Compensation between the every day, and personal orientation?

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Compensation between the every day, and personal orient... - 9/14/2011 7:03:28 PM

ProlificNeeds

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Now it is not always the case that someone who is submissive or dominant in bed, is submissive or dominant particularly in personality, however I think one's personal orientation, does influence the needs in their day to day life, the sort of interactions they need or want in their personal relationships. (Not to say they all need to be the same.)

I've always maintained a sort of 'equilibrium' in my life, when I am not in a relationship that fulfills my desire for affection, companionship, and power exchange, there are ways to compensate and get the social aspects I need through friendships and other social activities.

Lately however I have had no 'compensation' for lack of any dominant force in my life. I've been in a particular position of being 'in control' of others and holding responsibility for them for some time, and it's starting to drive me a little batty. My dietician also serves as a bit of a counselor for me, and she was adamant that I have to 'take care of me' not just others, which I never realized was a problem until more recently.

So on that particular note, I have addressed a lot of self focused improvements in my life, but I can't just 'add new dominant' to my day planner, as much as I wish it was so easy. I feel a decided 'itch' or pressing need for some relief, some addressing of my personal wants and that includes being able to feel some periods of relaxation in submission. Of course it's hard to feel submissive when there's no one to submit to, so my question to the other submissives (or any D's who have suggestions) is this:

Do you have any particular exercises or activities that can help you give the feeling of relief and relaxation that you might otherwise only get from an experience with your dominant partner? Meditations, certain sports or pastimes? I'm also very bad at the search function; I could not find threads to answer this particular question, so if you can link any past threads as well I would be very grateful.

I use to find a great deal of satisfaction in volunteer work, but even those activities of late have often landed me in the 'leader' position not a 'followers' position, which only seems to amplify the subtle feeling of stress instead of relieve it.

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/14/2011 7:44:33 PM

HisPet21

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I have a hard time answering your question because, in my day to day life, I am in charge. I am a leader. I take orders from no one, but I give plenty out to my subordinates. Only in my romantic relationships am I submissive in nature. Never-the-less, I still have times when I feel this other side of me is going unfulfilled. My partner and I have been adding D/s aspects to our relationship (he started out vanilla), but it is a slow process. Partly, because neither of us has much experience and partly because he is still getting used to his position as a dom, and mine as a submissive. So the reality of the situation doesn't always match up with my urges.

I find that a good way to eliminate these urges, when my dom is not around, is to "prep" for him...think of ways to serve him when he is around. Maybe look up some massage videos to practice with him later, practice making a new meal I think he'll like. Even if you don't have a dom, that doesn't mean you can't practice your slave skills for when mister right does come along, so maybe that will help? IDK.

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/14/2011 8:12:15 PM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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Not really. It's always wonderful to be good to others (as you might imagine your dom would have you do) and to take care of yourself (using the same reasoning) but other than that, you just have to be the best "you" you can be!

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/14/2011 8:25:30 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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OMG I so know what you mean. It can be so very difficult for a sub who has had some oversight to go it alone.

Yes, you will have to dredge up parts of your personality that you did not know even existed. It's good for you. A strong sub is an even better sub.

You can do this, OP. You may have to role play, channel, fake it, what ever you need to get by for a bit. Eventually, you will have what it takes. This is an extremely difficult period in your life, but you can do it. Trust yourself, be true to yourself, explore yourself, and feel secure in your abilities.

Open yourself up to what you can do, you may be pleasantly surprised.

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/14/2011 8:29:20 PM

MistressDarkArt

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Restorative yoga is good for what ails you, whatever that may be. Practicing daily for even a few minutes will help keep everything in balance.

quote:

The practice of yoga is fundamentally an act of kindness toward oneself.

Good place to start is with Judith Lasater's 'Relax and Renew' if you're looking for a book. Check your community for classes in Ananda (restorative) yoga...even my very small town has one twice weekly and it's only $5 a class. Also, check your library system for yoga videos. Not all are great but keep viewing until you find one that slows down and moves at YOUR pace, with a sequence that feels good to you. The goal is a deep, slow moving meditation...it's not necessary to contort yourself into a pretzel in a restorative practice.

Also, I'm sending you a pm w/a journal entry on using ananda yoga both in and out of the lifestyle.

To your good health!

PS: Try contra dancing, sailing, or riding a motorcycle. To me, those activities feel like top/sub space...totally focused in the moment, cathartic and fully alive.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 9/14/2011 8:32:27 PM >

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/14/2011 10:27:03 PM

littlewonder

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I am a submissive personality so that means I'm submissive in and outside of a relationship. I don't do anything special when not in a relationship. I do the same things I do now..help people, take the backseat, let others lead, avoid conflict, etc...

when I'm in a relationship that doesn't change. It's just who I am.

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/15/2011 1:21:47 AM

NiceGuyNihilist

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+1 to the yoga. At its best (well, the best I've experienced it), it's an act of complete surrender--of the ego and of physical tension simultaneously. I might not have even thought of the parallel to BDSM if I hadn't happened upon this thread. Seems odd in retrospect, considering how much I love both.

MistressDarkArt mentioned ananda yoga, which I haven't tried, so I can't offer an opinion. Personally--now that I think about it--I'm inclined to say that skin-drenching, high-exertion yoga is about as close as I can get to the feeling of surrendering to a woman without actually being with one. Sometimes I hold the plank pose in the dark for as long as I possibly can and imagine that I'm bleeding rather than sweating onto the carpet. I imagine my skin ripped and welted from neck to calves, and the woman who savaged me with her whip pacing the perimeter with a hawk's eye, ready to make wounds on top of wounds if my hips so much as sag an inch. When I let go of that pose and move through a sequence that stretches and relaxes the muscles I just tortured, it feels like gentle aftercare.

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“Consider it: every person you have ever met, every person will suffer the loss of his friends and family. All are going to lose everything they love in this world. Why would one want to be anything but kind to them in the meantime?"

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/15/2011 7:45:16 AM

oneluckysub

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I am generally an easy going person but tend to be the one to take care of those around me in my personal life. Unless I have a Dom in my life, I tend to be even more likely to take charge of the situation instead of take care of the people in that situation. I get no reprieve at work as I am in a position of authority for most of the people I am in contact with.

I have yet to find a way to balance my sub desires with the rest of me when I dont have a Dom to be submissive with.

There are times where I want to just find a guy and give in to the urges but my rational side steps in and reminds me that playing with strangers is entirely to dangerous. So, I just do my best to keep the urges at bay by being distracted with other things. I know that if I am patient, I will cross paths with the right person.

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/15/2011 10:48:02 AM

ProlificNeeds

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Thank you very much for the feedback, I'll be looking into the yoga, I'm also going to try some more mundane relaxation too... pedicures can't hurt!

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RE: Compensation between the every day, and personal or... - 9/15/2011 8:58:52 PM

docilesexdolly

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Before i met my Master i did manage to make a few Dom play friends. Not anonymous sex friends or anything like that but i did develop sexual, respectful and friendly relationships with several Doms. Neither were right for me to be in a regular dating social situation with but they were fine Doms none the less. I understand that this type of thing might not be for every sub or slave but i did get to enjoy my submissive sexuality during my search for my Master. It made the wait less lonely and a lot hotter!

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