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Still alone - 9/29/2011 12:43:40 PM

petitbateau

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/9/2009
Status: offline

It has been a very difficult year, I don't know how to explain it otherwise. Somehow I became more and more aware of my submissive side but the more I am aware of it, the more impossible it becomes to find a way to express it, to find an Owner to indulge in it.
I tried, a few times. I didn't try too hard to be honest because I am scared. I am scared more and more of everything, I see danger everywhere.

Everything might even work properly if I don't stop for a second, if I work like crazy and play with my laptop and read, if I don't give myself a second everything seems sort of fine. But it's a lie.

The moment I stop to breath, to catch up with my own rhythm, then the pain kicks in.
It's raw and deep and you can call it sadness but it's not. It's a sort of deep regret and pity for myself, for the fact I am soo tired of being alone and not belonging to someone. I feel my loneliness very hard and harsh on me, like a cover. I can't open anymore for anyone, I fear I will be undone if I do.

I am still not complete. I am missing something and that something will not come, not anymore.
I tried but it didn't work. Very often all they want is just a night of pleasure and I can't give that anymore too, I'm too scared for that.
What should I do? What can I do?

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 1:06:18 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

You take your time and you get to know people as people. If you get to know someone over months and months, your risk of being used is much less, than just meeting someone and starting a relationship right away.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 1:09:38 PM

AneNoz

Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
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Seek for your desire among those who share it. You abide in London wherein there is a vibrant community of dominants and submissives, seek them out. And fear is to be expected of that which we know not, accept it and overcome it through the smallness of the steps. Find first others to share with, and then attempt small things. Little submissions to others for but a term, thus it will cease to be an unknown and will become familiar. One does not fear the familiar.

Be at peace
Aneka

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 1:17:39 PM

HieroV

Posts: 39
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

I've been where you are - and it may be before my time on the planet is over - I'll be there again.

Take your time - take care of yourself - and yes, have fun. Work on becoming the type of person you want to own you.

You have time. When you feel like you don't - that you will never find a lasting love/connection - then that is a time when you need to be alone and work on yourself. It's a bitch but it is true.

It has been in the times that I have shruged my shoulders and thought that love would never come into my life but it was ok I was happy with my friends, my work, my hobbies...someone would cross my path. And I would enjoy them but assume it would not last or not be in a rush to make it 'serious'...that is when wonderful and wicked things happened.

My need to surrrender is a need. But in my life, when it felt more like a desire, a wish to be able to be open and naked with someone -but not a demand...that is when it has all clicked for me.

All the best to you. Take your time.

< Message edited by HieroV -- 9/29/2011 1:18:40 PM >

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 2:13:08 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

You take your time and you get to know people as people. If you get to know someone over months and months, your risk of being used is much less, than just meeting someone and starting a relationship right away.

Well said.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 2:39:37 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Per your profile you are 29 years old, old enough to begin realizing who you are in life and what you want. You want a partner? Well, you will never really qualify for a good one until you are perfectly fine alone.

Harsh I know, but true. Work on developing your personal self, on being the best YOU you can be (which means getting out into the world and away from your PC). Your entire life could change when you least expect it. But there are no guarantees, so practice being happy and good with yourself NOW.

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 2:42:28 PM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
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I didn't meet my husband till I decided I was going to stop looking and focus on my career. Sure enough, he popped right into my life when I didn't need, want, or expect him. In fact I wasn't even initially interested in him. I was interested in someone else. He just happened to get me 100% and we liked the same things. We started hanging out as friends, two months later we were a couple, 6 months after that we were married.

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 3:42:05 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petitbateau

It has been a very difficult year, I don't know how to explain it otherwise. Somehow I became more and more aware of my submissive side but the more I am aware of it, the more impossible it becomes to find a way to express it, to find an Owner to indulge in it.
I tried, a few times. I didn't try too hard to be honest because I am scared. I am scared more and more of everything, I see danger everywhere.

Everything might even work properly if I don't stop for a second, if I work like crazy and play with my laptop and read, if I don't give myself a second everything seems sort of fine. But it's a lie.

The moment I stop to breath, to catch up with my own rhythm, then the pain kicks in.
It's raw and deep and you can call it sadness but it's not. It's a sort of deep regret and pity for myself, for the fact I am soo tired of being alone and not belonging to someone. I feel my loneliness very hard and harsh on me, like a cover. I can't open anymore for anyone, I fear I will be undone if I do.

I am still not complete. I am missing something and that something will not come, not anymore.
I tried but it didn't work. Very often all they want is just a night of pleasure and I can't give that anymore too, I'm too scared for that.
What should I do? What can I do?

I'm going to take a different position that the others here. While blushes is right, that a day may come where your inertia is more painful than the thought of moving forward, I don't really see this as simply the inability to find someone.

Your post describes someone who is very depressed. PLEASE find a licensed therapist and talk to them. You say you are seeing danger everywhere, and that is not "normal." I don't mean you are a freak, I mean that you need to talk to someone and get some outside help to become happy and healthy again. You may (likely) need some medication in the form of anti-depressants or something for your very obvious anxiety.

You DO NOT have to fight through every day. Help is out there. Try to remember a time when these feelings weren't so overwhelming and know that you can have that back again.

You also have mail.

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 3:49:06 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

You take your time and you get to know people as people. If you get to know someone over months and months, your risk of being used is much less, than just meeting someone and starting a relationship right away.

Well said.

*Luvs teh Bear!!!*

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

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Post #: 9

RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 3:51:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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jump

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Everything has changed

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 7:44:56 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

it does sound like you might be depressed, OP, and it would probably be good to try dealing with that first. because depression won't care if you have a person or not -- if it's situational, it can be caused by one particular thing, but it can change and be triggered by a host of other things. it seems like once your brain sets into a depressed way of thinking, it will go there more frequently. so if you are having depression issues, try to start working on dealing with those. improving your own outlook will help you be a healthier, happier person, which you deserve to be.

i kinda understand where you're coming from. after everything that happened over the last two years, i feel like i'm ready to go out and date, but i can't, for the life of me, meet anyone who's actually available and who i mesh with well. i have my Toppy friend, but he's married and often preoccupied and i don't think we can (or should) build the kind of connection that i learned that i need. he's a great friend though, and the friendship is wonderful, but the part of me that wants to be owned again is still going "someday..."

the community here is small; there are two groups and most of the members of both overlap, so when you've met everyone, you've basically met everyone. so the community really doesn't have much to offer as far as a long-term relationship, with compatibility and all that involved. i poke around online, and i'm not expecting to find anyone here, either. i just like to yammer, share perspectives, reminisce, blah blah blah -- they say that you find what you're looking for when you're not looking, but i haven't been looking and have managed to find nothing. =p so...

i've more or less just accepted that life doesn't work the way i thought it did, and whatever will happen will happen. just take your time, and work on yourself as a person. do things that make you happy, learn about things you're interested in. try to address the possible depression stuff and see what you can do about your own outlook on the world. what are you scared of? are you scared of the people you might meet? are you scared of what could possibly happen to you? as others have said, take your time in getting to know people -- meet people you can trust and feel comfortable with. try building up friendships in a "vanilla" way, rather than building from the kink.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

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RE: Still alone - 9/29/2011 10:41:23 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Dude ... I agree with the other posters here. You sound depressed.

Google : depression - and read up on what it is, if you think it applies to you and the ways to manage it.

....cause you know ...

Attachment (1)

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RE: Still alone - 9/30/2011 1:57:16 AM

DonGiovani

Posts: 129
Joined: 8/28/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Per your profile you are 29 years old, old enough to begin realizing who you are in life and what you want. You want a partner? Well, you will never really qualify for a good one until you are perfectly fine alone.

Harsh I know, but true. Work on developing your personal self, on being the best YOU you can be (which means getting out into the world and away from your PC). Your entire life could change when you least expect it. But there are no guarantees, so practice being happy and good with yourself NOW.

Quote for truth.

(Bows to sensei)

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RE: Still alone - 9/30/2011 9:46:57 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Per your profile you are 29 years old, old enough to begin realizing who you are in life and what you want. You want a partner? Well, you will never really qualify for a good one until you are perfectly fine alone.

Harsh I know, but true. Work on developing your personal self, on being the best YOU you can be (which means getting out into the world and away from your PC). Your entire life could change when you least expect it. But there are no guarantees, so practice being happy and good with yourself NOW.

This. This. This.

To the OP: Why would anyone want to be with a fellow who is incomplete?

In perspective, think about yourself, do you want to be around someone who's always down or bummed unless someone is holding their hand? No. You are attracted to people who are self sustaining and able to make themselves happy in life, and then you want to share in their happiness. Vice versa, when you're stable and happy, other people want to be around you, and be part of that awesome life you lead.

Sort of like chosing to ride in the rusty clunker instead of a nice luxury car... given the choice, we all want that luxury car.

You are more than your sexuality. Hang with friends, if you're lonely, then maybe you should build more friendships and family bonds when possible, you don't need a romantic partner to stop being alone, just good company.
Fixating on the one thing you don't have will blind you to all the good things you do have sometimes.

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