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seekingreality -> RE: Communication vs. Pleasing (8/17/2011 5:04:51 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tristan
When exchanging power, I think there may be more ways for people to F-up a D/s relationship through miscommunication than there are to F-up a vanilla relationship through similar miscommunication. As a dominant, I know the importance of understanding my partner's thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It is through this understanding that I am able to make decisions that benefit the relationship. Without this understanding, I am likely to make some very bad decisions.
My question is concerning a submissive's desire to please (and thus maybe not fully express his or her thoughts, feelings, and emotions) vs. a submissive's desire to openly and honestly communicate. In any healthy relationship, both partners need to be willing to say and listen to things that may be uncomfortable to you or your partner. I believe if you talk often and openly, most problems are avoided. If you wait until something becomes a serious irritant, then often, a conversation becomes a fight.
My question is directed toward submissives...do you have any conflicts between your desire to please your partner and to communication openly and honestly with your partner knowing that your honesty could be painful at times? If there are conflicts, how do you resolve them? Do dominants have a similar conflict?
I think there are a lot of wrinkles. At the beginning, in the courting process, some subs will say what they think the domme wants to hear. And some subs do that because, even if they say otherwise, they are looking for a quick hookup. Eventually, in anything long lasting, you've got to be yourself. If you just want to keep things at the kinky, get-together-now-and-then-for-fun level (which is OK), you can be more elastic. So, like most things, the answer to this question is a large spectrum depending on what type of relationship you have.
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