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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/19/2006 7:17:45 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I'm submissive in everyday life, its just who I am....I can't turn it on and off.

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/19/2006 9:51:18 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

i am submissive in private...i am fiesty and in charge in my vanilla life.

sub tara

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Post #: 22

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/20/2006 4:18:30 AM

sabswife

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

submissiveness comes naturally to me, but there is only one person to whom i am submissive at all times, and that is my Dom. i am naturally submissive in day to day life but that is something i am overcoming--- with me though what would happen is i would be submissive to situations in which i would get overwhelmed and just burst -- now with my Dom, He helps me by telling me to say no, in which way i am both submitting to him and NOT submitting to others. if that makes a stick of sense at all.. lol

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"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/20/2006 3:05:38 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Since I was a little kid, my Mom would tell you in description of me..."it's HER way or the highway"...

How I do submission outside my erotic relationship:

I seek the input of others on projects where normally I'd take the lead.

I willingly submit to the way others want things done at work, rather than try to forward my own opinion (correct though it may be)

I let others choose and decide (dinner, colors, when/where to meet for social occasions, etc)

I ride instead of drive

I accept what is happening now rather than fight life and manipulate it to my will in several circumstances

I pray and give the control of things over to God - this relieves my inner pressure in situations where I am doing all I can and nothing is making a difference.

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"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

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Post #: 24

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/20/2006 6:56:40 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

Greetings,
I was raised to be submissive ( in that old school "traditional" way) and do possess the innate qualities expressed by many.

To be able to live, florish, succeed in life, school, career- I buried this quality deep inside. Or I thought I did. It didn't always work. LOL

I digress. I put on almost a false personna of assertiveness. Identified with the dominant. I've even been considered to have strong leadership ability. Been the boss at work; now run my own small business.

Found out about D/s. Lightbulb moment! OK, so 'submissive' is what I am?!

I'm active in this lifestyle only 3 years( a newbie?) and am passionate about it.

BUT, since I have built up so many walls of protection, I can be defensive. Question when I should plain obey. Don't mean to, yet it has been a learned coat of armor.
Part of it is my mind, intellect. I like to know the "why" of everything in life.
I think too much. I am aware of this, as it can be a problem.

It has rather recently been an issue. I am reaching. Serenity. Patience. Taking a deep breath, just relax.. and give up that control. It is not easy for me. I've learned to cling to control as if it were a life raft. To unlearn...?

Funny thing is: I only balk at the "non play", if you will, aspect - D/s and life. Which is exactly what drew me in the first place. Yes, I like it, need it.
But for me it is the hardest part.
The SM part I can revel in. Hurts so good. I like bondage too. That type of control works smoothly. I am putty in the right hands! Who knew? Not me...

What I need to relax - my internal layer of steel ( um, well, sometimes the steel is more a teary mush because I wish to fully submit, bare my will, but feel helpless) I resist. Sure as hell wish I wouldn't. It is not intentional, but a reflex. I am working on it.

Fine people: Any advice appreciated.
Great thread. Thank you all and best of luck :)
fawne

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Post #: 25

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/21/2006 5:46:52 AM

kneelingatfeet

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline

Hiya,
I wanted to throw my thoughts into the pot on this.
I am slave from my soul, it is a fact that has always been so.
I am currently without a Master/Owner though, and so at this time i am merely a single girl.
Everyone who knows me, be they scene, nilla or family, knows who i am. I dont hide it as slave is me.....hiding it would be like trying to hide the fact that i have freckles.
I do not bow down to all and sundry, but my slave nature loves to make others happy and do nice things for them and i am always aware of others.
slave is always running in my mind, whatever i am doing, whoever i am with.
So, in all my life, i am thoughtful and considerate of others; i help where i can, i open doors, fetch drinks, pass ashtrays, light cigarettes.
I am not a fool, and i can be assertive if i'm in a situation that demands it, but slave is always in my head.
If i'm in a club, bar, cafe where the staff are too busy to clear tables, i'll be up and doing it.
I'd also like to say that when you meet your Dom, if you wish to further develop your submission, He will as a good Dom, help you to do that.
It's not just for subs to nurture their Men, it is also for those Men to guide their subs along the path to where they want to be.
I could write for hours on this.................but mostly i think it comes down to this........be true to yourself.
kneeling at feet

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Post #: 26

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/21/2006 6:15:26 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I have never considered submissiveness to be enacted by doing things for others, certainly not by doing chores. Chores exist and they must be done and everyone has their own chores to do. I do a lot of things for other people, but that doesn't make me submissive, it makes me kind and thoughtful. I am submissive with my man.

I need for him to tell me how to dress to please him. I need for him to tell me how he likes my hair. I need to for him to tell me how he likes his steak, his coffee, etc. I will bathe him and dry him off, if that's what he wants me to do. I need him to tell me what he'd like me to do to his body or what he'd like to do to mine. I need to know when I've pleased him, ("good girl") and when I haven't ("I'm disappointed"). To have it any other way makes me feel neglected, unloved, and unwanted.

I do not have a man in my life at the moment, I haven't had in a long time and it may be a longer time still before I do. That doesn't make me any less submissive, it just means I have no one to share it with. Doing things for others doesn't fulfill that need in me, chores do not fulfill that need in me (you can pick up your own dirty clothes and put them in the hamper, dammit).

I find my submissive qualities useful in my job, I adore my boss and we get along great. He asks and I do. I only question if I have a question of how something should be done, I don't question his judgment. That has paid off well recently, with a 2.00 an hour raise.

However, I am not his submissive and he doesn't make me feel submissive. I just draw from the training I've had to fulfill my job duties with him. I *use* that to achieve an end.

I don't let people past the walls I've erected easily. I'm slow to trust. I definitely do not entertain someone who believes that I should jump because he says he's dominant. He can jump...right up my butt and around the corner!

I am a submissive woman. It's as natural as breathing. But, it's reserved for one person, and one person only.

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Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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Post #: 27

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/21/2006 7:42:28 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline

I'm a switch, but I've realized how submissive I actually am in general. I like to please. I like to help out and be useful. I always ask others' opinions about where they want to go. Unless I'm forced to make the decision, myself, I usually let the other person decide (well unless they want to eat at McDonald's. That's a hard limit!), and I look for ways to be useful.

I just got my first food service job in 12 years. I realize today at work (my 2nd day on the job) that I was looking for things to do, ways to help out, etc. I constantly checked the silverware to make sure there was enough, I would compulsively wipe the counter down, and I leaped to help with various things like a spilled drink. I actually enjoyed making sure the customer was happy. And even though I worked retail before, I just didn't get that feeling as much as I did today.

I also live with elderly relatives (since the Hurricane Katrina ravaged everything) and I am constantly doing things for them. I do the grocery shopping and the laundry plus I am always getting things for them. I do this, of course, because I love them and I know they need the help. But, of course, it's not as exciting as if I was doing this in the context of a D/s relationship, but I still like to make them happy. I want to people to be pleased with me.

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"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

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Post #: 28

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/21/2006 8:50:02 PM

apb

Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I was just thinking about this topic some more. I am in a management position at work, I really think my submissive nature allows me to be a good people person and aides in my abilities to manage. All the feedback I get is that I'm a wonderful person to work for. I've often said on these boards, I'm not submissive to everyone, yet now I'm wondering if thats entirely true...my submissiveness is a strong quality...it does play out in the way I interact.....it can manage and direct as well very effectively.

Wow! Great post - i agree entirely. Most folks i have known for *years* were completely convinced i was the top/domme in any relationship i was in. Plus, i too tend to be in leadership roles in my career (i also teach part-time). i definitely do not sub to just anyone ... but the right person will bring out the natural sub in me.

It took me a long time, but i finally figured out that i have naturally subbed in all my relationships. i love to please ... my Domme and i share a 24/7 D/s relationship. i am her sub in the bedroom, in play, and in general i follow her lead. i do my best to please her in anyway i can - whether it be fetching her a fresh soda, massaging her feet or looking after other subs.

This is not role play - it's my life. And i love it!

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~ apb

"This is who I am - you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me 'cos I'm never gonna' stop."
~ Madonna

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/21/2006 9:57:26 PM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tendergirl

I am submissive to my Dominant, I am not submissive in life.

love from tendergirl

Yep... that about says it right there for me too. I get down right tickled because some read the forums and e-mail me telling me i'm non submissive because of my post on this forum.... and this is the response I give them.... I submit to the one.. not the many...

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/22/2006 3:13:45 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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i am uncollared, so i have to cope with my own real life, with maturity, judgment and occassionally assertiveness. But i admit i am more inclined to personal discipline and find assertiveness harder and harder; it seems to drain me.

candystripper

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/22/2006 3:58:45 PM

Raethepain

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/21/2006
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mmmm... I'm a very outgoing, forceful person in everyday life. However, I love to please people and do things for people, so I guess that's how my submissiveness carries over.

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Post #: 32

RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/22/2006 4:19:40 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
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Submission and the desire to please spills over copiously into my entire life in general. Sometrimes, this can result in being taken advantage of. Most of the time it just makes for an ongoing pleasant quality of life. Yes, i'm the person who says" i'm going to the store need anything?....can i get you a drink....let me help you with that...When i am at a social gathering...i can usually be the one seen "tidying up" Servers in restaurants love me because i pretty much bus my table when i'm done eating., all they have to do is collect the neatly stacked dishes. In short, i like any interlude or interaction with me ,to leave a positive/pleasant imprint on the lives of those around me.
I've often considered myself an approval junkie...luckily...that doesn't extend to doing just ANY thing that ANY body asks/orders.

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/25/2006 1:52:26 PM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

i am submissive to only one person, well of course you must be at work to a degree but i am my own person and not to many people try demanding what i do. Of course i am told that i have a submissive personality wanting to please the world ut i truly only submit to one.

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"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/25/2006 9:42:53 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
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I'm a "pleaser" by nature, but not submissive by nature.

It brings me joy to please people, but since childhood I've either been placed in or chosen leadership roles.

How to tune into your submissive nature 101:

Live in the moment and imagine - how could I pamper this person right now?

Think what can I do - that goes beyond the daily, ordinary stuff, that would be a really cool gesture?

Sometimes it can be as simple as a compliment.

Sometimes, take for example, you overhear a co-worker saying they love tulips, so you go just a little out of your way to surprise them with some on their desk the next morning (anonomous is BEST! they wonder... who?)

It's so much fun...

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/25/2006 11:17:52 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
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P.S. Submission (for me) is about being okay with myself/and not needy so that I can give to another freely... (lack of pride and comfort in giving).

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-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

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RE: A serious question for everyone here - 5/26/2006 6:39:08 AM

piscess

Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
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Submissive is what I am, it does not come out only sexually. Am I submissive in all walks of my life? yes, even when at work and needing to take the dominate role, that is all it is a role that gets me through my day.

piscess

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There is nothing simple about me.

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Post #: 37