you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (Full Version)

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Sailasub -> you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/26/2011 11:40:10 PM)

I created a profile on Collarme for a few reasons... one is curiosity about how this famous site works, another is ideas for possible web site design and finally I might, sort of, maybe, am thinking about, possibly looking for a second sub.

I've have a wonderful sub for the past 7 years but lately I am feeling frustrated. Her life situation has changed a bit and she is not as available to me as I have gotten used to. I'm not looking for advice or sympathy, just providing info as part of the intro. Yes, Doms might struggle with making decisions. And I don't know if my sub's situation is totally externally driven of if some of it is emotional changes or the relationship being old - probably a combination. Anyway, the bottom line is that she is not as available as I would like but I also don't want to let her go - I like her personality and we do vanilla stuff together. So.. if I do get a volunteer she would be #2 to serve as filler to server when #1 is not handy. Yes, Doms have fantasies. The nice thing is we don't know any better so because we think we can make it happen we do. I am an optimist and believe in the power of positive thinking.

My favorite web site is Resourcepool.org - because a friend runs it.

Finally, I ramble. In case you didn't notice.
SS



DarkSteven -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/27/2011 3:52:05 AM)

Hi there.  Welcome to collarme.  I hope you don't mind a few comments.

1. Your sub is less available.  Talk to her and see how to improve your relationship.
2. You might want a new username.  When I read it, I thought you were a sub who sailed.
3. Positive thinking is nice, but your idea faces long odds.  You want a play partner who is available for the times when your primary sub is unavailable.  There are some women who will be a third in a couples relationship, and get to relate to both partners, but they're so rare they're called unicorns.  The woman you're looking for will be even rarer -  just a piece on the side.  The only way I can see this working is if you pay for a pro sub.  Easier to find out why things aren't working with your current sub and fix it.
4. Why did you choose a pic of a brick building with a window?



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/27/2011 3:58:52 AM)

Welcome to CM!

Yeah, you may want to stop describing the sub you're looking for as "filler". I can't imagine a sub wanting to be just for when you can't see your sub. I agree with Stevie, you need to work with who and what you have and figure things out. Either that or make the second sub more a part of your current relationship. It's going to be hard enough to find the second sub as it is.

Zeph



ashjor911 -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/27/2011 7:32:44 AM)

Welcome To CM



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/27/2011 7:50:27 PM)

Welcome to CM and the boards.  Gotsta agree with Steven and Zeph.  No way would I enter into a "relationship" where I'd be considered 2nd choice because your first sub wasn't available.  There seems to be a communication breakdown that needs to be worked on.  Good luck whatever your decision.  



Sailasub -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/28/2011 12:07:55 AM)

I appreciate the comments and agree, I am looking for a unicorn. The problem is I don't really want to be looking. I actually communicate with my sub daily and we have a very good understanding about the issues. // = parallel thinking in our IM session. The basic situation is that her life situation at home changed due to family considerations. I don't want to get too far into it but her family simply needs her more and she is not "out" as my sub. Plus she has some health issues that have reduced her ability to play. Yes we backed off some to accommodate her limitations.

She agrees I need a masochistic unicorn. We've had threesome play but I would not offer/commit long term to the other subs at that time. While they are great people I recognized that they would end up competing with my sub the for #1 role. On IM tonight she liked the idea of a threesome where I would focus on her until she had enough and then switch to #2. We need a total service unicorn.

Shoot, I thought Sail-a-sub was macho since it put the Sail first... I guess I thought subsailor would sound like a submissive sailor so reversing it should have the opposite connotation and evoke the image of me sailing the sub... I will contemplate an alternative - but not tonight.

The picture is actually a store window with a reflection of me on my scooter in it... kind of have to blow it up. I guess another future edit...



MissImmortalPain -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/28/2011 1:30:35 AM)

I have read what you have said and thought deeply about it. So I now offer my advice...find a blow up doll, and work things out with the girl you already have.*oh* and welcome to the forums.



Endivius -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/28/2011 1:34:29 AM)

Welcome to CM. I have no usefull recomendations for you, as I see you sailing down a lonely path that your desires cannot navigate.



BurntKitty -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/28/2011 3:59:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sailasub

She agrees I need a masochistic unicorn.


In that case I have a fab idea. Just look into dungeons and play parties. There's many masochists looking for a sadistic top for play only. By "play" I mean floggers, whips, or other impact & hurty things, not sex. That's my main reason for playing at parties. I get my maso kicks and no sex required. You can have sex with your submissive when she's available, and let your sadistic side have fun at parties.

And welcome to CM.



Sailasub -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/28/2011 11:33:00 PM)

:) We already do parties. This weekend I am going to the Resourcepool.org workshop and munch. I am not sure if I want to go to a party afterwards since my sub is in CA... it is not as much fun playing with others when she is not there to assist and squeak on their behalf. Hmmm... is it possible that after 7 years she has trained me to be dependent on her? I may have to go for a short time just to prove I can do it on my own.



OsideGirl -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/29/2011 12:19:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sailasub
On IM tonight she liked the idea of a threesome where I would focus on her until she had enough and then switch to #2. We need a total service unicorn.
No, you're looking for a unicorn that is happy getting the leftover crumbs.



OohAahMrs -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/30/2011 5:06:24 AM)

Hey sail, nice entrance?



yourdarkdesire -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/30/2011 5:47:01 AM)

suddenly I feel like a cup of breadcrumbs being tossed into the ground beef ..............



Sailasub -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/30/2011 6:37:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourdarkdesire

suddenly I feel like a cup of breadcrumbs being tossed into the ground beef ..............


No, no, no! It's onions. Schnitzels always taste better with onion filler for that added touch of spice. The breadcrumbs go on the outside for that slightly burnt crispy texture.

I love my onion in the Schnitzel but it also needs to be the right onion.

[sm=pullit.gif]





BurntKitty -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (9/30/2011 7:35:22 PM)

In that case, OP, tell her to move in with you full time and leave her family obligations. We gave you suggestions which you immediately rejected.

If she's having health issues or a close family relative is and she has to be caretaker you need a bit of compassion and not look for the third at this time. The other possibility is she's married and her husband found out and wants her to give up the kink.

In any event, breadcrumbs are used as the filler in a meatloaf, onions would make it too slimy. Onion soup mix, on the other hand, would work, but I prefer McCormick meat loaf seasoning packet. Mushroom and onion gravy poured liberally over it... Yummers. (It was last night's dinner.)



Sailasub -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (10/2/2011 1:09:25 AM)

We're talking about it which I think is the real key. I was not expecting my whining here to produce a 3rd. Just blowing off some steam / whining since I am feeling particularly frustrated while she is out of town.

I don't know about meatloaf but my mom had onion inside her schnitzels. My sub got the recipe and I look forward to taste testing.



xxblushesxx -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (10/2/2011 1:23:11 AM)

Ask Holly about meatloaf. She's the resident meatloaf expert. (hint, if she asks you to taste it it means she doesn't like you...)[:'(][:(]



xxblushesxx -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (10/2/2011 1:24:17 AM)

p.s. I'm gonna start calling Holly the Meatloaf Mistress!!



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (10/2/2011 4:17:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Ask Holly about meatloaf. She's the resident meatloaf expert. (hint, if she asks you to taste it it means she doesn't like you...)[:'(][:(]


And if she gives you a whole one she's either trying to kill you or you asked for a doorstop.

Zeph



LillyBoPeep -> RE: you get the thorns, she gets the flowers? (10/2/2011 4:55:16 AM)

welcome to collarme; i can't imagine joining a relationship like that, either. 



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