Approach or Stay Back?

Approach or Stay Back? (Full Version)

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IamDifferent -> Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 4:44:42 PM)
This is one that i struggle with...as a submissive (who can be a little shy anyhow), it seemed to me that it would be a breach of protocol to approach a domme. i was assuming that if SHE did not approach me, then that automatically meant that she was not interested. However, i have also seen dommes express that they are flattered by a tasteful approach by a prospective sub. What do the Goddesses here think about that? I guess that when i think about it, i am more comfortable being more passive when it comes to the initial contact so perhaps it is just a subjective personal thing and i have answered my own question.

forluvofmaria -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 4:54:06 PM)
I have exactly what will get a response from me right in my profile...Having read yours ....Send me a smile. Well written thoughts about what you as a subbie think would be valuable to the Goddess you seek can if nothing else bring a smile to her day.

LadyHugs -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 5:13:42 PM)
Dear IamDifferent, Ladies and Gentlemen; I am always pleased when a slave and or submissive approaches me in a passive manner, to which is polite and tasteful. It is difficult for shy slaves/submissives, regardless if male or female, to approach a dominant. As far as dominant women go, the submissive/slave is to pursue and approach. It goes back to having to wear stilettos and high heels. We are more hindered, than a woman in track shoes. May I suggest that you may get a soda/beverage for a lady or offer help. That will start a conversation in a gentle manner. The lady may enjoy a gentle soul, with a shy like nature. Such a passive posture will put most ladies at ease. May you find the gentle path to a lady's feet, that she may enjoy such sweet company and or service lad. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

Oumae -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 5:27:01 PM)
I think most Dommes are fine with and welcome a polite approach. If you are talking about making contact online then I definitely would recommend you approach after reading a profile as many females get so much mail they have no need/time to approach subs. It does happen sometimes tho'. Oumae

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 5:50:53 PM)
Personally, I prefer to be approached. Although there are times when I'll be the one to approach a sub/slave. I just really hate doing it because I really suck at those "get to know each other letters". I would really rather just give them my number and let them call. *Jewel*

HCWT1 -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 8:13:50 PM)
At one time,the protocols,in as much as the way i was tought,were very black and white,(doo's and don'ts).But in the couple or so years,since iv'e been online and reading recent opinions,im not shore that its important anymore within the greater community. I will allways remain committed to my ideals,so just sit back and let the doms contact me,to see if im interested.Its working better than i could have imagined. It does take a little faith and patience.

SweetDommes -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 8:29:07 PM)
We have had threads on this type of thing before, and I believe the consensus is that, Domme or not, women like to be courted ... which typically means that the male makes the first move - not always, but normally. We fall into the catagory that prefers to be courted ... I will, on rare occation, message someone that interests me, but typically, I wait for people to message us (for multiple reasons ... mostly that I only hang out here and don't read profiles on the other side unless they post something here that interests me).

Contessadark -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 8:29:09 PM)
In reality, the greatest reprocussion from taking the initiative happens in person. An e-mail is still an e-mail, regardless, but approaching a Domme in the flesh...now that can be terrifying. You can always start by asking others at the event if they know them, what they know about them or even if they will grant you an introduction to them. It takes a lot of the anxiety out of the moment if there is a mediator. If none is available, then certainly a polite approach is acceptable. The wonderful thing about fet parties is that the invite a level of free socialization that is unprecedented. I know I don't go to sit in a corner and be an elitist, self-important snob. I want to see my friends and smile and chat and greet new people, dommes and subs both, open new negotiations with possible play partners and enjoy myself as an exquisite Goddess should- surrounded by like-minded people enjoying themselves. Keeping in spirit with the purpose of play parties, goodness yes, respectfully saying hello and telling a Domme she is rapturous is certainly acceptable.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/21/2006 11:09:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel Personally, I prefer to be approached. Although there are times when I'll be the one to approach a sub/slave. I just really hate doing it because I really suck at those "get to know each other letters". I would really rather just give them my number and let them call. *Jewel* Jewel we are a lot alike in this regard. I also prefer to be approached and unless someone approaches me in a retarded way, I am always kind and responsive one way or another. I also don't know how to have 100 meaningful emails to and fro, but wonder where people are comfortable, because people are so paranoid online about exchanging personal info; I usually stay with email for a few exchanges, and than if he cannot move to phone and have reasonable flow in conversation by phone, we're done. M

MHOO314 -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/22/2006 4:43:50 AM)
I prefer a respectful, well written approach--I may at times contact a submissive--but a nice approach means alot and of late, I have had more than a few nice emails---stating they know they don't meet My criteria, but they wanted to say Hi---I like those as well.

MochaMistress -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/22/2006 5:36:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 I prefer a respectful, well written approach--I may at times contact a submissive--but a nice approach means alot and of late, I have had more than a few nice emails---stating they know they don't meet My criteria, but they wanted to say Hi---I like those as well. I am in agreement with Mistress Hathor. A polite respectful approach not matter in person or via email is always favorably looked upon. I might add also that no I dont want to see nude photos either. MM

Proprietrix -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/22/2006 7:26:03 AM)
I prefer to be approached. I come from a high protocol background, and even then, it was the submissive who approached the Dominant (albeit in a respectful, passive, and courteous manner.) It would have come across as "taking advantage of innocence" (for lack of a better term) for a Dominant to approach a sub. (LadyHugs might be able to expand on this concept better than I.)

thetammyjo -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/22/2006 8:05:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IamDifferent This is one that i struggle with...as a submissive (who can be a little shy anyhow), it seemed to me that it would be a breach of protocol to approach a domme. i was assuming that if SHE did not approach me, then that automatically meant that she was not interested. However, i have also seen dommes express that they are flattered by a tasteful approach by a prospective sub. What do the Goddesses here think about that? I guess that when i think about it, i am more comfortable being more passive when it comes to the initial contact so perhaps it is just a subjective personal thing and i have answered my own question. I think either party should be able to approach another person. Me, I'm a straight forward kind of woman. I see you, I think you look fine, I've listened to you talk, I approach you. I have no problem with someone approaching me but they're better off taking some time to watch me, listen to me, and interact with me first so they can figure me out a little bit. Now many women are still very much in a traditional mindset and don't want to pursue men but want to be pursued. This entire "pursue" idea seems weird to me. I don't pursue and I don't want anyone pursuing me -- I'm not an animal you are trying to capture nor are you. I'll say "hey, I think you'll neat, want to get coffee and talk" (or just talk if its online) and if you say "no" I move on. I'm an adult, I only do Ds and SM with other adults, and I think that means we can skip games and guessing about body language and hinty words, and just be upfront and honest about it. I don't see romance between people as a way to pursue but a way to express feelings that are developing. I know, hard to believe I'm a woman in America without all these romantic pursuit desire, huh? I also hate romance novels and cut flowers too. Bring me something from my amazon.com wish list or some mums we can plant that will come up around my birthday -- just an example. Just so everyone knows, I don't intend to sound harsh toward those who follow the more traditional gender models. I'm expressing myself primarily to show that not all women (dom, sub, whatever) will fit into any neat little model. I firmly believe we'd all do much better in our searches if we approached people as individuals.

Beatmehrdr -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/22/2006 9:00:59 AM)
This is something about this aspect of a FemDomme D/s relationship that I find rather interesting, the duality involved. On the one hand, the Domme wants someone who will submit to her, who will be receptive to what she wants, be available for whatever she has in mind. In short she wants to be the aggressor. However, when it comes to starting the relationship, it's all rather traditional. She wants to be wooed, romanced, even seduced into taking the dominant role over the sub. It is kind of interesting, really, how similar D/s is to vanilla in that respect.

iliv2servher -> RE: Approach or Stay Back? (5/22/2006 9:01:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IamDifferent This is one that i struggle with...as a submissive (who can be a little shy anyhow), it seemed to me that it would be a breach of protocol to approach a domme. i was assuming that if SHE did not approach me, then that automatically meant that she was not interested. However, i have also seen dommes express that they are flattered by a tasteful approach by a prospective sub. What do the Goddesses here think about that? I guess that when i think about it, i am more comfortable being more passive when it comes to the initial contact so perhaps it is just a subjective personal thing and i have answered my own question. I think we often mistake by equating dominance with sexual agressiveness. I know several male subs who like to be wooed (i.e., approached by a femdomme). After all, it's very flattering and you don't have to take the initiative or risk being turned down. However, I often think that there is a double standard, in that women of all persuasions do like to have the male make the initial effort. Perhaps it is because woman are accustomed to this, and that they are most-comfortable with it.

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