My Dom left me and I feel lost (Full Version)

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littlemissub -> My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 8:59:08 PM)

Ok, after a very fast and intense D/s relationship, one of my most substantial, my Dom ends it with me, telling me he is not ready.  He wouldn't tell me much more than that, but he did say something along the lines of "We weren't really serious.  We were just having fun."  Which totally goes against everything he has ever said in the past.  His saying he isn't ready also goes against everything he has said in the past.  I honestly don't know where to go from here.  I want a D/s relationship more than anything in the world.  I know I can never have a vanilla relationship and be happy.  It is such a part of who I am.  But how do I go about finding a new Dom and someone who is ready and can truly lead and guide me thru life?



Wulfchyld -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 9:07:22 PM)

I would sit down and write out the dynamic you are looking for. How intense of relationship you want and what you want that relationship to include. Then go back into your profile, answer all the questions, and post what you are looking for. Make sure anyone you contact or contacts you, understands from the begining what you are wanting.



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 9:10:55 PM)

Thank you Wulf, you're always there to alswer questions.  That was one of the first things I did.  I think I answered them fairly well.  I guess we will see what happens.



LadyHugs -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 9:12:09 PM)

Dear littlemissub,
 
I am so sorry that your Dominant has hit the wall and now finds himself unprepared for the next step.
 
There are always two sides to the story and perhaps he is held back by some form of obligation or frightened to go to the next step.  However, I really must assume it is something that you both didn't bargin for in the beginning and had a change of heart but, delayed until it got to this point.
 
Next step is to grieve what was, then go about finding community support in your area.  Perhaps support and or education group, munch and or conventions.  Start networking.
Start the process all over again.
 
You'll have more experiences now to fall back on and to guide you forward.
 
May you, dear lady, find a good man to be your Dominant in the future.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 9:20:18 PM)

Lady Hugs,

Thank you so much.  I feel like I was very honest from the get-go that I was looking for something that could lead to a ltr.  That I was looking for "The One".  And I was pretty sure he was looking for the same.  But apparently he did get scared off.  I am trying to go thru the healing process right now.  Thank Goodness I have collarme and my Mentor, gloryussub.  She is a godsend.  I didn't find him online or in the community though so I really didn't know how to approach it.  Thank you for the advice.  I am taking as much as possible so I can start over correctly and do it better this next time.




Phoenixandnika -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 9:46:12 PM)

Allow yourself to be sad. Cry, sob, scream, punch your pillow if you need to. One day you will begin to feel slightly better. The day after, and the day after the emotions will begin to subside.Eventually even seeing him within these very forums will not generate any sad feelings.
 
I think the hardest thing in moving on is making sense of the whys. Sometimes you simply have to accept that things happen for a reason even if you or I don't always understand those reasons.
 
Allow yourself to grieve for loss and take your time to breathe and heal before rushing into anything else. It is human nature to want to have someone, to want to feel fulfilled as women, as submissives or dominates. However, remember this it is always better to wait for the right one than to have dozens of the wrong ones simply to fill your immediate need.
 
Through it all love yourself.



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 9:52:04 PM)

You're right Pheonix and Nika, I don't want to rush into anything just for fulfillment for the moment.  thank you.



LadyHugs -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 10:06:58 PM)

Dear littlemissub,
 
If it is of any consequence, as a dominant I often get men who get to the point of hitting that wall and retract and disappear.  Not what we negotiated but, sometimes men do get scared and get cold feet.
 
I suppose it is because they aren't allowed to wear socks when naked. [Teases/winks]
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 10:10:54 PM)

*gasps* socks in bed, eww!  Sub or Domme, that is just something us women should not put up with!



Phoenixandnika -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 10:13:20 PM)

My grandfather used to work cattle.
He used to go to bed every night with his boots on.He did this through 3 wives.
 
*laughs*
 



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 10:23:44 PM)

lol, did he ever wonder why there were 3 wives? lol



Phoenixandnika -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 11:00:24 PM)

*laughs*
 
To me that is the crazy thing he outlived all 3 and never once did I hear any of them complain.
Now me I complain when Phoenix wears anything to bed!



stevepops -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/19/2006 11:25:48 PM)

I 100% agree w/ Phoenixandnika - get it out. Allow yourself to do that.

And you're are already on your way - you made this post.

You got your profile - but I would suggest you change it soon, get rid of the part regarding your past Dom. It's in the past.

You'll be just fine - you have a great smile.

in light
SP



Estring -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 12:53:00 AM)

You are 22 years old. If you are involved with a Dom around your age, chances are, they are not looking for anything serious,



leatherorlace -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 1:08:29 AM)

"Off with his head, I say!". How dare he relent and give into his human frailities, or his wifes demands to drop the play partner, or his bosses insistence that he be available for more bendover services at the office, or maybe he discovered that he is ready to come out of the closet and your clothes weren't the right size or style to define his new persona, or the thought of an extended relationship with just one wasn't for him, or he might have his evenings taken by the gloryhole crew at the local truckstop/pornshop/deli, or he was blowing huge fumes of smoke up your ass and didn't have the nerve to admit it.
   The reasons for hurting another human are myraid in every countrys excuse book, but, I see only weakness in someone that will "play" an eager accolyte and then "burn" her trust at the first sign of her actually accepting the charade as meaningful. Flockin' boydawgs  are a constant and irritating animule that has started to wander closer to the fire, abandoning the anonymous fringes of My chosen lifestyle to sneak in a make another score. Parroting the words of others seems to be a career choice for some and they become very adept at discovering how to address a girls needs or imperatives by relating what she says with what ten others repeated in other groups.
  I detest the charlatans and poseurs, the liars and dishonourable, the cretins that cause emotional harm as readily as they injure.
Gentry



bandit25 -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 1:21:11 AM)

LadyHugs,

Thanks for that relpy.  Although you're not speaking to me, I'm going to take your advice.  It's just what I needed.



LaMalinche -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 3:31:22 AM)

I thought that it was just because men were afraid of the "c" word.

Yep. . . I am picking on the males. . .


I actually do know that females are just as likely to have the same fear.

Best,

LaMalinche




littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 5:17:01 PM)

OK, when you say the "c" work you mean, cunt right?  Or maybe can-cans? or compatibility?



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 5:19:06 PM)

I never date men my age, vanilla or much less, Dom.  I always date older.  I like late late 20's early to mid 30's.



littlemissub -> RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost (5/20/2006 5:21:07 PM)

advice taken.  I will change that ASAP.



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