Too much time on my hands

Too much time on my hands (Full Version)

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aleshaDreams -> Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 7:16:30 AM)
Probably for the lack of anything better to do, and constantly reading profiles of men looking for 'slaves', about the so many preliminary unknowns about Ones's we intend to meet from online to realtime, and the many questions about posers, losers, trolls and HNM (?); I thought perhaps to develop a preliminary line of questions submissives and slaves could ask those Dominant types in persuit of their attention. Please add to it, or tell me how stupid it is (that does not matter as I find many of these questions poised deliver the information I require from the Dominant, of course to my interpretation and then open for discussion thereafter). And, I am thinking on all the job interviews I have gone on and these wonderful scenerio questions that are given, perhaps there should be a few of those thrown in for good measure. Hummm will have to ponder those. Now if one can't have fun with this than what's the point. Dominant's Questionaire (please answer in your own words) Explain the difference between a submissive and a slave. How is submission and servitude interchanged? Can a submissive be a slave, or is every submissive a slave? What does 'Domination' mean to you? What does TPE mean to you and what is the submissive/slaves role in input? How long have you been in the lifestyle? Can You provide references of people that know you, including previous submissives/slaves under your care? (please list with contact information) What are your limits? Do you respect the submissive/slaves limits and if so how? If you are interested in pushing one's limits how do you proceed? Do you have multiple partners? This includes: are you presently involved with another and if so how (married, other slaves in household, etc.) When was your last health test for hiv, hep, and all forms of stds? Can you provide the results of these, please. Are you self sufficient financially, or will I be supplementing your income (so you can eat)?

CrappyDom -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 7:26:07 AM)
alesha, While I applaud your efforts, one thought. By the time you are experienced enough to truly see the real red flags in someone's answers, it would be my opinion that you wouldn't need a list of questions to do it. That said, the questions I would ask would be as follows. Describe your most recent scene that went bad and why. When a partner tells you no, how do you deal with it? How do you enforce your will? How have you changed and grown in the last 5-10 years? How did your last few BDSM relationships end and why? What desire of yours do you find hardest to enforce?

missgiveNTake -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 7:26:37 AM)
How about something it cover the chance that something on your hard limit list is on their lives for list. Can they do without it or are they hoping you will change your mind?

aleshaDreams -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 7:29:56 AM)
CrappyDom, You are so right, experience will dictate the red flags without doubt.... And I say wow to Your input on questions, those are fantastic, thank You. best regards, ad

VanillaExtracted -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 7:41:42 AM)
That's a great list of questions but unfortunately the answers will vary with the individual. Ask someone how tall is tall. If they are 6'3 tall to them may be 6'8. Ask someone who is 5'1 and they may think 5'7 is tall. The same goes with submission and dominance. If you ask a bedroom submissive what a slave is, they may see themselves in that category. Sometimes I think lables simply confuse the hell out of everyone as everyone's expectations from those lables tend to create stereotypes. I think the key is simply direct, open and honest communication. Try to determine if you have the same interests and goals for a relationship or if you're seeking the same type of relationship. When asking questions, keep in mind the same questions may be asked of you. If I am just getting to know someone, to me, asking about my personal life (ie, when was your last STD/HIV test) is inappropriate. If all they are interested in is sex or "playing" then that's not the type I want to get to know. I want someone who is willing to take the time to get to know me, not what my favorite activities are. Again, it's all in what you are seeking.

aleshaDreams -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 8:00:37 AM)
VanillaExtracted yes and it was initially stated that "of course to my interpretation and then open for discussion thereafter". Dependant on what one seeks what they ask and the answer they expect to receive are all individual to each. And, I don't see how any of these questions are unreasonable, and would additionally would like to believe that anyone that asks question can be expected to receive an equal or additional question in response. VanillaExtracted, a person can further look at any one of these questions as conversation pieces as well. Not any of them are limited to yes Sir no Sir thank you Sir. Take them and run with them, find out more insight into the individual, or leave them be. They are 'tools' not weapons, and if determined as such weapons perhaps them compatability does not exist, after all we are adults and without honesty please tell me how 'trust' can exist? I object totally with that it is inappropriate to ask a person if they have been tested for HIV, Std's. If a Dominant refuses to answer this, this would most definately send up red flags. I have no and I state no quams about my health status and if the Dominant wishes such information don't have a problem releasing it, after all cleaniness should be everyone's concern. So I totally disagree with this, nowing this stuff up front rather than dragging on conversation into the next millenium and then finding out the person you have invested so much time in has a non-curable disease because they chose out of what they deemed "inappropriate" is riding pretty close to disception in my world. But to each there own. My health and safety should be of great concern to the One that wishes me apart of their life, if not then begone point blank. And, thank you very much for your input :)

VanillaExtracted -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 8:13:18 AM)
I didn't say I wouldn't answer the questions, I simply said I would find them inappropriate if someone were wanting to get to know ME, not my sexual preferences, past partners, etc, etc. I simply feel that if someone is getting to know me, in order to find out if there is a chance of things progressing, asking that question upfront does save time but causes me to question if their interest is in me or if their interest is of a sexual nature. It is my belief that one should take time to get to know who they are with, not ask "Hi, what's your name? Are you STD/HIV free?" To me that's just screaming "Hi! Wanna f*ck?" Again, that's only my opinion, nothing more, nothing less. I apologize if I have offended, it was not my intention. Oh my! There's nothing like reading your own words to realize just exactly how jaded you are...

aleshaDreams -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 8:19:37 AM)
Vanilla Extracted, np no offence taken....... just air clearance this is all. I usually ask this question within the first 3 conversations, and don't believe it is unruly at all, and eventually yes I do want to 'fck (I have primal mating needs that somedays I don't like denied) but I do want to know who is doing that also. Do you see what I am saying.

VanillaExtracted -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 8:26:53 AM)
I absolutely know what you're saying and see nothing wrong with that. My past experiences in "getting to know" someone have primarily been sexually based. That turned me off from getting to know someone. I don't care if you're the best piece of a$$ I've ever had, if you can't touch my mind outside the bedroom, don't bother trying to get me in it. Maybe it's my unrealistic idea that if you have the basics - open and honest communication, the rest will take care of itself.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 8:39:44 PM)
I LOVE those. Can I borrow them?? I think that would clear the field of any wannabes or trolls if they come my way again. Then again, it would also make me have to answer the same questions, but I can life with that. Very beautifully written. Those questions are a great way to start the ball rolling when you are getting to know someone and are serious. I did notice, their were not vanilla questions though... Do you want children? What do you do on the weekends when you don't have a partner or M/s D/s relationship? How would your closest male and female friend describe you? Who do you admire and why? What is something that you regret in your life and if you could go back and change it, would you?

dogobedience -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 8:44:29 PM)
Read sasshay's stuff

lisa1978 -> RE: Too much time on my hands (5/23/2006 9:42:30 PM)
The best way to weed out is basically ask several questions both regular world and lifestyle. If they blow off the regular world questions and answer the lifestyle ones in detail my red flag comes out. My standard questions when checking out a man... What does 24/7 mean to you? Many fakes do not get that does not mean BDSM or being locked away when not. What type of control are you looking for? Tell me something about you as a regular person? How long did your last few relationships last and why did they end? Why do so many subs and slaves have sick relatives to attend to. Do we have that bad of genetics. :) Actually you can ask any question, the key is how they answer them. I look if they answer them honestly and not B.S. wise. For example ask them what they like to do. Give me a man who says "I like to watch football" over the guy who says "I like the theatre and helping out orphans".

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