quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

To me, BDSM and M/s are two different species which happen to hold hands together very well, but it's not necessary. One is 'done' the other is 'lived.' I guess that's why I completely understand the Gorean mindset that separates Gor from BDSM. They work well together, but they don't have to do so. I engage in BDSM.. I live M/s with Himself. One of these days, the arthritis is going to prevent the kneeling, old age is going to stop the whippings.. I won't need a blindfold because I'll actually be blind..  all that activity will go away, but the M/s will remain. The commitment which Himself and I share is one in which we have each vowed .. not to spank or be spanked.. but to serve or be served, to own or to be owned. That's the entree & dessert ... everything else is a side dish.

Celeste

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

The true heart of D/s is about giving. Each partner supplying what is needed to complete the other. It is a symbiotic relationship, plain and simple... the desire to be fulfilled and to fulfill the other borne out of mutual admiration, respect and trust. Each person reaping the benefits in whatever form they take."

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i see D/s as a means to an end; a truley fufilling LTR. i want only one collar in all my life. i am interested in O/others' views.

candystripper

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i see D/s as a means to an end; a truley fufilling LTR. i want only one collar in all my life. i am interested in O/others' views.

candystripper

I think its a mistake to say what you want "in all my life" or "for the rest of my life." Such an ideal corrupts living in the day-to-day, limits one from gaining experience, and puts a great deal of stress and pressure on all your potential relationships. It is better to have smaller, more realistic and manageable goals to start --- then get traction there and see where it leads.

(1) Specifically, a sub needs to find someone she is comfortable submitting to first.

(2) Next, she needs to explore her compatibility with her DOM, inside and outside of D/S.

After this, the desire to stay together happens on its own, organically. It is not something you can control or will. If it does not lead to "the rest of your life," your time has still been meaninfully spent learning about yourself, how you fit into a D/S relationship, and what its like to share the whole experience with another invested person.

In sum, relationships are a growth process no matter how long they last. Because you cannot control the length of a relationship, its therefore more prudent to focus on the relationship "as is" while its happening.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I have fantasies of having a harem of males and a female or two who do my all my bidding, including being my sex slaves. Of course they have no limits and never say no, no matter what it is I ask of them to do. We all get along famously, there's no jealousy, no bickering its heavenly.

The REALITY though for me is I love my submissive and even though he says it wouldn't bother him if I took on another male sub. I know it WOULD bother him and it would eat away at him over time. I know as a Domme I'm not supposed to care what he thinks, but the reality of my situation is I DO care what he thinks. I want to be happy and I couldn't be knowing he was miserable.

We have discussed public play and maybe one day playing with others. Neither of us is in a rush because we are so into each other right now that we don't really have room for anyone else.

Do I really need those other slaves? Nope he keeps me happy and even though I do daydream of Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones running around naked wearing my collar as they do the housework, I really only want one person wearing my collar and thats jack.

BDSM to me is a special relationship between people who have similar or opposite needs that work together to fulfill one another. It can be two people or a group of people. In my case  I am a sadist, he is a masochist we both love rough sex, hard play and role playing. We are not 24/7 and are on equal terms outside of the bedroom, though it is understood that I make the final decisions.

Everyone's situation is different and what works for us may not work for other couples. But do what makes you happy and makes you feel complete.

~Lashra