RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive?

RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (Full Version)

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lizi -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/7/2011 6:23:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterNeo1 Here's something that I happened to stumble upon while surfing the inter-web: (An opinion of a Dominant, on why a submissive choosing their Dominant is important) 'As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant. This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts. The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be. If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear. The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts. The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive' What is Y/your view on this topic? Personally, I do believe that it raises some valid points, and also seems to make sense to Me. But surely; there must be some Dominants out there that do/have approach(ed) submissives first. Likewise, I'm sure there will be certain submissives, that prefer the Dominant to approach them instead. If this is the case, is it because Y/you believe that who chooses who is completely irrelevant to the relationship? Or do Y/you agree with what is being said? You have to love it when something is proclaimed as a universal truth and then no one else has ever heard of it before. This idea actually makes no sense at all. Anyone who sits back and thinks things will fall into their laps may be missing out on a lot of good things in life. I consider it in my best interest to be proactive in all parts of my life. How in holy hell is a Dominant who doesn't sit back and wait an outcast and not respected...? Wtf? A Dominant isn't 'taking by force' someone by showing interest in them. That's absurd. I've been on both sides, I've been pursued and I've taken the first step to show interest in others. Who gives a rip how it's done as long as you're finding someone suitable and having a good time? Both parties make the decision in the end of whether to proceed regardless of who starts the process.

DecadentDesire -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/7/2011 8:49:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterNeo1 'As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant. This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts. The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be. If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear. The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts. The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive' What is Y/your view on this topic? My view is this is another misrepresentation of how relationships work out of some agenda to empower a certain demographic that already gets too much empowering for it's own good.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 2:49:53 AM)
This strikes me as having been written by a caveman with an ego the size of North America. Do I approah subs...yes. Do they approah me...yes. The same thing happens with doms. They are all just people. We approach those we find attractive for a myriad of different reasons. In the end who picks who? Well as with everything else this is just like the "vanilla" world that a lot of folks seem to think is so different from this "lifestyle" People are just people and we all find our mates the same way. There is attraction. Someone speaks. There is more speaking. Things either happen or they don't.

crazyml -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 2:58:56 AM)
To the OP: I don't know if you have an email address for the person who wrote that shit, the reason I ask is that when I read it my jackass detector literally exploded. I'm pretty sure the damage is irreparable and I've half a mind to sue the fuckwit. Let's take it line by line - and I'll admit, this is more for my benefit than anyone elses. quote: As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant. What the fuck? On which planet is it the "custom" that the Dominant waits until chosen? quote: This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts. Setting aside the lack of a verb - how can this possibly be predicated on the first sentence. Maybe on the planet Jackass? quote: The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be. Oh fuck, did the rule book get lost in the mail... does anyone have a copy I can see? Or is this some lost book from the bible? Was it uncovered in the dead sea scrolls. First it's not a rule. Second what the fuck is outcast meant to mean in this context? Third if the jackass who wrote this doesn't "respect me as a real dominant should be" I'm really not about to cry a trickle, let alone a river. quote: If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear. No shit sherlock. Jesus, you don't exactly need have a PHD in ethics and morality to nail this one. But I do love the "what I call" bit. This is an example of what I call "jackassedness". quote: The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts. The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive' Bollocks. Both parties to a relationship are responsible (to themselves and eachother) for making the right choice. Therefore they both need to decide.... Fuck me, I feel better now. Out of, admittedly morbid, curiosity, what on earth did you see in this drivel that raises valid points, and what bits of it made sense to you?

sunshinemiss -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 9:24:46 AM)
Oh ... stop....please... don't... ... it hurts too much to laugh this hard. ML.... I"m sending you the hospital bill!

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 11:52:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Out of, admittedly morbid, curiosity, what on earth did you see in this drivel that raises valid points, and what bits of it made sense to you? This is the only thing that comes up on google, and on there it's just credited to 'Master, BDSM Group'. Dunno what that means... ETA: the OP here has paraphrased the last few lines, though. The original's funnier: The submissive is responsible for the right choice the dominant is responsible for the right choice and must decide before the offering if the dominant is worthy of her gifts. The dominant has to proof his knowledge and sensitivity for his submissive. So here you have the proof for all those want to be your dominants who offer there services they are all fake and untrustworthy. Be sure verify every single detail before and not after you have given your self away to a fake or vanilla.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 12:04:05 PM)
Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? This question is too stupid to even respond to. Yes, I do note the irony.

Awareness -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 12:18:19 PM)
Christ. This is errant fucking nonsense. Fundamentally, one of the skill sets which comes with a dominant personality is the ability to influence. This includes the subs you encounter. People toss around a bunch of pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo around this point but the ability to influence also includes the ability to seduce. Despite the ritualistic claptrap people construct around love, it really is a process; it can be run on anyone you choose and the result is what we call seduction. Only the truly self-contained are immune to seduction. When subs run into an actual dominant personality - as opposed to the legions of wannabes - they know it. They feel it. There's a myriad of details in the way a dominant interacts with a sub which gives the game away. So, the practical upshot of all this? Yes, the Dom chooses. He should be choosing, because he'll be pursuing what he wants and if he's a powerful influencer, there's a damn good chance he'll get his way. As I've said before, submission is not a gift, it's a response. It's inspired by the personality of the Dom. And when a woman's been inspired to submission through interacting with a Dom - she's not exactly going to turn and run unless the dude turns out to be a nutbar.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 2:12:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Christ. This is errant fucking nonsense. Fundamentally, one of the skill sets which comes with a dominant personality is the ability to influence. This includes the subs you encounter. People toss around a bunch of pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo around this point but the ability to influence also includes the ability to seduce. Despite the ritualistic claptrap people construct around love, it really is a process; it can be run on anyone you choose and the result is what we call seduction. Only the truly self-contained are immune to seduction. When subs run into an actual dominant personality - as opposed to the legions of wannabes - they know it. They feel it. There's a myriad of details in the way a dominant interacts with a sub which gives the game away. So, the practical upshot of all this? Yes, the Dom chooses. He should be choosing, because he'll be pursuing what he wants and if he's a powerful influencer, there's a damn good chance he'll get his way. As I've said before, submission is not a gift, it's a response. It's inspired by the personality of the Dom. And when a woman's been inspired to submission through interacting with a Dom - she's not exactly going to turn and run unless the dude turns out to be a nutbar. That's such bullshit. I don't care how "dominant" you think you are, but unless I find you attractive based on my own criteria, it ain't gonna happen.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 2:52:13 PM)
i knew you weren't twue!!! i fucking knew it!

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 2:56:57 PM)
Good Gawd People !! Let me clue you in on a secret. The female always decides if there will be sex (unless it is rape and let's please not go there), The male always decides what the nature of the sexual relationship will be, casual, a fling, long term, I want to marry this girl. Sure, there is some mutuality going on, but this is how it comes down. Has nothing to do with dom/sub. Okay I said it. Now keep it a secret.

DecadentDesire -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 3:47:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: Awareness Christ. This is errant fucking nonsense. Fundamentally, one of the skill sets which comes with a dominant personality is the ability to influence. This includes the subs you encounter. People toss around a bunch of pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo around this point but the ability to influence also includes the ability to seduce. Despite the ritualistic claptrap people construct around love, it really is a process; it can be run on anyone you choose and the result is what we call seduction. Only the truly self-contained are immune to seduction. When subs run into an actual dominant personality - as opposed to the legions of wannabes - they know it. They feel it. There's a myriad of details in the way a dominant interacts with a sub which gives the game away. So, the practical upshot of all this? Yes, the Dom chooses. He should be choosing, because he'll be pursuing what he wants and if he's a powerful influencer, there's a damn good chance he'll get his way. As I've said before, submission is not a gift, it's a response. It's inspired by the personality of the Dom. And when a woman's been inspired to submission through interacting with a Dom - she's not exactly going to turn and run unless the dude turns out to be a nutbar. That's such bullshit. I don't care how "dominant" you think you are, but unless I find you attractive based on my own criteria, it ain't gonna happen. I think you are right and Awareness is about half right. I don't disagree that leaders have the ability to influence the people around them nor think that people who end up in positions of leaderships did so via blind luck. Entire books have been written on the subject of leadership skills and the charisma that certain individuals possess that allow them to influence other people into doing what they want. (I'm also in no way what-so-ever claiming to be one of those people. I just acknowledge that they exist.) However, I think this is only half the story when it comes to D/S relationships, because they are intimate relationships and involve elements of love and sex that are not present in other leader/follower type dynamics. Therefore, human connection and sexual chemistry becomes the deciding factor and if they aren't naturally present, then nothing else really matters. I've had my share of dates with girls who have perceived me as dominant, but didn't feel the right "fire" towards me (nor I for them). It's why dating is such a crap shoot. (But I do think having charisma and communication, relationship and leadership skills does make it easier to keep that one submissive around who does feel the right way for you [:D]) ((Edited To Add: It also makes it easier to get dates in the first place! [;)]))

DecadentDesire -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 3:52:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Let me clue you in on a secret. The female always decides if there will be sex (unless it is rape and let's please not go there), The male always decides what the nature of the sexual relationship will be, casual, a fling, long term, I want to marry this girl. I agree with this and think it's accurate as far as courting someone in my limited experiences. Edited To Add: But at the end of the day, it's still a process of both people choosing each other, no matter how it plays out. It's not some "Pick the Dominant" dating show where all the Dominants get in a line, recite a list of reasons why they are best twue dominant and deserving of the magical gift of submission, and then wait for the drumroll while the submissive chooses.

subbingforyou -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 4:41:48 PM)
Personally, I found the little snippet you posted a huge pile of BS.

subbingforyou -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 4:44:08 PM)
You have to careful about generalization. There have been many times when I as the male have decided if there will be sex, and I know a lot of couples where the woman disctates the natre of the relationship. This sounds like cliches from the 1950s. --quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Let me clue you in on a secret. The female always decides if there will be sex (unless it is rape and let's please not go there), The male always decides what the nature of the sexual relationship will be, casual, a fling, long term, I want to marry this girl. --

littlewonder -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 4:50:45 PM)
I can definitely say the first night I met Master he decided when and if there would be sex and he decided there wouldn't no matter how much I begged. He still likes to remind me of that lol.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 5:14:05 PM)
He made the first approach online in response to a question I posted somewhere. We talked, played, got to know each other better, fell in love, communicated a lot more, spent more time with each other (we were waaaaaaay long distance), discussed whether I would be his slave. Eventually, (more than 2 years after our initial meeting) I committed to becoming his slave. It was a journey of 3+ years before I moved accross the country to be with him permanently. There were a lot of things to be organized before that could happen. As you can see, it was more of a mutual decision.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 5:25:37 PM)
Did I say anything about who makes the first approach? No, I did not. A male approaches, the females says yes or no. Think about what I said, I feel you will find I am often most correct.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 5:27:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbingforyou You have to careful about generalization. There have been many times when I as the male have decided if there will be sex, and I know a lot of couples where the woman disctates the natre of the relationship. This sounds like cliches from the 1950s. --quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt Let me clue you in on a secret. The female always decides if there will be sex (unless it is rape and let's please not go there), The male always decides what the nature of the sexual relationship will be, casual, a fling, long term, I want to marry this girl. -- I'm sorry honey, you did not decide there would be sex. You initiated sex, and the female complied. Translation, the sex was her decision.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/8/2011 5:28:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subbingforyou You have to careful about generalization. There have been many times when I as the male have decided if there will be sex, and I know a lot of couples where the woman disctates the natre of the relationship. This sounds like cliches from the 1950s. So you have decided when there will be sex? How did that work when you were with a woman? She didn't want to have sex before you said you want to? The guy might think they decide but if the woman is not interested she's not opening her legs. You can decide all you want and cajole, even beg, threaten to leave, if the woman doesn't want to have sex with you, she won't. In all my relationships the guys were trying to have sex, and I had sex when I was ready to have sex. Some women might think that having sex is a way to keep a guy, if he's not emotionally involved a shag won't make him commit, so women that are interested in a more committed relationships usually wait with sex to check out the guys intentions. Sure sometimes women also just want a fuck and no relationship, but again, she does decide, because otherwise it's a bit like the good old Leonard Cohen song "Ah but don't go home with your hard-on It will only drive you insane You can't shake it (or break it) with your Motown You can't melt it down in the rain" If she doesn't want to have sex, you got to take matters into your own hands or go home with your hard-on

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