RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (Full Version)

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FelineFae -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/11/2011 6:58:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

My question to those that are heavily into sadism is how they found out that they had that "mean streak" in them.  Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly?  An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? 




i don't consider myself a sadist, but i do enjoy my art. When i'm inking on someone, i just don't care if i'm hurting them. They knew it would hurt before we started.

Here at the commune, there's a sticker in the kitchen that reads, " I'm not mean, You're just a sissy. "



SimplyMichael -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/11/2011 7:22:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

  Have you ever had an experience where you had a relationship with a woman who then turned around and used the consented activities against you to make it seem to her peers that you were abusive? 


Never with a primary partner but I pick awesome primary partners, my choices in secondary partners isn't so good and my boundaries and such are not as good either. So, I have had, actually rather recently a secondary relationship go a bit south and she tarnished my reputation but mainly with people who's opinion I could care less about but it happened. It wasn't so much she painted me as abusive, it was more that I wasn't the worlds most perfect and amazing dominant.

So, what can you do to avoid this? Well, girls under 26, broadly speaking suck. They don't know what they want, they don't know how to say no or yes. Which means they think you are the cat's meo until they decide you are the spawn of Satan. So, before you dip it in someone new, ask around, do your homework. Find out what her history is, has she left a trail of drama, does she still get along with at least some ex partners, does she have a good relationship with her parents or at least her siblings? If not, go slow.



LadyPact -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/11/2011 7:27:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker
What I meant by that was someone could get off in masochistic tones but still act very petty/immature the rest of the time to the point where they can cause trouble to the sadist's general life should things not work out for them both. 


Your prior question really was to Michael, so I didn't answer due to feeling like I was butting in.  However, with the clarification above, I can tell you that I know it has happened and not in an urban myth legend kind of way.  Meaning, I knew the people.  Yes, it absolutely can happen. 

Does this mean that I would only suggest that people play with those who, how shall I put this, might be a bit higher than your age range?  Not at all.  I think the better lesson here is to know who you are playing with and get some kind of concept about how the last relationship ended.  That's usually a good way to know what you can expect from the person should the relationship end with you.  If it was drama, tire slashing, police report filing kind of mess that makes "War of the Roses" look like a bad joke, that's not the person you want to be playing with.



littlewonder -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/11/2011 7:32:26 PM)

Get to know the people you are going to play with....I know I'm old fashioned but ya know the whole dating thing really is useful.

You get to know more about them through conversations, the way they act and move towards others, etc....



Kana -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/12/2011 7:00:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Very informative replies so far. 

Are there certain activities that as a sadist, you cannot see yourself doing even if requested?  What are some of the more "basic" and I suppose, "safe" sadistic activities you see yourself doing or are widely practiced?  This can range from physical play to even mental if you wish.

The one last question I have (and if anybody reads this with their own curiosities feel free to chime in) is if you could give a single piece of advice to an aspiring beginner in sadism, what would you say? 



Sure. There's lots of stuff I won't do. I've lost slaves over it in the past (I owned a gal once who liked breath play...a lot. It started with the normal stuff, hand/belt around her throat, then progressed to hoods with breathing tubes, collars that could be tightened around her neck etc...but as we played, her fetish grew until she wanted me to strangle her until she turned blue and passed out. No thank you. Folks die that way-see the Preppy Murder Case defense.) There's probably more I won't do than will, and I'm a guy who thinks a blowtorch is a kinky thing.
Example-I haven't used a bullwhip in years. If I met a gal and whipping came up, I wouldn't just string her up one night and go to town on her. I'd take some time, practice, get back into form before I hit a live woman.

Basic safe sadism can be almost anything. Impact play is always a good place to start. But hands are also good. It's amazing how much you can make a person scream using nothing else. And of course mental games. Bring a cactus into the room when she's bound. Let her see it. Let her think, Holy mutherfuckingshit, WTF is He gonna do with that? Then blindfold and take her down, deep down where her mind is blank except maybe a lingering unease. Then start fucking her hard with one of those dildos with lots of spikes. Watch her just freak. Use things like pliers to pinch, grab (Wanna hear her scream, Grab her ear with some needlenoses and drag her across the room.). There are lots and lots of safe ways to be a sadist and still just mangle someone.

Best advice-and this ties into the next question. Pick good partners. And no princesses. OMG no.


quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Have you ever had an experience where you had a relationship with a woman who then turned around and used the consented activities against you to make it seem to her peers that you were abusive?  Given my age, I have had my share of nasty fallouts where everything would be blown out of proportion but it seems that if a break-up were to occur while practicing this it gives even greater ease to "cry abuse." 

Now maturity is indiscriminate towards age but with the common belief that older means more matured would you recommend someone my age to seek out a woman older than himself?  How I'm seeing it, having masochistic tendencies means little if the overall stability of emotions is not yet put into place. 



Nope. Never had a problem with women threatening me. (But then again, I'm not the sort of person lots of people threaten. When I get pissed I get real hard and cold and it seems to scare the snot out of people, pretty funny cuz I'm not a big guy at all. I think it's about intensity) But I pick my partners well. Heck, most of them have been much better people than me.


Lastly-Duuuuuuuuuuuuude, you are to smart for your own good. You are overthinking shit. When ya strip away all the bells and whistles, leather, latex, rubber and cuffs, it's a relationship. No more. No less. Pay less attention to things like age, fetishes etc...and more to the dynamic between the 2(or 3, or 10, or 2000).
That's what matters.



kalikshama -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/13/2011 3:53:11 AM)

Nice thread NS - I really enjoyed reading it. Although I am very grateful for sadism, it boggles my mind, and I appreciate the insight.



agirl -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/13/2011 11:33:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Very informative replies so far. 

Are there certain activities that as a sadist, you cannot see yourself doing even if requested?  What are some of the more "basic" and I suppose, "safe" sadistic activities you see yourself doing or are widely practiced?  This can range from physical play to even mental if you wish.

The one last question I have (and if anybody reads this with their own curiosities feel free to chime in) is if you could give a single piece of advice to an aspiring beginner in sadism, what would you say? 



You are overthinking shit. When ya strip away all the bells and whistles, leather, latex, rubber and cuffs, it's a relationship. No more. No less. Pay less attention to things like age, fetishes etc...and more to the dynamic between the 2(or 3, or 10, or 2000).
That's what matters.



There are many things that M wouldn't *do* to someone, even something like a mild spank, EVEN if requested.. He's very careful who he is *mean* to and the further along that line you go, the more careful he is.

Trust runs BOTH ways and he wouldn't unleash the things he's done to me on just *anyone*. In fact, in the first few years he wasn't anything LIKE as sadistic as he is now. It's taken years for us to get to the level of grossness we have now. He had to be sure of my trust in him and he had to be sure of his own trust in me.

The single piece of advice I'd give anyone......"Know your victim". It needn't be any more elaborate than that.  Very often people want to bypass that part in their rush for the rush......lol

agirl







MissImmortalPain -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/13/2011 2:30:17 PM)

Personally I don't think of it as a mean steak and I didn't need desensitized in any way. To quote that nit witted pop singer my nephews will not stop playing "I was born this way" I am not by nature confrontational. I like things calm and done in order. I really only get nasty when things get chaotic. For the most part it is not at all sexual for me. Yes at times it can get things going but I can hurt someone without sex ever being part of it. Why , you ask. Well that is a little deeper. I will try and keep it short and just go with the thought that everyone is guilty of something. And everyone should be punished for that something. I think the psychological term is blurred because it leaves out a lot of things that are not sexual to begin with. As to conditions partners are prone to...I can't really say.I and not on that side of things and I know far to many people that seek out such things to call it abuse.



Arpig -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/16/2011 7:32:23 PM)

quote:

Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly?
No desensitizing involved, but it was a process of self discovery.
quote:

An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? 
A series of many small such events that over time presented a pattern that I could discern.
quote:

While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general?
How on earth would I know, I'm as confrontational as I am. I have no clue how much of that is due to sadism or not. Though it is useful when wanting to get somebody to make a fool of themselves.
quote:

By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification?
No, there is an emotional element to it as well.
quote:

What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? 
It's fun. I also enjoy the danger of it...knowing that it isn't really safe, that things are just barely under control. Sort of like dancing a waltz on a high wire
quote:

Is this simply just a blurred out version of abuse?
Probably, that's why I stick to masochists...it's not abuse if they want it.
quote:

Are partners that indulge in your sadistic tendencies more prone to possessing psychological conditions such as the "battered spouse syndrome?"
Not that I ever noticed. Mind you, most of the ones I mess around with nowadays do have some major incest/molestation fantasies/issues, but then again they wouldn't be with a creepy old perv like me if they didn't.
quote:

Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass?
Not really, consent removes that aspect of it for me. I like making her cry, and she likes it when I make her cry...what's the moral issue?
quote:

Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like.  How do you find yourself dealing with this change? 
There's nothing to deal with, after a while things get boring so you try something new. Pretty much like any other hobby or pastime.
quote:

Are there certain activities that as a sadist, you cannot see yourself doing even if requested?
Yes. Snuff, home surgery, and amputations are pretty much out of bounds.
quote:

What are some of the more "basic" and I suppose, "safe" sadistic activities you see yourself doing or are widely practiced?
It really depends on the person I'm with, what gets them going and what doesn't.
quote:

if you could give a single piece of advice to an aspiring beginner in sadism, what would you say? 
You're sick in the head, accept it, don't try deny it just enjoy it...but!!! Be careful when, where, how and, most importantly, with whom you chose to indulge your sickness.
quote:

Have you ever had an experience where you had a relationship with a woman who then turned around and used the consented activities against you to make it seem to her peers that you were abusive?
Sort of. The people who can admit that they are primarily at fault for the failure of a relationship are few and far between, so with S/M it is easy to point the finger and say "he was abusive." My answer to that is to say: "Damn right I was, that was the whole fucking point of it all wasn't it?"
quote:

Now maturity is indiscriminate towards age but with the common belief that older means more matured would you recommend someone my age to seek out a woman older than himself?
No. Seek out somebody who you are both attracted to and compatible with. While D/s may or may not be all about sex, S/M pretty much is. It is far more entertaining and fun to be hurting somebody you genuinely like and care about. That and there is an enormous thrill to having the first time you do something be the person you are doing it with's first time as well...you discover together, it's exciting and scary and thrilling for both.
quote:

How I'm seeing it, having masochistic tendencies means little if the overall stability of emotions is not yet put into place. 
quote:

What I meant by that was someone could get off in masochistic tones but still act very petty/immature the rest of the time to the point where they can cause trouble to the sadist's general life should things not work out for them both. 
That applies to any human interaction at any age, it's not in any way particularly different in an S/M situation. One of my completely vanilla friends was thrown in jail because his wife got pissed off when his mother was coming to visit and he was going to have to be away for a few days for work...she called the cops and accused him of hitting her to get back at him. They are a successful couple, personally and professionally, of my age, and generally considered by all and sundry to really have their shit together and to be completely mature in everything they do.

Any other questions Grasshopper?




gungadin09 -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/16/2011 7:56:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig
It is far more entertaining and fun to be hurting somebody you genuinely like and care about.


Nominated for Quote of the Day.

pam



AAkasha -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/16/2011 9:19:46 PM)


Long before I ever know what S&M was, when I was merely a teenager experimenting harmlessly with other teenagers with things like making out or light petting, my first instincts were still toward power exchange, light bondage, and even pain. But I am not a sadistic or manipulative person, and I am sensitive, and was cautious and slow.

For a long time, the games I liked to play were about "pretend this hurts." It was "pretend this kiss hurts you," and "pretend you can't move," and "pretend you are afraid." This excited me so much, it was only a matter of time and a little self confidence and soul searching that I realized I didn't have to just make them pretend - if they were willing, and liked how excited it made me, maybe they'd endure a little real pain or real bondage for me. Hair pulling, biting, that kind of thing - when I experimented with how much I could dish out before I got a reaction, and how it made me feel (so, so aroused), I learned pretty early on that the reward a man felt when he saw my arousal was often very much worth the minor pain.

And the bigger surprise were the guys that actually got kind of turned on from being slightly helpless and enduring a little pain. Then I was off to the races, so to speak.

Akasha



stacey4u2luv -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/18/2011 11:03:09 PM)

My butt hurts me badly right now and there is no way I am suffering from battered partner syndrome. To suffer from that there would have to be conflicts in the relationship and feelings of guilt that you did something to cause the confrontation etc.... What I am feeling is wonderful sensations that will last hours after my experience. This is a point and time which I truly enjoy too. There is a big difference between trying to avoid a situation and going into it freely. If you willingly lay there and accept it and then later get up to inspect the handy work with a smile on your face I just cannot see by any means how a person could ever suffer from battered partner syndrome.

When you go and sit down and go ahhhhhh because it hurts a little and soak it all in there is just something about that that makes it all worth while. The first strikes may be unbearable but when you get further along you become immune to them and that is the best part when you feel your flesh getting warm and then so ever hot and the stings the sensations they give after is the part you desire. I would not say it is the beatings itself one desires it is the results that one needs whether it be tears, the sensations the quivering or the heat.

Someone suffering from battered partner syndrome does not think of end results they only think of the beatings.



KnightofMists -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/19/2011 8:43:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

With that said, I know I'm not the only person out there raised with those values.  Did you find your participation and evolution of sadism conflict with your moral compass?  Some people start by scratching or pulling hair, then wind up going deeper into flogging and the like.  How do you find yourself dealing with this change? 


No... If you consider the behavior in isolation I can see where one may have difficulty. Or equate the behaviour to a specific intention or motivation.

However, if my motivation leads me to behaviors that bring happiness, enjoyment and/or an improved sense of well being to my partners. Where is the issue regardless of the behavior used. For me it is a question of the motivation along with the results or said behaviour that I measure my moral compass against and not the behaviour.




KnightofMists -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/19/2011 8:56:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Are there certain activities that as a sadist, you cannot see yourself doing even if requested?  What are some of the more "basic" and I suppose, "safe" sadistic activities you see yourself doing or are widely practiced?  This can range from physical play to even mental if you wish.


I don't look at it from a prespective of activities. I have grown in my understanding of my sadism that I am prepared to engage in any activities provided two things are met.

1 my motivations and intentions are for the enjoyment and/or personal enhancement of both of us.

2 I believe without doubt that my actions will bring the results that I am motivated to achieve.

quote:


The one last question I have (and if anybody reads this with their own
curiosities feel free to chime in) is if you could give a single piece of advice
to an aspiring beginner in sadism, what would you say? 


See my two rules above and make your best effort to adhere to them.



SillyMan -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/19/2011 10:42:37 AM)

I am not a sadist.

But she likes being hurt.

and I like to hurt her as a consequence.

the results are fantastic.

we learn, we bruise.

sm



sheisreeds -> RE: Broadening Horizons: A question to Sadists. (9/19/2011 5:43:23 PM)

>My question to those that are heavily into sadism is how they found out that they had that "mean streak" in them. 

>Was it a process of desensitizing yourself steadily/unknowingly? 
Not really, I grew up dealing with a lot, and certainly was really good at being mean and hard on myself. I was always one to stand my ground, and fight (sometimes physically).

>An event that happened with a partner that really opened their eyes? 
I always identified as a switch, though mostly in practice was a masochist. Even early on in my purely switchy relationships it was more about the struggle then my partners suffering.

The change really came when I started seeking out control and started becoming more aggressive with the vanillas. I started to recognize my tendencies ran pretty deep, and started solely seeking out kinky partners. My current partner was really when I started to let my inner sadist out of the cage, and the first time we got physical was eye opening to both on us on a ton of levels. Not only did it feel good to be able to be mean, I didn't realize how much I would enjoy is reactions. It was then that my Sadistic tendencies began to equal my Masochistic ones. Within months I began to enjoy scenes where I was only a sadist (most of mine are a back and forth).

> While I have your attention, as a sadist, do you find yourself being much more confrontational to other people in general?  Maybe you "stir the pot" intentionally?
Totally, I am all about trouble. At work I am known for being able to cut down more experienced professionals in long strings of five syllable words. My job is pretty confrontational and involves a lot of chaos. Outside of work I've always been a prankster. Kink and work keep me out of heaps of trouble. A major goal of mine was to live a life of "organized chaos", and I've got that down.

> By that same token, is your sadism strictly sexual gratification? 

Not at all. It certainly is arousing to me, though is easily it's own reward. I get off equally on witnessing what I've made.

> What is it about inflicting cruelty on others (be it physical/mental) that appeals most as best you can describe? 

Mmmmm, it's all about power and control. I like feeling life in my hands, I like suffering, there is such a transfer that comes from it. It's a wonderful loop of my energy going into them, and then coming right back into me in the beautiful form of writhing and screams. Being a sadomasochist I love both ends of this exchange, and being in an endless back and forth with it.

> In psychiatry, sadism is defined by causing pain/degradation to others while getting a sexual charge from it. Is this simply just a blurred out version of abuse? 

Not at all, non-consent turns me off. What I love is that it is a mutually enjoyable experience. It is a sharing of something really scared. What I love about it is that it is freely given. Abuse is taking from someone.

> Are partners that indulge in your sadistic tendencies more prone to possessing psychological conditions such as the "battered spouse syndrome?"

Interesting question! I have a history of severe depression and PTSD, and my partner has a comparable history. However, we heal through kink, versus allow ourselves to be re-traumatized or fall into behavior patterns that mimic our histories. Our histories may have made us more aware of our tendencies, though I'm fairly certain I was kinky from the start, as is my partner.

> Are there certain activities that as a sadist, you cannot see yourself doing even if requested?

Um, breath play to the point of losing consciousness. I'm not into anything that will permanently stretch or disfigure (except for scars, love those). I don't like cutting deep, or really doing anything that is going to have a massive recovery time or potentially have serious complications.

I won't puncture or cut without something designed for that purpose. So all blood play, needle play is done with medical grade supplies.

I won't do anything "edgy" that I don't know well. Anytime I am doing something new I read up, go slow, and take my time.

> What are some of the more "basic" and I suppose, "safe" sadistic activities you see yourself doing or are widely practiced? This can range from physical play to even mental if you wish.

Anything becomes basic and relatively safe with practice, anything without practice can be relatively dangerous.

My hands are my favorite weapons, and I guess are the safest, though frequently are the cause of the most damage.

I sleep with knives next to my pillow, and my fire play stuff is almost always out in the living room. But those tools with time have become extensions of my body.

Mindfucks are some of the most dangerous forms of play, and can be the most scarring.

All this shit is relative, it depends on the practitioner and how they go about learning what they do, and doing what they do.

> The one last question I have (and if anybody reads this with their own curiosities feel free to chime in) is if you could give a single piece of advice to an aspiring beginner in sadism, what would you say?

Anything becomes basic and relatively safe with practice, anything without practice can be relatively dangerous.

All this shit is relative, it depends on the practitioner and how they go about learning what they do, and doing what they do.

Take your time, be smart about it, talk to everyone you can. Never be sadistic out of anger, always out of love. Always make sure partners are on the same page as you, in regards to everything.



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