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MistressFire70 -> RE: What to do when the "slave" doesn't care? (12/13/2004 1:32:37 PM)
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It sounds more like two people who are not looking for the same thing out of the relationship. The unfortunate thing is this: we often don't know that we don't want "x" until we have it. Sometimes, it's a trial and error thing.
Declare a "relationship night" or something. Sit face to face and knee to knee and ask each other direct questions. Do NOT point fingers and make your responces reflect HOW you feel, not about what you expect.
For example: The thing you mentioned about her waiting for an explaination before she obeys an order. Here's how you might approach that one:
You: I want to you ask questions when you don't understand things, but when you refuse to even begin a task I've given you, it makes me feel as if you don't trust me. Do you trust me?
her: She will answer "No" or "Yes". If the answer is no, then there's the whole point and you can decide to break the agreement or begin FROM THE BEGINNING again). Let's assume she says Yes.
You: It makes me angry when you do this. It is your intention to make me angry?
her: Yes here is a restart. Let's assume No.
You: I do not understand why you don't accept my leadership. Do you not find me to be a good leader?
And so on and so on. No matter her reaction, you must remain calm and in control of yourself. Ask your questions gently in a soft, caring tone.
By working your way into her behavior in this manner, you'll get to the point. For almost all people, the internal turmoil that creates negative behavior is linked to some sort of fear. We will have two responses to this fear: we will make it happen, thereby making our nightmares come true to torment ourselves or we will run like hell, trying to desperately avoid the fear.
I hope this helps.
Fire
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