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long distance relationship! - 5/21/2006 4:11:40 PM

Hopster

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/20/2006
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I am currently involved in an online Dom sub relationship, She is moving here later this year but until then i was wondering if anyone has any advice on conducting such a relationship.
cheers

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/21/2006 4:39:29 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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Yes, do your best to join a real life group. Beg, borrow, or steal copies of some real life non fiction bdsm books.

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/21/2006 5:00:51 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
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When I was in my online relationship with my Dom we didn't play D/s. We did a lot of research on the topic in the areas of interest to us. We got to know each other by talking for hours a day. We made plans for when I would be with him in real life. We occasionally had some fun phone sex, but for the most part we were fairly vanilla. I did call him Sir online, but I still do that now.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/21/2006 6:34:32 PM

Hopster

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Hi,
Thanx thats mostly what we do now but its good to here from someone wjos been there.
cheers

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/21/2006 10:17:15 PM

Eroticsoulcatchr

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/12/2004
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I wish you well and hope it lasts...

Last time I did a long distance, it didnt work, but for others I know it has. For me, its pretty much local.

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 5:12:46 AM

slaveofdarkhold

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/15/2006
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What Pita said.
Talk every day, get to know each other intimately, make up for the fact that you can't touch or read each other's body language by tons of understanding each other. You can try to introduce BDSM elements over the internet but remember that only teaches you what ideas turn you both on, not what you are physically capable of or would like in reality. Visit any chance you get (if you're not too far away). Talk some more. Don't give each other any reason to lose faith or to doubt their trust because that happens easily online. Prepare for the fact that going from long distance to real life will be a shock to your system, even if you have met in the past. If she will be moving in with you as opposed to getting a home of her own,put money aside so she can go back home immediately if it doesn't work.
Good luck, I know how tough it is.

PS-- Pita, I really enjoy reading a lot of your posts. I think you have a wonderful attitude.

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 7:54:59 AM

Littlepita

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofdarkhold

PS-- Pita, I really enjoy reading a lot of your posts. I think you have a wonderful attitude.

Oh, thank you very much slaveofdarkhold!

It's not that hard to have a good attitude when one is as happy as I am. I'm especially happy not to be in an online relationship anymore. It's so much better to have him in person!!

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 8:12:45 AM

xxmstrchasxx

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Joined: 5/9/2006
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My sub and I started out as a long distance relationship. She was in Washington State and I was in Florida. We got to know each other the best we could before we met and then we met several months later. Seemed like we knew each other forever.

We have been together r/t for 8 years now.

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XxMasterChasxX

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 9:03:03 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Littlepita

When I was in my online relationship with my Dom we didn't play D/s. We did a lot of research on the topic in the areas of interest to us. We got to know each other by talking for hours a day. We made plans for when I would be with him in real life. We occasionally had some fun phone sex, but for the most part we were fairly vanilla. I did call him Sir online, but I still do that now.

Ohhhhhhhh, what a great idea! I have a hard time with guys who jump right into trying to 'play' online, same as I have a hard time to those who jump right into phone sex...to the point that I have an aversion to LDRs. What you said sounds sooo much fun, though! Good for you...and the one willing to do 'research' together and talk for hours to get to know each other. THAT I could do. (lol...and can see getting into some of the other stuff too, as time went on. WEG)

I have a list of books I just posted somewhere else; really good ones I recommend to anybody interested in reading about BDSM. I buy them 'used' on Amazon.com...half price or less!

Let me know if anybody would like me to repost the list.

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 12:51:31 PM

Littlepita

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Joined: 10/6/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
Ohhhhhhhh, what a great idea! I have a hard time with guys who jump right into trying to 'play' online, same as I have a hard time to those who jump right into phone sex...to the point that I have an aversion to LDRs. What you said sounds sooo much fun, though! Good for you...and the one willing to do 'research' together and talk for hours to get to know each other. THAT I could do. (lol...and can see getting into some of the other stuff too, as time went on. WEG)

I have a list of books I just posted somewhere else; really good ones I recommend to anybody interested in reading about BDSM. I buy them 'used' on Amazon.com...half price or less!

Let me know if anybody would like me to repost the list.

Bearlee, the one thing that set my Dom apart from other men I had met online was that he wasn't into jumping into the cyber game. He took a real interest in my life and took real steps to help me with advice and practical solutions. We would read BDSM sites and send each other articles that we thought were good. We went shopping online for fun things like fetish wear, collars and toys to find out each other interest. We were open and honest at all times about what we wanted from each other. I think that is what gave us a good foundation that so far *knock on wood* has made us a very happy real life couple.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 12:59:15 PM

fastlane

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Fastlane sez "never...never....never....never.....again!"
Unless another LilPita comes along

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 1:23:54 PM

MHOO314

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It doesn't say if either of you are new to the life--so I do not want to make any assumptions--but My words of caution---unless She is moving to the area anyway, make sure you both know what relocation entails and involves, not all stories turn out like LittlePita's--

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 5/22/2006 1:24:47 PM >

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Mistress Hathor

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 1:31:13 PM

windchymes

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I would strongly suggest downplaying the D/s online thing and start getting to know each other and do "vanilla" day-to-day activities online when you can.

For example, you can "shop" together by browsing the sites and sending each other links of something that catches your attention so you can share it and get the other's opinion. If you're in the market to buy a home, you can browse 'realtor.com' together. My ex and I looked at properties for a year (real life ex, not an online relationship) before we could agree on one that we wanted, and I considered divorcing him over it. (I did later on, but for different, but yet not so different reasons!) I found out AFTER we were married that he and I had way different ideas of what a "dream home" consisted of! lol.

You can look at furniture together the same way.....go to the sites, and send each other links via IM for pieces that appeal to you and see if her tastes match.

You can play games online, which sounds corny, but if you would sit and play Scrabble or card games together for fun if you were living together, you can do the same thing online.

You can have movie night by both of you renting the same DVD and watching it simultaneously while talking on the phone. You might want to upgrade your plan for more minutes. You can have more fun by ordering your own pizzas and/or popping your popcorn. If one of you must have anchovies and the other will throw up at the sight of them, this is a good time to find out.

This is kind of weird, but in the ldr that I was in for a couple of years, he had a bad, couch-ridden bout with the flu. He put the webcam on pointed at the couch and his sickly form, and it was comforting to both of us for me to be able to "keep an eye on him", even though I was thousands of miles away.

The point I'm making is, although you might seem like a match made in heaven online, MANY have discovered that was not the case in real life. I would keep the relationship online as "real" as possible by talking about mundane daily problems and activities like yard work, car maintenance, bill-paying, doctor visits, etc. and keep the D/s stuff more in the background, or at least equal to, the mundane stuff. That way, when she relocates, there will hopefully be not so much culture shock, and you will know one another as real people, not just Dom and sub.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 5/22/2006 1:34:16 PM >

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 2:01:27 PM

SweetSarijane

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From: KC area Missouri
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I've got to weigh in on the side of downplaying the D/s aspects. I'm in an ldr myself. We started talking in January. We're taking time getting to know each other and seeing what develops. There's no online play etc., just mild flirting within conversations. We do talk on the phone when we can as well though most of our contact is through email and occasional IMs. We are working towards meeting in person soon to see if the connection is there face to face or not. We don't want to overbuild expectations and get too deeply involved before spending time together face to face.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 2:32:16 PM

tendergirl

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Was in a ldr but we saw each other every weekend. Four months in it crashed and burned.

Hope you have better luck.

love from tendergirl

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 3:41:36 PM

Hopster

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Thanx for all the advice ,its much appreciated!

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 7:25:16 PM

bandit25

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I think you should get to know each other just the way everyone has said. Don't worry too much about the play...that will come later. Make sure you genuinely like each other and has a basis for a relationship.

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RE: long distance relationship! - 5/22/2006 7:46:42 PM

FloridaISIS

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I read the thread and just want to say thank you to All for some wonderful new ideas to keep an ldr fresh.

This was always the case for Me with online; after a few months I was fresh out of ideas. Researching and summarizing, and giving pop quizzes are nice in the beginning, but after awhile I can't blame a sub for whining.

windchymes your ideas were excellent, as were yours Littlepita. Not to leave Anyone out, they were all wonderful. I have come away with a slightly renewed hope for ldrs now.

They've never worked out for Me in the past. Many promises made, only to be left empty handed when the sub can't relocate as thought due to his job. Disheartening spending months trying to train them and get deep into their hearts, minds, and souls only to be left with naught. (deep sigh)--lol.
Once again, thank you All for the terrific advice.