Slave to domme (Full Version)

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amberqtq -> Slave to domme (8/29/2011 7:56:43 PM)

I am having a hard time going from a slave to a domme. I was a slave to my fiancé for 5 years, now we are getting married and I am going to get the chance to domme till the wedding (about a year). He has subbed before but I have no dominant experience. Now I am having problems getting the ball rolling, I feel like I wasting my chance to get him to submit like he got me to submit. I need some help, any advice?



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slave to domme (8/29/2011 8:31:21 PM)

oh fuck sweetheart, it's not just a thing you do, there's no magical cloak you put on. you either are or you aren't. either its fucking in you to dominate somebody or it isn't.

now, if your still with me and think you do have it in you, then right fucking on. but, unfortunately there's just no way to give you a short answer, there's just way to fucking many variables and options

there's a shit load of books you can read here's a really fucking good list from resident sadist: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

other than that try thinking of specific questions to ask that we can help you with.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Slave to domme (8/29/2011 9:46:51 PM)

Please don't *fuck* at me Hanna [:D] but I respectfully disagree. One can learn to dom another person, even if they're not "naturally" dominant.

This slave makes a decent living domming others and teaching other girls who work with me how to do it. Yes, it's pay for play, but...isn't one of the most slave-like things she can do for her master who longs to be dommed, to attempt to learn?

OP, I suggest you start asking a lot of questions of your future slave. Get into his head, find out what he likes, loves and fears, make notes of all of them, and then go from there. What is it about being dominated turns him on? What is his ultimate fantasy night with a domina? Personally, I'd have him bound while asking these questions, and there would be repercussions for incomplete answers or even those I suspect are a lie...I'd also ask him (faux teasingly) how he'd feel if I turned him into my slave forever. (hint: a man's mouth may lie, but his cock never will)

For play sessions it may be easier for you to get into your "role" if you "dress the part." That doesn't necessarily mean a leather corset and boots, (but it could) just anything that makes you feel sexy, womanly, and in control.

When you speak to him (when you want him to pay attention as a slave and not an equal) change the tone of your voice, speak more slowly and enunciate carefully. You've used that tone if you've ever dealt with a three year old or a puppy...it's loving but firm. It can turn more firm if you're tested.

Finally, have fun with it. One of the first times I tried to dom my Honey Master, I was doing something with him and I fell off the bed. [:(][:D] But we still had fun.

Perhaps a year of changing things up will allow both of you to appreciate that neither side has it as easy as it appears.
Good luck!



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slave to domme (8/29/2011 10:47:14 PM)

quote:

This slave makes a decent living domming others and teaching other girls who work with me how to do it.
sorry, that's topping not domming. disagree all you fucking want but it is what it is. you work for your clients, they don't submit to you in any way, they hire you.

there is more to a dominant woman than leather boots, a corset and a flogger. what you do and teach is role playing, play acting, a kinky game of dress up.

you no more domme than i made love when i was turning tricks.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Slave to domme (8/29/2011 11:50:39 PM)

Did I say I'm a Domme? If I did I apologize. I'm not a Domme, but I can play one in real life and on the phone. I suspect that's what her future hubby is looking for; just a bit of kink. It's not impossible for her to learn to play one, and perhaps even "become" one if that's what she aspires to, and there's really no one else in the world who can say she can't except for herself.



seekingreality -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 12:05:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: amberqtq

I am having a hard time going from a slave to a domme. I was a slave to my fiancé for 5 years, now we are getting married and I am going to get the chance to domme till the wedding (about a year). He has subbed before but I have no dominant experience. Now I am having problems getting the ball rolling, I feel like I wasting my chance to get him to submit like he got me to submit. I need some help, any advice?



My guess is you'll do better if you quit worrying about thinking of yourself as a "domme" and just think of yourself as a kinkster who is going to play the role of domme for your boyfriend as a fantasy for both of you. Then you can just google "how to domme" and you'll find a million pieces of advice. Just pick one that you like.



amberqtq -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 4:25:46 AM)

Thanks everybody, I guess I have a lot to think about, and a lot of studying to do. Labels I guess can be a head trip. By the way, it was my idea for me to top him until the wedding. After the wedding, I will be his bottom/slave forever, I just wanted to feel the power, understand his frustrations, own his body [:)] . Most of all though, I want him to feel like I did on a daily basis, like a domestic servant, a slut, a good boy, a bad boy, just the feeling of submission. Is this uncommon feeling? Is it possible to make a long time dominant feel like that? Have any dommes out there ever been able to feel true submission? Should I think about giving up and just lay at his feet?



stoni23 -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 6:36:17 AM)

but what if i want a magic cloak?



littlewonder -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 7:31:19 AM)

you're the domme...what do YOU want? Want a full body massage? Tell him to get on it. Want him to fuck you? Tell him to fuck you. Need errands run, give him a list and send him on his way.

Pretty simple.



Hisprettybaby -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 10:22:01 AM)

~FR~
Before I realized I was a switch, I had a switch play partner for awhile. To Domme him, I would do it because I knew I was pleasing him. That's how I wrapped my submissive mind around it. Now, though, I Domme when I do because I want to do it and that's the way it is.

~Hisprettybaby~



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 10:30:04 AM)

quote:

It's not impossible for her to learn to play one
of course not, anyone can.
quote:

and perhaps even "become" one if that's what she aspires to
no, i disagree, you are or you aren't, you can't "become" one, the best you can hope for is playing at being one, pretending. it's like being a submissive, you are or you fucking aren't.




HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 10:35:41 AM)

quote:

Have any dommes out there ever been able to feel true submission?
yup, i lived as a sub for 3 years.



SoulAlloy -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 10:51:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

Have any dommes out there ever been able to feel true submission?
yup, i lived as a sub for 3 years.


So how did you go from sub to being a dominant instead? Did you unearth it as you gained more experience?

Just a curiosity and it seems kind of relevant to the thread



xxblushesxx -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 11:09:48 AM)

Exactly.

I know exactly the mindset I go into when I am in Dom mode, and it's totally different. I have a different look in my eye, a different kind of smile, and it's not an act. So yes, at different stages in your life, you can do and be different things. It's a matter of growth and perspective.



SuperHappyTime -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 2:26:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

you're the domme...what do YOU want? Want a full body massage? Tell him to get on it. Want him to fuck you? Tell him to fuck you. Need errands run, give him a list and send him on his way.

Pretty simple.



Just quoting this if you missed it OP.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 2:36:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulAlloy

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

Have any dommes out there ever been able to feel true submission?
yup, i lived as a sub for 3 years.


So how did you go from sub to being a dominant instead? Did you unearth it as you gained more experience?

Just a curiosity and it seems kind of relevant to the thread


Who can really understand the mind set of a switch? In my 57 years on earth, I've decided, only another switch.

But for the purposes of this thread, I will try. First, switches tend to be very dual natured. I, for instance, am either very dom or very sub, I don't have a great deal of in between, and this hold true with pretty much everything in my life. I am one extreme, or the other.

Switches (along with many others) see levels or variations of submission and dominance. So I am sub to my dom, but I dom another, who may himself dom another.

I hate to use the term hierarchy b/c that sounds too formal, it's not. It's a simple matter of realizing person x is more dom than me, person y is not.

Forgot to respond to the OP. It's roleplay darling, think of one that floats your boat and have at it.






SoulAlloy -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 2:57:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Who can really understand the mind set of a switch? In my 57 years on earth, I've decided, only another switch.

But for the purposes of this thread, I will try. First, switches tend to be very dual natured. I, for instance, am either very dom or very sub, I don't have a great deal of in between, and this hold true with pretty much everything in my life. I am one extreme, or the other.

Switches (along with many others) see levels or variations of submission and dominance. So I am sub to my dom, but I dom another, who may himself dom another.

I hate to use the term hierarchy b/c that sounds too formal, it's not. It's a simple matter of realizing person x is more dom than me, person y is not.


Thanks :) - my partner and I have been dabbling with switching so I was particularly interested in the response.

Apologies to the OP for hijacking slightly



SpyUnderCover -> RE: Slave to domme (8/30/2011 3:56:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

you're the domme...what do YOU want? Want a full body massage? Tell him to get on it. Want him to fuck you? Tell him to fuck you. Need errands run, give him a list and send him on his way.

Pretty simple.



Indeed. This is about you, your wants and needs. What do you fantasize about when you think of dominating him? What most turns you on about it? What do you see yourself saying, doing, wearing? You said you want him to feel "  ...  like a domestic servant, a slut, a good boy, a bad boy," You can think about what might make him feel like he's in those roles, but what would help you see him in those roles?

Doing what turns you on as a Domme might feel awkward at first. It may be helpful to think of a scene or two and have a "script" in mind. (You can always diverge from it if you want.) Just remember that there is no one "right" way, and have fun with it.

Spy



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Slave to domme (8/31/2011 1:35:37 AM)

quote:

So how did you go from sub to being a dominant instead? Did you unearth it as you gained more experience?
no, i met a submissive woman, there was no fucking process, there was no experience needed beyond that gained from being a sub, that and a few technical skills. submission to a dominant woman comes naturally to me, and equally dominance over a submissive woman comes naturally to me. i didn't need to learn to submit or to dominate. i did have to do a fuck of a lot of learning to be a good submissive and a good dominant.

and to be honest, it's harder to be a sub. domming is pretty fucking easy actually, at least in my experience.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Slave to domme (8/31/2011 7:36:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

So how did you go from sub to being a dominant instead? Did you unearth it as you gained more experience?
no, i met a submissive woman, there was no fucking process, there was no experience needed beyond that gained from being a sub, that and a few technical skills. submission to a dominant woman comes naturally to me, and equally dominance over a submissive woman comes naturally to me. i didn't need to learn to submit or to dominate. i did have to do a fuck of a lot of learning to be a good submissive and a good dominant.

and to be honest, it's harder to be a sub. domming is pretty fucking easy actually, at least in my experience.




No kidding. I have maybe 1% submissive in me, it utterly baffles me that ANYONE would want to submit, ever. I am just pleased and grateful when they do.

The "relationship" stuff is hard. Well, big deal, ALL relationship stuff is hard. That has nothing to do with kink.



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