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What's in a Profile - 10/16/2004 3:22:49 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		Over the past couple weeks i've read a couple threads regarding what should be included in a submissive profile to attract attention. i've also read a few posts discussing what people are here for specifically and of course, there's always the ongoing questions from time to time from submissives looking for advice on how to contact a Domme. Anyway, i got to thinking about my own profile and had a few thoughts and questions.

First, i'd like to ask what people's expectations or intentions are by putting a profile online? Is it to interact with others in the lifestyle (online) or for the specific purpose of meeting people in person? Put another way, how many people consider online BDSM sites to be the best, first place to successfully meet a full-time partner? If you were single and looking, would You come here having high expectations?

i think we all are aware of the inherent problem people face trying to find a partner in this lifestyle. It's not something one can do openly in the vanilla world, so sites such as CollarMe appear to be a solution. But with all the online fantasy players and/or people just looking for play partners, it becomes obvious after a while that it's really not easy at all. Therefore, how seriously do You take online contacts?

This all presupposes that You are seeking a partner in the first place, naturally. When i say partner, i mean a BDSM partner in the same sense as a husband or life companion in the vanilla context. It seems to me this is not something many people are trying to do online. Maybe since the odds of the person living close by are slim, people just don't put much stock into it.

Another thing i was thinking about is the profile itself. i've taken some time and browsed the submissive male profiles to get a sense of what most have to say for themselves. What i've found is not many have very much to say nor do they talk about themselves aside from what they have to offer or are looking for in BDSM. This leads me to believe most are not really looking for a long term relationship, since there's little or no mention of that goal.

What all this tells me is either i'm barking up the wrong tree or taking the concept of meeting someone online too seriously. my own profile is no-nonsense. For a time, i've thought that's turning people off but now i wonder if it even really matters. Anyway, it would be nice to hear what others have to say on the subject. Thank You for taking the time to read.

Sincerely,
anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/16/2004 8:33:45 PM   
ChrisGreen


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline 		The profile provides an opportunity for us to be honest about ourselves, what and who we are, what we want, what we can offer to someone else.

In the off the cuff writing areas what you write allows others to see what kind of character you are portraying and whether or not you doing so, in a manner consistent with telling the truth.

Most profiles fail because the individual has forgotten that they are not just writing up a boring old form, but are producing a document very like a sales or marketing proforma.

There are loads of submissives out there, so what do you have, that all the rest do not?

Remember, dominants are human, they are not in scene all the time, so what do you have to offer in the non-scene times?

Photo make certain it is like the one you have on the email, and avoid anything like a penis.

An intelligent submissive who also happens to do accounts, computers, gardening, electrical installations, plumber, builder, carpenter, furniture maker, DIY, metal worker, machinist, welder, wine waiter, silver service waiter, tailor, masseur, etc.

Quid pro quo.

Regards[image][/image]

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 12:27:38 AM   
MistressZanthia


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline 		boys,
You can put whatever you want in your profiles but as far as attracting attention, I don't browse them to begin with and I don't think a lot of us Dommes do, we get enough mail without generating more ourselves. I don't even bother with the profiles ones on this site as they don't offer enough info I'd be interested usually and the interest list is I don't know what, blah de dah. It seems a fair number of boys here only talk about what they want to do, nothing more. All the personality of a bowl of oatmeal.

People are not checklists. Nor are they activities. What I'd suggest is removing the interests (assuming you are looking for Mistress Right, not a one nighter) and just writing a few things about you personality-wise.

I don't write boys until they've taken the initiative to write me first, I am after all a semi Southern woman and we don't ask men out, we don't call first and we don't wait for them to grow balls, they have to have them to begin with. Even the submissive ones.

When he does write, then I check his profile, if he goes on about what forms of service he's into, yadda yadda... he's already a "do me" boy and a waste of time. If he doesn't bother discussing d/s at all, and simply talks about what kind of person he is he's more likely to get a favorable response from me. I just abhor reading about someone's fantasies when I don't know them enough to even care what they are. So in that sense for me, I'd rather know what kind of man you are first, not sub or slave. Your profile already says "submissive" at the top, why reiterate it over and over again?

Just my thoughts on it. And stop emailing and just ask a woman out on a date like a normal man, all this freakin' hedging over emails is such a waste for everyone involved.



_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to ChrisGreen)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 3:47:03 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		anthrosub,

I have enjoyed your intelligent input on these message boards. Yet I have never contacted you, have I? Like, Zan, I do not browse the profiles. Once in a while I will check the profile of one who has listed Me as a favorite. I never start a correspondence.

I make quite clear what I seek in My profile. I get all sorts of emails that are disrepsectful, "do me", sloppy, careless, and not paying any attention to anything I am seeking. Then I check the profile, and there is nothing there; no photo, no profile, or maybe two sentences and a big grocery list of interests.

I see, so often, "will relocate for the right situation". Well, what makes the right situation? Emailing Me and tying Me up for hours on end in chats? Asking Me question after question about My personal life, My politics, asking for more photos (My photo is already out there, and I am willing to take that risk every day, and have it plastered on the internet. that is Me!) , wanting to call Me? Yes, you will learn things about Me if you ever become My slave, and even before, if things are going well. And I expect that trust to be kept. But I am not going to spill My guts to every tom dickhead who wants to know all about Me. If one is a true sub/slave, then what is all this about? I expect the slave to sell himself to Me. I am looking at your talents (not BDSM), your interests (not BDSM) your intelligence, your willingness, your sincerity, what drives you to answer My profile listing???? I don't want to hear, "yes, Ma'am, but I have to go on vacation first, or I can't transfer My job right now, or I couldn't email because I had a party to go to, or friends in town, or family obligations, or school" and on and on and on. What are you going to do, if W/we decide that there is a compatibility and you have to give much of this up? I understand that people, even subs/slaves, have a life. It is important and necessary. But when that life consistently interferes with the ability to explore a possibility with Me, then I do not consider the applicant to be serious. It is a game, and eventually he may get around to emailing, or making a committment to visit. In the meantime, he is hurt because I do not give him hours of attention whenever it is convenient for him?

The slave is supposed to give Me hours in attention, and in person. I am not online to cater to the sexual fantasies of HNG's. And whether you mean to be that way or not, it is the impression that is left all too often.

There is little in My area in the way of munches and events. I am working at this time to try to establish a reasonable network of serious people here in My area. Yes, I live in a large metro area. But the BDSM community, and the D/s community in particular is very low profile, and there is not a lot of activity out in the open to allow meeting of local subs/slaves. The few places there are have some private parties and are very cliquey and all about rough sex. Well, that is not Me. I am also working out the possibllity of My own fully equipped Studio. Maybe it will work out and maybe it won't. I am a bit busy here! So I place a rather detailed ad online, and I specifically indicate that I am not seeking play partners and I do not do cyber. But I still get the efforts to engage Me in these activities from so many! And then I say, fine!!! If this is what you insist on and whine about, and you expect all the conversation and training and fulfillment of fantasies online, this is what you have to pay Me. And then I am the evil Money Domme who isn't really a true Domina??? Puleeeez!!!!!!!! I work a vanilla business from home. If I don't have time to do that, I don't have any income. Be fair here.

Yes, I get tired of it. So I may seem a bit more abrupt than I should.
I am not looking for you. I expect you to find Me. And when you do, you better have a real reason for Me to even indicate an interest. Because of My business and family, I am discreet. I have been betrayed by a trusted slave before. It is not pleasant.

I am a (part-time) Pro Domina. I state that. If you seek My professional services, then say so. If you seek a live-in position, then I expect you to be ready to make a move to meet Me, and prove to Me that you are worth considering. And I expect you to be reasonable about what a true TPE and 24/7 live-in position means. If you need months of online chat, and still can't make up your mind, then I am sorry, I don't have the time or the inclination.

I agree with Zan. Take Me to dinner. And if you don't live in My area, but you are contacting Me and you are serious about this, then get your butt on a plane. I am tired of hearing how long people have been looking and how ready they are, but they can't even seem to get around to anything concrete. Nobody is really prepared to make that move. I am. Are you??? Don't say you will re-locate when you haven't already thought things out and made a committment in your own heart to actively do so.

Does any of this make sense? I had an appointment to chat with someone overseas, so it is late, and I am tired. I am not directing this at you, anthrosub. It is a general venting here. It is a good topic for discussion, and allows the Mistresses to give their views of what they seek and what they look for. The sad part is, all the guys who should be reading this, are too busy sending the sloppy emails, and they will never even click the mouse and check out the message boards. [/size]

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/17/2004 4:09:00 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 12:35:04 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		i must thank You both (MistressZanthia and GoddessDustyGold) after reading Your replies. Taken together, they provide a wealth of information for a submissive male to consider (if he reads them naturally). Unfortunately as You say, it's unlikely that most will not even see this thread.

i would like to make a few comments though. It's certainly understandable that You would not need to browse profiles in search of a sub as You receive so many unsolicited emails to begin with. But i feel a little disappointed that this is generally the case in spite of the fact.

Maybe it's just my own take on how to meet people online but it seems to me if we are starting from scratch and there's a deeply felt desire to find that right person out there, then both parties would (or should) be making a first effort for no other reason than to achieve contact. i say this because i feel that it's only realistic to be considering what will be involved if two people are going to pursue a relationship in earnest.

GoddessDustyGold mentioned the phrase, "will relocate for the right situation." i think this is actually an intelligent approach. Please indulge me for a moment and consider what might be involved for a submissive male to relocate long distance. Essentially, this person will be turning his life completely upside down at the outset. It's more than likely he will need to find a new job, arrange for a place to live if the Domme is not open to him moving in right away, transferring bank accounts, packing up belongings and moving them cross-country, perhaps selling some belongings (even real estate possibly), and generally planting himself in a completely foreign area.

i've seen Dominant profiles where it's stated that the sub should be prepared to relocate within a month's time if selected and many indicate a probationary period of up to a year. Given what i just described above, i can't imagine making such a move if the receiving Domme isn't openly prepared and willing to assist and work with the sub in making the transition. In spite of our orientation and the lifestyle protocols, life is and will always be bigger than the both of us. To me, the reasonable approach would be to work together from a position of making the ultimate goal happen rather than expect things to be "just so" right from the start.

It almost seems like a double bind...similar to a person applying for a job and told he needs to have experience but how can he get experience if he can't get hired? Here there's the need to get to know each other at least enough to know if there's a reasonable certainty of a good match. Yet how can that be determined if spending time online or on the phone is prohibited? i don't know of many people who would uproot their entire lives just to take a chance and see if there's compatibility. All i'm saying is the circumstances (like it or not) will of necessity dictate our initial behavior until stability is reacquired. Unless the person moving has lots of money, anything less is a pipe dream.

my personal idea for a solution is to get to know each other through online and telephone contact, make a couple trips to meet my prospective Owner, get to know each other's unique situation and work out the details (together) necessary to make the move. After that, the exchange of power can rapidly take place resulting in the sub/slave returning to his rightful place in service. The transition period can be viewed as an "unavoidable delay" so to speak. Both parties would recognize and understand this delay is a time of compromise for both but necessary to achieve the goal.

i realize what i've just described assumes the Domme in question wants me in her service enough to be flexible in getting me at her feet. What i wonder when i think about many of the profiles i've read is how far down the road people look when considering the long term. What about retirement? Old age? i don't think a submissive male with common sense is looking to be treated like a disposable Bic lighter. For me, this is my LIFE i'm talking about...the entire remainder of my life. If i'm going to make such a commitment to serve (which i will do with all my heart), i NEED (not want) to know the person i'm handing myself over to is there for the long haul and all that entails. To me, this is where a Domme's sincerity and integrity become evident.

i guess just like GoddessDustyGold, i'm venting my own situation a bit here...albiet from the opposite side. i do wonder how many other submissive males have a similar take on the circumstances. As a way of closing, i wish to say that i'm extremely sincere in submitting and my only caveat is approaching that goal in a way that ensures success, which is not hedging or playing games at all...just common sense.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 12:58:12 PM   
rwmbk


Posts: 43
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub


GoddessDustyGold mentioned the phrase, "will relocate for the right situation." i think this is actually an intelligent approach. Please indulge me for a moment and consider what might be involved for a submissive male to relocate long distance. Essentially, this person will be turning his life completely upside down at the outset. It's more than likely he will need to find a new job, arrange for a place to live if the Domme is not open to him moving in right away, transferring bank accounts, packing up belongings and moving them cross-country, perhaps selling some belongings (even real estate possibly), and generally planting himself in a completely foreign area.

i've seen Dominant profiles where it's stated that the sub should be prepared to relocate within a month's time if selected and many indicate a probationary period of up to a year. Given what i just described above, i can't imagine making such a move if the receiving Domme isn't openly prepared and willing to assist and work with the sub in making the transition. In spite of our orientation and the lifestyle protocols, life is and will always be bigger than the both of us. To me, the reasonable approach would be to work together from a position of making the ultimate goal happen rather than expect things to be "just so" right from the start.

It almost seems like a double bind...similar to a person applying for a job and told he needs to have experience but how can he get experience if he can't get hired? Here there's the need to get to know each other at least enough to know if there's a reasonable certainty of a good match. Yet how can that be determined if spending time online or on the phone is prohibited? i don't know of many people who would uproot their entire lives just to take a chance and see if there's compatibility. All i'm saying is the circumstances (like it or not) will of necessity dictate our initial behavior until stability is reacquired. Unless the person moving has lots of money, anything less is a pipe dream.

my personal idea for a solution is to get to know each other through online and telephone contact, make a couple trips to meet my prospective Owner, get to know each other's unique situation and work out the details (together) necessary to make the move. After that, the exchange of power can rapidly take place resulting in the sub/slave returning to his rightful place in service. The transition period can be viewed as an "unavoidable delay" so to speak. Both parties would recognize and understand this delay is a time of compromise for both but necessary to achieve the goal.

i realize what i've just described assumes the Domme in question wants me in her service enough to be flexible in getting me at her feet. What i wonder when i think about many of the profiles i've read is how far down the road people look when considering the long term. What about retirement? Old age? i don't think a submissive male with common sense is looking to be treated like a disposable Bic lighter. For me, this is my LIFE i'm talking about...the entire remainder of my life. If i'm going to make such a commitment to serve (which i will do with all my heart), i NEED (not want) to know the person i'm handing myself over to is there for the long haul and all that entails. To me, this is where a Domme's sincerity and integrity become evident.

i guess just like GoddessDustyGold, i'm venting my own situation a bit here...albiet from the opposite side. i do wonder how many other submissive males have a similar take on the circumstances. As a way of closing, i wish to say that i'm extremely sincere in submitting and my only caveat is approaching that goal in a way that ensures success, which is not hedging or playing games at all...just common sense.

anthrosub[/color]


Quite the simular situation here a well. I think you did an excellent job outlining the problems that boil down to trying to serve someone outside of where you live. Speaking from my perspective uprooting my entire life just to take a chance and see if there's compatibility would be really... well dumb. Maybe it's less difficult for someone who dosen't own property, and perhaps is fresh out of school in a starter type of job. Such is just not the case unfortunatly.

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 2:00:26 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

GoddessDustyGold mentioned the phrase, "will relocate for the right situation." i think this is actually an intelligent approach. Please indulge me for a moment and consider what might be involved for a submissive male to relocate long distance. Essentially, this person will be turning his life completely upside down at the outset. It's more than likely he will need to find a new job, arrange for a place to live if the Domme is not open to him moving in right away, transferring bank accounts, packing up belongings and moving them cross-country, perhaps selling some belongings (even real estate possibly), and generally planting himself in a completely foreign area.

i've seen Dominant profiles where it's stated that the sub should be prepared to relocate within a month's time if selected and many indicate a probationary period of up to a year. Given what i just described above, i can't imagine making such a move if the receiving Domme isn't openly prepared and willing to assist and work with the sub in making the transition. In spite of our orientation and the lifestyle protocols, life is and will always be bigger than the both of us. To me, the reasonable approach would be to work together from a position of making the ultimate goal happen rather than expect things to be "just so" right from the start.

anthrosub


I was tired and I was venting. But in answer to your logical argument, I have absolutely no problem with emails, chats and phone calls. I just don't need for them to go on for months and months, while the sub/slave applicant sucks My time and expects constant contact and personal attention. I also strongly wish for at least one personal visit, and two is nice. It is true that you really can't know until you actually meet face to face and spend some time together. If W/we find a compatibility, I am always willing to assist in the location of new employment, and the slave is given a contract and will be living in My household. So, hopefully, that end of a potential problem is solved. I have offered an opportunity to visit many times, and the sub runs like hell. What does this say to Me? you are willing to email and chat but if it gets real, then find all the excuses why you can't come for a visit? They are so sincere and want to be My slave and "serve Me", but when it comes time to follow through, there is no follow through. So I guess they had a good time, and then they whine when I try to cut off relations. Sometimes being a Mistress/Goddess really sucks! It is hard work and bears alot of responsibility which I take very seriously. I am going to be responsible for this slave's physical, emotional, mental and financial well-being. So I really don't want to continue to waste My time with those who just want to chat and begin trying to slip in the cyber.
Just My experience, I guess.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/17/2004 2:07:04 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 3:06:58 PM   
rwmbk


Posts: 43
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I was tired and I was venting. But in answer to your logical argument, I have absolutely no problem with emails, chats and phone calls. I just don't need for them to go on for months and months, while the sub/slave applicant sucks My time and expects constant contact and personal attention. I also strongly wish for at least one personal visit, and two is nice. It is true that you really can't know until you actually meet face to face and spend some time together. If W/we find a compatibility, I am always willing to assist in the location of new employment, and the slave is given a contract and will be living in My household. So, hopefully, that end of a potential problem is solved. I have offered an opportunity to visit many times, and the sub runs like hell. What does this say to Me? you are willing to email and chat but if it gets real, then find all the excuses why you can't come for a visit? They are so sincere and want to be My slave and "serve Me", but when it comes time to follow through, there is no follow through. So I guess they had a good time, and then they whine when I try to cut off relations. Sometimes being a Mistress/Goddess really sucks! It is hard work and bears alot of responsibility which I take very seriously. I am going to be responsible for this slave's physical, emotional, mental and financial well-being. So I really don't want to continue to waste My time with those who just want to chat and begin trying to slip in the cyber.
Just My experience, I guess.


Can't argue this side of it either. At least it sounds like you have a weeding-out system. Giving excuses for one offering to visit seems pretty low to me.

Wouldn't it be grand if all the dominates and submissives all lived in the same area.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 3:32:48 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Oh so grand!!!!!!!! What a concept!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to rwmbk)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 7:25:09 PM   
MistressZanthia


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline 		Well said Dusty. Well said.

Anthro, I hate to say this, but I have to, being the ever blunt one I am.

In reference to your thoughts about turning yourself over to a Domme and possible relocation.

A domme... you didn't say anything along the lines of "moving in with the woman you love or the woman of your dreams... you simply labeled her a "domme". Why is that? I ask because the way you referred to her (though she may not exist now in your world) makes all the difference in how she'll refer to you. If you are simply a submissive and not a man she whom can love also, who wants to share his world with her & vice versa, you probably will be as disposable as a Bic lighter.

I think people really miss the point when seeking LTR's in a D/s situation. I don't want to be loved or only wanted for being a Domme. And when I meet boys, who I might have an interest in, I do my absolute best to show them I am a woman first, with real life concerns and feelings and I am not going to be constantly in a role. When the reality meets the fantasy head on, many walk away, disheartened to find out I am human, I have feelings and I am not about to dehumanize them either.

Looking at a Dominant female and not seeing the caring, loving, tender sides of her that have nothing to do with D/s and everything to do with who she is as a woman... is missing the gem and the cement that would make a relationship with a Dominant female endure the test of time.

I know, because I've been wanting a real relationship... a MARRIAGE with the love of my life, the one man who does see me for me and knows how special I am, and not just a "domme". I want to grow old with this man, and he happens to be submissive, lucky me. Real men who happen to be submissive are as hard to find as real women who are dominant.

Just food for thought. And try dating, not chatting.

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/17/2004 7:51:46 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Mistress Zanthia,
If it wasn't for the fact that i've read many of Your past posts to others on various topics, i would probably be taking what You wrote completely wrong. You do have a certain flare for being blunt, that much is certain.

i used the term "Domme" in the general sense since this is, after all, a BDSM site. Terms of endearment are not vacant from my mind and when the right person is found, she will hear every one of them from the depth of my heart. On this premise, i think much of Your advice is academic for me but let me say quickly here that it's very good advice for other male subs to read.

For the record, my goal is exactly what You describe...to meet a woman and love her for who she is as a human being, not a Domme (that would be foolish to say the least). The D/s aspect of the relationship is simply a venue in addition to all the other ways and means through which i would express my love. It just so happens i'm attracted to strong women and D/s is simply a natural extension of the dynamic that would exist between us.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to MistressZanthia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/19/2004 11:19:42 AM   
MistresKatamaura


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		I get replies to my ad on collarme too much of the time. I am a professional dominant. Don't expect a freebie from one. But do expect them to ask about your motives. I have gotten replies that says I am avaible tomorrow at blah, blah time. Send me your address. I will be at your house.

What I am trying to illustrate it isn't just your profile but HOW you respond to one. You can have a great profile. But there are professional profile writers out there. For me it is what they say in the reply to my ad. The 'do-me's' I tell them they can have a session. The ones that catch my eye, well they better have a plan on why they contacted me. Well, other than to serve me. They should know what that means to them. They also should realize that they can follow vanilla dating rules. Books like 'The Rules' for dating and 'The Rules II' can give them hints on how to date. And of coarse they should have read the new book that was on the Opera Show on dating recently that I think is on the best seller list by now.

I do date as do most single Dominant Women. I have feelings, likes, dislikes and don't want to discuss intimate details of my life with every submissive/slave male that contacts me. Just imagine 20 men contacting you in a day that wants the same thing. Usually what you do when you are serious about someone. Not what the site is about. Just be aware and curtious of those you contact.

Also, be in the same area of the country they are in. I don't know how many from Bucherest, India, Germany, and Sweeden I have had answers from in the past month. But they do out number the ones from my area of the USA. A relationship with a dominant will NOT get you a green card. I have had so many instances of men wanting me to bring them over to the USA. I won't. I think we already have enough rif raf and genuine men in the USA. We just have to find the right ones. Caring boy next door types with enough courage to write heartfelt e-mails will get more notice then the dominate me e-mails with no personal information. I look more towards what they write in an e-mail, than what they write in a profile. Also, pictures, as in G-rated in the profile says more about a person than in an e-mail. I usually pass over profiles with naked pictures in them. If you are willing to put body parts or a full naked body, you either have no self-esteem, or you are a 'do me'. I don't want my submissive/slave to have their picture naked all over the net. It is different if I order nudity when we are out in public sceneing in a club. It is different if the submissive/slave thinks it shows they are 'MORE' of a submissive/slave for doing it or not. It doesn't get you an edge up.

So all that I am saying is step back and try to see what others see when you put something on the net. Make it sincere. Make it simple from your heart.

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/19/2004 11:43:52 AM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		Well, unlike some of the other ladies, I will admit to openly browsing profiles. I generally limit them area to my state, however I will expand it on occassion. If I see a post or comment that interests me or demonstrates a thought process that I find attractive I will often browse the person, and send them a note saying I like what they said of vice versa. As for what I look for, (Specifically written in their profile).. I look to see if it is all about them, which to some degree they should be explained, or does it show to me that they have a firm grip on what the REALITY of Serving consists of. Do they know that some of the more vanilla moments in life can still have a D/s undercurrent. Are they cognizant of the fact that woman have interests outside of D/s. I often tell people I'm not the least bit concerned about being about our D/s compatibility, but more concerned with our daily life compatibility. I am confident in my ability to dominate another in a manner that works for the both of us. What my concerns are is just how well grounded they are in reality, and do they interest me outside of the fact that they are submissive.

It's like the old stereotype of homosexuality ... Not all gay men are attracted to all men. just because I like submissive men, doesn't mean I like ALL men who are submissive. I have to like there personality, and have to share common insights and values with them. Their profile should give me some insight into the many facets of who they are, aside from just being a sex slave. Those are easy to find.. Submissive men with character, and common interests are much more rare.

Ms. Eden

Ms. Eden.

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to MistresKatamaura)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/19/2004 11:56:38 AM   
moonlightweaver


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline 		ok, i'm going to be another that will admit to browsing the profiles. if a Dominant actually takes the time to put thought and insights into themselves in their profile, that alone will keep my attention. that is from my submissive point of view. from the Other side of me, i look at profiles of male subs and notice that some of them are just in it to be a sex toy. it's obvious to me that some of them don't realize, or don't want to, that there is more to the lifestyle than sex. and it annoys the hell out of me that i sometimes speak with Those that all They want to do is a bit of rack 'em and smack 'em...sorry..not this chica. You gotta get to know me before i let You into my brain and my body.

~moon

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/19/2004 2:45:11 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Yes, yes, yes!!! To Maitresse Eden, Mistress Katamaura, and moonlightweaver (what pretty names!). I do not browse the profiles, because I honestly do not have time, and I get enough mail without creating more for Myself, as Mistress Zanthia noted. And I may well be missing the perfect gem out there by not taking the time to do this. My fault is that I have a tendency to believe that if I am contacted, there is the slight possiblity that this one is really for real?? really serious and ready?? In addition, when I look quickly at one that has listed Me as a "Favorite" I often see two lines, or nothing (so many completely blank profiles, but the interests are always checked off to great extent!) and most often, no photo. That's ok. I understand many are shy about posting a photo on a public forum. But I did, and maybe I wouldn't get as much mail, if I didn't. (?????) And please don't ask Me for more photos! I am pretty specific in My profile, but I still get so many emails that have nothing to do with what I am looking for. boys, boys, boys, I don't care that you are willing to do this and that for Me when I can read between the lines, and I know you are probably getting off just by writing the email!
Honestly, I just got one that said "...willing to eat cum while you are with other lovers". Well, good for you. Do I even list "cream pie"?? So I say to that boy, this is your thing...not Mine! hmmmm
Now I am busy and I shouldn't even be here writing this, but I admit, I am weak, I am human, and this is much more fun that paying the bills! LOL Come take care of Me, so I can spend more time on the boards.
Ah, the ones that should be reading this will never be here. But I said that before too...

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/19/2004 8:35:27 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to moonlightweaver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/20/2004 2:54:21 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		i just want to say something here that's become clear to me only recently. It may sound surprising but it never occurred to me that Dominant Females do little, if any browsing of submissive profiles. i can't speak for the Dom/female submissive situation as i'm not a part of that equation. But this revelation is troublesome and disappointing to me.

First let me say i took the time to browse male submissive profiles and it's painfully obvious why this is the case. It appears from what i saw that roughly 85% of the profiles would burn out anyone trying to sift through to find something worth reading and contacting the author. No wonder the Dommes have the attitude they have and who can blame them.

To make matters worse (for male subs), it's common practice for Dommes to expect the sub to initiate contact, they have little time for browsing, or they receive enough emails that there's simply no need. It makes me wonder how many well intentioned males out there know this. i mean, not until one looks at the situation first hand does it all make sense.

This is distressing news i must say and wish there was some way to correct for it. i can only think forcing the profile to be filled out and maybe adding a search flag that detects a sizable amount of text in the profile segment to filter out those that are barely filled out would help. What a fine mess this is. How can communication take place with such a disconnect taking place right under our noses?

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/21/2004 5:10:23 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

This is distressing news i must say and wish there was some way to correct for it.


Anthro,

I did a search for local profiles when I got here originally.

Being from Canada, I cannot search according to my province or city, but I have to get results for my whole country. Moreover, if I set my collarme.com page to show me results for my preference search but here not only do I get profiles of people who are 6 day drive away from me, but I have to limit myself to gender.

Collarme is a free site and I adore it. However, you do get what you pay for. I have my profile up and to be quite honest, I don't go out looking at profiles because at the moment, I have no interest in taking on any more submissives. I have a main boy, a play partner, a sub I mentor online and more recently met a potential. How I juggle all this with everything else is beyond me and besides the point. So the fact that the profile search is weak is to my advantage to be honest. I just want to hang out on the boards really.

If the Powers That Be at Collarme were to make a call for volunteer programmers, perhaps we could devise on a voluntary basis some better search queries or more complex profile forms as well as set up a "match" report like most sites do. I know I have found those helpful on other services.

- LA



_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/21/2004 3:07:47 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Lady Angelika,
Thanks for Your comments. i quite agree. i think my main point in my post was the apparent disconnect that exists. But You are right about CollarMe being a great site just as it is. Finding out after months of thinking Dommes are online looking at profiles only to find out they rarely do so was quite an epiphany!

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What's in a Profile - 10/21/2004 4:19:56 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		anthrosub,
Unfortunately most, and I mean like 95%, of the submissives on this site (and others...ahem!) do not put any thought at all into a profile. I did a search for My state, not worrying about the fact that it is a big state, and some could be several hours away by car. (Points for you to make Me take a second look!) I don't want anyone particularly young, although I don't concern Myself about lack of experience, if the maturity and realism is there. I did this as I felt I should really give a chance and see what is in My area. A big fat Zero. I am sorry this is true, and in spite of the detail in My own profile, I continue to get one liners like "i want to srv u" or "can relocate, see my profile" (which is two lines!) etc. etc. The few that were possibly worthwhile I have already been in correspondence with, and I see they are still searching too. So it does make Me wonder why they contacted Me to begin with. I think I am pretty upfront, and I seem to get a lot who either don't read, or think they can change Me. So I continue to weed, and weed, and weed. Phew!
It is hard for U/us...and I know the "wannabes" and "do me" boys and even the new breed I am naming now as the "you prove it to me" boys make it really hard the the ones who are sincere. On both sides.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/21/2004 4:22:23 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What's in a Profile - 4/5/2007 7:52:12 PM   
msrenee902


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Hi!   i'm new to this site and trying to figure out how to browse profiles.  Yesterday I read one that I was interested in and made a note of it but now I can find no way to find her profie to message her.  Can you steer me in the right direction?  Thanks! 

(in reply to moonlightweaver)
Profile   Post #: 20
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