn't an easy decision, but it seems to fit and I'm good with it.

I percieve the differences in D/s and M/s to be a matter of degree. I feel that I retain my bargaining power so to speak as a submissive, I feel that I will give up most of that if not all, if I were a slave.

Then again, maybe we'll never get there. I'm not really invested in it either way as long as we're happy and we seem to be. So maybe things will just stay status quo. Either way it's not something I lose sleep over. For now I just try to keep things between us healthy and productive, wherever that leads I'm ok with it. I've given up any desire I may have had to steer things along or even know where they are going. I'm just pretty happy to have him in my life however it works.




littlewonder -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/7/2011 9:25:19 AM)

For me it was totally natural. I grew up in a culture/region/religion in which men are the head of the household, the leaders of the community, where the wife is basically "owned" by her husband. It's what I'm comfortable with, it's what I like, it's where I feel the most secure.

I've tried being in relationships where it was just "part-time" but it left me feeling stressed. I need the entire shebang to be able to relax in my life.

But that doesn't mean it's right for everyone. If you're comfortable with being submissive then stick with it and just make sure that whoever you're with knows your status. Make it crystal clear so there are no surprises.





UniqueRaven -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/7/2011 9:37:23 AM)

quote:

For those of you who consider themselves 24/7 TPE slaves, how did you realize that was what you wanted? Was it just totally natural to you, an aspect of your personality that was always there? Was making that decision easy for you? Did you start out with someone as more of a D/s couple and it just kind of evolved to M/s? Was it really scary at first...did you struggle with becoming a slave?


For me, I have always known that I was meant to be a slave. My earliest fantasies that I can recall were always about being kept in a cage for a man's pleasure...even before I knew what sex was.

I've always had a hard time labeling myself "submissive" - I am a slave. And yes, I do see the two as different creatures - a slave isn't a "deeper submissive," as if one is higher or better or the other. They're just different methods of relating and existing. And for me, every time I've gone with the "submissive" moniker it just doesn't feel right (and my friends get mad at me...laughs). I've been called the "slaviest of slaves" by many as a joke, but it is true, it's just me. I must give up everything for my Owner...I can't exist in what feels to me like "in between."

So, I've never gone the "evolution" route - I am slave from day one. But I know many that have. And like many have said already, it's up to the couple and the individuals involved, and there is no "one true way." I know women that have become slaves in their relationships simply due to the depth of love for their dominant man (when they never would have been a slave otherwise), and that's really awesome.

Is it scary? Do I struggle? Ab-so-fricking-lutely. I am human, just like everyone else, and it takes a lot of trust to get there. And I've had a very hard time getting there again after the end of my long-term 24/7 in 2008 - I've struggled the last few years. But it is something inside of me, it is a need, and it is real. It's just...me. [:)]

I talk a lot about these sorts of things on my blog, if you read those...the link is below. Good luck to you, and hugs! UR



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 12:07:45 AM)

i dont know which i am probably mroe slave than sub but ti feels natural and for the first time i am trully happy in a relationship. knwoing i am his and owned by him gives me strenght and confidence i can relax feel safe and secure and now have fun.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 2:22:55 AM)

I suppose I would put "slave" as a sub-category to "submissive."

Considering the distinction between the two as posted, I fell into this rhythm pretty naturally with my Master. I guess I never really considered it too hard, but it always felt right to me that the man should be in charge in a relationship. I enjoyed letting him take the lead, and I love him and so I was compelled to serve him and make him satisfied and happy. When he brought to me the suggestion that this become absolute, I wasn't scared--I trust him, and I feel secure in his ownership, so there was no panic or struggle. I wanted it that way just like he did. At the point that he actually asked me to be his pet/slave, I already knew that was what I wanted. It was just what felt "right" to me.

And no, I don't have less say in the relationship now than I did back then. He values my opinion and always has, but he makes the final decision. And I trust him to make those decisions good ones.



PetiteOralSub -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 3:02:18 AM)

I knew what type of relationship would work for me if I were ever to surrender my freedom and be in any kind of a relationship ever again.
I knew it would take a very special type of man.
I knew I really liked good passionate sex, a whole lot.

I did not know there were names and labels and definitions and a subculture surrounding those needs of mine.
The needs were already there; slave is a label I found to articulate those needs to others .. Masters, unfortuanately can't really, really, "get in our heads" you see.

there really is no difference between sub and slave, except for how you define it, I define it, she defines it, he defines it.
Don't get hung up on the whole slave versus sub debate.
-- and never forget this is a journey, we all evolve.
It's the relationship structure, and there are as many of those as ther are living, breathing psyches.





winspiritsbaby -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 6:57:48 AM)

Like lizi, I kind of panicked when Win first brought up the idea of M/s. After talking it all through, discovering what his ideas and beliefs were, and discussing what my fears were, we decided that it is a goal that we will work towards. It will always be the goal, and whether or not we actually reach it will not be what makes Win happy. He is happy with the fact that we will not give up on the goal.

I think the idea itself is still a bit scary, but since this is not going to happen overnight and I trust Win to stick to his word (see my quote below), I think the transition will be a little easier than I thought.



MstrDennynSlave -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 8:03:12 AM)

When Master told me one day that he should slap a collar around my neck and make me his slave, I looked at him and said, "Well, why dont you?" He asked me if I was sure that was what I wanted. I told him it was. Two weeks later I was collared and we've never looked back. He asks for my opinion on just about everything, but he makes the final decision.



Asherscorp1 -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 9:58:13 AM)

I wasn't looking for a BDSM "relationship" in the first place. I knew I wanted some kink, some pain, some S&M in my life but the rest .... meh, I'd never thought about it. When Master and I met I didn't know ANYTHING about people who lived in a 24/7 power exchange. I wasn't interested either, it simply wasn't something in my frame-work of what I wanted. The change was gradual and, from my perspective slow, but actually it all happened in a kind of a rush. Master and I were introduced by a mutual friend, niether of us was looking for a relationship of any kind but we clicked from the first minute and began talking. Within the first conversation he shared that he was into some BDSM, he was a dom, and if I was ever in a relationship with him he'd expect certain things from me. Those things were simple and only existed in the S&M/kink setting I was already interested in so no problems there. As we talked more and got to know each other he would say things to me that piqued my curiosity and also pushed my comfort levels like, "One day I will tie you so you fit into a foot-locker and keep you at the end of the bed while I read." I had never thought of things like that! Then there was making me into furniture, he showed me the House Of Gord site and I fell in love instantly with the gorgeous bondage and poses. I think pony play was what threw me most in those first weeks. I thought the whole thing was absurd until he explained to me that it's a deeply personal, spiritual endeavor to create your pony's harness and bridle, to train them with care and precision, and for the pony to submit and invite that treatment was an honor for a Master. Slowly through discussing things that have nothing to do with sex but everything to do with submission I simply started to feel like I was going to be his one day, to be objectified, used however he saw fit. I did research what a 24/7 TPE was and most of it confused me but it also made sense with what I was feeling. The real moment for us when he ceased to be my dom and took the first step into being my Master was after we'd been dating about 7 months and during "pillow talk" he'd been saying, "You're my good girl, my good little toy, you like being used like a toy." Things like that. I am not the kind of person who can take words like that lightly. The struck a chord and I agreed with him, I moaned agreement, I assented in every way I knew how and after the heat of the moment was gone and we were talking I addressed it. I asked if that was really what he wanted, to own me, to make me into a toy with no say in how I was used, simply existing to please him? Of course he did, and I wanted it too. So, there you have it. From that point on it was a more conscious endeavor on my part to be trained into a slave/pet/toy not just a sub. Two years ago if someone had explained this sort of relationship to me and insisted that I would be not only in one but happy and fulfilled in it I would have slapped them, then laughed derisively. But it just smoothly evolved into what it is, me being Master's creature completely and devotedly. For me the feeling of being owned is freeing. I have always been the one in control of everything my whole adult life. I am the responsible one, I am the hard-worker, I set the rules in any relationship, I take the lead. I resent it horribly. I HATE having the power in my life. With Master I know he makes the decisions in the end, he has the power and control in any aspect he chooses to exercise it and somehow that makes me even more confident in my own "choices" since not only do I make them but Master backs them up, if he agrees, and if not makes a better choice than I would have alone. However, this doesn't mean I don't have say in our relationship or in my life. I have quite a lot of input in the ways that matter to me. Yes, I will submit to Master in anything at any time and he has the final say in any choice for me as a person, us as a couple or our entire family unit but I trust him implicitly to have everyone's best interests at heart. He has proven his capable and sensitive nature to me countless times. Master loves me, of course he wants me happy and healthy. We discuss our goals, we share our feelings, he listens to and addresses any concerns or problems I may be having. Master shows me more respect than any other man I've ever known, in part through his sensitivity to me and in part because he accepts and loves my true nature. He knows that I am blessedly happy submitting and that I absolutely need that dynamic, so he asserts himself as much for me as for himself. We are equally important parts of a whole even though we have no equal properties such as "equal say" in decisions or "equal treatment," trying to have that sort of 50/50 relationship would make both of us miserable. Master owns me purely out of truth and love. Truth to our nature as people and love for me as his own.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 10:05:04 AM)

for me, it was exhilarating and scary to realize i wanted this person to own me. i thought it either meant i was insane or ... well, that i was insane. =p but i was happy that he wanted it, too. as we got on the road to that, i felt more like myself than i ever had in my life.
so... i guess that's it for me.
but really, it gets to be a big pile of semantics. i felt like his property even though we didn't use M/s terms. he asked for my opinions, and we talked about all sorts of things. i didn't feel a dramatic loss of power so much as i just felt like things were working really well. i never really felt like power was taken away from me so much as he just always had it, from the beginning of our interactions even when we were pretending to be vanilla. =p




Missokyst -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 10:47:35 AM)

I started out as a slave. Seven years and one marriage down (and only), I decided when I got out of that I would never revisit that sort of relationship again. I am submissive, which for me is inescapable.



DesFIP -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/8/2011 3:11:35 PM)

I really wasn't looking for a tpe. I just looked up one day and discovered he'd slowly taken control of everything. Neither of us announced a desire to move in this direction. We just seemed to get here It's disconcerting for both of us.



BeautyDebased -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/10/2011 12:51:39 AM)

Greetings,

And for me it was more of a transition I guess, I did for a long time consider myself simply a submissive and nothing more....my submissive nature has basically in some form or another been with me almost my entire life though for a very long time, like a lot of subs I'm guessing, I had no idea what theses feelings meant.

After discovering what they did mean they began to grow more, gradually for I never forced it, it has and always will be a very natural part of me, it's who I am and I can't change this, nor would I ever wish to.

After I was collared for the first time my submissive nature began to change, Master took control of a lot more, more every day really and it just naturally fell into place, I felt at peace, loved, beautiful and comfortable giving up this control....giving up my all for Him.

I remember saying to Him once that I felt like a slave, I felt more happy when I had no control and He simply told me He'd known all along, and that it just needed to be nurtured.

I don't see being owned as a bad thing, Master once described it to me this way, and to me it makes a lot of sense.

"Think of yourself as my most prized possession, perhaps something akin to a priceless diamond, something that means more than anything else on this earth to me, something I would go to any length to protect, put it before anything or anyone else, it is not something I would ever discard but only want it's beauty to grow, to love and cherish it, to keep it safe. By beloging to me, you are a part of me, in every way, have a connection to me that no-one else could ever have, know more about me than anyone will. Being my property never cheapens you nor makes me think less of you, in fact it makes me think far more of you, of the fact that you were willing, and trusted me enough to give me everything, to hand your life over to me and trusted me with this"

That and many other things He has told me allowed me a deeper understanding of what it means to be a slave, yes I give my all to Him, I live to make Him happy, to please Him and know within my heart that every inch of my body and mind belong to Him.

For me it happened because of who I was with also, I couldn't have allowed myself to so easily slip into that mindset with someone who couldn't appreciate the beauty of having a slave, who couldn't still love me and still see me as a person, I still am allowed my opinion, I'm not chained 24/7, I'm not made to sit on the floor or sleep in a cage, I always sleep in our bed with my Master, but at the same time, I know He owns me and for me it is a beautiful thing, I know that He will always care for, love, cherish and protect me and I feel safe in that knowledge.

There's nothing I can't speak to Him about, nothing we can't discuss together and while I'm His slave I'm also so much more, after all, this isn't the 1800's, I'm His partner too, His friend, His everything and He asks my opinion on most things in our life....I guess being a slave is different for everyone but for me the main point is the knowledge that He owns me and I wouldn't have it any other way, I'm proud to belong to Him, and so very lucky [:)].


mittens.



RaspberryLemon -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/10/2011 2:22:35 AM)

You have a beautiful relationship, BeautyDebased. Sounds similar to the way things work with my Master too. :)



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/10/2011 3:48:31 AM)

FR...Its all in your heart and how you as a submissive view your self,A slave is like a seed which must be planted, watered, nurtures as she grows, a good master weeds his plant and when this plant matures all his good work has been rewarded,Just my thoughts on this rain drenched morning in my mountains..Bounty



Domspaintoy -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/10/2011 4:18:24 PM)

Master once said if He cut through my bones He would find slave written through them, i am what i am and that is a slave, its what & who i am, for me being a 'sub' means someone who still has control, i have none, i wouldn't want control and nor do i desire it. TPE is exactly what it says on the tin and my obedience to Him is complete otherwise the lines would be blurry and neither of U/us would know who W/we were. i am slave.



butterflyeffect -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/10/2011 5:21:06 PM)

I think with any relationship, things are only defined by those involved. I was called slave long before i ever truly was one...i had safewords, limits, choices. But as time went by and as the relationship grew, and i grew, then it just became who i was...those things went away because of the ultimate trust i had in him & ultimately because what he wanted became what i wanted then. It wasn't something I had ever felt before or needed before him...and i've never questioned that choice that i made to be his. And like others have said, i may have given over complete control to him, sometimes he chooses to exercise that and sometimes not. But we still discuss things, i still have opinions, but his IS the final word. Some people have said that a sub is about themselves & their own needs, whereas a slave is about their Master/Mistress and their needs. I tend to disagree in that I have the need in me to make sure that his needs are taken care of...and by doing so, that fulfills me. Our needs are interconnected.



nephandi -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/11/2011 12:45:02 PM)

Greetings

If you want to be in a relationship where your man is the boss but where you are still your own person, why do you ask about slavery? Is there a particular reason why being submissive is not good enough? You are not a better person if you are a slave, perhaps slavery is not what is right for you.

I was a Gorean slave, what attracted me to it was a burning desire to be a slave. I have been fascinated with slavery since I was a little girl. However since I have made a commitment to my occult studies, a commitment I can not break so that even if my Master did support my studies I could not completely give myself to him being a slave was very hard. I am now his free companion and I am happy with that.

I wish you well



coookie -> RE: Question for the Slaves... (8/11/2011 2:34:14 PM)

quote:

For those of you who consider themselves 24/7 TPE slaves, how did you realize that was what you wanted? Was it just totally natural to you, an aspect of your personality that was always there? Was making that decision easy for you? Did you start out with someone as more of a D/s couple and it just kind of evolved to M/s? Was it really scary at first...did you struggle with becoming a slave?


I never liked being called a slave. I didn't like how the word Master felt in my mouth. I resisted any thoughts of slavery despite evidence of slave like behaviour. My Master used to say that i was submissive with slave tendencies and i hated it. One day we had a dispute and to be quite honest things looked very bleak and it was during this time that despite everything else, my desire to serve him became so strong that it damn near creeped me out. I had to look long and hard at my self in my proverbial mirror and by my definition i was a slave. I did and sometimes still do struggle with it though for the most part i accept that this is who i am and i truly am happiest when i am serving him.



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