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Need some help. - 9/30/2011 8:10:26 AM

LizKelly1983

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/28/2011
Status: offline

Hello, I am a Dom Trans and indentify as a Mistress. I having a hard time finding a female slave. As the case is I only like women and look at me as Lesbian. All I have found is fake so far. Talk to a few but they always disappear. Anyone have some suggestions on what and how to accomplish this. Thanks.

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RE: Need some help. - 9/30/2011 2:53:51 PM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline

Perhaps rejig your profile?

Seems to be more about finding a fantasy slave than a real person, perhaps delve more into your non bdsm interests? A profile pic may help too, if it can't be of you for work reasons or whatever then something you feel describes your character?

Alternatively if you're more interested in a slave upfront to do your bidding, rather than a person to build towards that with you, you will struggle to find any on this site. There is the possibility of pro submissives if you want to fork out of course...

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(in reply to LizKelly1983)

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RE: Need some help. - 9/30/2011 3:05:31 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Pardon the nitpicking of labels but in your case, it seems important to get it right.

Dom Trans? "Dom" usually indicates male but (I think) that 3rd sentence says you'd rather be seen as lesbian...?

In any case, I'm sure you'd agree you have a limited pool of potential partners compared to most. So maybe don't be so quick to call people fakes.... Personally, I think you're gonna find it harder to find someone online as the seemingly thousands of potential partners for everyone means most confine themselves to a relatively narrow spectrum with which to fill their own ideal wish list. Can't imagine many have Dom Trans Lesbian Mistress on their wish list - it just seems too compicated and convoluted....

You're probably better suited to finding/meeting someone r/l, where potentials can actually see you for you (including personality etc) and decide if you're someone they wanna be with in general.

Good luck - and welcome to CM.

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LizKelly1983)

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RE: Need some help. - 9/30/2011 5:39:08 PM

Succi

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/30/2010
Status: offline

Well...I will offer my help here. Having been off and on this site for years and two accounts (one from before I was transitioning). I've actually been considering switching my profile to just female, with a disclaimer for a while now. But each time I think about it I get frustrated and just rather X the window than adjust my profile xD

But, I definitely agree with the picture thing. The trans section of CM is mostly populated by cross-dressers/transvestites/sissies. Nothing WRONG with that, but there is a big difference between them and women who identify as transsexuals (hell two of the above groups still identify male, but those groups do it so their penis gets harder, not to ignore it, by and large). The problem here is there's a big generalization that the /T/'s on this site are A) chicks with dick fetishists, B) usually not very "passable", and C) very online-no-real-time-cyber-hunnies. Whenever I do clean out the bulk folder from all the guys who email me, at least half of them are all eager about the penis. Except I don't like it and have plans to rid myself of it. You, not HAVING a picture, will automatically be assumed to be too ugly to post a picture of yourself and be one of those guys with an obvious beard and a light blue disco wig and obnoxious make up. It isn't fair, no, but it's what we have to deal with.

Honestly, I wouldn't even PUT pictures up here (people I'm looking for wouldn't let that stop them) if it wasn't for the fact that the "Trans" option was so "non-passing" as a group. And half of that is the cultural expectation that you WON'T pass, ever, as a transsexual woman, so I put mine up in the hope of at least saying "Here's what I'm fighting with".

I don't agree that you should limit to real time, as that could be very unsafe, even as a domme.

Presuming you had a decent therapist (as I hear Texas is one of those states with heavy hoops to jump through) you've already gone over the fact that pursuing transition should be assumed to be a solo activity, for life. It's not easy to deal with, but it's easier to just assume you never WILL find anyone.

I have used my profile as a "Trans-Education" platform, posting bits and issues about transsexualism and transgenders as it pertains to me. I might recommend doing the same to yours, at the very least declaring if you are pre-op, non-op, etc. and how you plan to see yourself. I kinda take the Phil Hendrie stance: While we are in this "pre-vernacular" phase of transgendered identity, it's really our responsibility to declare outright what we are and why we are, because memorizing the library is too much for a "normal" person to keep straight in their head xD The added bonus is, when you run into people like Focus50 who think "Trans" is just another step of "complicated" you can set them straight.

You will have to be the initiator (I'm not sure what your "browsing" style is, but more aggressively pursuing subs is almost mandated for transwomen on this site). Not only is the very fuzzy etiquette of "oh someone looked at my profile, are they interested? are they shy? did they stay for ten minutes or 3 seconds?" bad enough on CM, but the added "Trans-shyness" will tank a lot of your admirers.

*Whistles* Phew, okay, I didn't exactly want to make this a book but oh well xD

I hope that gives you some help. And give it some time, you've gotta play it for keeps.

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"Happiness is never grand"

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RE: Need some help. - 9/30/2011 8:33:22 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Hello,

I can understand why it might be difficult finding such a slave. Some might perceive you as a crossdressing male or a sissy male; many of which (but not all) who are submissive males.

I had a trans post-op friend who insisted he (now a she) was a lesbian and so wanted a relationship with Me (yet I am straight). I could not help but feel he was acting just like a man who wanted sex with a Woman. But then that was just My own personal opinion. Perhaps his ex-Wife and children saw him/her differently. Of course what really made it confusing was that he/she was a prostitute who's clients were all males.

There is someone out there for everyone. Have you considered first trying to meet a switch?

Hope this helps.

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http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

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RE: Need some help. - 10/1/2011 9:49:01 AM

LizKelly1983

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/28/2011
Status: offline

Thank you all for your opinions and advice

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RE: Need some help. - 10/1/2011 11:34:38 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LizKelly1983

Hello, I am a Dom Trans and indentify as a Mistress. I having a hard time finding a female slave. As the case is I only like women and look at me as Lesbian. All I have found is fake so far. Talk to a few but they always disappear. Anyone have some suggestions on what and how to accomplish this. Thanks.

You live in an area where you can't swing a cat without hitting some leather or SM type person.. join a group or three.. a munch... a club... there are I believe quite a few there... meet real people up front...

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You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: Need some help. - 10/1/2011 11:34:54 AM

SthrnCom4t

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
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I do think that 'trans' is complicated, but I don't mean that in the negative. Being with Otter has been an interesting journey to put it mildly. So many details that straight people never have to think about, can be daily choices for someone who has gender dysphoria. Depending on the environment during the impressionable years of childhood, the struggle for personal identification can be direct, or quite the twisted path.

I love Succi's post above because to me it represented taking responsibility for how she would like to be perceived. Not only is that not the 'poor me/victim stance' that so many PEOPLE habitually take when life doesn't seem to be giving them what they want, it also doesn't make a stranger 'guess'.

If you (any sex, gender, or orientation) are single, online, and looking, you owe it to yourself to "present" well. "Honestly" is included in 'well' because it doesn't waste anyone's time. Assess your competition, figure out why you are special and unique, and communicate that in a truthful and genuine way. You will kiss a lot of toads along the journey, but if you learn something from each experience, it can only be positive.

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Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

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RE: Need some help. - 10/1/2011 3:42:16 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Liz, part of the problem is that you're looking online. If you were to look at munches and get-togethers, you'd have better luck.

I hope you don't mind a critique of your profile:

I am not new here. I was here a while back but somehow my account got lost. Now i am back looking for a female slave to serve me. Would be all right with a female submissive too.
No need to mention your previous profile. The whole paragraph could be restated "I'm looking for a female sub or slave."

I want to start off with online training and then if everything goes right. Have relocation happen and then have female slave with me 24/7 tpe. Would be great with a no limit female slave is the best.
I always see a red flag when someone mentions a no limits situation. Almost always, that's someone with no experience living a fantasy. If you want to keep that, I suggest you mention it as a relationship goal, not something at the onset.

Please contact me if you would like to be considered or have any questions.
The entire profile says nothing. If a woman were to accept you as her Domme, what life would she expect? You're asking for someone to turn her life over to you, and you're not telling her why she should do it.
Aside from being female, what should she be like? Age range? College educated? Working or nonworking? Any issues with weight?

Also - you're 28. At that age, having children is a big thing. I'd mention in your profile if you'd like to raise children, and if it's all right if your s currently has any.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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