Trying to find the unicorn.

Trying to find the unicorn. (Full Version)

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oddlots347 -> Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 5:15:03 PM)
We are in the BDSM lifestyle and we are looking for that "unicorn" but everyone just assumes that if you are looking for that unicorn, you are wanting a poly relationship. This is not our case at all, yes we are wanting a sub/slave female. Will this be a sexual relationship?? Only with the wife and only if she wants it. I do not want any sexual contact with the sub/slave. I am just so tired that as soon as we talk to a female about us looking for a slave/sub they say they are not looking for a poly relationship. When Poly never once came out of our mouth. Yes, the sub/slave will still have a sex life and still be with men, just not this man, what is so wrong with that?

Arpig -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 5:22:45 PM)
You ARE looking for a poly relationship. What you are looking for is called a "V" relationship as opposed to a triad, but it is still a poly relationship. Whether you schtup her or not is not important to the nature of the beast, just the colour of the spots on it's coat. There is a very good thread on unicorn hunting in the poly section of this forum, as well as many, many posts by experienced poly people there. My advice to you would be to have your wife make a Dominant woman profile wherin she states clearly that she is in an open marriage and is seeking a sub woman with your knowledge and permission, rather than the present couple's profile, and use that to search. Here's the link to the thread I mentioned: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3821031/tm.htm

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 6:10:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig You ARE looking for a poly relationship. What you are looking for is called a "V" relationship as opposed to a triad, but it is still a poly relationship. Whether you schtup her or not is not important to the nature of the beast, just the colour of the spots on it's coat. This. ^^^^^^ ~Hisprettybaby~

Madame4a -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 6:47:20 PM)
poly means more than one... mono means just the one... there would be three of you if you find your unicorn... poly - when people tell you they are not looking for that, it likely means they don't want to be the third in your relationship

slaveluci -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 7:28:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 Yes, the sub/slave will still have a sex life and still be with men, just not this man, what is so wrong with that? Not a thing. If that's what you both want, there's nothing wrong with it at all[:)] Good luck! luci

littlewonder -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 7:38:06 PM)
it is poly, just not a triad. a lot of subs have zero interest in being in a relationship where one side is already in a relationship with that person as well. You are still seeking a unicorn. Good luck

Kaliko -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/6/2011 8:26:31 PM)
Ditto what the others said. It's poly. (God, I get so exhausted when I exert so much energy and thought typing out a deep and meaningful post. Whew!)

oddlots347 -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/7/2011 8:47:37 AM)
Thank you all for the wonderful and thoughtful input.

lizi -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/7/2011 9:07:38 AM)
For me, the main drawback of poly is that the members have other people outside of myself. I don't want someone with other emotional or physical attachments. I know I work best in a monogamous situation where I can be assured of having that other person to myself. So even if your version of poly isn't the more common let's all boink each other version, it is still a situation where there is a couple with ties to each other and not one person looking for another person.

FelineFae -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/10/2011 1:59:24 AM)
Stay positive. There's no greater turn-off than someone that lists all their trials and tribulations ~and then~ tells you what they want in a relationship.

windchymes -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/10/2011 11:39:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineFae Stay positive. There's no greater turn-off than someone that lists all their trials and tribulations ~and then~ tells you what they want in a relationship. ^ very true. There's nothing wrong with wanting anything. But since it IS hard to find for most, we will call it a unicorn, and I will play the Irish Rovers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EPsuOEH1fY

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/10/2011 12:44:52 PM)
Gotta agree, it's probably just the way you advertise, most people want to know the general expectations up front, advertising as a couple when -you- are not part of the sexual equation can mislead. I don't think your expectations are unrealistic at all, but if a sub has a relationship with your wife, they DO have one to you by proxy, they will still know you and be involved in your life to some degree, being a sub is about way more than who touches who and with what parts of the anatomy. If you want a sub for the house, who will also be accomodating your mundane needs with service, there will be emotional bonds in some cases, for some subs, submitting and service are a bonding experience rooted in emotional needs. Just keep that in mind too, good luck!

MagiksSlave -> RE: Trying to find the unicorn. (9/10/2011 1:13:04 PM)
I don't do Poly because don't share well with others, this is the reason a lot of people who reject poly do so. So even if we give you that you don't want poly, honesly the labels don't really make a lick of difference so that isnt the real issue here, you are still asking what ever sub you take on to share. I know I wouldn't be happy in the arrangment you have put forth (many wouldn't thus the whole unicorn thing) the entire sharing the person you are in a relatioship with, with another person whether you call it poly or you call it ham sandwich, it still boils down to the same thing... whats mine is mine and it isn't yours and no I don't wana share it!

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