RE: released

RE: released (Full Version)

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coookie -> RE: released (8/12/2011 2:07:56 PM)
if you are a "process" type kind person: Write a list of all of the expectations, hopes, and dreams you had for this relationship Next dispose of the list~my preferred way is burning~ and release the negative crap with it Finally, rearrange your home. Shake things up. Buy some flowers. This process can take weeks to finish. (mostly it is the first step that is time consuming) Good Luck

Domspaintoy -> RE: released (8/12/2011 5:05:16 PM)
i have been with my Master who is my first and only M/s relationship for almost 6 yrs (this october will be our 6th anniversary) and 3 months after our first anniversary He released me, no real reason for it at that time, and i was devastated because i had invested so much of myself into the relationship, given myself wholly unto Him, there was (and still is) nothing i wouldnt do for Him & His pleasure. So to find myself suddenly on my own was a real struggle, i truely felt breaved and couldnt understand why i felt so alone & empty. He would ask me how i was and it got to a point after a cpl of weeks i had to ask Him not to contact me as i couldnt bear it psyhcologically or emotionally, it ripped me apart everytime He asked me how i was doing. Anyway long story short W/we got back together after 6 or so weeks of hell but i can empathise with the OP because i just didnt know what to do with myself, i swung from being over wrought to couldnt give a fuck attitude, id even tried to rationalise why id never felt so upset after a nilla break up and couldnt. My only advise to the OP would be take every day a day at a time, try not to dwell on whats happened and try to get through the days ahead, i had one friend (at that time, they all know now lol) who knew the nature of my relationship and she was rock solid with her support, she listened and had a ready supply of tissues but also knew when to keep her opinions to herself. Breaking up from a BDSM relationship is so inherrantly different from a nilla relationship there cant be a comparison, not for me anyway. Good Luck hope your feeling bit better, domspaintoy x

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: released (8/12/2011 6:04:38 PM)
quote: He would ask me how i was and it got to a point after a cpl of weeks i had to ask Him not to contact me as i couldnt bear it psyhcologically or emotionally, it ripped me apart everytime He asked me how i was doing. Anyway long story short W/we got back together after 6 or so weeks of hell This sounds to me like he was just messing with you the whole time. The release for no reason, followed by the constant contact to keep him in your mind. Sounds like a major mind fuck to me, and not a very nice one. Sorry you had to go through that. I hope to God I never do.

OsideGirl -> RE: released (8/12/2011 6:07:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Don't self medicate with drugs, booze or bad food. And for God's sake don't cut, color or otherwise mangle your hair....

seekingreality -> RE: released (8/12/2011 7:27:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Candela1 How do you go on after being released? my Owner, past Owner, has released me after a year and a half and i seem to be having some issues with feeling lost and not sure where to begin to put things back together again... If anyone has had this experience and would like to share what had made it easier to move on, it would be very much appreciated. It was my first real D/s/dating relationship and im finding it a bit difficult to pick up the pieces and move on, much more so than any vanilla relationship i've had that had ended. Thanks in advance for all advice I am not sure getting dumped in a BDSM relationship is much different than in a vanilla relationship. In any case, after only a few days, I don't think you can pick up the pieces and move on. It's natural to feel bad. It's natural to grieve. You should try to exercise and do things that give you pleasure, but don't expect to bounce back in a week. You need to accept this will take some time.

Candela1 -> RE: released (8/12/2011 7:33:11 PM)
amazing advice, and thank you to all :)

NuevaVida -> RE: released (8/12/2011 11:44:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Don't self medicate with drugs, booze or bad food. And for God's sake don't cut, color or otherwise mangle your hair.... A past hair stylist of mine said it's super common for women going through terrible break ups to come in and ask for drastic changes to their hair. Not sure what it is about that - maybe it's just trying to control something when everything else seems out of control.

MrSprocket -> RE: released (8/13/2011 12:01:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Don't self medicate with drugs, booze or bad food. And for God's sake don't cut, color or otherwise mangle your hair.... A past hair stylist of mine said it's super common for women going through terrible break ups to come in and ask for drastic changes to their hair. Not sure what it is about that - maybe it's just trying to control something when everything else seems out of control. I shaved my head and gave myself a goatee... Everyone likes to have a bit of control in their lives. If one doesn't. it would seem completely chaotic, wouldn't it? People can only handle pure chaos for a certain period of time.

NuevaVida -> RE: released (8/13/2011 12:11:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrSprocket I shaved my head and gave myself a goatee... Everyone likes to have a bit of control in their lives. If one doesn't. it would seem completely chaotic, wouldn't it? People can only handle pure chaos for a certain period of time. Agreed. When I left my ex husband I got an actual hair style for the first time (wasn't able to when married to him) and colored it, along with blonde highlights in it. Everyone said it looked amazing. I've kept the style but toned the color down. Now it has more of a red tone to it. I think people are advised to not make drastic changes like that during break ups, because many folks regret it later when their feet are back on the ground. But, yanno, then you can just change it back. [:)]

MrSprocket -> RE: released (8/13/2011 12:14:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: MrSprocket I shaved my head and gave myself a goatee... Everyone likes to have a bit of control in their lives. If one doesn't. it would seem completely chaotic, wouldn't it? People can only handle pure chaos for a certain period of time. Agreed. When I left my ex husband I got an actual hair style for the first time (wasn't able to when married to him) and colored it, along with blonde highlights in it. Everyone said it looked amazing. I've kept the style but toned the color down. Now it has more of a red tone to it. I think people are advised to not make drastic changes like that during break ups, because many folks regret it later when their feet are back on the ground. But, yanno, then you can just change it back. [:)] Agreed. If you cut your hair too short, you could make a wig from an animal pelt, right? :P

sunshinemiss -> RE: released (8/13/2011 2:56:12 AM)
Buy new underpants. Yes, get a new hairstyle - it tells you every time you look in the mirror that things ahve changed, and my don't you look gorgeous! Go out for food he wouldn't eat. Buy new sheets. Watch a lot of movies - they are time eaters when things are tough. Take a spinning class - the darkness will allow you to cry privately and the instructor guides you through the whole thing. Take a dance class - salsa, meringue, waltz - there is something wonderful about safe touch and being elegant... plus it's fun to dress up. Buy a new hat - a FABULOUS hat... and sunglasses. Be a movie star. Get a make over. Listen to a lot of Patsy Cline and Etta James if you wanna cry - they are classics for a reason. Get some reggaeton (Daddy Yankee is fabu) for the dance factor. Yell. Garden - a beautiful hibiscus blooming every day is a real gift. Bake bread - the beating of the dough is therapeutic. Volunteer in a soup kitchen. Go to the hardware store to buy milk and think about all the things you couldn't get in your relationship that you needed. Flirt with sexy people and then walk away. Very powerful. Give a brunch for interesting people. Do something that scares you every day. Best wishes and peace to you, sunshine

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: released (8/13/2011 4:02:12 AM)
What a great list, Sunny !! quote: I don't see the difference between "vanilla" and "bdsm" relationships so I'm just going to give you advice on what I have done when relationships ended. The big difference I see in BDSM relationships and vanilla relationships is that BDSM ones tend to have more routine and ritual. My own, which most would consider has very loose control, is full of routine as a couple. (Which is a great deal of the appeal.) It's this lack of routine and ritual that makes the breakup so much harder. It's not just a breakup, it's like trying to give up several routine habits all at once. So yes, I do think it's much harder for the people involved, but most especially the s-type. JMO, YMMV

DarkSteven -> RE: released (8/13/2011 4:14:50 AM)
I just viewed your profile. You'll be pretty intriguing to a lot of men. In other words, this is a period of lull between him and your future Dom. It won't last. Hell, even the butterflies are gorgeous.

littlewonder -> RE: released (8/13/2011 7:50:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Don't self medicate with drugs, booze or bad food. And for God's sake don't cut, color or otherwise mangle your hair.... A past hair stylist of mine said it's super common for women going through terrible break ups to come in and ask for drastic changes to their hair. Not sure what it is about that - maybe it's just trying to control something when everything else seems out of control. When my husband died I let my hair grow ultra long because I couldn't give a shit to even get out of bed let alone cut my hair or even anything else with it. When I broke up with the ex-dom I cut it all off ultra short. The reason for me was that I wanted to be me and not do something because it was for him which was long hair. I decided I wanted to kickstart my life again and it was a start. After awhile though I left it grow out again as I got over him. The longer I was over him the longer my hair got again because my life was not about him anymore and it was my life again. When I was dating a guy right before Master and he disappeared off the planet I again cut my hair short. I'm now still trying to grow it out again even though it's been over 6 years. Sigh...the older I get the harder it is for me to grow my hair so I have a feeling that was the last time my hair will be cut short. It's just taking too damn long now lol.

sexyred1 -> RE: released (8/13/2011 7:58:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Candela1 i want to thank everyone for their replies and great suggestions to get over the hurt. i had been in my relationship with my previous Dom for a year and a half, so i know it will take a bit of time. As well it doesn't help to see "their" profile on here looking to have me replaced already :( This was my first M/s relationship, and that might be another reason why i feel just a bit lost as opposed to any of my vanilla relationships ending. But as the songs says "i will survive".... [:)] Yes, you will survive. Believe me. I was in a 12 year relationship and it should have been only as long as yours. Be very happy that only a year and half was spent with the wrong person. We are stronger than we think we are.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: released (8/13/2011 12:27:27 PM)
Yeah I can remember how devastated I was when my first D/s relationship ended. Give yourself time to heal, sweetie, it's been less than a week. Hugs to you, believe it or not there will come a time when you will wonder how you could have been so upset. Meantime allow yourself to feel the pain but don't wallow in it. #7

OsideGirl -> RE: released (8/13/2011 12:37:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Don't self medicate with drugs, booze or bad food. And for God's sake don't cut, color or otherwise mangle your hair.... A past hair stylist of mine said it's super common for women going through terrible break ups to come in and ask for drastic changes to their hair. Not sure what it is about that - maybe it's just trying to control something when everything else seems out of control. It's that desire for something drastically different and something new. And a lot of times it ends up being something rash and regretted.

coookie -> RE: released (8/13/2011 2:25:13 PM)
It's only hair. It always grows back.

Domspaintoy -> RE: released (8/15/2011 12:16:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather quote: He would ask me how i was and it got to a point after a cpl of weeks i had to ask Him not to contact me as i couldnt bear it psyhcologically or emotionally, it ripped me apart everytime He asked me how i was doing. Anyway long story short W/we got back together after 6 or so weeks of hell This sounds to me like he was just messing with you the whole time. The release for no reason, followed by the constant contact to keep him in your mind. Sounds like a major mind fuck to me, and not a very nice one. Sorry you had to go through that. I hope to God I never do. Yea i did wonder at the time whether it was just a mind fuck but i dont think it was. W/we spent a lot of time discussing O/our relationship before W/we moved forward with it, and the break did do U/us good as W/we are stronger for it, W/we are still together, W/we have O/our ups & downs like most ppl do and i love being with Him, although it reminded me i was perfectly capable without Him lol. I wouldnt like A/anyone else to go through the torment, it isnt pleasant, in O/our case W/we were able to work through it, not E/everyone can or will. domspaintoy x

HannahLynHeather -> RE: released (8/15/2011 12:52:01 PM)
quote: A past hair stylist of mine said it's super common for women going through terrible break ups to come in and ask for drastic changes to their hair. Not sure what it is about that - maybe it's just trying to control something when everything else seems out of control. a break up means a new life. a new life requires a new you. new hair is the easiest way to make a new you, it's obvious to everybody, it's like a flag declaring your new start. and it's a fuck of a lot easier than actually taking a long hard look at yourself and your part in the break up and making changes to yourself.

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