RE: dom vs gentleman.. (Full Version)

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Bearlee -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 7:17:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Being a gentleman and being a dominant are not mutually exclusive of each other, nor does being dominant give one license to excuse his own poor behavior, which many attempt to do.  A jerk is a jerk, whether he's dominant or not.  Actually, having re-read that just now, I'd have to say that being a jerk has nothing to do with being dominant at all, he's just a jerk trying to use something he's not to validate himself.  ...


I would agree; Being in this lifestyle and being polite are not mutually exclusive.  Often times, it seems to me, when people do not really feel the pull to D/s or M/s, but want the kinky sex they think it means, they do a lot of chest-beating, trying to imitate what they believe makes us tick.

In the same way I want to be a slutty, wanton sex machine for my guy...I also know how to be 'polite', when that's what's appropriate.  I would expect the same from any other adult.    YMMV



spankmepink11 -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 7:24:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


In the same way I want to be a slutty, wanton sex machine for my guy...I also know how to be 'polite', when that's what's appropriate.  I would expect the same from any other adult.    YMMV



Being a polite ,slutty, wanton , sex machine  is very rewarding...[;)]



sissysuzee -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 7:49:03 AM)

I love being a submissive sissymaid to a Dominant Gentleman because it adds a wonderful sense of style to the D/s relationship.  The Gentleman in a man helps inspire me to act in a polite, well-behaved, submissive manner and ultimately brings style to both of us.  I feel so good when I can be all dolled-up in my French Maids uniform on my knees in front of a Gentleman.
Submissively,
suzee   



PlayfulOne -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 7:53:38 AM)

Well be raised as a southern gentleman it took me ahwile to reconcile that part of myself with the the sadistic evil side, lol.  There is a proper time and place for everything.  I open doors and act the gentleman with my little one when we are out in public without giving it a second thought.  It doesn't make her any less mine.

K



artglfr -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 7:56:58 AM)

I always open doors in PUBLIC for My girl, usually order for her at restaurants and hardly ever beat her in public(lol).

I am who she wishes to serve and obey so why would I treat her anyway but with Respect.

Good manners are always appropriate.



becca333 -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 8:01:10 AM)

One of the definitions of a true gentleman is a man who always knows the correct way to behave in any situation.

So yes, being a Dom and being a gentleman aren't mutually exclusive, in fact a true gentleman knows exactly when to be a total Dom, and when to pull back a little.

Besides, good manners always add that extra spice to a session, a polite request from a velvet-voiced Dom always gives lovely shivers!



PAVANE -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 8:04:27 AM)

thing is becca333 is 'what is the correct way to behave in any situation'? seriously who decides what is correct or not.



tade -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 9:23:09 AM)

I can be polite as I spank.... LOL



petcerina -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 9:46:33 AM)

Doms need to be gentlemen? When did this rule come about? j/k.  No seriously, He is a gentleman, i just enjoy Him not being one most of the time :) (oh and so does He).



Level -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 11:07:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


In the same way I want to be a slutty, wanton sex machine for my guy...I also know how to be 'polite', when that's what's appropriate.  I would expect the same from any other adult.    YMMV



Being a polite ,slutty, wanton , sex machine  is very rewarding...[;)]


Yes! *applauds and grins*
 
I think the both of you have hit upon something that I used to struggle with long ago. I am an "open the door, say thank you and please" type of person, and I also swear like a sailor, have a "filthy" mind, and a sense of humor that would make Miss Manners stroke out. Took me awhile to reconcile them.



GentelMasterD -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/20/2006 8:04:05 PM)

To me a Dom is first and formost a gentlemen. What I mean by this, is that a gentlemen always is aware of a ladies needs, wants, limatations and has her best intrust in mind!! Now from what I have learned, read, and come to know about a Dom, that is that Doms first and primare duty to a sub or slave. it is Hisduty in  knowing and understanding their needs, wants, limatations, and keeping their best intrust in mind at all times.

    Secondly, a gentleman is always there when a lady needs him, for a gentleman doesn't abandan a lady when she needs him. I also know that this is a Doms secondary duty. A Dom is to be there to guide, teach, and be a strong shoulder, when his sub or slave needs him!!! W/we as Masters and Doms are the ones to set the examle that O/our ladies can relay on. To fail to do this is letting down, and possable do harm to the sub or slave!!!

  Lastly, a gentleman protects and looks out for any and all ladies, to keep them from harms way. This is the third duty of a Dom or Master, espesally on a scene. It it up to U/us to make sure all subs and slaves are not putting themselfs in any harm, or that no one is harming them. W/we are the protecters of not only O/our subs and slaves, but also and other subs and slave that may not have a master. There are many dangers out there for a sub or slave, from inexsperiance to preditors.

  So is a Dom/ Master a gentleman??? I would say that W/we are, and what W/we do withing this lifestyle doesn't keep U/us from preforming O/our duties as a Gentleman. If W/we as Doms and Masters can't do those simple 3 things that every gentleman does, W/we don't belong in the lifestyle. Everything else, as many have said, is up to the person as to what goes on!!!! 

  I do hope this wil. clarafy what a gentleman is and how it does tie into this lifestyle, and U/us as Doms and Masters. Not to leave out the Dommies or Mistesses, but these rules can aply to you ladies as well when it comes to you're subs and slaves!!!



Estring -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/21/2006 12:54:07 AM)

Why would having a dominant nature preclude or supercede a man from being a gentleman? How did that nonsense get started? I consider myself a Dom and a gentleman and see no conflict there.



Wulfchyld -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/21/2006 1:00:25 AM)

Hmmm....My Dad said a true gentleman doesn’t pee in the shower. Guess I am a gentleman Dom.



twicehappy -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/21/2006 3:32:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Hmmm....My Dad said a true gentleman doesn’t pee in the shower. Guess I am a gentleman Dom.


A true Southern gentleman always takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/22/2006 5:57:01 AM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
Links to three discussions on "being a dom and a gentleman"



Strangelove -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/22/2006 6:30:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrMister

... it's far more important to simply be yourself regardless of station.


Most certainly.

quote:

Original: PlayfulOne

Well be raised as a southern gentleman it took me ahwile to reconcile that part of myself with the the sadistic evil side, lol.  There is a proper time and place for everything.  I open doors and act the gentleman with my little one when we are out in public without giving it a second thought.


Some childhood programming is too hard to break. I cannot help but be polite, though I expect the the same in others, and demand it of some. I am often surprised by the reactions of some submissive/slaves I have met, in response to my manners; distain being the most puzzling to my mind. I cannot fathom why a polite, corteous manner precludes a man from being a delightfully sadistic and evil bastard, nor a thoughtful and imaginative domonant. ;)




HalloweenWhite -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/22/2006 9:05:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwblksublilgrl

Should a dominant nature be allowed to surpass  being a real gentleman? What are your thoughts?


I dont think so. I think they can go hand in hand well-look at Cary Grant in "To catch a thief", he's very calm, cool, has a lot of confidence and is quite capable of being in charge. He also has manners, is friendly, thoughtful and doesn't talk down to -anyone- and that includes the ladies he meets-even the thief of the movie.

James Bond on the other hand is arrogant,bullying-the way he gets a woman he's with to get him a drink from the bar in "The living daylights". He's patronising and generally has little or no respect for women, in fact, in one of the early books which says "To james, women were purely for recreation".

So I think the two can go together well.



KennelDeSade2 -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/23/2006 3:53:20 AM)

Hey, it's the girl with the great eyes!

I find it offensive when being dominant is somehow linked with a lack of manners, and disregard for all forms of polite behavior.

Manners are the most visable sign of what degree of self control a person has.  As a top I consider manners as important as any toy or skill I have. 
Those who run things, do not aspire to shed manners as something that the powerful can rid themselves of because they have power.  They have manners because manners are a  protocol for the powerful to interact, and not have to go to war over every slight or misunderstanding. 
Until one shows a mastery of manners, they can lay no claim to mastery of anything of substance.

Since I consider the submission of a slave to be a thing of great value to me, I consider it a minimum of good manners to acknowledge that value by the simple act of opening what doors she may encounter when with me. 

I may take her into a room, strip her bare, and beat her black and blue, but manners require that I open the door for her, as recognition of her service.



yieldingcontrol -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/23/2006 4:41:15 AM)

My take on this is that there is some confusion about being a gentleman and being a dormat.  And this confusion thrives on both sides of the aisle.  I know of some submissives that very early into assessing whether or not a person is "Dominant enough" for them, prefer to be "put in their place" by the Dominant.  When the Dominant (who may be of the ilk that prefers to establish a rapport, followed by trust, etc.) fails to deliver on this expectation, he is then perceived by the submissive, as "not dominant enough" (rolling my eyes here).  This could possibly lead a Dominant to get the impression that submissives prefer a Dominant to not be gentlemanly. 

By the same token, there are some Dominants out there that feel that upon first contact, a submissive should fall to her/his knees and lick boots, and when this little piece of "proof of submissive tendencies" fails to materialize, label the potential sub as "topping from below" (rolling eyes once again).  This could possibly lead a submissive to form the impression that Dominants are rude and don't feel they can be gentleman.

For me, the bottom line is "friendly communication" from both parties to begin with.  No matter what happens, we can all agree to disagree and we might discover we even still have something to talk about.  For me, I would much rather develop a friendship that would show promise of fertile ground with which to entrust the seeds of trust I so possessively protect.  During this phase of friendship, I can get to know my potential "partner" and discover what He/She hopes to find in a submissive and what their likes and dislikes are, and hopefully they are likewise paying attention to the tidbits of information I provide as to what triggers that desire to serve and obey in me. 

For me, in reality, it is the same as vanilla.  Anybody who choses a vanilla mate based on the size of their breasts or penis, is going to find the relationship shortlived anyway, so why would you base your D/s hopes on a single impression?  D/s has given us a blessing that I think we forget sometimes, and that is that there is no facade as to WHY we are here.  We all share one thing in common (the knowledge that this type of relationship and/or encounter is what we desire) and we don't have to hide behind "perceived normalcy" and hope that somehow, someway, someday we can manipulate our partner into satisfying a secret craving we don't feel comfortable discussing.  How lucky are we!!!!



spankmepink11 -> RE: dom vs gentleman.. (5/23/2006 5:11:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level






Yes! *applauds and grins*
 
I think the both of you have hit upon something that I used to struggle with long ago. I am an "open the door, say thank you and please" type of person, and I also swear like a sailor, have a "filthy" mind, and a sense of humor that would make Miss Manners stroke out. Took me awhile to reconcile them.



  feels wonderful doesn't it



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