RE: Are You... "You?"

RE: Are You... "You?" (Full Version)

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Arpig -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/16/2011 6:53:04 PM)
quote: Do you think of yourself as someone that balances on the lines of reality and fantasy? No. I leap wildly back and forth across those lines with reckless abandon. quote: Is your favoured role in BDSM a simulacrum of yourself to the outside world or a stark contrast? I'd say a stark contrast, because within a BDSM context I am a primarily a sadist, yet I go out of my way not to hurt people outside of an intimate relationship context...contrary to my desires most of the time. quote: Perhaps you simply feel your "persona" under the BDSM veil is an enhancement of yourself turned up some or that it is entertaining your imagination to be something you would never be mistaken for by an outsider/casual friend. No, it's just that my BDSM "persona" isn't one that one gets to express on a regular basis in the outside world. You tend to end up in jail when you physically hurt random people just for kicks. quote: Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies? Both and neither. quote: Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?" I'm good, thanks for asking.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/16/2011 10:48:19 PM)
Yes. I am me all the time. I started to recognize my dominant (and kinky) element around age 12. By 14 I began practicing on real people without having a clue there were labels like 'bdsm' 'domination' 'submission', even the word 'kinky' was nowhere in my vocabulary yet I was very much a twisted, precocious dominant. I had no idea where it might have come from other than clandestine reading of the 'forum' section of my dad's poorly hidden Playboy magazines. Both my parents were in the medical field; while other kids were reading Dr. Seuss I was eagerly devouring their medical manuals and PDRs. For some reason it flipped an erotic switch and I started playing the role of 'doctor' and 'mad scientist' first in my little kid imaginings, then in RL interactions. It was no surprise I chose to work in a medical environment; while I had no kinky urges toward the folks I cared for I sure as hell took all I learned home with me. [:D] By age 40 greater web access to lifestyle information was starting to blossom and I learned I had been part of an entire culture for 25 years without even knowing there was one. These days, folks who are surprised to learn about my lifestyle proclivities simply haven't had much exposure to the concept in general. It's as if I surprise them by saying, "You know, I put an awful lot of time and effort into perfecting the art of atomic wood-splitting." They just don't expect it. So yes, I would say I am an extension of my design. Very well put, NS.

seekingreality -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/16/2011 11:01:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker Do you think of yourself as someone that balances on the lines of reality and fantasy? Is your favoured role in BDSM a simulacrum of yourself to the outside world or a stark contrast? Perhaps you simply feel your "persona" under the BDSM veil is an enhancement of yourself turned up some or that it is entertaining your imagination to be something you would never be mistaken for by an outsider/casual friend. As Walt Whitman said, I contain multitudes.

FelineFae -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/17/2011 2:11:53 AM)
quote: Are You... "You?" Let's see... my inner-child ran away from home, leaving the door open. One day my inner cat came through that door, leaving it still open, for cats are never on the right side of the door. Along came the fae one day and flew inside. Cats being what cat's are, it began to chase the fluttery thing. Since the door was left open, a therapist saw the comotion while on a walk. He thought he might be able to help, and moved in as well. The cat and faery decided they had a common enemy, so now the therapist is hiding under a desk, to this day, with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

agirl -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/17/2011 3:50:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker I've read a lot about how people feel they fit certain roles or that they would never guess another person to be underneath whichever label they feel defines them. Whether they are a typically quiet person by day and savage at night, or they are in a position of power in their professional life and come home (or seek out) to be "disciplined." Do you think of yourself as someone that balances on the lines of reality and fantasy? Is your favoured role in BDSM a simulacrum of yourself to the outside world or a stark contrast? Perhaps you simply feel your "persona" under the BDSM veil is an enhancement of yourself turned up some or that it is entertaining your imagination to be something you would never be mistaken for by an outsider/casual friend. Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies? Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?" Nope ........I'm just a pain in the arse, seriously. I DO do the what if's but not in a bdsm sense. I can do pretty much what I want so can't see me bothering a great deal over any of it. It's quite boring really and I'm a bit like that Forest Gump. agirl

LioninWinter -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/22/2011 5:06:44 AM)
What great questions! I don't think there is just one 'me' or one 'you'. Our conscious self floats on a sea of unconscious desires, needs, wants that bubble into consciousness and then recede - for awhile. Who I am is just that part of me that is the most conscious and that part of me spends a lot of time trying to repress all that other energy that is surging up to be expressed as well. That said, the subbie energy in me really wants to express itself now to balance the more dominant me I show to the world. And what's so bad about being an existentialist. Just because you usually only hear the word in some two-bit philosophy lecture doesn't mean an existentialist is some hand wringing twit consumed with anxiety about death. It means you try to consciously form who you are by the decisions you make and you take responsibility for what you do and think. What's so bad about that?

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/22/2011 7:35:19 AM)
I'm the same "me" all the time, whether in my BDSM life or my vanilla life. Of course I fantasize every now and then, but I'm a realist and I never confuse those fantasies with reality. I accept them for what they are, momentary flights of mental fun. I started out as submissive in my BDSM life and also with a very submissive personality in my outside life. Then in the last few months I started becoming more assertive in my outside life and, in my kink life, started feeling switchy. Now I know I'm a switch and, as I grow more comfortable with my Domme side, I am also becoming more assertive in my outside "vanilla" life. I don't know which happened first, assertiveness in my vanilla life or the switchiness in my BDSM life, or if they happened at the same time, but I think both are a good thing. I'm very content with where I am as a switch. I have everything I want right now. A good vanilla life and a good BDSM life. I have a good level of assertiveness in my vanilla life and, in my BDSM life, I have a Dom and a sub and I am altogether happy. ~Hisprettybaby~

ResidentSadist -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/22/2011 12:41:31 PM)
I ain't no doctors but I knows when I'm losin' me patiensk What am I? Some kind of judge, or a lawyers? Aw, maybe not; but I knows what laws suits me So what am I? I ain't no physciscisk, but I knows what matters ... I am what I am and that's all that I am 'cause I am what I am ~Popeye the sailor man . . . same goes for me. Only one persona here. The tools, scenes and relationship styles of BDSM are just an extension of it. No 'what if" dilemmas.

Awareness -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/22/2011 2:13:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: People who live in that space all the time turn into a fucking existentialist with a "life is meaningless" outlook. For me it's just the opposite. I find life to be very meaningful and I try to enjoy it as much as I possibly can within reason, morals, values, etc...seeing life in the harsh, gritty reality that it is is what gives it meaning to me. That may be your experience but it's not mine or a few others that i know who follow the same premise as myself. I think you're labelling your perception of reality as 'real' without being aware of the illusions you've constructed for yourself. This is common but something of a conceit. If you're unable to recognise the degree to which your mind skims over the harsh reality of existence, then you still have some learning to do. quote: ORIGINAL:Kalista07 Damn... I was hoping you all would not realize my 'real name' is Nobody... Because like littlewonder, I prefer reality as it is. Same goes for you. What you may be speaking of is honesty, but this is something different. Essentially our lives are given magic by the comfort of illusion. Storytelling captures an audience like no other work. Each one of us - whether we're aware of it or not - yearns for an existence which transcends the limitations of whatever life we have. It's the fundamental drive of the human species to imagine a future which does not exist and strive to make it real. quote: Anything less than reality feels like a huge lie. Odd. So I take it you never scene. You're a bedroom submissive.

littlewonder -> RE: Are You... "You?" (9/22/2011 2:22:34 PM)
quote: Odd. So I take it you never scene. You're a bedroom submissive. No we don't scene. When he hits me it's very real and I bawl and scream and howl and beg him to stop which just turns him on even more and he likes that and I like knowing it makes him happy no matter how much pain I may be in. If that makes me a bedroom sub so be it. Makes no difference to me. lol I know you weren't asking me but being I agree with her I felt it was worth responding.

captnkurk -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/1/2011 7:41:33 PM)
I don't really understand allot of what the bsdm has to offer but what I do know about myself is I will be a good and faithful daddy to one lucky little girl someday....I know in my heart, that's what I want, desire and need in my life. i just wish I could find her already.....

MasterofRopes66 -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/2/2011 12:57:45 AM)
I personally don´t change mindset in "Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde"-style back and forth from everydaylife to BDSM, but what I do/say or ask of my partner may vary a lot, depending on the situation at hand. I don´t take more chances, bending the rules/limits in BDSM-play without having discussed that "risky" behaviour with my partner first. I consider myself pretty much the same persona in BDSM as in everydaylife. I´m ME fully both in BDSM and in everydaylife/public life, just different needs in different settings... MP.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/2/2011 7:28:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: Odd. So I take it you never scene. You're a bedroom submissive. No we don't scene. When he hits me it's very real and I bawl and scream and howl and beg him to stop which just turns him on even more and he likes that and I like knowing it makes him happy no matter how much pain I may be in. If that makes me a bedroom sub so be it. Makes no difference to me. lol I know you weren't asking me but being I agree with her I felt it was worth responding. <shrugs> sounds to me like you're in an awesome relationship in perfect harmony with each other. I look at the relationship the two of you have and think "THIS! This is what I want!" Any chance of having him cloned? JOKE! Well maybe not so much...

aromanholiday -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/10/2011 4:15:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingreality As Walt Whitman said, I contain multitudes. We all are legion, are we not? That's how it seems to me, anyway. Crowd-control is what its all about, at least for me, and I think that's where the concept of integrity comes in. Those who are good with disciplining the multitudes within appear to have integrity to others. One problem with integrity, however, is it is relatively easy to fake without actually feeling or doing it, and some people are quite good at faking it. They do all the right things, say all the right stuff to lead others to believe they are integritous (sic), but inside their heads 'tis a all a play and life is their stage. quote: ORIGINAL: kana The actual word integrity was first used by jewelers and gem cutters, and was coined to describe a stone cut in such a fashion that no matter what angle it was viewed from it appeared the same, in other words, the stone was consistent. The word then shifted in use to describe people who are the same. Thus a person of integrity would be consistent in beliefs, actions, values,. morals, principles and methodology. Thanks for the etymology lesson, that was very interesting. quote: ORIGINAL: kana Aaaaand, (Here's the kicker you knew was coming), a person who is not consistent, as in changes who and what they are depending on circumstances, situations, desired outcomes etc...you know, kinda what you are suggesting above...lacks integrity and in fact has none because they are not whole, they are not cohesive, and they do not show the same face/actions to the world no matter what angled they are viewed from. This is quite a kicker and it brings up an interesting potential paradox for slavery. If you ordered your slave to do something that is not in character with her core self or even that did not show the same face/action to the world that she shows in private to you, and she, of course, obeyed, would she therefore be lacking in integrity? She certainly would not be then presenting to the world her real self and thus in one sense not meet your definition for integrity, but because in doing this she was obedient to your will, her actions would actually be perfectly in accord with her identity as your slave. I don't think a slave can afford integrity as defined above because if she or he insisted upon being and living exactly who they think they are at all times, this need to be true to themselves might someday come in conflict with their master's or mistress's wishes. Perhaps it's fairer to say, at least about slaves, that they can experience/exhibit integrity in one small area of life--their devotion to doing their owner's will--and that this form of integrity has priority over what the world commonly judges as integrity. Potentially, a slave could appear to others to be extremely inconsistent and inconstant, frequently changing her beliefs and behavior, saying one thing one day; doing another thing the next, etc. and yet, because all of these actions reflect obedience to her master's orders, she exhibits perfect integrity to what she values highest: but only her master sees it. To the rest of the world, she may appear an uber flake. In other words, I think it is possible for a slave to be cohesive inside, to religiously follow a very strict standard of living, speaking, and behaving, while appearing to the outside world, including one's closest associates and family, to be a wishy-washy, unreliable, constantly changing, two-faced chameleon with zero integrity. quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies? Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?" Oh yeah, the questions! [;)] I'm merely an extension of my design, although my design, given its natural inherent flexibility, is constantly being improved upon. I suspect I am more content with where I currently am in BDSM than you are with your hair. (Um... are you still content with your hair?) Anyway, what is this "what if" you speak of? (confused)

lupineEleven -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/10/2011 7:22:17 PM)
Do you think of yourself as someone that balances on the lines of reality and fantasy? Yep. Right on the line. I'm half in fantasy, daydreaming away, while doing my very real homework, chores, work, etc, ALL THE TIME! As much as I love to fantasize and if I wrote down every single one of my daydreams I'd have more books than the Wheel of Time series PLUS Xanth novels PLUS Animorphs.... I know that fantasy is fantasy and I cannot actually shoot lightning from my fingertips or talk to animals. I have a firm grip of reality, I'm just not always aware of it since I'm off in la-la land sometimes. [:D] Is your favoured role in BDSM a simulacrum of yourself to the outside world or a stark contrast? I don't like using the term simulacrum. My favored 'role' in BDSM isn't a copy of me, it is me. It's not a role either, in my mind, it's just a natural state of being. I am a slave, I'm a stubborn, mouthy, bitch of a woman sometimes, passive and shy at other times, submissive to those who make me feel it, more stubborn than a mule and more violent than a cornered, starving wolf when it comes to others. Ask the guy who's missing a piece of his arm (and had to replace his leather jacket that I bit through), who tried to rape me. Perhaps you simply feel your "persona" under the BDSM veil is an enhancement of yourself turned up some or that it is entertaining your imagination to be something you would never be mistaken for by an outsider/casual friend. Not really. People who don't see the BDSM part of me either A: never asked, or B: never say the crap being beaten out of my ass. My personality is pretty much the same though. It's me... and me being beaten =D Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies? OH, I totally create my own fantasies. Most of them involve fictional characters, completely different worlds, magic, dragons, demons, adventure, etc etc etc... I don't think I could bring those into the real world though. I actually don't totally get this question. =/ I don't create myself... if that's what you mean. I'm a pretty damned good actress (just ask the ugly guy that I gave a lapdance to at work the other day), but when it comes to how I am as a person, and interacting with people as myself, I'm a horrible actor (just ask Master when I tried to lie about eating that cheesecake). Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?" I'm fairly positive that if I REALLY tried, I could probably be a damned good top, and maybe a Dom. Would I want to? Fuck no. I've dealt with being in positions of power and control (in a non BDSM sense), and it always fucked with my head. So while there are plenty of "What If" moments going on through my head, none of them have to do whether I'd be happier as a top or a bottom. I'm positive that I'm a bottom feeder in life, and will remain that way! ^_^

Kana -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/11/2011 8:49:57 AM)
quote: I don't think a slave can afford integrity as defined above because if she or he insisted upon being and living exactly who they think they are at all times, this need to be true to themselves might someday come in conflict with their master's or mistress's wishes. Perhaps it's fairer to say, at least about slaves, that they can experience/exhibit integrity in one small area of life--their devotion to doing their owner's will--and that this form of integrity has priority over what the world commonly judges as integrity. Potentially, a slave could appear to others to be extremely inconsistent and inconstant, frequently changing her beliefs and behavior, saying one thing one day; doing another thing the next, etc. and yet, because all of these actions reflect obedience to her master's orders, she exhibits perfect integrity to what she values highest: but only her master sees it. To the rest of the world, she may appear an uber flake. In other words, I think it is possible for a slave to be cohesive inside, to religiously follow a very strict standard of living, speaking, and behaving, while appearing to the outside world, including one's closest associates and family, to be a wishy-washy, unreliable, constantly changing, two-faced chameleon with zero integrity. Oh ko, this isn't going to be a popular comment but here we go anyway- I would say that, depending on how far into the power exchange we are talking about, as far as external actions go, his integrity is her integrity. Her integrity is defined by the purity of her service. That's her role. To serve. Not to question. Not to resist. But to do. Does this sound a bit drastic? Hell fucking yes. And there is of course the caveat that if he orders her to do something that goes totally against her value system she can demonstrate personal integrity outside and beyond the PE by walking. But generally within the boundaries of a TPE she should have asked all such relevant questions before she committed herself to service. Once given over, her place is to actualize and obey, not decide. So as long as she is staying within her role, her integrity is fine. What others think is irrelevant. What he think is all that matters. How bout that sauce?

xssve -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/11/2011 8:44:42 PM)
I was somebody else for a while. Didn't work out.

Arienos -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/13/2011 8:55:07 AM)
quote: And what's so bad about being an existentialist. Just because you usually only hear the word in some two-bit philosophy lecture doesn't mean an existentialist is some hand wringing twit consumed with anxiety about death. I am certainly not the same all the time, I’ve clawed my way to the top on the latter of success and am equally as comfortable on a ballroom dance floor as I am in a biker bar brawl. I haven’t missed “Sturgis” or “Daytona Bike Week” in over 15 years and I am not the proverbial businessman during that time. Neither am I the same during a flotilla, or after 7or 8 martinis, and when sailing the Mediterranean or spending a night in one of its quaint little villages a whole different man of me surfaces. And there is yet another man of me when in the high country setting beside a running brook listening to nature’s symphony. I am certainly not the same all the time nor would I want to be.

MistressLilliana -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/13/2011 4:46:27 PM)
I can honestly say that nothing separates me from me from this lifestyle. What you see is what you get, literally. I'm vampire goth and dress the part and I have no problem walking my pet on a leash in front of people. If it bothered me, especially living in a place that may be diverse but still not totally accepting, I'd try to blend in but I choose to dress how I want and it just so happens to stand out. I don't do it to stand out or for attention, I'm just true to myself and wear what I like and do as I please as long as it's not hurting anyone or anything. I will say though, sometimes it is a relief to go to a more open minded place and not stand out as much (like big cities).

roguekittie -> RE: Are You... "You?" (10/14/2011 7:28:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker I've read a lot about how people feel they fit certain roles or that they would never guess another person to be underneath whichever label they feel defines them. Whether they are a typically quiet person by day and savage at night, or they are in a position of power in their professional life and come home (or seek out) to be "disciplined." Do you think of yourself as someone that balances on the lines of reality and fantasy? Is your favoured role in BDSM a simulacrum of yourself to the outside world or a stark contrast? Perhaps you simply feel your "persona" under the BDSM veil is an enhancement of yourself turned up some or that it is entertaining your imagination to be something you would never be mistaken for by an outsider/casual friend. Are you merely an extension of your design or an architect of your own fantasies? Are you content with where you currently are in BDSM as submissive or dominant or do you find yourself wondering on the, "What If's?" I enjoy crossing the lines of reality into fantasy. It is an escape from the everyday reality, something to entertain the mind and spark the imagination deep within. There is nothing more freeing than losing track of yourself inside a fantasy. I feel that the role I take up in the bedroom is merely an amplified reflection of who I am in everyday life. It is taking a parts of me that already exist but then blows it up to an extreme. There are a multitude of things i would like to try one day and I am the type of person who doesn't like to discount any possibilities. With that being said, I wouldn't say I am discontent with where I am at because I don't place myself under a set of standard or try to live up to the rules that the label has applied. I am happy with being me.

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