Without Him :'(

Without Him :'( (Full Version)

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LivingForHim -> Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 10:07:52 AM)
Hello friends, I hope I will find some understanding or advice here. There is a hole in my heart. I'm just starting to understand myself, even starting to understand my relationship. [sm=confused.gif] My mind is going through a complicated process, and it's even more difficult without Him. I am crying a lot these days. If only I could cry while lying over His knee and feel Him comforting me afterwards. It's not easy for me to put all this in words, actually I think I've never done before, but I think I will feel better if I try[sm=sad.gif]

BurntKitty -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 10:44:00 AM)
Not sure what to say, other than welcome to CM. If you're in a relationship but it's long distance, or if you've recently split from one, or if you just discovered the joys of s & m and are looking for a partner... You would do well to complete your profile. In any event, I wish you well in whatever it is you're looking for.

GreedyTop -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 10:52:07 AM)
what the lovely Kitty said..

RexDarcy -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 12:18:02 PM)
Welcome to CollarMe.

DarkSteven -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 12:47:46 PM)
Sorry you're hurting so much. Welcome to collarme.

ashjor911 -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 1:30:37 PM)
I think I may help a bit, the Hole in your heart, had my time with it before, Its dose suck yes, & it dose hurt all the time, I know that feeling, but you have to move on.. its not easy, you may start with baby steps, fill your time with reading doing chors in home, & you should talk to someone, a sister, or a friend maybe, PS: they crying, may help to, in my case it did not, hugs & kisses, Welcome To CM

LivingForHim -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 2:44:52 PM)
Wow, just a few hours and such a warm welcome. Thanks a lot :) Now the thing is that maybe He and I don't have the same idea about the nature of our relationship. Or maybe we have. I wish we had discussed it before, but I wasn't really aware of it. Now everything is starting to surface to my conscious mind. If I think of it, I have worshipped Him in my heart since I first met Him, even before we had any relationship. I didn't know anything about D/s, but for some reason beyond my understanding, he became the owner of my soul. It had never happened to me before with anyone else, and I don't think it can ever happen again. When our relationship started, it seemed the natural way of doing things, even if we didn't call it D/s or anything. He was my Daddy, and I was His girl. He would love me, want me, protect me, be gentle or hard, take me to inner places where I had never been. It's not just His hand or His body that does it. It's His mind. It's His absolute power over me. We've been in a relationship for almost a year, but we live in different cities, so I can't see Daddy as often as I would like. However, my mind is always focused on His will. We both are poly, I have a (vanilla) boyfriend near me and Daddy has a (not sure if vanilla) girlfriend plus casual affairs sometimes. But, even when I'm with my boyfriend, I'm still serving Daddy, because it's His will that I spend time at my other relationships so He can spend time at His. Now Daddy's girlfriend has moved in with Him, and He wants to suspend His relationship with me, maybe for some months, while He focuses on that. Daddy says we can still be friends and think about it for a while. I'm glad the door is still open, but I don't see how I could just 'switch to friends'. I wonder if He considers our relationship as just a play thing. I am not sure if He understands that it's so much more for me, if He understands that it's my life, my whole being that is completely surrendered to Him. After all, I think I wasn't consciously aware of it myself, just until now. I'll be whatever He wants me to be, I'll do whatever He wants me to do, even disappear from His life, for some time or forever if that's His will. But I feel completely lost without my Daddy, and I would like to make Him understand what He really means to me. Or maybe He would be happy to hear it? Perhaps He feels the same and never told me? I love Him with all my heart, and now I don't want to cause Him or His relationship any trouble. I may see Him in the next weeks anyway, and I hope we'll have time to talk. No one around here can understand what I'm going through. Not even my boyfriend, who has some idea but he thinks it's a relationship like any other with just a kinky side. Sorry the rambling, I feel much better after writing this. Thanks for being there :) PS. I'm trying to find my way around the profile and that... I don't know why it says 'vanilla' below my name, lol, where can I change that?

Arpig -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 2:57:38 PM)
quote: I'm glad the door is still open It's not. Basically you've been dumped, but he's not sure things will work out with the new girl so he's trying to keep his options open. You're the back up. If things crash and burn with the new GF, then he'll come sniffing around again to rekindle the relationship and have some fun until some new local girl shows up, in which case it will be back to being friends again. Until then, you're on the shelf in the garage. If you're content to be his Plan B, then good stuff. If not, then take him at his word and move on.

LivingForHim -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 3:22:26 PM)
Thanks Arpig, that's what I think at times, I've been dumped and that's that. But, maybe it wasn't clear in my post, Daddy's girlfriend is not new, they have been together for some time although not living together, and we all seemed to be ok. I am not sure why living together should change it. Daddy is not the kind of man who will get married, or go monogamous, lol. I can 'move on', I'm in another relationship now anyway, but there will always be a place in my life for my Daddy. I can't help it. One person doesn't replace another...

wittynamehere -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 3:27:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LivingForHim I'm glad the door is still open It's not - you've been dumped. He may use you again later if it's convenient for him. This is what happens when people get into a massively emotional relationship without even a tiny bit of communication from month to month and year to year.

oneluckysub -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 3:49:59 PM)
Welcome to CM... Maybe instead of "livingforhim" you can live for yourself. Being devoted to someone is an amazing thing but being devoted to someone who does not want you in their life, even temporarily sounds very sad. You are in another relationship, try focusing on that person. See if you can build a D/s thing with him. Slowly, your Daddy will slip away into the blackness where past relationships go. A place that you can look back on from time to time and discover things that help make you who you are and those things that you learn from to become a better person ... without them in your life.

oneluckysub -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 3:52:07 PM)
Oh and your status shows "vanilla" because you do not have more than 25 posts. As to your profile being bare, go back to the CollarMe side and enter some info about yourself from there.

JanahX -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 4:21:45 PM)
quote: Now Daddy's girlfriend has moved in with Him, and He wants to suspend His relationship with me, maybe for some months, while He focuses on that. Daddy says we can still be friends and think about it for a while. Ummm .... he has pulled the plug on you and him. When a guy says: We can just be friends. That usually means: its over rover. quote: I'm glad the door is still open, but I don't see how I could just 'switch to friends'. I wonder if He considers our relationship as just a play thing. I am not sure if He understands that it's so much more for me, if He understands that it's my life, my whole being that is completely surrendered to Him. After all, I think I wasn't consciously aware of it myself, just until now. You dont have a choice but to be friends. It takes two to tango and he dont want to tango with you no more. He is tango-ing with someone else - and that someone else is living with him now. He dosent consider "your" relationship at all. He has a relationship that he is focusing on. And its not "yours." Sorry that this sounds harsh, but I think you know the reality of all of this - (hense all of your crying), you just are in denial. Sorry about your broken heart. That sucks. Hope you get over him soon.

LivingForHim -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 4:44:41 PM)
I know, sometimes I wish I could stop "living for Him", easier said than done. And my other relationship is going well, but it's strange, I don't pursue a D/s relationship with other people. I know many people discover they are Dom or sub and then try to seek for the right person, but things have been the other way round for me, first I found the person and then discovered the D/s world. Actually, I would say I'm discovering it now. [sm=confused.gif] I suppose, time will tell and time will heal, but - it must be my scientific mind - sometimes I look at it 'from outside' and try to understand. I don't think it was lack of communication, but rather, I think that neither of us really knew what we were doing. I would have never called it BDSM (that kinky thing? not me! lol), because all we've been doing is some spanking and the rest was mostly psychological or kind of roleplay. Not that we can learn what BDSM really is, from the TV and that, right? And the consequence is that we (and espec me) went into it happily and unaware of the emotional risks. Has this happened to anyone else, getting into this world without knowing clearly what you were doing?

JanahX -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 6:18:16 PM)
its as the old saying goes ... you only want what you cant have.

Endivius -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/22/2011 8:45:00 PM)
Move on. The guy you are dwelling on clearly does not have the same feelings for you that you have for him. I suspect this new relationship may just be a rebound due to vulnerability. Don't invest yourself too quickly in this new relationship. Take your time, asses where you are inside, when you get to a place where you aren't thinking of "daddy" you'll be at a point where you can fully commit yourself to someone else. Ultimately, I'm not Dr.Phil and I doubt anyone here is a counselor. It may be exactly what you need. It might not. That's for you to decide. Take a step back from the drama, and spend some time thinking about what you want, and how you plan to get it. Once you are completely honest with yourself, you should be able to move on. Welcome to CM.

OohAahMrs -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/23/2011 5:22:07 AM)
Yeah, the pain, etc. Still, enjoy it while you can!

LivingForHim -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/24/2011 3:46:07 PM)
Feeling better over the days, but it takes time. Thanks for your good wishes and your warm welcome, I'm finding interesting threads to read in CM [sm=smile.gif]

January -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/26/2011 9:20:44 PM)
Hi LivingForHim, Welcome to collarme. I'm sorry your relationship ended. But you do have people you can talk to about it. The kink is pretty much irrelevant to your broken heart. Love is love. Loss is loss. Emotion is emotion whether it's BDSM-based or not. You were in love. (Perhaps with an idealized version of Daddy, perhaps not.) In any case, your kinky heart will heal in the same way as a vanilla heart. You'll need time, and a renewed focus on how your life is still pretty good. Hopefully when you are truly feeling strong, you'll look back at the relationship you shared with Daddy and recognize internal growth. Good luck! January

subnbama32 -> RE: Without Him :'( (9/26/2011 11:39:28 PM)
Ok i am completely new to the message boards here but I can relate in some ways. I just ended a relationship I have been with a dominant I was with since May. He was my "Daddy" also... and its hard to let go.. but sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go. He has another girl.. that is like.. everything to him and I constantly felt like I was not important or not special.. and that is no way to feel. That is something I wouldnt wish on anybody. When things are bad with them two, he comes running to me. He then wants me back... I am his back up plan, or was.. I will not allow that anymore, I will not put myself through that any longer. As hard as letting go is, sometimes its the best solution. Think about it honey...

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