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Padriag -> RE: Bad Habit Breaking (5/20/2006 1:22:39 PM)
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Interesting questions.
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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
1) Would you (have you) demanded a sub lose weight or some other bad habit to either gain your commitment to her or to keep it?
Yes. Actually I can be quite particular about habits, including forms of etiquette, protocols, etc. I use dress codes and other "rule sets" for various situations which outline exactly what I expect under various circumstances. I will not even consider a relationship with someone who smokes, uses drugs or is an alcoholic (or heavy drinker). Minor weight problems I will work with, major ones I will not accept (if she's 10-15 lbs overweight I can work that off her, if she's 50 or more overweight, that's not something I am personally willing to work with).
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2) If you would (or have) demanded a sub lose weight, quit smoking, quit drinking, do you have the same problem yourself?
Don't have these problems. I'm allergic to tobacco (highly allergic in fact) so naturally I do not and never have smoked. I also physically cannot tolerate it so its not open to negotiation either. I never get drunk, never cared for it. Someone who makes a habit of getting drunk will quickly begin to annoy me and that would have to be corrected. As for weight, if anything I'm too skinny and need to gain weight, which is one reason I ask potential slaves if they can cook. FEED ME! LOL I can't recall asking a submissive to break a bad habit that I had myself, but it is not something I would consider in my decisin for her to break the habit. If her habit seriously annoys me then I want it changed before I will consider a relationship, period. If she isn't willing, I mark it off as a bad match and move on.
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3) Would you lead by example if you expected your sub to quit a bad habit such as overeating by exercising with the sub or eating the same low cal food as the sub? Would you quit smoking if you demanded your sub quit?
I often lead by example, its a very effective form of leadership, but its not the only way to do things. If I require her to exercise I may act as a personal trainer, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go through the same routine. If I want her to say, learn to dance for me, doesn't mean I'm going to take lessons myself. If I insist she go back to school, doesn't mean I'm going to go back myself.
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4) Do you think it is ok to demand that the sub quits the same bad habits that you have? (like smoking, overeating, drinking?) When you are not prepared to do it yourself, do you think a dominant should lead by example?
As I said, leading by example is very effective, but it isn't always appropriate. In your examples you focused on three very common examples, smoking, overeating and drinking. Leadership by example might be appropriate in those cases, but let's broaden the idea and see what happens when we apply it to other areas. For example, should a dominant only demand a slave accept being flogged if he's willing to be flogged himself first? Does he have to scrub the toilet before he can order her to do it? Does he have to give a guy a blow job before he can demand she give him one? Doesn't work so well in those cases. In fact, some of it seems silly and very "undomly". So if it doesn't apply in those cases, then we can't say it applies all the time. Leadership by example is not alway necessary, I'll even go so far as to say its never necessary even though at times it is more effective. But being more effective isn't the same as being necessary.
In other words, while it may be more effective for a dominant to lose weight himself first before (or at the same time) demanding it of a submissive, it isn't necessary. The fact is that D/s relationships are inherently "unfair" in that the dominant does have the right to ask the submissive to do somethings they will not do themselves. How far that "right" extends depends on the individual relationship. One might reasonably expect a master / slave relationship to extend further in what the master can demand than say a dom / sub relationship (particularly if the D/s relationship is limited only to the bedroom).
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