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MagiksSlave -> RE: Abuse in BDSM clothing (9/17/2011 7:41:17 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
quote:
ORIGINAL: Awareness
I think she realises she fucked up and this exercise is more cathartic than anything else. Dissecting the author's complicity in her own demise strikes me as a little self-indulgent.
I disagree. Sadly, BDSM is full of situations that are socially/morally/psychologically questionable. For example, there are many people who are in polyamorous relationships who are completely content with their situations. Many of them post regularly on this board. Despite what happened to the OP, these people might correctly argue that their poly relationships are completely healthy.
There is a thin line between BDSM and abuse. And that line is a moving target. Many outsiders would say that anyone who engages in M/s or D/s relationships is "crazy", and they'd suggest that we all need counseling. Perhaps they're right. Perhaps not. That's a discussion for another time.
Where does the line between consensual masochism and abuse lie? When does it stop being "polyamory", and start being "cheating"? When does it stop being "mind fucking", and start being "mental abuse"?
That's the inherent problem with BDSM. The lines between kink and abuse are often difficult to find. Moreover, in my experience, lots of people who aren't emotionally healthy to begin with seem to be drawn to BDSM. That's a formula for disaster.
The OP's situation has already happened. Nothing can be done about it. But it can be used as a cautionary tale for those who may make a similar mistake in the future.
None of us can say where the line between kink and abuse lies. The answer would be different for every individual. But because we can't say where the line is, we can warn others to be careful in their BDSM relationships. We can warn them to take daily inventory of their feelings. We can advise them to never ignore their internal warning signals. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. But only the individual can know for sure. So they need to constantly ask themselves, "Is this healthy?" And the moment they hesitate in their answer, they need to hit the brakes........hard.
As we've tried to warn the OP, everyone is responsible for their own decisions. Sure, we all make mistakes. But it's up to us to recognize those mistakes and make course corrections before we drive off a cliff.
The OP didn't do that. There's nothing that we can do to change that. But her story is a great case study that others can use to examine their own situations. There may even be a few people who have read this, and begun to question their own situation. If they are taking personal inventory of their own actions/feelings/decisions, then that is a good thing, and another potential disaster may be averted.
Most of us would agree that kink also carries an inherent potential for hurt (both physical and mental). Moreover, many (most?) of us knows someone who has had negative experiences with BDSM. That's a reality that we don't talk about nearly often enough on these boards.
But I do apologize if the OP feels unfairly criticized. I can't speak for others, but that wasn't my goal.
That is actually the easiest thing in BDSM to determine. The line between BDSM and abuse is concent, plain and simple.
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