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RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 12:50:15 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I dont care if they have experience or not.
I like both.
Experienced ones have a better idea of what they like and dont like,which can be great.
But what is equally as great is seeing the look on the face of someone trying something new.

As far as age....My experiences with 18-25 y/o's has been stressful.
Most just lack maturity,not all mind you.Even some 30 y/o's lack that maturity level.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 21

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 1:00:51 PM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

greetings playful
i do not disagree but many think inexperienced lends to the possibility of deeper feelings, because ,they have not been burned ,callous,by so many before ,and are free to love ;pure

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 22

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 4:39:43 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

In theory I agree with you, but I think it's a matter of how one presents themselves. Many of these newbies come across as if they *do* know what they want ("I'm a twoo slave/Master and seek 24/7 M/s, no posers please!") and then when the rubber hits the road it turns out things aren't what they thought they would be. I've also had the unfortunate experience of becoming involved with someone who had lots of "information/knowledge" but precious little ability. Of course, he didn't tell me that up front, but within about 10 minutes after our first play session started it was startlingly obvious he was right out to lunch. Now if people would just be honest and say "I'm new to this and I think I'd like (insert whatever here)" that's a whole different ball of wax. While someone who chooses to become involved with newbies needs to understand that part of being a newbie is exploring (and maybe not liking things they thought they would) the newbies also have a responsibility to represent themselves accurately. As with so many other things it all comes down to how on represents themselves.

I couldn't agree more MsI. And...what happens to trust when one realizes the person is flying by the seat of their pants? Hey, I don't mind a newbie Dom...as long as he SAYS he's new, is willing to learn and is willing to work with others to expidite that learning. Hey...I wouldn't mind being a crash-dummy for someone with an experienced friend of mine playing mentor.

(in reply to MsIncognito)

Post #: 23

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 6:25:52 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't know why every time I see the beginning of this thread I want to impersonate Sgt Schultz from that ancient television show............." I know NUSSSSINNGGGG!!!"

Forgive me please, I am just in a wayyyyy silly mood this evening.......

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 24

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/20/2006 6:49:30 PM

aleshaDreams

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Well i am an inexperienced submissive that has the complete reversed problem in that i look at the experienced over the unexperienced to guide me. But i don't complain about it, atleast i don't recall complaining about it. Those looking for the inexperienced i think might do so for various reasons:

not wanting damaged goods
not wanting bad habits
a venue to train a submissive to their particular way without the well the last Dom / Master i was with never did it that way
etc.

Perhaps those Dominant types complaining about the inexperienced have not set or made a clear definition of 'inexperience' in their mind. Because one says they are new and inexperienced does not necessarily mean that they are ready to enter the lifestyle. For me it has been several years of inner analysis, not just because today i feel i want to enter the lifestyle, but at the end of the day i am still inexperienced.

I think the complaining Dominant types should clearly define what they feel inexperince is and then start their selection process from there. Just a suggestion, take it or leave it, but really imo something to consider before making complaints.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 25

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 4:40:20 AM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

I have noticed several times recently people who are actively seeking younger or inexperienced submissives, These same people then complain about meeting submissives who are either "not serious" or "do not know what they want".

Isn't part of being inexperienced not really knowing what you want? People often come to this with "ideas" of what they are interested in or how they see themselves interacting. The reality can be vastly different. Some find the fantasy was more appealing , but without exploring how are they to know? We often find out aspects we thought we wanted to partake in that after trying we thought, "maybe I didn't actually like that so much". Then there are the things we thought we wouldn't dare touch afterwards we thought, "Holy Crap I've been missing out".

Mayvbe I am just dense, but the question is how can one go about seeking inexperienced people and then complain when these people act in a manner that echos the fact they are inexperienced? Its a learning path and if you do not have the patience to work thru these bumps with an inexperienced person then maybe one should just leave them alone.

Just my rambling thoughts

K

*whistles* I do believe I pointed this out on another thread the other day... am glad I'm not the only one scratching my chin and going huh? ( or in some cases going

at the complete contradiction these people state)

~RS~

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 26

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 4:54:28 AM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't know why every time I see the beginning of this thread I want to impersonate Sgt Schultz from that ancient television show............." I know NUSSSSINNGGGG!!!"

Forgive me please, I am just in a wayyyyy silly mood this evening.......

LOL LOL LOL Tigress You did not just go there lmao *rolls*

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 27

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 5:13:24 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

In my experience, a lot of male dominants (and I'm speaking of male dominants because I'm not bi and I have zero interest in a female dominant), say they are looking for someone younger and inexperienced for several reasons. One, because a lot of men in my age group are experiencing that mid-life crisis thing and they think younger is better. Makes them seem more virile or something. *rolls eyes*. Some, enjoy the Daddy/daughter dynamic and find it easier with a younger woman, especially if she's had little experience. Still others have a more sadistic bend to their reason, an inexperienced submissive is easier to control and convince a "thing" (whatever it is) is okay or right when maybe it's not. Still others haven't had children and are looking for someone that can have children. LOL...I can still have children...I just don't wanna! (I love them, love my own and adore some others, but I am definitely too old to want to do the diaper thing again.) Others still find a great deal of pleasure in training someone new and inexperienced. But when the shiny wears off, they get bored. The reasons are as myriad as the people.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 28

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 6:07:43 AM

NikkiAnn

Posts: 64
Joined: 5/7/2006
From: Redford, MI (near Detroit)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Then there are the things we thought we wouldn't dare touch afterwards we thought, "Holy Crap I've been missing out".

Just my rambling thoughts

K

I have always been sub but I felt I was a whimp for pain. I had a bad first experience with my ex-wife years ago. I wanted to find out about pain of being spanked or flogged. She used used a belt and just started swinging at my A**.. well that lasted 5 or 6 swings beforer I was shouting to stop. I thought I couldn't handle pain. Recently I attended a BDSM party and went looking to get tied up as I really like bondage and public humiliation. I met a great Mistress there and after some great converstion and watching people being tied to X-frames and being whipped, she asked if I would do a session with her. My first impulse was to say no thanks. But I was really starting to like her and felt comfortable after talking with her (and a couple of drinks may have helped) I said OK. I guess I was curious to try it again. She took me on the stage, took off my clothes, except for thong, and tied me to a frame and blindfolded me. I was wondering what I had got myself into. Well I am sure glad I accepted her invitation, (or maybe not, since now I am hooked on pain), I had a great life changing experience, she mixed pain and pleasure and gradually built up the intensity until I was way beyond what I ever imagined my tolerance to be. I never knew pain and pleasure could be mixed until you couldn't tell the difference! I found out what subspace meant and I found out what endorphins can do! Now I find I can hardly wait for another session, its all I think about, I am truly hooked on pain. I found the term pain slut in these forums and from the definition I guess I have become a pain slut. I hope to begin a M/s relationship with this woman. It goes way beyond the M/s relationship too on so many different levels. I was new to this, a beginner with a bad first experience and if I hadn't tried it one more time I may never found out how much I enjoy it. I am grateful to Mistress for having the patience with a beginner and show me what a session could really be like. I hope the Mistresses and Masters can have the same patience with newbies and explore their limits to test and see if they are true sub/slave material. It may bring more people into the BDSM lifestyle.

Submissively,
Nikki Ann

_____________________________

DANCE as though no one is watching,
LOVE as though you have never been hurt before,
SING as though no one can hear you,
LIVE as though heaven is on earth.--Souza

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 29

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 8:13:03 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I'm open to having novices, as well as the more experienced. What I'm not open to is someone who misrepresents him/herself as sincere and serious about learning the lifestyle, but is really just seeking kinky sex. I think one can be inexperienced and new to the lifestyle, but still have some sort of idea of what they are after, based on their general personality, and different things they've read or seen, but haven't yet experienced. Most people know if they are seeking just sex, or casual play or a relationship. They may not understand all the different types of play available, or the different dynamics in different relationship settings, but they state their intentions clearly and don't misrepresent themselves.

It's comparible to a college freshman to me. They may know they want to go into social sciences, but they haven't honed down which specific field. They do know however, that they aren't seeking out a math or art degree, so they don't expect their social science courses to be laden with mathematic equations and water-colors. If someone inexperienced comes to me representing him/herself as someone who likes the idea of high protocol and total power exchange, I expect that they won't want to be focusing on strap-ons and queening.

I find it difficult to conceive that anyone just wanders into the lifestyle not knowing a general direction of interest. Something drew them into the lifestyle in the first place. Either they like being tied up in bed, or they enjoy pleasing others, or they feel they are a natural follower rather than leader, or they get off best with pantyhose tied around their heads.... *something* drew them here. Something piqued their interest and they delved into that interest at least enough to "get into the community" far enough that we met and started interacting. If they claim that interest was piqued because they adore "women in charge" but then later their tone changes to "women on top in the bedroom", it's a red flag to me that they were probably lying in the first place and trying to manipulate me. That scenario is a far cry different than someone who adores "women in charge" but try situations with "women in charge" (TPE, 2 owners, higher protocol, lower protocol, poly, etc) and find they like or dislike particular dynamics.

I understand that people's interests change. Even those college freshman might change their major. But there's a difference in someone's interests changing over time, and someone misrepresenting their interests in the first place. It's the latter that I 'complain' about when I say I get tired of being approached by newbies who aren't serious.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to NikkiAnn)

Post #: 30

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 9:24:25 AM

NikkiAnn

Posts: 64
Joined: 5/7/2006
From: Redford, MI (near Detroit)
Status: offline

I have a relationship as my number one priority, then service followed by play, sex comes last for me. I enjoy it but its just not a priority for me at all'
Submissively,
Nikki Ann

_____________________________

DANCE as though no one is watching,
LOVE as though you have never been hurt before,
SING as though no one can hear you,
LIVE as though heaven is on earth.--Souza

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 31

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 9:26:25 AM

NikkiAnn

Posts: 64
Joined: 5/7/2006
From: Redford, MI (near Detroit)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66

I dont care if they have experience or not.
I like both.
Experienced ones have a better idea of what they like and dont like,which can be great.
But what is equally as great is seeing the look on the face of someone trying something new.

As far as age....My experiences with 18-25 y/o's has been stressful.
Most just lack maturity,not all mind you.Even some 30 y/o's lack that maturity level.

Hmmmm, I guess being a beginner over 50 makes me rather desireable as a sub then..... LOL

At least I have a very good idea what I am looking for in a D/s relationship ;)

Nikki Ann

< Message edited by NikkiAnn -- 5/21/2006 9:35:07 AM >

_____________________________

DANCE as though no one is watching,
LOVE as though you have never been hurt before,
SING as though no one can hear you,
LIVE as though heaven is on earth.--Souza

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 32

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 10:34:23 AM

shyfem

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

As someone that is still very new, I feel I have a pretty good idea on what I want and do not want. I have never run across profiles that said "novice only". But many that were open to novices.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
Something drew them into the lifestyle in the first place. Either they like being tied up in bed, or they enjoy pleasing others, or they feel they are a natural follower rather than leader, *something* drew them here.

Yes, Yes and yes

There are quite a few things that I would like to try, some I may like, others not so much. I came across this rather expansive list on BDSM activities on Castlerealm, I downloaded it and went about filling it out. But I found there was a catagory that I wanted to add, because the list gave the options of trying it or not and if you had tried it what level 0-5 did you enjoy. I felt there should be a curious catagory to, so I added it for my own personal list.

On a similar note to ads looking for Novice Only, I have run across one profile that said "no subs that had been collared more than 6x's and none that had ever been collared by a Domme". (This was a male Dom searching for fem sub's).
It left me wondering as well, maybe it should be a topic of another post, not sure.

~shy

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 33

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 1:56:43 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

Level of experience is not all that important to me. It is in their willingness and sincere desire to learn, be taught and trained in the art of submission. Much of what is going to be expected should be covered in chat and even elaborated on there. That way there are so very few questions and hesitations. Soon it is our committiment to the pleasures and our dynamic at hand that take over and it can become almost seemless rather than any concern over either's experience.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 34

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/21/2006 4:04:53 PM

MoonGoddessIsis

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I would have to agree with much of what is being said here. It does not bother Me to have someone who has little experience, but in knowing that I have to adjust Myself accordingly.

You have to learn somewhere I suppose.

Lady Moon

_____________________________

"Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before"

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 35

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/22/2006 6:13:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

IMO the ones who specifically write to complain (not to vent, not to get actual information, but just the straight up complaints) are ones who don't really have good relationship skills and understanding themselves. They tend to set themselves up to fail.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 36

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/25/2006 7:01:08 PM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

i have found that most (real) Dominants will take the time and effort to train someone the way They want them. Some like the inexperience so they are not having to retrain what someone else has taught them.

Then we have your players who prey on the inexperienced just because they think he/she is going to be their own personal doormat.

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 37

RE: Inexperienced People - 5/25/2006 8:17:58 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

I might be inexperienced, but for the most part I know what I want.

I think many dominants are attracted to the novice submissive the same way an experienced man is attracted to the young virgin.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 38

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