Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (Full Version)

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texasgal -> Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 5:55:41 PM)

This is going to sound a little pathetic…but here it goes.
 
I am a single lady. I have been into spanking for many years. As a matter of fact, I’ve discovered that I’m a bedroom submissive.
I really like and need to be dominated by a strong man. It turns me on. To a lesser degree, I’m a lifestyle submissive. I want a man that will act as head of the house and lovingly set rules and limits for me. I also need real domestic discipline.
 
A few weeks ago…I visited a porn site that caters to the desires of submissive women. I’ve watched quite a few of the videos.
The men are incredibly sexy. They are strong, firm, loving, and powerful. The sexual things they do to their women blow my mind.
I want to live in their world. I crave it.
 
This is my problem…I think I’ve fallen in love in one of the male porn stars on the sight. Keep in mind, I’ve never met this particular man and probably never will. He is a porn star for crying out loud! I’ll never be able to have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship with him. And yet I’m becoming obsessed with him.
 
Part of me wants to let go of him and met a ‘real’ person that I can have a relationship with. But the chances of meeting a loving, kind, firm, intelligent and attractive dominate man are very slim.  So why not live in a fantasy world with ‘my porn star’.
 
I’m having a hard time seeing this clearly and I need a good dose of common sense.
 
If you have ever been in a similar situation…please share.
 
Or if you have no idea what I’m talking about but still have advice…please share as well.
 
Thanks
 
 
 



jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 6:06:12 PM)

TEXAS GAL
PORN STARS ARE HUMAN TOO ,AND ACCESSABLE, IF YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF KNOWN ,AND AVAILABLE ,NOT HARD TO FIND ,AND GIVE HIM EVERY OP., TO FIND YOU EASY ;DOWN TO YOUR "STAGE- NAME", SO THERE'S NO CHANCE YELLOW PAGES HAS ANOTHER, WITH THAT PARTICULAR NAME IN THE AREA ,THEN IT'S, NOT SO UNREALISTIC,
NEITHER IS A KIND ;SENSITIVE; GENTLE ;UNDERSTANDING ;SEXY ;TOP ;I THOT YOU WERE GENUINELY FUNNY ,WHEN YOU SAID CHANCES ARE SLIM; FINDING THE REAL THING;
YOU ARE FUNNY!



Clothespingirl -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 6:08:24 PM)

Hey,  I guess it depends on how obsessed you are.  If you're still able to work and take care of your responsibilities, then why not wallow in it for a while?  The obsession will burn itself out soon enough.

But I wonder why you're not able to meet anyone.  Have you had much real experience?  I've only had a little myself, but I've found that having an actual man, even if he's not a porn star <grin>, is enough to blow away quite a few cobwebs!  Reality is very grounding.

Do you visit the Spanking Den?  Bethie, who runs it, can give you sensible advice about how to meet people. http://www.spankingden.com

And try Taken in Hand.  It's a very down-to-earth site about male-dominated relationships. http://www.takeninhand.com



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 6:08:50 PM)

The possibility of meeting someone not a porn star is higher
than being able to meet the porn star.

I personally would keep My fantasy a fantasy,and concentrate on finding  a
person more attainable.



talibahh -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 6:24:51 PM)

First of all texasgal, welcome to the boards.
 
In my humble opinion, its great you have recognised and acknowledged your submissiveness.
 
And its easy to attach yourself emotionally to someone you find attractive, when you are single (and i presume), lonely. i believe you have made the first step in combating this, as you have both recognised for yourself that it IS a fantasy, and have sought advice, which makes me believe that you do want answers in over-coming this.
 
my humble advice is this... dont lose sight of the fact that what you are currently enjoying with this online porn star, IS JUST FANTASY (and theres nothing wrong with fantasies), and if you are genuine and truly seek a real time D/s relationship, then i would spend less time watching the site you are referring to, and more time here, reading the boards, learning, growing, getting to know REAL people in the lifestyle, making friends... and you just never know... maybe even meet a REAL life Dominant and live *happily ever after* for REAL... (as *ever after* as this unpredicatable life we live can be...). But you have more chances of meeting a Dominant here, in real life, than you do watching a porn site, and along the way, you just might make some wonderful friends...
 
Also, after further thought...
 
You say *part of me wants to let him go and meet a real person that i can have a relationship with*... perhaps you are still a bit overcome by the prospect of experiencing D/s in real life?... are a little nervous and shy about going to the next level?... only you can decide if its time to do this, and when. But DONT rush into it... take your time. Another great reason to spend time here, reading the boards, learning more about the lifestyle... and WHEN you are ready... look for the right Dom for you, who should be understanding to your needs and concerns as a newbie.
 
You say *the chances of meeting a loving, kind, firm, intelligent and attractive Dom are very slim*... well honey... they are a lot slimer on a porn site, than they would be here. i cant promise you that you will meet *Mr Wonderful* here, or say how long it may or may not take... but you do have more chances of meeting a REAL Dom here, and if you choose wisely, He will be wonderful for you.
 
smiles and wishes you the best...
tali [:)]



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 6:28:29 PM)

Well, maybe you can use this attraction in a small way within your life,such as figure out what it is that blows you away about him?and then possibly incorporate this into what it is you seek..not the fantasy part mind you,because at the end of  a day we still have to deal with our realities.(even your porn star)..but the tangible things may help you to figure out what it is that you find appealing....and then get out and find a man that encompasses, realistically speaking ,some of those qualities..You will find I am sure the reality, maybe not so fantasmical ,but definitely much more satisfying..be well Tempting



texasgal -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 7:50:59 PM)

Thanks everyone for the thoughts.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 9:56:18 PM)

Is it really impossible to send him a fan letter?  You're going to have trouble letting go of this obsession before you've tried everything within your power to get him.



slavejali -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/20/2006 11:54:23 PM)

I always tell Master he coulda made his millions being a porn star.... *grin*



mastrcmmdr -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 12:07:51 AM)

You need to remember that you are having a fantasy about a fantasy. What you see on the screen may have nothing at all to do with the real person except basic appearance...even the details of appearance may be an illusion.

Keep your fantasies and explore them, but the porn world is no more real than Hollywood, and holding out hope for what you see on the screen can only delay finding what you want in the real world.



Wulfchyld -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 12:20:36 AM)

I see very little that prohibits you from finding a match here with the exception of monogamy. Is part of the fascination watching him Dom other women?


Let us not forget he is an actor.



Estring -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 12:50:34 AM)

Living in your fantasy world with your porno star is so much easier than actually living in the real world with a real man. You are right that your chances of meeting a loving, kind, firm, intelligent, and attractive Dominant are very slim, because you are too busy fantisizing over a porno star. But then again, that may be exactly how you want it.



LaMalinche -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 1:09:06 AM)

Hmm . . . could it be that you are somehow reluctant to enter into a r/l D/s relationship?  The porn star is not easily accessable and so therefore does not create the threat that an relationship could.

But hey, you should have some fun with it anyway.

Best,

LaMalinche




Sab -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 2:09:28 AM)

You all miss the real question about this - who was the porn star, ffs!? [&:]



mastersayed -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 2:42:48 AM)

trust me there are lots of men fitting your discription. If you find somebody that has these qualities but is a vanilla then do what my slave did to me and bring them in the lifestyle.



ehlovindom -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 7:35:09 AM)

I am going to bet that texas gal has had her mailbox overflowing with offers from Collarme "porn stars" ready and willing to help her live her fantasy!

Seriously texasgal, it is one thing to fantasize about something/someone, it is another thing to have it control your life to the extent that you can't function and have a r/l relationship. You write that
quote:

But the chances of meeting a loving, kind, firm, intelligent and attractive dominate man are very slim.

which will make it extremely difficult for you to ever meet someone in real life. The movies you watched are fantasies, all the "good stuff" with none of the regular everyday aspects of life. This porn star looks great to you on film but will you feel the same way when he hasn't shaven or showered for 5 days to use a simplistic example. You have to realize that what takes place in these films doesn't happen 24/7! As much as we might joke with each other that we wish such things could happen, our brains, never mind our bodies couldn't put up with such stimulation on a constant basis. Perhaps being relatively new to discovering this about yourself, you have embraced this a bit too strongly. Nothing wrong with that, it happens to many people and in some ways, you might be better off that you weren't one of those who went running after the first Dom who spoke with you and were collared within 24 hours. This may be a rather silly thing to do but why not take a walk to a crowded mall/market/public area one sunny afternoon. Buy yourself a nice coffee or tea and look at all the men you see, ALL of them, tall, short, fat, skinny, bearded, bald, etc. Then try to envision which ones might be dominant and which ones might be submissive. Try to relate these to which characteristics are attractive to you and then to those that you see in this porn star. I doubt that many of these men will match up to the porn star but I think you may find that some of those things that you find attractive in men and in dominant men to these strangers and by looking at them in this light, it may allow you to see that could eventually find what you are looking for.



iliv2servher -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 8:25:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texasgal

This is my problem…I think I’ve fallen in love in one of the male porn stars on the sight. Keep in mind, I’ve never met this particular man and probably never will. He is a porn star for crying out loud! I’ll never be able to have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship with him. And yet I’m becoming obsessed with him.

 


First of all, we all have fantasies about movie actors.  Even married people who live each other can be attracted to somone on the big screen.  It's normal behavior.  Your "obscession" with this porn star might be something of a "teenage crush."  It may, in fact, be your first visual exposure that comes closest to your fantasies.  Whether or not this is an obscession, you need to get out into the real world and meet other people.



Proprietrix -> RE: Submissive Lady needs Advice...pls ro (5/21/2006 8:53:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texasgal 
This is my problem…I think I’ve fallen in love in one of the male porn stars on the sight. Keep in mind, I’ve never met this particular man and probably never will. He is a porn star for crying out loud! I’ll never be able to have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship with him. And yet I’m becoming obsessed with him.


I can't take this any more seriously than I could take a male submissive saying he was in love with a porn star Dominatrix. To which my advice would be, let go of the fantasy and get into reality. There's nothing healthy about trying to pursue an unrealistic stereotype and it just sets yourself and your future partners up for failure and disappointment. You'll see the Dominant ladies on here daily combatting the stereotypes male submissives set up via online fantasy characters. It simply doesn't exist in reality and pursuing it has done nothing positive for the submissives or the Dominants who are trying to live out realistic dynamics in the lifestyle.



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