How do I check out a new Master is for real?

How do I check out a new Master is for real? (Full Version)

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substirlingguy -> How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 3:17:56 PM)
I have had several message exchanges with a Master who is very interested in training me. I have told Him I have mainly been in spanking scenes but wish to expand my limits. He seems to be genuine enough not like many others who just get their kicks ordering you around on cam. He wants to come to my house. It is very isolated. At the moment i only know Him through his profile on here. What precautions should I take and how do I establish he is a sane person who understands a Dom - sub relationship?

MstrDennynSlave -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 3:29:23 PM)
Number 1--Talk online a lot more. Number 2--Meet in person in a public place. Number 3--Do not invite him to your house until you have met him in person and have gotten to know him much better. Number 4--When you meet him in person, make sure you have someone close by that you can call in case things turn bad. Number 5--If you have any qualms about hiim after meeting him, do not play with him at that time. It is just like meeting anyone in a vanilla relationship. You need to be prepared to walk away if you are not comfortable with this Master. And talk with him. Will he respect your limits? Will he push your limits? What does he expect from you? What do you expect from him? Think about what are your hard limits and if they can be pushed or not?

OsideGirl -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 3:45:24 PM)
Meet him for coffee, then go home. Decide if you like him enough to get to know him. Go out on dates, decide if you like him enough to play with him. DO NOT allow him to come to your house until you've met face to face a few times and you feel comfortable.

poise -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 3:52:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy I have had several message exchanges with a Master who is very interested in training me. I have told Him I have mainly been in spanking scenes but wish to expand my limits. He seems to be genuine enough not like many others who just get their kicks ordering you around on cam. He wants to come to my house. It is very isolated. At the moment i only know Him through his profile on here. What precautions should I take and how do I establish he is a sane person who understands a Dom - sub relationship? There is no BDSM stamp of approval to verify his authenticity, and while he may have good intentions, inviting a stranger to your home is not the best way for you to be testing your limits. If he is truly interested in developing a relationship with you and not just your ass, he will understand your hesitancy to have him come to your home for the first meeting.

substirlingguy -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 4:06:52 PM)
Thank you everyone. I think maybe he is married and doesn't want me in the family home. But I was going to tell him we would meet in a public place first. He expects me to play on a certain day at certain times. In my real life i am very busy and surely he should take that into account ?

Mr4sg -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 4:09:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy Thank you everyone. I think maybe he is married and doesn't want me in the family home. But I was going to tell him we would meet in a public place first. He expects me to play on a certain day at certain times. In my real life i am very busy and surely he should take that into account ? Yes. If he shows no respect for your life and circumstances, run like hell. He will not care enough about your well being.

Killerangel -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 4:54:09 PM)
He's married. If you're ok with that then fine. So what if he expects you to be available at a certain time/day...if it works for you then go ahead. If not, he'll have to find someone else to cheat on his wife with and probably has those others already, or certainly has in the past so protect yourself with condoms as well. Definitely meet in a public place at least once if not more. You'd be very foolish not to protect yourself and at least see how you feel about the guy. I would NOT invite a stranger to my isolated home, maybe not even after knowing them for a while. If he's so keen to play why doesn't he spring for a hotel? Are you not worth the cost of a room? If not, bye. He's just a guy, calling himself a Master doesn't give him any special properties of magically being able to tell you what to do when it comes to yourself, your home, and your safety. If you were dating a nice guy from the office would you let him dictate your personal boundaries at the beginning? Heck no. And really he's not your Master yet, you haven't even met him. That means you make all decisions for yourself now until you decide at some point that you'd like to hand them over to him if he deserves them. Personal safety, dating, whatever....is all the same whether you are seeing someone who is vanilla or someone who is kinky. If you wouldn't let someone you met online from match.com into your home on a first meet and greet, then you don't let the kinky guy in there because he capitalizes his title with a capital M. Please consider changing your avatar. It's against the TOS of this site to have nudity as a main photo, and it's seriously disturbing to see your butt hanging out there. Might be why you're not getting a lot of action on your thread. Ok?

Buzzzz -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 6:32:33 PM)
references, references, references. Safe call, have a friend go with you.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 6:38:43 PM)
Buzzzz aside from references what does that have to do with finding out whether a master is the real thing?

Epytropos -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 6:42:04 PM)
I've made some edits to the original post, as a thought experiment. Please consider the following: I have had several conversations with a Master who is very interested in training me. I have told Him I have mainly been in spanking scenes but wish to expand my limits. He seems to be genuine enough not like many others who just get their kicks ordering you around on cam. He wants to come to my house. It is very isolated. At the moment i only know Him from having met him in a coffee shop in the town next to mine. What precautions should I take and how do I establish he is a sane person who understands a Dom - sub relationship?

OsideGirl -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 7:35:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy Thank you everyone. I think maybe he is married and doesn't want me in the family home. But I was going to tell him we would meet in a public place first. He expects me to play on a certain day at certain times. In my real life i am very busy and surely he should take that into account ? Yes, he should.

DarkSteven -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 7:38:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy Thank you everyone. I think maybe he is married and doesn't want me in the family home. But I was going to tell him we would meet in a public place first. He expects me to play on a certain day at certain times. In my real life i am very busy and surely he should take that into account ? He should if you tell him. Open communication is a must.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 8:21:38 PM)
FR They come with official tags on the underside, like matresses, it's illegal to remove those tags, if his is missing you should turn him into the police! If that idea seems a bit too far fetched, read above, lots of good advice there, but just use the same common sense you use when meeting anyone new. Get to know them, talk, be a person and find out what sort of person he is. If he resists letting you get to know him in a real live face-to-face fashion like any fellow who confesses to wanting to put his hands on your ass, then he's probably got ugly stuff to hide.

oneluckysub -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 8:40:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy What precautions should I take and how do I establish he is a sane person who understands a Dom - sub relationship? The same precautions you would have if any other stranger wanted to come over to your house. I would never let a stranger in my house. Coming to my house means I know you, have meet you and have probably been to your house at least once. Beginning a D/s or M/s relationship is like any other. You meet casually. Then date a bit because that is how you will get to know him and find out if he is someone who understands a D/s relationship. Finding out if he is sane is a whole other ball of wax.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/11/2011 9:42:31 PM)
All of the above, plus google him. Do some basic searches to see if he has any kind of criminal record, or anything else you should concerned about. If he has disclosed any details of his personal life, see if they check out . I also live in a remote area, and I am very careful about checking out people I date before I invite them to my house. That included not inviting them until wen have met several times in a neutral setting. Having said that, I think it is pretty disgusting that you are considering meeting him if you believe that there is even the slightest chance he is married. You are fucking with other people's lives, you know.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/12/2011 3:09:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy Thank you everyone. I think maybe he is married and doesn't want me in the family home. But I was going to tell him we would meet in a public place first. He expects me to play on a certain day at certain times. In my real life i am very busy and surely he should take that into account ? My answer would depend on what you want from this. If you just want to be topped...this can be just a fun thing you negotiate in advance and you don't have to refer to him as a Master unless you find that hawt. Know what you are getting into by talking with him first. Training for what? I only "train" someone who is mine. I have enjoyed topping many people who were not mine, just because I was hungry to top someone and was in between serious relationships, and they were in the same boat as I was. We used each other to cool off and keep frenzy at bay. Do you wish to be owned by this man, or do you want to keep this limited to sessions? Find out about his idea of training. Be aware that if the topping sessions go well, there is a possibility that you might develop deep feelings for him and need more than what you are settling for. Talk with him about all of these things and find out what he wants from you, and what you can expect. After one coffee shop meetup, I would never let someone have my home address. Find out about safe calls and have your first scenes in some motel. I bring my Trak phone, and also give the room's phone number to my safe caller (who also has the name, address, and room number of the motel) and if I do not answer the phone during random checkups... I have met many people over the years from CM and have never had a problem because...I've been lucky...and because having a safe caller can be something of a deterrant. Btw, before collaring my sub...I met his sister, his best friend, and his mother. In their homes. I have even talked with his adult daughter, and he has met my son and my neighbors. Mom will be meeting him soon. My subs have always had my home phone number, and have been allowed to phone me whenever they needed me. With bottoms I didn't bother. We talked on the internet, through letters and chats, talked briefly with my Trak phone, and met in person at either Wendys, some large busy parking lot or busy park a time or two before having a session. If my spidey senses tingled, scenes didn't happen. Have fun, and know what you are getting into. If the scene is very good, be prepared to deal with subdrop when all the great chemicals that gushed through your brain finally dries up. You might feel upset, so stay hydrated, get something to eat, and have some chocolate...it won't last long. Just a suggestion, if you want to know some of the things others might be interested in "training" you in, buy SM 101 by Jay Wiseman to learn about safeties. If any top orders you to give a blowjob, or to bend over without having a condom in place...run, don't walk. You still have to be sensible about STDs no matter how domly someone is...or how hot and bothered you feel. Bring some oral condoms and ones suitable for anal, as well as disinfectant wipes, zipper bags, and spermicidal inserts (also kills some STDs) in case there is an oops and a condom breaks. Watch out with insertable toys...the ass can slurp them up so get ones with a phlange or something at the end of the handle that would prevent this. I would advise against being gagged or securely bound (I connect cuffs with something breakable, like black yarn...breakage counts as safe wording) until your top knows you well and both of you have earned each other's trust. These are just my own opinions. [;)] I refuse to brangle with anyone over them. As with any info, take what you need and discard the rest.

Buzzzz -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/12/2011 4:45:03 AM)
quote: Buzzzz aside from references what does that have to do with finding out whether a master is the real thing? she also wrote quote: What precautions should I take and how do I establish he is a sane person who understands a Dom - sub relationship? Thus, the safe call and the "have a friend go with you ".

substirlingguy -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/12/2011 10:17:35 AM)
Once again thank you everybody Lots of food for thought Oh and will change my avatar- had no isea

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/12/2011 4:04:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: substirlingguy How do I check out a new Master is for real? Poke him with a long, pointy stick... if he says, "*OUCH!!!*", then he's for real. [;)][8D]

LafayetteLady -> RE: How do I check out a new Master is for real? (9/12/2011 7:22:48 PM)
You are a 56 year old man. Is it really that difficult to figure these things out? I understand you might be relatively new to the whole BDSM scene, but at 56, it would seem that you have done a decent amount of dating and meeting new people. Meeting someone off the internet is no different whether or not one is vanilla or kink.

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