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Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 9:18:23 AM   
TopTeibar


Posts: 24
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline 		Hey there, first let me introduce myself in view words. I´m a german graphic designer and editor from Germany, moved to London 3 months ago. Now I´ve created a website about gorean livestyle. There I present some of my photos and also write some words about Gor. However, as none-native-speaker, people sometimes say: my sentences-building sounds very german and also sometime I use wrong words cause of the different meaning in different contexts. Or some phrases are not really "happy". Is there anybody who can help me with this problem. As a newspaper-editor I know the force of written words, but sadly yet only in german words. Feel free to have a look at the website and give me feedback

www.teibar.co.uk

ty
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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 9:59:49 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not able to assist as my understanding of the german language is very limited.
Have you tried the various internet translatorservices that available to you?

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 10:36:23 AM   
TopTeibar


Posts: 24
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline 		I don´t need help with my german language: I don´t want to translate the text. I want to know what could be better with my english text.

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 11:09:32 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		FR

Welcome to CM.

Perhaps asking the forum that's strictly Gorean related can help.

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 11:14:41 AM   
poise


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Status: offline 		Excellent idea!

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 12:36:43 PM   
TopTeibar


Posts: 24
Joined: 6/29/2011
Status: offline 		the problem is not the gorean content. I only ask for language mistakes in my texts.

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 1:24:32 PM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		Welcome To CM

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 3:10:38 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		Welcome :)

As for the advice for asking in the Gorean forum I'd say it was sound - they will better understand what you might be trying to explain in English

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 4:07:47 PM   
Mr4sg


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline 		Between the lines I can read the German words you had in mind while writing English.

The question is: do you want to sound like a perfect Briton or keep your German Identity. A touch of a German accent could be a powerful asset. You might even want to include a voice sample of you reading the text at the site.

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 5:03:15 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TopTeibar

the problem is not the gorean content. I only ask for language mistakes in my texts.


I can give suggestions to the English language, however I know Gorean phrases are another thing completely. My suggestions would be from my perspective: a woman who doesn't feel submissive or slave to any man. Hence- get thee to the Gorean forum, man!

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 10:22:38 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


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Status: offline 		Welcome to CM and the boards.

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/11/2011 10:51:45 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		In English, there is no quote mark that is used on the bottom.  "Here is how quotes are to appear."  My key-board doesn't have the fonts that have the same fonts you are using, but the opening quote - above just before Here - looks like a 6, but up high, like you have your closing quotes.  Ahhh. just checked.  What you are using as your closing quote marks are English / American OPENING quote marks.

Looked again.  Just reverse your begining and opening quotes and move both to be high.  I think that's right.  I don't seem to be able to find a googled page that "works" for me.  Try: http://www.witch.westfalen.de/csstest/quotes/quotes.html

------------------
You have:

It´s a fantastic way of life with much desire, devotion, dominance and true honest submission.

You need a comma: "true, honest submission."
----------------
Submission can only happen by choice
needs a period at the end.

The whole submission page - THAT's where you need your Gorean friends to look-see.
----------------
A couple of misspelled words:
"slave litteny" is "slave litany"
Q: What does a slave girl want more tham anything? than anything?
---------------
Sorry, I've run out of time.  Basically, looks good but fix those quote marks.  BIG error in an American's eyes.  Could not "see" anything but those. LOL!

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 9/11/2011 11:41:02 PM >

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/12/2011 6:22:48 AM   
OohAahMrs


Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline 		Hey top, i can give you one really good piece of advice, think in English, forget German!

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RE: Need help in creating text for website - 9/12/2011 12:23:45 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Hi Teibar,

I looked at your site - very nice! You are very close grammatically.

I would suggest you make it easy on yourself and use simple quotes - " - rather than the smart quotes which curve left on open quote and right on close quote.

So change this:

good slave“.

to this:

good slave."

(Quotes go after the punctuation.)

On the same page, masters feet should be master's feet to show the possessive.

I like the way you add this disclaimer:

quote:

There is a difference between the Gorean philosphy and lifestyle. We are living on earth and have our rules. So Gorean lifestyle can only be practised within these rules. Submission can only happen by choice.


Best of luck!

KK

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Profile   Post #: 14
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