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What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 3:44:16 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
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I have been involved in BDSM and D/s as a submissive male for over 40 years. Back in the late 1960s and early 1970s, there was certainly no Internet, no books on the subject that I could find, and visibly no organizations for the average novice to try to join.

What we had back then were alternative newspaper ads, and correspondance clubs with questionable motives, professional dominance establishments with workers who probably had no idea what the scene was all about, and a few true femdoms who were basically looking for a submissive with the financial means to further their aspirations.

It was not a happy time for me, because I really had no idea what I was looking for, or even how to ask for it. And I emphasize,"ask for it," because I failed to do that, but instead, relied on the domme to guide me. Bad idea, but then, what did I know? Not much!

As it turned out, the so-called dommes really did not have much more of a clue that I did, because they were wallowing in the same pond of "who is, what is, and where do we go from here?" that I was in. Basically, we were all closeted and trying to find our way, so to speak. Eventually, those who had an inkling of what this whole BDSM and D/s thing was all about, came crawling out.

What we seem to have now in this age of, pay me big money, are women in their early twenties, who probably know very little about BDSM and D/s, but who are attemtping to tap into the financial resources of submissive males. This is not true for every 20-year-old female who advertises here or anywhere else, but it does appear to be rampant in this economy where money is tight, and those who have no other way to earn an income could be desposed to thus tap into those of us who suffer, but yet have a few dollars left and would contribute to sex (or quasi-sex).

Does anyone really care? Certainly the "pay pigs" don't. Believe me when I say that, whatever floats your proverbial boat is fine with me, until it sinks -- and it eventually will sink. After all, what good is a pay pig without a pea-green boat full of cash?

Is there any integrity left (or was there ever any integrity) in this aparently very commercial realm of female dominance and male submission? I am not even sure, nor do I even care anymore?

Let the buyer beware!

Is there a question here? I suppose that there is, but I winder if a question would only be considered a moot point, and thereby irrelevant.

_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

Post #: 1

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 5:11:37 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

So, you are unhappy with the quality of professional dominants? Bummer.

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Post #: 2

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 5:48:00 PM

RexDarcy

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
Status: offline

As long as there are, as you call them, pay pigs, there will be findommes. Everybody has their kink and reasons they are into those things.

If its not your thing, that's cool. If you aren't in your ideal situation, I wish you good luck finding what you desire

_____________________________

"Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding."

"I am who I am today because of choices I made yesterday."

"To bring the pieces back together - rediscover communication."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 3

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 6:55:52 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

I believe that I have already said that. Please read again and understand before you post a reply.

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Post #: 4

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 7:01:46 PM

SuzeCheri

Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
Status: offline

OK, I did read, and I have a question for you.

What is the effective difference between:

quote:

basically looking for a submissive with the financial means to further their aspirations.

and this

quote:

attemtping to tap into the financial resources of submissive males.

?

(in reply to addicted2it)

Post #: 5

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 7:33:36 PM

Hisprettybaby

Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Oh great. Another financial domination thread. Wasn't it just nine days ago this thread showed up?

(in reply to SuzeCheri)

Post #: 6

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 7:39:12 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
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Throws it in the pile of complaints about pro-dommes. NEXT ......

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

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Post #: 7

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 8:59:37 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

As others seem to be expressing also, I'm getting a bit tired of all the bitching about 'money' Dommes. I use the term 'money' Dommes rather than ProDommes or those with a financial fetish as there seems to be some confusion or pissyness about the differences between the three. ProDommes are professional and charge for a service. Those with a financial fetish use money as a means of control. Scammers try to con people (in this case self avowed male submissives) into giving them money.

They are not the same thing!!!

If you don't want to hire a ProDomme, then don't. They are easy to spot, they usually have an ad that makes it clear that this is their job. If you mistake a scammer for a ProDomme then you (the avowed submissive) are .... well, maybe you should just get off the internet as it seems to be a bit too complicated for you. Folks with a financial fetish can be a bit harder to spot but they are usually Dominant women and thus act like them (want to talk to you as a person first, interested in your life, upfront about their kink, etc).

Don't send money to strangers!
Think with your big head (not your small).
If she has model photos, says she is looking for a worm, and you are lucky to be in her presence .... ding! ding! She is a scammer!

For pity's sake guys ... take some personal responsibility here.

Wickad

PS - and for those who are bitter and pissy because you can't find anyone .... get used to it. Life is hard. Maybe take a look in the mirror sometime - that might be the problem. Ohh, and I haven't found anyone yet either. That rub cuts both ways. It's not a lot easier on the other side of the kneel, just so ya know.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 8

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/29/2011 9:29:11 PM

roscho

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

I will admit that I read the post a few times and didn't see a question beyond agreeing or disagreeing with your editorial.

Mutually beneficial.

If you are making an observation of professional services, they predominantly work for money.

Another option is to build a relationship with a like thinking Dominant where the currency is performance.

I'm exhausted by the "In this economy..." arguments. What economy? You must be late 50's to early 60's in age? You've seen the circular nature of economics. Mercedes and BMW aren't announcing layoffs on production lines. Every time somebody loses something, somebody else gets something.

As to integrity, I assume they believe in their product.

Professional isn't for me, that it exists and is displayed doesn't even register.

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 9

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 5:17:38 AM

lthrpup

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
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Wondered where OP was going. Looked promising when he described the wilderness of 40 years ago. Was expecting something about how much easier it is now to find information, meet people, etc. Instead, complaint about something easily avoided.

I'd prefer to look on the bright side. Twenty-five years ago I was getting a rise out of the motorcycle leathers page in the Sears catalog; yesterday I was using Google to find images with pixel dimensions that match the native resolution of my monitor. Twenty years ago, it was an improvement when contact ads in the local alternative rag switched from forwarding mail services to anonymous voice mail; now you can easily write, speak or see pervs from all over the world.

You still have a tiny window of potential compatibility with any one you encounter but the opportunities have never been greater.

(in reply to roscho)

Post #: 10

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 6:00:57 AM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

Oh great. Another financial domination thread. Wasn't it just nine days ago this thread showed up?

Oh great. Another person bitching about the people bitching about financial domination. People tell the original bitchers (the ones bitching about financial domination) to do something like "just go on to the next profile". It works the same for the people that don't like the financial domination threads. Just go on to the next thread. No one is twisting your arm making you read any particular thread here.

Just as a point of interest---people do apparently get tired of all the "complaining about financial domination threads". They get so tired of them that they interrupt the thread to complain about it. Why is it that it is OK to complain about how many threads there are, but it's not seen as OK for the people to complain about the number of "findommes" there are to begin with? Both are a source of frustration for someone. A great number of those "findommes" are obviously just trying to get other peoples money with no actual interest in D/s or BDSM. Yet those "findommes" are defended while the people with the complaint about them are pissed on.

If there are so many threads on the subject that people find it annoying, then maybe...just maybe...it is a big enough problem that it should be addressed with a "let's see if we can actually do something about this" attitude rather than using it as an excuse to put down the people that start the threads. And if there aren't that many threads after all, then it really isn't a problem and it makes the people complaining about the number of threads actually look very petty themselves.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

(in reply to Hisprettybaby)

Post #: 11

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 6:21:30 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lthrpup

Wondered where OP was going. Looked promising when he described the wilderness of 40 years ago. Was expecting something about how much easier it is now to find information, meet people, etc. Instead, complaint about something easily avoided.

I'd prefer to look on the bright side. Twenty-five years ago I was getting a rise out of the motorcycle leathers page in the Sears catalog; yesterday I was using Google to find images with pixel dimensions that match the native resolution of my monitor. Twenty years ago, it was an improvement when contact ads in the local alternative rag switched from forwarding mail services to anonymous voice mail; now you can easily write, speak or see pervs from all over the world.

You still have a tiny window of potential compatibility with any one you encounter but the opportunities have never been greater.

Interesting take on how much better/easier things have become.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lthrpup)

Post #: 12

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 7:10:10 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You know what gets on my nerves? Guys who pay for services, and then as time goes on, think they shouldn't have to pay any longer because we're "friends". I do like my custies (almost all of them, and the ones I don't, get to pay MORE) but just because I like you, that doesn't mean it's not still a business.

(I figured I could throw that in since all these guys want to complain about money. It's about money so it's on topic-ish...)

Oh, and pay piggies rock! I like to make them oink while they're paying...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 7:28:16 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

How would you suggest we "fix" this issue, Igor?

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Post #: 14

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 8:21:20 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisprettybaby

Oh great. Another person bitching about the people bitching about financial domination. People tell the original bitchers (the ones bitching about financial domination) to do something like "just go on to the next profile". It works the same for the people that don't like the financial domination threads. Just go on to the next thread. No one is twisting your arm making you read any particular thread here.

Good points! And you're right. Both groups of complainers really do belong in the same bucket. But one group doesn't seem to see how similar they are to the other group. Thank you for pointing it out to them.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 9/30/2011 8:22:04 AM >

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 15

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 2:50:44 PM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

How would you suggest we "fix" this issue, Igor?

I'm not Igor, but I've suggested previously that there be a way to filter out the commercial profiles. Either that, or Collarme could just ban such profiles outright.

There is a solution, and I'm sure it could be easily implemented.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 16

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 3:01:32 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

How would you suggest we "fix" this issue, Igor?

I'm not Igor, but I've suggested previously that there be a way to filter out the commercial profiles. Either that, or Collarme could just ban such profiles outright.

There is a solution, and I'm sure it could be easily implemented.

I don't get that the OP cares about the volume of pro dom profiles, only that he is not getting the services now that he used to in the past. He is allll about paying for it.

And, this is a free site. I know y'all are sick of hearing that, but FREE is free. The VOLUNTEER staff is not sufficient to screen everyone. I would be thrilled to pay for CM if they could make all the men who are cheating on their wives go away. Whooops! Not happening.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 3:23:50 PM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

How would you suggest we "fix" this issue, Igor?

The first thing to do is to realize that when there are that many people with the same complaint that maybe there actually is a problem, then have an actual discussion about the subject without letting it become a flame-fest toward the OP.

There may not be any solution for the number of findommes, but flaming an OP for bringing up an obvious problem is never going to be a solution. And again...if you have no interest in a particular thread why come up with all the "attitude"? Just move on to a different thread instead of getting all obnoxious like some gradeschool brat.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 18

RE: What is with this scene? - 9/30/2011 3:40:32 PM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't get that the OP cares about the volume of pro dom profiles, only that he is not getting the services now that he used to in the past. He is allll about paying for it.

I'm not sure what the OP's motives were. I think that he was observing that there was a multitude of profiles from findommes flooding the site.

quote:

And, this is a free site. I know y'all are sick of hearing that, but FREE is free. The VOLUNTEER staff is not sufficient to screen everyone.

Understood, but that's part of my point. They're here for commercial reasons, yet they're on a free site which is supposedly for the purpose of like-minded people seeking out relationships.

They're advertising a business under the guise of a personal ad. That's dishonest. That should at least be acknowledged, even though we realize that there may not be enough staff to police the site entirely. (However, there is a report function available to users so they can report any profiles which violate the terms of service. So, if there was a rule against it, the next time these threads complaining about findommes come up, the posters can be advised to use the report function rather than starting up new threads. All these sub males would be so busy reporting profiles that they wouldn't have time to post on the boards, so it could be a win-win for all.)

quote:

I would be thrilled to pay for CM if they could make all the men who are cheating on their wives go away. Whooops! Not happening.

I understand your point. But I would suggest that there's a possible relationship between the two situations. On a site teeming with profiles from businesses offering professional sex services, men who are looking to cheat or otherwise get their rocks off are going to gravitate to that kind of site. They'll get the notion that this is a sex site for people looking for quick hook-ups or paid escorts. I think that one problem tends to feed off the other, and if you eliminate one, the other will likely go away on its own.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: What is with this scene? - 10/1/2011 11:20:07 AM

Succi

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

The first thing to do is to realize that when there are that many people with the same complaint that maybe there actually is a problem, then have an actual discussion about the subject without letting it become a flame-fest toward the OP.

I don't see a complaint in the <OP>. I see someone complaining that he had financial dommes in the past and it was more fun back then because it was a shared learning experience, and the internet "ruined" that. Yeah, the internet's ruined a LOT of things. I also seem to glean that he has lost his ability to engage in such a relationship due to recession? (his "pea-green boat" comment)

Or, perhaps he's simply complaining about sex workers in general? He does say

quote:

This is not true for every 20-year-old female who advertises here or anywhere else, but it does appear to be rampant in this economy where money is tight, and those who have no other way to earn an income could be desposed to thus tap into those of us who suffer, but yet have a few dollars left and would contribute to sex (or quasi-sex).

This applies to me (I'm a cam whore these days). I don't do it in regard to my BDSM activities, that's MY space, and I wouldn't cheapen it (and, perhaps more importantly? I don't want work to bleed into my relaxation time). But I do do sexual acts for money. Thank my goddess there's no physical contact and disease risk. But I'll tell you when I -really- feel bad about it: It's the guys who are totally incapable of separating their fantasy about me from reality. There are rules and boundaries every sex worker has, Pro-Dommes included, and it sounds like this guy may have tried to bend or break one of them and got shafted for it.

Either way I'm not entirely sure what the <OP> was supposed to be about because he doesn't actually ask any questions. Hell, HE EVEN SUMS HIS POST UP as that he can't find his own question anywhere in his post.

quote:

There may not be any solution for the number of findommes, but flaming an OP for bringing up an obvious problem is never going to be a solution. And again...if you have no interest in a particular thread why come up with all the "attitude"? Just move on to a different thread instead of getting all obnoxious like some gradeschool brat.

This will be out of left field probably =P But being a gamer, I'm kind of used to communities having to police themselves. A lot of MMO-style games have to let the community do that, because of the sheer volume of traffic in their servers. And most of THOSE games? Yeah, they have subscription fees. CM lives off its ads traffic, it's a double edged sword that their staff is probably just barely able to keep the openly racist, homophobic, insert-hate-speech-here postings that members report to them.

If someone advertises as a financial domme here....uh, that's against the TOS...report the profile and move on if it bugs you. The staff WILL handle it eventually. If you DON'T report them, you're only encouraging other fishing scammers to stumble across this site and say "Huh, this seems to be the place to go" and they make their own scammer profile and ADD to the problem.

This same principle goes in the other direction. No one wants the "Ask a Mistress" board to turn into three full pages straight of "Why are there financial dommes?" subjects. It's like the obnoxious friend who comes over, eats all your food, gets "annoying-drunk", then leaves two hours after you should have been in bed. Eventually people are going to get REALLY fed up with him and stop coming to your parties, so soon it's a handful of people having less fun than it used to be. Social groups have to have rules, officially or unofficially, that they enforce, behaviors you either won't tolerate or ask that the offending party tones it down.

_____________________________

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(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 20

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