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Iamsemisweet -> RE: Separate vacations (8/29/2011 11:46:36 AM)
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Good point on the baggage, but it isn't as easy as you think to let go of all that. His long term marriage also ended, and I wonder how much of it had to do with having such separate interests. As for my profile, well, I thought I had made it abundantly clear that I wasn't looking anymore, but good point, I will change it again. IN answer to whether Pretty Vanilla is going to be enough, yep, I think so. He has enough of the other qualities I am looking for that I am willing to work pretty hard on the dominant aspects with him. Interesting person, smart, great job, responsible, close to his family, loves the outdoors, I can go on and on.
I think maybe what I am not making clear is that I don't want hobbies or whatever to fill the time when he is gone, I want to be with him during my leisure time and his, we are apart enough because of work and living circumstances. I already have hobbies. Walk? Keep breathing? Umm, it isn't like I sat around on my ass this weekend feeling sad, watching bad movies and listening to Randy Newman songs, I ran in the Hood to Coast relay race. So what? I still feel the way I do. If running 15 miles and not sleeping for 36 hours is not going to get my mind off it, nothing is.
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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
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ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
I was married for 20 years, and my ex and I mostly took separate vacations, because we had very different interests. Also, I really liked being home when he wasn't there. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if we hadn't done that.
So now I am seeing a man that I really enjoy being with. He is pretty vanilla, but openminded, and we have lots in common. He is currently away on a long range sport fishing trip, and I am really struggling with him not being around for 10 days. He has another trip scheduled in November for 3 weeks, and he goes on both these trips annually. These two trips wee scheduled before we even met.
The question is, I am getting kind of upset about him being away so much. Am I wrong in not wanting him to go, and telling him that?
First, let go of the baggage. It's heavy and not serving you well. This guy isn't your ex so quit making him carry your insecurity. Second, your profile lists that you are only seeking friends but the context of the profile itself makes it seem like you are still looking for a dominant partner. Is Mr. "Pretty Vanilla" going to be enough for what it is you 'know' you want? That's just something to think about.
You are in the blush of a new relationship, so it's pretty normal to want to spend a lot of your time around him. I'm in that phase myself. [:D] It's only been 15 years so I'm thinking in another 15 or 20 or so, I'll probably not want to spend all my time with him. That said, unless and until you are happy and comfortable in your own company doesn't it seem like you're putting a lot of pressure on Mr. Pretty Vanilla to provide to you what you aren't providing to yourself already?
Ten days and you are already worrying about something in the future .. something which hasn't even happened yet because of what you feel 'right now'. Hell, Mr. Pretty Vanilla might not be in your life in four months, so quit worrying about what you 'might' feel at that time and work on getting through the next ten days.
Keep breathing, get into some of the hobbies you've always enjoyed, go see a stupid movie, listen to a Randy Newman song, work, walk, whatever.. you know.. the stuff you did before you met him. When you get in those moments where you are just feeling overwhelmed, breath through them, get through *that* moment and if you need to do it again in the next moment, do that, too. A few moments strung together aren't going to do you any damage. You *can* get through them.
You can't help what you feel, I grant that.. but you can choose how you react to those feelings. Try to react in ways which are positive and help you.
Best of luck!
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