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because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 9:48:51 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		Someone started a thread and the just of it was...submissive flying in...how to treat in the first 24-48 hours.   Anyways someone suggested coffee first.   Good idea,  but  for some people meeting a compatible mate locally just isn't going to happen.     Anyways you connect with someone online and you are up for a face to face...that person is 2,000 miles away---are you going to meet for coffee?   

Everyone I have met for a face to face was at least a five hour drive away.   No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.    Personally I always have a back up plan when I travel, if the other person does not show up or there is no chemistry, I have made other plans just in case.   In some cases I have researched the area I am visiting and make a list of things to do while there or if I have a friend that lives in the area, I have called ahead and asked if they would be available during that time period to hang out if things did not work.   

So what do other people do when traveling a longer distance to meet?
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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 10:01:19 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't have a car so anytime I went to visit doms in the past it was always take a bus, and then a train or fly halfway across the country to yes...have a cup of coffee. If it worked out over coffee then we'd have lunch/dinner/spend the day together, make arrangements to meet for breakfast/brunch/lunch the next day. I had no other expectations when I got there.I always made sure that if things didn't work out over coffee I would just explore the city/town and have a blast by myself.

I've had it happen many times where once I got there I took one look and ran for the hills or they simply did not show up for the coffee. I just shrugged it off and enjoyed my time wherever I was, alone.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/31/2011 10:02:47 AM >

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 10:20:39 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

Someone started a thread and the just of it was...submissive flying in...how to treat in the first 24-48 hours.   Anyways someone suggested coffee first.   Good idea,  but  for some people meeting a compatible mate locally just isn't going to happen.     Anyways you connect with someone online and you are up for a face to face...that person is 2,000 miles away---are you going to meet for coffee?   

Everyone I have met for a face to face was at least a five hour drive away.   No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.    Personally I always have a back up plan when I travel, if the other person does not show up or there is no chemistry, I have made other plans just in case.   In some cases I have researched the area I am visiting and make a list of things to do while there or if I have a friend that lives in the area, I have called ahead and asked if they would be available during that time period to hang out if things did not work.   

So what do other people do when traveling a longer distance to meet?



Most generally I just won't. They have to come to me. It is up to them to decide whether or not they want to.

If someone says they are coming here......great. But yanno, most generally I am not going to rearrange my life to spend every second with them. Too many have a tendency to get cold feet and either cancel or no show. They come here, they already know up front they are doing so around my schedule.

IF, I decide to travel to someone else.........I am going to go because

A. I really trust and believe that I will enjoy myself immensely without ANY expectations of them. I don't expect any zing bang pow chemistry. I don't expect any BDSM play. I don't expect to get laid. I just go with an open mind.

B. It is because I want to visit that location. Even if the person I am going to meet turns out to be a freak, or worse a boring dud, I can ditch them and go exploring. No loss on my part either way.

One person I met from here that I WILL travel to spend time with because I already know I will have a wonderful time with her because I just adore her to pieces and the location is just the bonus. She is the kind of person that I already know I can sit and talk to for hours and not realize the time has passed. I know this because we do it on the phone. And I fucking hate talking on the phone! She is the kind of person that makes me smile and know there are really awesome people out there, just waiting to be discovered. AND..........she is straight!

Yeah, I will happily travel over 900 miles to hang out with a hot little southern woman just because I adore her and want to spend time with her.......... as soon as I can arrange the time and moola...


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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 10:27:48 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		~sad that she is not the straight pal LeeAnn will travel to~

Generally, folks come to me, and they stay in a hotel. If they live somewhere excellent, I MIGHT go to them... but probably not.

I also have no expectations on meeting. I have been meeting folks from snail mail and from the internet for lo these several decades now, and I have only one real dud that I can recall--and that's because the difference from phone to realtime was SO different that he sticks in my memory (and my craw!). Even if there isn't "chemistry", there has been fun, and cameraderie. I don't expect that me and the other person will be together every second, but if it works that way, fine. If we never leave the hotel room, also fine!

This long distance meet stuff is where we really have to remember that two people meeting are TWO PEOPLE MEETING. Level playing field, no strings, no commitment. It's so easy to get *swept* by the phone, the skype, the email. Being in the same physical space can reinforce everything, or make it all seem really trifling and fake.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 10:44:06 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't have a car so anytime I went to visit doms in the past it was always take a bus, and then a train or fly halfway across the country to yes...have a cup of coffee. If it worked out over coffee then we'd have lunch/dinner/spend the day together, make arrangements to meet for breakfast/brunch/lunch the next day.

Smiles at least you didn't just have coffee and turn around and leave.   

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 2:10:15 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't have a car so anytime I went to visit doms in the past it was always take a bus, and then a train or fly halfway across the country to yes...have a cup of coffee. If it worked out over coffee then we'd have lunch/dinner/spend the day together, make arrangements to meet for breakfast/brunch/lunch the next day.

Smiles at least you didn't just have coffee and turn around and leave.   



I have a couple times.

I've gone to Massachusetts which was an 8 hour bus trip. Spent about an hour over coffee with him and then I went home. I simply did not feel like sticking around.

Another time I went to Pittsburgh which at the time was a 5 hour bus trip.He stood me up and I caught the next bus home.


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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 2:29:43 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Personally, I think you should fuck like bunnies in a hotel room to find out compatibility.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 3:58:38 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Personally, I think you should fuck like bunnies in a hotel room to find out compatibility.
LOL well my last meet....

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 4:06:40 PM   
MissToYouRedux


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quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.   



Apparently I have been... more than once.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 4:39:43 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux


quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.   



Apparently I have been... more than once.


I have been, as well. It wound up to be more than coffee, but if it was just coffee and nothing more, that was okay with him.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 4:41:26 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces
No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.


I once drove 5 hours one way to meet someone who I didn't even wish to sit across a table with over a cup of coffee. I stupidly made a commitment to go and meet her before I gave myself a chance to really get to know her... or at least as well as you can get to know someone through phone, chat and email. She held me to the commitment and I kept it. I learned a valuable lesson about treading more carefully and actually felt good about keeping a promise that most other guys would have broken even though I was miserable and on edge the entire time.





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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 4:46:07 PM   
DominantSeeking


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline 		yes, there are people worth driving 5 hours to meet for coffee. There are people worth much more than that, and of those I have built my family.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 4:46:12 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces
No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.


I once drove 5 hours one way to meet someone who I didn't even wish to sit across a table with over a cup of coffee. I stupidly made a commitment to go and meet her before I gave myself a chance to really get to know her... or at least as well as you can get to know someone through phone, chat and email. She held me to the commitment and I kept it...



Pretty darn impressive.


** edited for the smiley

< Message edited by MissToYouRedux -- 8/31/2011 4:49:43 PM >

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 6:09:45 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		I dunno guys you are proving me wrong here but for me  I would not drive even two minutes unless I felt a really super connection and for a five hour drive---I'd have to do more than coffee.   That's not saying I'd have to do something with the person I was meeting.   If he sucked he sucked---I'd probably skip the whole coffee thing and move on to my plan B.   And like I said---Plan B can be a solo visit to a museum, art gallery, zoo, some cool historical place or if I had friends in the area coffee with someone who didn't suck.    I like to travel---I enjoy visiting other areas so nope just coffee won't work for me.  

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 6:27:06 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't get why anyone would drive that far for a casual meet. I have had men email me and want to meet. And I have chatted with guys for months as friends who want to come and meet. But, if I say to them the chance is very slim that it will be anything more than coffee, maybe dinner, dancing, and friendly companionship, no BJ's in the lobby, most opt out of visiting. Some have come and we generally have a good time. And I have even taken a train to visit a man in SF during Folsom week and spent the weekend at his place, without sex. We both agreed to that going in and we had known each other for years online before I made the decision to take him up on the offer to show me the folsom street faire. This was a bit beyond a casual meet because we were planning to hit some parties together, I as a lady on his arm with great manners, and he as my host.

All that was understood and I would have been very disappointed in him as a man if he suddenly got all domly on me. We are still friends ten years later.
So yeah. I have no problem meeting someone from a distance away and keeping it without sex. But I prefer them to come my way knowing the groundrules. That way if they choose to look closer no one feels slighted.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/31/2011 6:28:33 PM >

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 7:37:36 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

Someone started a thread and the just of it was...submissive flying in...how to treat in the first 24-48 hours.   Anyways someone suggested coffee first.   Good idea,  but  for some people meeting a compatible mate locally just isn't going to happen.     Anyways you connect with someone online and you are up for a face to face...that person is 2,000 miles away---are you going to meet for coffee?   

Everyone I have met for a face to face was at least a five hour drive away.   No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.    Personally I always have a back up plan when I travel, if the other person does not show up or there is no chemistry, I have made other plans just in case.   In some cases I have researched the area I am visiting and make a list of things to do while there or if I have a friend that lives in the area, I have called ahead and asked if they would be available during that time period to hang out if things did not work.   

So what do other people do when traveling a longer distance to meet?




I am the opposite of you. If someone was more than a three-hour drive away, I wouldn't spend time exchanging emails or meet them. Getting to know someone online or on the phone is OK, but ultimately you don't know anything until you meet face to face. And if you have to get on a plane everytime you want to meet, I don't see much chance of a long-term, ongoing relationship. Now if you're just looking to get together now and then for some wild, kinky fun, that's fine. But no way would I drive five hours just to have a cup of coffee with someone.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 8:10:23 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		I find for long distance meets, the amount of time it takes the chlorophorm to subdue them tends to determine "compatibility".

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 8:13:01 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

I find for long distance meets, the amount of time it takes the chlorophorm to subdue them tends to determine "compatibility".



Well, everybody's got to have their mark on the wall, I suppose.

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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 8:59:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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quote:

If someone was more than a three-hour drive away, I wouldn't spend time exchanging emails or meet them. Getting to know someone online or on the phone is OK, but ultimately you don't know anything until you meet face to face. And if you have to get on a plane everytime you want to meet, I don't see much chance of a long-term, ongoing relationship. Now if you're just looking to get together now and then for some wild, kinky fun, that's fine. But no way would I drive five hours just to have a cup of coffee with someone.


Master and I were long distance, 3 hours apart, for over 5 years until I was able to move here near him two months ago. We kept in contact by phone, email, texts and visits to each other every other weekend, time off, every single chance we could get time until I could move. He was patient and waited and we're glad we both did. It couldn't be better and I hope to have a lifetime with him.



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RE: because I did not want to derail another thread - 8/31/2011 9:32:50 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

No one and I mean no one is worth driving 5 hours to simply have a cup of coffee with.   


I'm worth it.


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