How do you know?

How do you know? (Full Version)

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eroticangel -> How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:02:11 PM)
i have a general question......How much do you have to prove yourself as a submissive for a Master?...my question arises from this: i am talking to and meeting a new Dom....at our last meeting He wanted to engage in scat play (one of my strong limits) i gagged and moved away, and i was repulsed...and i told sir that...He says it is part of my training before he can decide to own me. I have bben in the lifestyle for 15 years and never heard this, but maybe i haven't talked to as many people as i thought to broaden my horizons...i just wonder...is this normal??

Prunesquallor -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:07:54 PM)
What is normal is to discuss your limits so that you both know what to expect of the relationship before you enter into it. If you are a slave you have to do what you are told - if you are a submissive you are entitled to voice your opinions and retain your limits. IMO, anyway

bandit25 -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:13:46 PM)
I don't know that I completely agree with you. Yes, you discuss your limits and see if you are compatible. If he knows that scat is one of you limits and agrees to respect that, then he was out of line, IMO. I don't necessarily agree that if you are a slave you must do as you are told. Again, if you have discussed this and agreed, then, if he develops an interest in it, you may discuss it again. I don't believe in no limit slavery. but that's just me.

juliaoceania -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:14:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor What is normal is to discuss your limits so that you both know what to expect of the relationship before you enter into it. If you are a slave you have to do what you are told - if you are a submissive you are entitled to voice your opinions and retain your limits. IMO, anyway that is not the way I understand it. For one he does not own her, and slaves are allowed limits to protect their health, and IMO scat play is a health issue. I would ask yourself if you want to be with someone that does not respect your limits? Some like that sort of play, you know, someone that will ignore limits. You have to decide what's right for you. Personally, I wouldn't trust someone that tried to ignore my limits and then blackmailed me emotionally to get me to do their kink. That, to me, is highly disrepectful of me as a human being. Another thing is that if this is a big deal for this person, and you can't go there, then you just might not be suited for that person. I can tell you if a dom told me he was really into scat play, I would run anyhow, figuring this would be expected of me sooner or later if we continued in a dynamic. I can't go there either, and your limit is completely understandable to many people. Like I said, scat play can make a person ill, so it is not an unreasonable limit.

Sab -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:20:13 PM)
quote: i am talking to and meeting a new Dom....at our last meeting He wanted to engage in scat play (one of my strong limits) Not sure of what you mean - but I would say if you have met him you already know, through what you have said, what he is like. If insisting that one of your hard limits you MUST do as part of your teaching/training then I would say hold fire on that one. I do agree with the above that scat play has health issues, and more than that if it isn't for you then a limit is a limit. IMO.

Contesaluv -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:32:00 PM)
You're pretty level headed there juliaoceania. I always enjoy reading your posts and have to concur with what you've said here. I just want to add my favorite line from Shakespeare. "This above all else, to thine ownself be true". If it isn't for you then he isn't for you! Done deal. IMO

pissdoll -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:38:43 PM)
you already know the answer. the warning bells are ringing loudly in your head. do NOT ignore them. they will rarely steer you wrong.

slavejali -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:46:07 PM)
I did some things to prove I was the submissive I said I was...but that was because I met Master online. It wasnt face to face so there were many unknowns. I didnt expect a Dom to come trapsing to the other side of the world not knowing I really did enjoy and would submit to the things I said I would. Example: I pierced myself in front of him on a webcam. With face to face meeting, I dont know if I would do the same thing, I wouldnt see it as necessary...the play aspects would just be an evolution of the relationship once it was established and once agreements had been made. Thinking about limits, they can be so transitory too, like I do things without a blink today that I would have thought extreme, or off limits many years ago. So I dont really see a list of limits as being totally involved in the decision making process for a potential partner. If I was a Dom I would be more looking for a type of personality..that could grow and evolve and change and be adventurous etc...as well as actually be submissive which really comes down to the ability to be "obedient"...and oftentimes the test for that...is in the little things.

TopDominant -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 2:53:43 PM)
Yikes! What's wrong with you girl? He didn't respect your limits? GET OUT.

bridget2 -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 3:01:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TopDominant Yikes! What's wrong with you girl? He didn't respect your limits? GET OUT. It's good to see Dom's posting, and reminding subs that there are limits, regardless...way to go![:D]

Wulfchyld -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 3:08:43 PM)
Being a slave doesn’t give you fewer rights than a submissive. IMO it means you are more willing to serve in a more 24/7 TPE with your only agenda being the pleasure of the "D". Know your limits and stand firm on them. As jali said over time your limits will change.

Nyxalinth2 -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 3:09:06 PM)
You can ALWAYS find someone else. True here just as in the vanilla world. If he wants someone who is into this, and you never will be, and he is on about it, then end it. Life is too short to play with people who are not a good match. Now, there's someone here (a sub I think) who will tell you that you have to do this because you're a sub and blah blah. Maybe in her world, yes. She's the kind of person he needs. You need to find someone who is not into this sort of thing. I don't see why people fuss so much. It's really no different than 'I like X' but my partner doesn't in the vanilla world. You find someone who does, and let your current partner find what they need.

scratchingpost -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 4:01:56 PM)
A hard limit that is disregarded and belittled tells you something about the person... I respect all hard limits because I respect My subs...I push and push to that edge but would never cross the line to do anything to My subs that they expressed was a hard limit. To Me Idefine hard limit as something that would cause them to rather walk away from the relationship than experience it. They might not enjoy everything I do all the time but I make sure to keep their emotional and physical well being first and foremost in My mind at all times.

sublizzie -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 4:12:27 PM)
Perhaps this is his way to drive you away. There is one dom I was talking with who, even though he knew it was a hard limit, insisted that I would be busy with the dogs of one of his friends. I finally figured out it was the way he had chosen to end the relationship so he could blame it on me being a bad sub. Some people just can't be straightforward.

eroticangel -> RE: How do you know? (5/19/2006 5:05:23 PM)
Thank you all for your insight...you told me what i already know...but i guess i just wanted to hear it...thank goodness for a forum like this when you can ask these questions and get others feelings. i do appreciate all the imput.

Veryfewcan -> RE: How do you know? (5/21/2006 7:35:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor What is normal is to discuss your limits so that you both know what to expect of the relationship before you enter into it. If you are a slave you have to do what you are told - if you are a submissive you are entitled to voice your opinions and retain your limits. IMO, anyway This is such a mis-conception about slaves. A slave goes deeper in their submission, but are just as strong as a submissive, if not stronger and they do have hard limits. Stick to your limits until the so called Dom proves himself to be worthy of your submission, then never stray from the hard ones.

feastie -> RE: How do you know? (5/21/2006 7:47:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eroticangel i have a general question......How much do you have to prove yourself as a submissive for a Master?...my question arises from this: i am talking to and meeting a new Dom....at our last meeting He wanted to engage in scat play (one of my strong limits) i gagged and moved away, and i was repulsed...and i told sir that...He says it is part of my training before he can decide to own me. I have bben in the lifestyle for 15 years and never heard this, but maybe i haven't talked to as many people as i thought to broaden my horizons...i just wonder...is this normal?? Plaster a big "L" on his forehead and color him gone. Your limits are your limits and if discussed previously then he accepted them. The fact that he's attempting to break a limit and then dangle it carrot-like in front of you as a requirement of being owned by him speaks volumes. Do you really want to be owned by a person like that?

MHOO314 -> RE: How do you know? (5/21/2006 7:53:42 AM)
IMHEO, He isn't a real Dom--a good Dominant respects hard limits--Me thinks he's more "full of shit" than you may realize---dump Him and move on.

NDulgance -> RE: How do you know? (5/21/2006 8:01:36 AM)
Should someone tell me one of my hard limits is part of my training before he decided to own me would send me a clear message... He's clueless and time for me to move one. Remember ownership and surrender go hand in hand. Do you want an owner who doesn't respect you?

mistoferin -> RE: How do you know? (5/21/2006 8:09:36 AM)
eroticangel....you state that you have been in this lifestyle for 15 years....surely by now you have heard and most likely given advice regarding "Dominants" who will not respect limits.

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