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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/10/2011 2:03:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He doesn't like me to go deeply into subspace. But I normally require aftercare: water and warmth and sleep. The only times I haven't are when I haven't gotten ice cold during play. No idea what that means.

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/10/2011 4:25:25 PM   
gungadin09


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Status: offline 		i go into subspace (not deeply) and i HATE aftercare. i just want to be left alone.

pam

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/10/2011 5:00:00 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		FR

There are people who don't go into subspace who do need aftercare, so I don't know about correlations. But people who do go all spacey often do want some kind of aftercare afterwards, in my experience.

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/10/2011 6:23:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		There are times I need aftercare and times when I don't. There are times he needs it and times he doesn't as well.

It just depends on how hard we were playing and how deep I zoned out. Sometimes I'm shakey, dehydrated and cold. He'll make sure I have something to drink, a blanket and he'll touch me and we'll talk and cuddle.

Most of the time he needs the aftercare though and so he requires a back massage and again we'll cuddle and talk.

There are other times where we're both just exhausted and we just fall asleep.




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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/10/2011 7:51:53 PM   
painslut85


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/18/2011
Status: offline 		Don't think there's a correlation, but in a good D/s relationship the couple should communicate enough to know whats best. 

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/11/2011 7:00:28 AM   
Muttling


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Do you think there is a correlation between aftercare and subspace?
I don't ever go into subspace and I require no aftercare (unless you consider going to the kitchen and getting him pretzels and hummus as aftercare).
I find that I do like to touch him a little afterwards and if it's at night, he'll completely wrap himself around me to fall asleep.
That, to me, is normal affection though.



As has been said many times before, there are no simple rules that apply to all.

When it's light or medium play, after care is nice but just what you describe.....like after sex cuddling.

When it's really intense, it's exhausting physically and emotionally.   I really do need the after care for play that pushes the limits hard.

When it's light or medium, the depth of subspace I get into is pretty shallow.  With intense play it's deep sub space.   Another aspect of this for me is Shibari which sends me so deep it's like a hypnotic trans, it would be very empty to come out of that alone (e.g. not being held or touched in some fashion.)

< Message edited by Muttling -- 9/11/2011 7:06:08 AM >

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/11/2011 8:09:49 AM   
windchymes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

yep.  It is different for us all.  Talking does nothing for me because I can't comprehend much when I am still spacing. 

btw... your sigline is hilarious

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Aftercare for me consists more of the psychological rather than the physical. In other words, if he handed me a bottle of water and a candy bar and then walked away I would probably feel pretty neglected, but him giving me nothing and sitting and talking with me for the "cooldown" would leave me feeling good.

You want to impress your girl, open her car door for her. She'll love it, plus the walk from her door to yours is a great time to fart.





Thanks, re the sigline! Wish I could take full credit, but I heard it on the radio and didn't catch the comedian's name.

Sorry for the hijack....

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/11/2011 2:21:28 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

I am a touchslut/cuddlewhore.



I read that about you... on a bathroom wall.  

(quickly ducks and runs)




Did you notice when you called the number... voice sounded kinda manly?


Hmmm... I remember a man saying, "She's busy at the moment, but will be free to go shopping in about 15 minutes... come by then."  That, and hearing a lot of muffled gurgling?!!






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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/11/2011 4:51:53 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Do you think there is a correlation between aftercare and subspace?
I don't ever go into subspace and I require no aftercare (unless you consider going to the kitchen and getting him pretzels and hummus as aftercare).
I find that I do like to touch him a little afterwards and if it's at night, he'll completely wrap himself around me to fall asleep.
That, to me, is normal affection though.


For some people, sure. For others, no.  With my ex, he'd bring me to pretty extreme levels of altered states and give no aftercare, and it was very difficult for me to find my way back to a level ground, so to speak.  I would emotionally drop pretty far before being able to bring myself back up.  With Daddy, I rarely reach subspace, and don't often feel that need for his help in getting grounded again.  However, he likes to take care of me after, just being really snuggly and bringing me cold water.  Then again, that's his normal nature so I don't know if it would be considered "aftercare."  To me it's "all-the-time-care", and consistent with his overall treatment of me.  With him, I've never felt the kind of drop I used to have.


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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/12/2011 12:01:59 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
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Status: offline 		Hmm.. Yes there is a correlation between subspace and aftercare, I don't think it's a very strong one though. But it stands to reason that the more intense the scene, the more likely it is there'll be a need for some come down.

As for the form that aftercare takes, it can vary enormously. Personally I think that "aftercare" has been turned into an odd totem for a set of behaviours that individuals think ought to be the rule post play.

Aftercare is no more than the application of common sense.

If a playmate needs some alone time after a session, then I give her some space (That really is aftercare).

If a playmate needs a cuppa tea and a natter after a session then I pop the kettle on (That really is aftercare).

If a playmate needs a backrub or a massage (and if you're doing ropework there may be a really good reason why these might be wanted/needed), then I'd get the oil out (yup! Aftercare).


If a playmate needs hours of cuddling and nurturing, has to have a special blankie wrapped around her and fresh baked cookies made for her then I'll provide that "aftercare". Once. In this case there'd be no need for any more aftercare because I wouldn't be seeing someone that fucking needy again.



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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/12/2011 12:04:35 AM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

i go into subspace (not deeply) and i HATE aftercare. i just want to be left alone.

pam


So, after treating you like the bad bad girl you are, if I then crowded you with cuddles, reassurance, cuddles and a blankie I'm guessing you'd be a little irritated?

So if I care about how you feel after getting it on with you, I ought to give you some space....

Isn't that a little like aftercare ;-)


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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/12/2011 2:34:20 AM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Do you think there is a correlation between aftercare and subspace?
I don't ever go into subspace and I require no aftercare (unless you consider going to the kitchen and getting him pretzels and hummus as aftercare).
I find that I do like to touch him a little afterwards and if it's at night, he'll completely wrap himself around me to fall asleep.
That, to me, is normal affection though.


For me there is zero correlation between subspace and aftercare. I go into subspace very easily. The first time I had it happen, I had no aftercare. The guy was a total dick (and no I don't mean sadistic, just an asshole) and I cut things off after that. (There was more to it than no aftercare.) If there was some sort of correlation for me, I doubt I would have been able to hit subspace after that first experience. But I have. And getting aftercare is just the icing on the cake. :)

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/12/2011 4:25:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

If a playmate needs  a special blankie wrapped around her and fresh baked cookies made for her then I'll provide that "aftercare".



If by special blankie, you mean the heaviest quilt in the house, then that's me.


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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/12/2011 4:27:51 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		When I bottom, whether I get the high from it or not, I do not want aftercare. I want to get up and go about my day.

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/12/2011 5:11:17 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

Aftercare is no more than the application of common sense.


I do wonder sometimes why we have to have a special name for it. And I would much rather do without if his “aftercare” is clumsy or if his heart isn't really in it. Nothing worse than having someone pat-pat-pat me as if it is a requirement rather than something they want to do!

In my experience, “aftercare” has no correlation to how deep I go into subspace. Sometimes I want to curl up and take a 20 minute nap;if he wants to cuddle me then fine, if he doesn't that's OK too! Sometimes I want to jump around the room and laugh and talk non-stop. If I have cried during the session I do like a little cuddle until I am calm again. But most of the time I am starving, so food and drink are great; doesn't matter if I cook, we cook together or go out to eat...although nobody lets me drive especially if I am still a little 'floaty'.

< Message edited by catize -- 9/12/2011 5:12:31 PM >

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/13/2011 12:41:01 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Do you think there is a correlation between aftercare and subspace?
I don't ever go into subspace and I require no aftercare (unless you consider going to the kitchen and getting him pretzels and hummus as aftercare).
I find that I do like to touch him a little afterwards and if it's at night, he'll completely wrap himself around me to fall asleep.
That, to me, is normal affection though.


Never called zonky stuff *subspace* and we've never had anything called *aftercare* either.

We do weird, strange stuff and then we do other stuff to wind down. That's about it really.

agirl




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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/15/2011 12:22:08 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i am a cuddle monster and luckily so is master so after is all about cuddles and if ive gone deep then sleep we normally play at night so its not an issue if during the day hew ill hug me let me sleep for short time then get me up

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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/15/2011 12:38:48 AM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		I love the conceptual ideas behind this thread..... but sadly have never experienced anything even in the remote ballpark as subspace.

Kali


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RE: Afercare and Subspace - 9/15/2011 9:31:13 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
So, after treating you like the bad bad girl you are, if I then crowded you with cuddles, reassurance, cuddles and a blankie I'm guessing you'd be a little irritated?

So if I care about how you feel after getting it on with you, I ought to give you some space....

Isn't that a little like aftercare ;-)


Not for me.  i don't call that aftercare.  i call it being a genuinely nice person.

pam


< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 9/15/2011 9:34:29 AM >

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