|
LanceHughes -> RE: The Stupidest way you have hurt yourself (9/30/2011 6:00:10 PM)
|
I am NOT trying to jinx myself, but here goes..... I have never broken a bone or had a serious bruise or burn.
The ONLY stitches were when (at about age 12) I was helping my (drunken) Dad change out the summer screens for glass on the front porch. I was holding the bottom of the frame in place when he banged on the top and the sheet of glass sliced flesh from two fingers on my left hand. Flesh is attached, bone stopped the glass. The absolutely worst part of this story is that my parents were fighting over which one of their cars (his or hers) to take due to the price of gasoline. I'm standing there, going WTF? But I had no idea that's what I should've been saying. I was a very good boy. (Now I'm making up for lost time, you see.) LOL!
So, my Dad takes me. The ER says "You can wait outside, Sir." My big, brave Dad - still drunk, of course, says "I was in the Korean War. I've seen worse." So they give him a surgical mask which he promptly puts on up-side down. They get that straightened out, and start to stitch. Of course, Dad does a dry-heave and leaves. Me, I'm interested in what they're doing. LOL!
Scars to this day - when asked, I say, "Oh, those are from my fencing career."
==========
ETA: My Mom tells the story of when they were dating, it was a Summer day, so she had on shorts. She had her feet up on the dashboard and when Dad slammed on the brakes, she broke one leg. I put THAT in as my stupidest way to hurt yourself.
==========
I tell a lie. When I was hit from behind by a DUI at 70 MPH, I had so many stitches, they lost count. BDSM story, though..... A cute male intern is assigned to do the stitches. He Novacaines the upper forehead and thinks through what he wants to do. Checks with the supervising physician and gets the go ahead <pun NOT intended> to see if he can do a mosaic of the little bits of flesh that are attached.
The wound is near the hairline, so he wants to do a super-neat job! So he does jigsaw work, and starts in with teeny tiny needle and matching thread. Nothing's going to pull out the stitches, so it's all good.
Another intern comes by and says, "What's taking so long, Bill?" I respond for Bill "Leave him alone, he's signing his name using the stitches." Guffaws around. Dr. Bill continues, and at one point I jerk from pin-prick. He has taken so long, the Novacaine has worn off. He looks around, none to be found. He says, "I'll go get some." I say "Doc, it's okay. Actually, I'm kind of enjoying the sensation." He looks at me oddly and I continue, "C'mon, Doc... both my nippples are pierced."
============
"Lance," you ask "why the hell didn't you die in that accident?"
Four words: Air Bag, Seat Belt.
|
|
|
|
