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Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 12:34:54 PM

Wolfiedom

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/1/2009
Status: offline

I am learning the hard way. It seems the higher percentage of people in kink, are looking for something other than what I am about.

I put high values, standards, and emotional stability as crucial attributes to any bdsm relationship. Constantly, I read profiles stating various desires and wants; but seldom read of requests for deep intimate relationships. Most are simply wanting to have some sessions and move on.

Yet, the vetting process is frustrating. I have had people want my picture, income, occupation, home ownership; when they themselves are substandard in lifestyle and outlook. Some people are simply phoney and trying to glean information for whatever game they are playing with their DOM.

I tried honesty. It doesnt work. What does work is a charisma and a slightly disinterested attitude; just like the dom is some worm on a fishhook. Why do we have to stoop so low to meet good people?

Post #: 1

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 12:42:02 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Sorry, but if you're stooping low you're doing it wrong.

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Post #: 2

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 12:44:25 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

it's not about lowering your standards - it's about being patient and waiting for the right person to come along.

You're not just looking for someone with complementary kinks, but someone you want to build a relationship with. That's a big ask, and something you're going to have to work for.

It's not just on the D side of the kneel that things are tricky when you're looking for love - it's as tough on the s side too.

Hang in there, keep your standards high and hopefully you will find what you're looking for.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Wolfiedom)

Post #: 3

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 12:53:33 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Good people don't want you to stoop low to meet them. I think your thinking is a bit off on this and that makes me question a few other things.

It is easy to become a bit testy or jaded around here... but to resort to games... just isn't effective.

Hell, I was told last night that I was playing mind games because I talked to someone enough to get to know that they would be a very bad fit for me and told them so as nicely as I could. It's been decades since a man spoke to me like that. I shrugged, wished him well and said I was done with that. I didn't respond when he continued. I don't join the game, I just keep on moving and hope things improve. lol

It's kind of like telling a parent everyone is doing it so I did it too. It didn't fly with mom.. it won't fly with most people.

_____________________________

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Post #: 4

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 12:56:10 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I have had a few relationships with Collarme submissives. They had good values, high standards and enjoy a stable romantic relationship. I have been to parties, weddings and a dungeon packed with Collame members and they had good values, high standards, emotionally balanced and available. There are a lot of exceptionally good people here at CM. Keep looking.

Honesty always works if what you are being honest about is attractive. Why would you lie about who you were unless you were ashamed or uncomfortable with yourself? If you or your goals are so fucked up that telling the truth puts you on the fail train, you might want spend more energy cleaning up your act than cooking up lies.

Changing your goals and "stooping low" is not the way to meet "good people". Truthful people, good people . . . we sorta' hang out with our own kind. Get it together dude, it sounds like you are lonely and desperate. Those who aren't desperate and self assured have charisma and may appear "slightly disinterested" compared to someone who is desperate. . . . just sayin'

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/30/2011 12:59:24 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 5

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 1:12:19 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfiedom

I am learning the hard way. It seems the higher percentage of people in kink, are looking for something other than what I am about.

I put high values, standards, and emotional stability as crucial attributes to any bdsm relationship. Constantly, I read profiles stating various desires and wants; but seldom read of requests for deep intimate relationships. Most are simply wanting to have some sessions and move on.

Yet, the vetting process is frustrating. I have had people want my picture, income, occupation, home ownership; when they themselves are substandard in lifestyle and outlook. Some people are simply phoney and trying to glean information for whatever game they are playing with their DOM.

I tried honesty. It doesnt work. What does work is a charisma and a slightly disinterested attitude; just like the dom is some worm on a fishhook. Why do we have to stoop so low to meet good people?

You're cruising a free fetish site like collarme and you encounter game players, unemotionally unstable people, and kinksters who are looking for momentary fun?

Staggering!

Seriously, yours is the type of post someone puts up once a day. Want something long-term -- that can take years and years to find. Just like in vanilla land. Actually, it probably takes longer than in vanilla land.

Here's what works -- being yourself and not being desperate.

If you accept this isn't a quick and easy process, all the other stuff washes off your back.

(in reply to Wolfiedom)

Post #: 6

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 1:42:22 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I just had a very long conversation with a sub this morning about this same topic. I will tell you the same thing I told him. If you lower the standart of what you are truely looking for you will never find it. Or to match up against what you said....if you are stooping than you aren't meeting good people. I have no idea what leads people to the belief that a web site will make finding that special person easier. It isn't easy in the outside world and it isn't easy online either. You have to take your time. You have to be willing to wait. And you have to know that some people will play games...just like in the real world. If someone asks you questions you think they have to no right to than don't answer them. As for charisma and a slightly disinterested attitude being what works. Well if they really worked you wouldn't be here saying that you haven't found someone. If you want to find a better person you have to be the better person to begin with.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 8/30/2011 1:59:57 PM >

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Post #: 7

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 2:29:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I've never stooped or lowered my standards to find teh man I'm with now.

I was however single for over 8 years before I met him and had planned on staying single for even longer if it meant waiting for the right man.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 8

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 2:42:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This is one of those "play the tape to the end" deals. What do you really have if you stoop or settle? In the end, you get less than what you wanted in the first place and probably pick yourself up a whole lot of baggage in the meantime.

There really are good folks out there. Sure, there might be an investment in finding them, but isn't everything worth having worth working for?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 3:16:05 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

The answer is right there in your profile dude.

quote:

I am a sometimes DM for black rose;

Everybody knows that D&D beats the ass off black rose any day!!!

Just kidding.

Look, I have a great profile, a really fucking good one, I get told all the time "It's a great profile and a really appealing life you describe and I would be really interested, except you're older than my father". The morale? They just aren't into you, just carry on, the goal isn't to land one, it's to land the right one.

If you aren't having any success, oh well, try a different tack. Change the demographic, alter your expectations. And even more importantly use your mirror...why are you being rejected...it isn't them, it's you. there is something about you that is driving them away, figure out what it is and fix it.

quote:

I tried honesty.

This disturbs me. Honesty is not a tactic to be employed to score babes, it is the rule by which you should live all aspects of your life. Personally I would rather be single til I die than to have a harem I acquired through dishonesty.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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(in reply to Wolfiedom)

Post #: 10

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 3:45:45 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I tried honesty. It doesnt work. What does work is a charisma and a slightly disinterested attitude; just like the dom is some worm on a fishhook. Why do we have to stoop so low to meet good people?

How is using charisma and using a slightly disinterested attitude equivalent to stooping low? By these actions you've found the result is: this is what brings around "good people?" Am I missing something here? What makes them so good?

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Post #: 11

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:09:49 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

TO the OP:
You needn't settle, but you should be wary. People on the other side - I've met a few of them. I find the people on the boards a better (for me) grade of folk. It's more like... over there, they can lie and deceive. Over here there are a lot of people they will be lying to and deceiving. Somebody is going to out them. (Sometimes it's me doing the outing!) It's like taking a friend out to be with your crowd - you find out what they are really like.

Go to munches, meet people in real. And as mentioned earlier, be patient.

good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

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Post #: 12

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:24:22 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

LadyPact said what I was going to but it doesn't hurt to reiterate...what do you get when you stoop or lower yourself? You get a substandard result. Honestly, being alone is better than that.

I've met some stellar people on here. I found a great relationship as well. There are also a lot of people that are not a match for me that have wandered through my inbox. If I didn't find the man I'm with now there is no way I'd stoop to give Mr. Wrong a chance with me. I deserve better. They'd be happier with someone that would appreciate them for themselves anyway. It's not fair to take up with someone you consider to be substandard, those people deserve to find the best person for themselves and be happy too. Why do you think gracing the wrong person with yourself is the right thing to do? It's not, they deserve someone who thinks they are awesome.

(in reply to Wolfiedom)

Post #: 13

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:33:11 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Patience.
Seriously. Good things in life are worth the effort and the time it takes for them to become part of your life.
This is harder than vanilla relationships. You have to mesh on normal everyday things and then you have to mesh on compatible kink things too.
Plus we're a bunch of freaks in this whole bdsm world. Completely loony. So you have to factor all of that in too.

Just when you think things look hopeless....someone who is as close to perfect as can be will walk into your world. As long as you don't settle before that.

_____________________________

(in reply to Wolfiedom)

Post #: 14

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:45:42 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

Jesus, you're whining and you're living in the damn playground? DC has a gigantic scene, I have met many people on CM in the DC/Metro area. There are a smorgasbord of organizations, munches, etc. I can't even count the number of serious and committed couples I know in the DC area, nor the number of singles seriously looking. DC has kinky people coming out of it's metaphorical ears, ya ain't looking hard enough. Seriously, thousands of people belong to the various organizations in the DC area, not to mention all those who aren't into community (or aren't aware of it).

Maybe instead of just talking about DMing at Black Rose, start going out and connecting.

- Either add a photo (if you can't post face pics don't, but something that gives a sense of who you are as a person, just do NOT post your cock!)
- Spell and grammar check your damn profile
- Post your damn age

Sorry, but females in particular tend to want some sign that a person is real to even begin to take a profile seriously, we deal with so much crap.

Hate to be snappy, but you're taking a big smelly shit in my backyard.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 15

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:49:16 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Fella, I read your profile and it just sounded like... you weren't there. It just sounded detached.

Is that what you're like in person?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 16

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:55:53 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Christ Aileen!! I love the new avatar...you're cute!!

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 17

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:57:06 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

CUTE?? she's friggin GORGEOUS~~~

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Post #: 18

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 4:58:20 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm a little confused now. If you are doing DM gigs, OP, I'd have to ask you how you are *not* meeting people? It's almost a built in part of the job to be the ambassador between the establishment and the guests. I'm not saying hit on people when you're on the floor, but more often than not, you're the recognizable figure during the event. You've got a great opportunity to meet folks. Maybe you can clear this up for Me to help Me figure out why you have a disconnect?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: Submission of submissives - 8/30/2011 5:07:42 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Heh. Thanks, but I'm just an old, middle aged ass whore.

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Post #: 20

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