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Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 6:23:00 PM   
ColeYote


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/13/2011
Status: offline 		I've gone through this forum a bit, done a lot of research on various websites and stuff, but I'm not sure if I should actually be using the word submissive. I mean, I don't have any experience, so I'm only speaking in terms of internal fantasy, but as far as fantasy goes, D/s interests me more than anything else. However, I seem to be into this for different reasons than most. Most people I've come across seem to be doing this so that can make their dominant partner happy. That's not really what's driving my interest, it's the idea of force/control/helplessness rather than the idea of existing to please another that's got me interested. So... yeah. Input?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 7:22:31 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		People are going to call you a bedroom sub, a fake, a phony and anything else they can think of.
But yanno what? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Do what you feel is right for you.
That's really all that matters.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to ColeYote)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 7:35:35 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like you're a bottom with specific fetishes in mind, rather than, as you say, being driven to make your top happy.


_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 7:46:12 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ColeYote

...my interest... the idea of force/control/helplessness rather than the idea of existing to please another that's got me interested.



Many share this interest... so yeah, if you view yourself as the one that's on the bottom side of the "force/control/helplessness" thing, I'd personally agree you're of the "submissive" sort, as you're the one that's consented to "submit" to this.





_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to ColeYote)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 8:19:03 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Most people I've come across seem to be doing this so that can make their dominant partner happy.
I can't answer for everybody, but I am not really in it to make my dominant happy, I am in it for the thrill I get when I make her happy, and I suspect I am far from alone in that. In the final analysis, I am in it for me, I do this stuff because I get a kick out of doing it. And I am pretty darned certain that all but a very few of the subs and slaves are as well.

I like obeying without being forced to, Hanners likes being obeyed without having to use force. We are compatible. When I obey of my own volition it makes me happy, and it makes her happy as well. You get off on being forced and controlled and made helpless, then look for guy who wants to force and control somebody and render them helpless. When he does that to you, you will be happy, and you will be making him happy as well.

When you find such a guy, you will be able to very honestly say that you are focused on his happiness. See how that works?


< Message edited by HeatherMcLeather -- 9/20/2011 8:20:28 PM >

(in reply to ColeYote)
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RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 9:15:06 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I would call you a bottom or bedroom sub. You can call yourself whatever you want though. No one really cares. Just explain it to whoever you are talking with so you are both on the same page.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 9:34:41 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: ColeYote

...my interest... the idea of force/control/helplessness rather than the idea of existing to please another that's got me interested.



Many share this interest... so yeah, if you view yourself as the one that's on the bottom side of the "force/control/helplessness" thing, I'd personally agree you're of the "submissive" sort, as you're the one that's consented to "submit" to this.





Ditto x 5. Also, there are no fines or revoked membership if you don't meet every definition of a specific label, so there really is no incorrect. Enjoy yourself!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/20/2011 10:46:54 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		You're a bottom rather than a submissive. They're really quite different, I consider myself submissive, but in terms of top/bottom that makes me a switch, because if I were to be your partner, I'd please you by topping you.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 1:37:56 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		You got a lot of nice folks telling you how to tag yourself here, and thats very nice of them. But I have to take issue on the point where you said you don't have any experience. No one can tell you what you are but yourself. And you can't find that out until you try. If it interests you try it. You will find out quickly if it is really you or not.

*oh* and on the topic of why some people sub, dom, bottom, or top. I will be happy to let you in on something not everyone is willing to admit to. Each and every one of us does what we do to first and foremost make ourselves happy. As Heather in her wonderful way pointed out. Some get happy by making others happy. I personally get happy making others cry. Find what makes you happy and just do it...don't worry about the titles.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to ColeYote)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 1:41:14 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Each and every one of us does what we do to first and foremost make ourselves happy. As Heather in her wonderful way pointed out. Some get happy by making others happy.


QFT!


_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 5:01:23 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Just call yourself Bob, and when people ask, tell them they can find out your bedroom preferences the day you invite them to your bedroom.
I'd say just 'explore' with a kinky partner. There's nothing wrong with being into specific kinks without wanting the package deal of 'lifestyle' power exchange somewhere. I agree it's hard to really put anything to yourself until you've had some experience and decided what you like and what you don't. Moreover you may find somethings you only like with certain partners and not with others.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 6:52:33 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Just call yourself Bob
What the?  NO! Don't you dare call yourself Bob!

I'm Bob. And I resent you young punks trying to horn in on my reputation. If you want to be known as a perverted old fart, you put in the years and earn the title on your own damnit, not on my coattails!

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 9:37:50 AM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		~FR~
The way I understand it is, if you're in it for the actual power exchange you're a submissive...if you're in it just to receive the sensations and such, you're a bottom. But really, it's all labels and not everyone understands them the same way. So whatever you call yourself, just find out what the other person is looking for so you are all on the same page. Oh, and honestly, no matter what you call yourself or which side of the kneel you happen to be on, I don't think anyone would be doing it if it didn't make himself or herself happy. If it made me miserable, I know I sure wouldn't be choosing to do it.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 11:26:14 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

Just call yourself Bob
What the?  NO! Don't you dare call yourself Bob!

I'm Bob. And I resent you young punks trying to horn in on my reputation. If you want to be known as a perverted old fart, you put in the years and earn the title on your own damnit, not on my coattails!


I'll dirty up your coattails all I want! whatcha gonna do about it?!?!

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 1:29:49 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I doubt you're saying that you couldn't care less about your partners when you've been in a relationship. For many of us, submissiveness is relationship specific. We only feel it towards the right partner. Have fun, experiment, and wait on the label for awhile.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/21/2011 11:06:55 PM   
deOwner


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ColeYote

I've gone through this forum a bit, done a lot of research on various websites and stuff, but I'm not sure if I should actually be using the word submissive.


As has been said many times in the past, a rose by any other name is still a rose.

Why worry about definitions? You is what you is what you is. Find someone that floats your boat and enjoy life.

(in reply to ColeYote)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/22/2011 7:50:52 AM   
submissioncries


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I will be happy to let you in on something not everyone is willing to admit to. Each and every one of us does what we do to first and foremost make ourselves happy. As Heather in her wonderful way pointed out. Some get happy by making others happy. I personally get happy making others cry. Find what makes you happy and just do it...don't worry about the titles.


^^THAT.^^

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/22/2011 4:53:41 PM   
secretbadgirl525


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/3/2011
Status: offline 		Honestly, if there is one piece of advice I can share (Having just entered this world myself only 8 months ago and reading all the posts before mine) is that there is no "standard" definition for anything. While there are some more common acceptable definitions there is no 'Websters Dictionary of Kink' so just realize that when you start talking to someone you need to explain YOUR definition (Or gut feeling) of what being a submissive is to you and don't be afraid to ASK different Dom/mes what their definition of submissive vs bottom vs slave is to them. As long as the two of you are on the same page, it doesn't matter what 'title' you put to it.

I think you are perfectly safe calling yourself a submissive for now. It will get the conversation started down the right road, but who knows what twists and turns may come your way that cause you to change your mind. I mean it only takes 10secs to update your profile later on if you want to redefine yourself as a bottom or even a slave (though I do suggest SOME experience before using that word as it tends to be taken as more extreme).

Good luck, and remember to smile and have fun while exploring!

SBG

(in reply to submissioncries)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am I incorrect in considering myself submissive? - 9/22/2011 7:05:08 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain


*oh* and on the topic of why some people sub, dom, bottom, or top. I will be happy to let you in on something not everyone is willing to admit to. Each and every one of us does what we do to first and foremost make ourselves happy. As Heather in her wonderful way pointed out. Some get happy by making others happy.



This. I love, love, love to please my dominant partner - because it makes me feel so warm and good to do so, as it does him. I don't do it grudgingly.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 19
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