Talking about sex...

Talking about sex... (Full Version)

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Bearlee -> Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 1:51:23 PM)
Talking about sex… I like sex. I like anal sex, I like oral sex, I swallow. I’m no prude, is what I’m trying to say. I can talk about anything…HERE…but I have a really hard time discussing personal ‘possibilities’ with someone new. I’m even reluctant to talk on the phone with someone new until I’ve ‘checked them out’ online long enough to know they’re not going to try to cyber me. Sure, I know we’re all adults, and I expect and enjoy sex with the men I date…after a date or two. I can’t say I’m exactly shy, but it’s beginning to feel like it here. So much talk about subbie sluts and all…I know it’s a ‘good thing’; but I find it soooo hard to go there. Anybody else?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 1:58:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee I know it’s a ‘good thing’; but I find it soooo hard to go there. Anybody else? Xander to Willow: If you're big enough to do it, you're big enough to say it. Practice makes perfect here. A few embarassing starts and you'll be as comfortable talking about orgasms and g-spots as you are about the weather. Keep a conscious focus on why you're doing it and how empowering it is for you to comfortably discuss the things you LOVE.

bandit25 -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 2:00:05 PM)
LA is right. I used to have a hard time of it too, but now I don't think a thing of it.

Bearlee -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 2:00:29 PM)
Yeah, but with a near stranger????????? Mostly I'm talking about with someone ya just 'met' here... or perhaps during that first face-to-face.

shyfem -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 2:02:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Talking about sex… I can talk about anything…HERE…but I have a really hard time discussing personal ‘possibilities’ with someone new. I understand Bearlee, I love sex. But when face to face with someone new, onl-line or on the phone I am reluctant and shy about discussing sexual likes/dislikes. I think it is something to do with the anonymity of the internet. Even though you are braver than I am, having posted a pic, there is still some comfort on-line, especially in this setting talking with others. ~shy

apb -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 2:39:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Talking about sex… I like sex. I like anal sex, I like oral sex, I swallow. I’m no prude, is what I’m trying to say. I can talk about anything…HERE…but I have a really hard time discussing personal ‘possibilities’ with someone new. I’m even reluctant to talk on the phone with someone new until I’ve ‘checked them out’ online long enough to know they’re not going to try to cyber me. Sure, I know we’re all adults, and I expect and enjoy sex with the men I date…after a date or two. I can’t say I’m exactly shy, but it’s beginning to feel like it here. So much talk about subbie sluts and all…I know it’s a ‘good thing’; but I find it soooo hard to go there. Anybody else? Actually, i seem to be the opposite ... i am more shy and reserved online than i am in person ... MissTress can testify to this i am sure. i don't do well discussing sex and intimate details of my life online until i really get to know someone. i much prefer one-on-one interaction. That said, i can certainly see where a lot of people are far more forthright and outspoken online than they are in person.

pissdoll -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 2:47:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Yeah, but with a near stranger????????? Mostly I'm talking about with someone ya just 'met' here... or perhaps during that first face-to-face. i don't feel comfortable with it. when a man who is a potential master begins to talk to me, and within a very short period of time wants to discuss explicit sexual details, i shut down and remove myself. asking a few questions is understandable ("does your name mean what i think it means? do you receive?") but when all they want to do is hear sex story after sex story, they are telling me that all they are really interested in is having sex with me and it will lead to nothing more than a one or two night stand. ask me general questions about myself, and in time, if we think we are compatible, we will surely go there (and then some). but when it walks like a troll and quacks like a troll.......

agirl -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 3:04:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Talking about sex… I like sex. I like anal sex, I like oral sex, I swallow. I’m no prude, is what I’m trying to say. I can talk about anything…HERE…but I have a really hard time discussing personal ‘possibilities’ with someone new. I’m even reluctant to talk on the phone with someone new until I’ve ‘checked them out’ online long enough to know they’re not going to try to cyber me. Sure, I know we’re all adults, and I expect and enjoy sex with the men I date…after a date or two. I can’t say I’m exactly shy, but it’s beginning to feel like it here. So much talk about subbie sluts and all…I know it’s a ‘good thing’; but I find it soooo hard to go there. Anybody else? Yes, absolutely. I just accept that I'll never be comfortable speaking about these things. I stutter and stammer and generally squirm.....any new person would need to have the patience of job or be-gone........it wouldn't bother me unduly, either way....lol agirl

CreativeDominant -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 4:05:58 PM)
Not really sure whether or not this question is directed only at other females, or submissives (whatever gender), or everyone. I go back and forth. There are some things that are a bit difficult to discuss. I understand decorum and the way to behave and yet, there is an ornery part of me that likes to tease in a sexual manner, whether I have known the submissive a long time or a short time. Usually, when I speak with someone on the phone or in person, it is usually after having dealt with them through email for awhile. There also comes a time when I want to know if the person I am dealing with is really comfortable with the things they profess or are they someone who has done them, liked doing them, but is still uncomfortable with the idea of them. Are they a "slut" once they are with you or do you have to spend all your time "dom-coaxing" these behaviors out of them? Are they always going to expect you as the dominant to initiate these things or will they, once in awhile, be hungry enough to tell me that they want this...or this...or that...please. All these things help in finding out where a submissive is coming from physically/sexually/BDSM-play wise. I agree that all the other aspects of a relationship are important. I crave emotional intimacy and revel in shared thoughts and dreams. However, having come out of a marriage where physical intimacy had died and all that was left was emotional intimacy and realizing that I am too...shallow? (the ex's term)...for just emotional intimacy, I want to know fairly soon just where the submissive's physical needs and frequencies lie.

twicehappy -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 4:30:09 PM)
. I like just about every kind of sex and will speak about unabashedly in the proper context. But i want to know the person before i get the sexual details first if it is someone i am considering for a partner. My likes and limits are listed so i go on the premise the prospective partner has looked at them. Once i am comfortable that the Dom is not looking for only online or phone sex talk i am perfectly comfortable asking and answering direct questions. If i went so far as to meet someone at that point i consider frank talk about the sexual side of things a necessity. With my owners i can and will discuss anything, but then again i've never been accused of being bashful.

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 6:14:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Yeah, but with a near stranger????????? Mostly I'm talking about with someone ya just 'met' here... or perhaps during that first face-to-face. I am fairly open with just about anyone in know in a joking manner about sex and my sexual prefernces. However, when it comes to first time meets online I try to keep that strictly getting to know them beyond the sexual prefernces or jokes. I don't discuss limits or favorite sexual positions because in my mind those things are irrelevant at this point. Now I get uncomfy and rather annoyed when I add a submissive to my IM and all they want to talk about is sex they get one warning then immediately get deleted and blocked. However, that is simply because I am not focused on the sexual aspects of dominating someone nor am I simply looking for a play partner.

spankmepink11 -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 6:35:11 PM)
I tend to be pretty forthright...and am just as comfortable with conversations about sexuality in general ,as i am with any other subject.

piscess -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 6:43:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Talking about sex… I like sex. I like anal sex, I like oral sex, I swallow. I’m no prude, is what I’m trying to say. I can talk about anything…HERE…but I have a really hard time discussing personal ‘possibilities’ with someone new. I’m even reluctant to talk on the phone with someone new until I’ve ‘checked them out’ online long enough to know they’re not going to try to cyber me. Sure, I know we’re all adults, and I expect and enjoy sex with the men I date…after a date or two. I can’t say I’m exactly shy, but it’s beginning to feel like it here. So much talk about subbie sluts and all…I know it’s a ‘good thing’; but I find it soooo hard to go there. Anybody else? I don't find anything wrong with what you are describing. You first have to feel comfortable with a person if you are anything like me. I do not have a picture posted, do not give out my phone number, and never discuss things that I do not feel comfortable in discussing. Some go away, some stay and get to know me, but I will not be rushed into anything until I am ready. Not sure this helps, but you are absolutely not alone. piscess

Bearlee -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 6:51:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant Not really sure whether or not this question is directed only at other females, or submissives (whatever gender), or everyone. I go back and forth. There are some things that are a bit difficult to discuss. I understand decorum and the way to behave and yet, there is an ornery part of me that likes to tease in a sexual manner, whether I have known the submissive a long time or a short time. Usually, when I speak with someone on the phone or in person, it is usually after having dealt with them through email for awhile. There also comes a time when I want to know if the person I am dealing with is really comfortable with the things they profess or are they someone who has done them, liked doing them, but is still uncomfortable with the idea of them. Are they a "slut" once they are with you or do you have to spend all your time "dom-coaxing" these behaviors out of them? Are they always going to expect you as the dominant to initiate these things or will they, once in awhile, be hungry enough to tell me that they want this...or this...or that...please. All these things help in finding out where a submissive is coming from physically/sexually/BDSM-play wise. I agree that all the other aspects of a relationship are important. I crave emotional intimacy and revel in shared thoughts and dreams. However, having come out of a marriage where physical intimacy had died and all that was left was emotional intimacy and realizing that I am too...shallow? (the ex's term)...for just emotional intimacy, I want to know fairly soon just where the submissive's physical needs and frequencies lie. CD, Sir, I do understand the difference in bantering and out and out cyber. And I love innuendo… but gee, some guys wreck it all with stuff not unlike ‘On yer knees, bitch!” I just cannot abide that… And, I'm curious; are you talking about your marriage of six years ago..or your current breakup when you discuss current events? I want to know the man I submit to...and am slutty with, does not revile my sluttiness for him; but celebrates it in the same way I do.

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 6:58:20 PM)
I think that bringing sex into a first meet right off the bat is in general tacky. Online joking and kidding around are one thing but face to face its important to remember that the person you are meeting isnt a piece of ass, they are someone that could potentially be a partner ( if thats the general idea for the meet) and a little bit of respect for their comfort level sould be exercised. I also feel that it would depend on the people involved. Did you go out for coffee decide to extend the meet to a movie and dinner, etc... The second date decide to have dinner at your house/ the other persons house, end up curling up and watching a movie something.... It depends on the reactions of the people involved if they "click" right off or not. I've found when in doubt of the other persons feelings or "signals" remain on your "best" behavior untill they give you either the go ahead or the good bye. Sex isnt what makes a relationship so for me I feel it can wait if need be, I'm not going to run off because of it. On the flip side of that I'm also not very shy so a sexual discussion isnt going to bother me, as long as I dont get the impression from the other person that they are leading the topic this way in hopes of getting some. ~RS~

forluvofmaria -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 7:08:54 PM)
I love to talk about anything if I want to get to know someone. Knowledge is gained by listening and interreacting with everyone. I am Very comfortable with my own sexuality.I can discuss any topic comfortably. I do believe I can always learn something daily about life in general. We grow old when we forget how to just be curious about everything. Relax and lead the conversation to your topic of comfort.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/19/2006 8:41:26 PM)
It's like going into an adult store and keeping your eyes down and not making eye contact, if you cannot talk about it or admit that you like something then why do it? I walk into the local adult store and do NOT get ID'd any more, I know the managers and the lay out, when they move something I make a comment and they smile among other things. I have seen more than a few youngsters [18 or so] keep their eyes down and not ask questions, it's sad. I LOVE the quote LA used quote: Xander to Willow: If you're big enough to do it, you're big enough to say it. {I see someone knows their Buffy :o) }, it is so true. If you cannot talk about it, then you should not do it. This doesn't mean to start the 'sex talk' immediatly or int he first few emails, but this lifestyle changes the rules, we do start talking about that stuff soon and we get to know our partner's very intimately. My partner knows things about me that would scare off most others, come to think of it, most of my close friends know that sorta stuff, of course, most are into this stuff; but its that intimacy that we have. Learn to talk about sex with your partners, it's like getting use to being naked all the time. The more you it, the more relaxed and confidant you become about it.

agirl -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/20/2006 2:39:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty I LOVE the quote LA used quote: Xander to Willow: If you're big enough to do it, you're big enough to say it. {I see someone knows their Buffy :o) }, it is so true. If you cannot talk about it, then you should not do it. Learn to talk about sex with your partners, it's like getting use to being naked all the time. The more you it, the more relaxed and confidant you become about it. I think that is a rather sweeping statement..there are lots of things that don't come easy to people. Talking explicitly about sex isn't a requirement to enjoy it, desire it or take part in it. People are made up in different ways and some barriers and quirks will always be tricky for some.

Bearlee -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/20/2006 5:03:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty ... This doesn't mean to start the 'sex talk' immediatly or int he first few emails, but this lifestyle changes the rules, we do start talking about that stuff soon and we get to know our partner's very intimately. My partner knows things about me that would scare off most others, come to think of it, most of my close friends know that sorta stuff, of course, most are into this stuff; but its that intimacy that we have. Learn to talk about sex with your partners, it's like getting use to being naked all the time. The more you it, the more relaxed and confidant you become about it. Well yes, but again...I meant NEW ACQUAINTANCES... a prospective partner perhaps...but not yet. You're right, this lifestyle changes the rules I grew up with. Of course, that's one of the draws TO the lifestyle for me, too. For me, I guess, it takes some time to know if he just wants a piece of meat or if, in the ways bdsm...he wants my ass. If that makes any sense at all.

xxmstrchasxx -> RE: Talking about sex... (5/20/2006 7:17:04 AM)
quote: but I have a really hard time discussing personal ‘possibilities’ with someone new. bearlee, I don't know if I am the one to answer this but until a sub and I get to know each other usually we never go into detail about sex and our likes or dislikes. At least not the first time we talk online or offline. You sound like an interesting woman though LOL

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