handling interest?

handling interest? (Full Version)

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Squirrely -> handling interest? (10/1/2011 6:59:10 AM)
I created my account the other day and I've gotten a few messages from interested doms (its always surprises me that anyone is interested in me). After reading a ton of profiles and posts here (and a few things elsewhere) I've come to the conclusion that it may take quite a while to find the right person and then even more time to build up something. I guess that's what I was expecting, I can be patient. its also a bit depressing becuase i'm lonely and in a barely tolorable living situation. I think I know what I'm looking for in a dom, and I think I'm responding ok to interested ones that interest me. I think my biggest problem now would be on how to turn down those that don't seem like a good match. is there a best way to do so? theres at least one who seems to want me to be submissive to them from the get go, ive been warned that its highly possible that their fake (i get the impression there serious though, or very practiced). plus I can't just be submissive to some one that I don't know, have no emotional connection to, and don't respect. I would appreciate some advice or maybe some examples of situations you may have handled in the past, thank you.

Kana -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 7:01:25 AM)
Exercise common sense.It sounds snarky, but really it's the very best advice you can get. Oh, and think with the big head, not the little one. That'll save ya some pain down the road.

poise -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 7:02:27 AM)
A simple "Thank you for your interest, but I don't feel we would make a good match" should be sufficient. For those that are persistent, and trust me, there will be many, simply block them and carry on. Welcome to the site, and best of luck in finding what you are looking for.

windchymes -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 7:23:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Squirrely I've come to the conclusion that it may take quite a while to find the right person and then even more time to build up something. I guess that's what I was expecting, I can be patient. its also a bit depressing becuase i'm lonely and in a barely tolorable living situation. You are on the right track with this train of thought, sounds like a nice, mature attitude. Please continue to think and act in a mature fashion by not seeing a relationship with someone as your ticket out of a barely tolerable living situation. You may find yourself in a living situation that's even less tolerable than what you have now. Best way is to make your living situation tolerable on your own, THEN work on the relationship, when you're not feeling so desperate to have one.

Squirrely -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 7:55:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes You are on the right track with this train of thought, sounds like a nice, mature attitude. Please continue to think and act in a mature fashion by not seeing a relationship with someone as your ticket out of a barely tolerable living situation. You may find yourself in a living situation that's even less tolerable than what you have now. Best way is to make your living situation tolerable on your own, THEN work on the relationship, when you're not feeling so desperate to have one. that makes a lot of sense, thanks you. It's going to be very hard though, I really HATE the place I'm at, but I can survive it (its not dangerious or anything, i'm living at a christian shelter, hard core christian. everything that isn't Jesus is a sin kind of thing. I find it ironic I'm here with all since I am not, never was, and never will be christian).

windchymes -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 7:59:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Squirrely quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes You are on the right track with this train of thought, sounds like a nice, mature attitude. Please continue to think and act in a mature fashion by not seeing a relationship with someone as your ticket out of a barely tolerable living situation. You may find yourself in a living situation that's even less tolerable than what you have now. Best way is to make your living situation tolerable on your own, THEN work on the relationship, when you're not feeling so desperate to have one. that makes a lot of sense, thanks you. It's going to be very hard though, I really HATE the place I'm at, but I can survive it (its not dangerious or anything, i'm living at a christian shelter, hard core christian. everything that isn't Jesus is a sin kind of thing. I find it ironic I'm here with all since I am not, never was, and never will be christian). There are several Christian or anti-Christian threads going on over in the Politics & Religion section, you could go over there and commiserate with them to help you cope :) Since things could be a lot worse, (and I do feel for ya, actually, lol), just set a goal for yourself for changing whatever you need to change about yourself to get out and get your own place. You'll have good stories to tell your grandkids someday [;)]

seekingreality -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 11:44:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Squirrely I think my biggest problem now would be on how to turn down those that don't seem like a good match. is there a best way to do so? theres at least one who seems to want me to be submissive to them from the get go, ive been warned that its highly possible that their fake (i get the impression there serious though, or very practiced). plus I can't just be submissive to some one that I don't know, have no emotional connection to, and don't respect. I would appreciate some advice or maybe some examples of situations you may have handled in the past, thank you. If someone writes you and you're not interested, just don't respond. You'll find that a "thanks but no thanks" note more often than not pisses people off and makes that send a nasty message. Honestly, most people would prefer a non-response to a rejection, and since non-response is common they'll move on quickly and forget you.

lizi -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 11:48:18 AM)
I just wanted to add that sometimes when you turn someone down they take it badly and come back and say something rude to you. Unfortunately, it happens fairly often. Don't let it bother you. If you can tell that someone isn't right for you then just tell them you don't think they'd be a match for you and good luck. You aren't in any way, shape, or form, obligated to consider people simply because they want you to and boy....they will want you to just jump in and be with them asap without any hesitation. You have a choice, and you're welcome to exercise your preferences however you choose to do it. When I was looking I said no thanks, or if I wanted to offer more I'd say I didnt think we'd be a match and then I wished them well.

Lockit -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 11:57:19 AM)
If you just started your profile, you are going to get hit on by all the people that rush the newbies. You could start another profile tomorrow and compare the list of names and I bet the majority would be on that list. They hit anything that moves. I wouldn't worry about being too kind. A no thank you or something real simple works best. They will demand sometimes, an explanation. Don't go there. It opens the door for them to argue with you and they are most often abusive and demanding. So unless you have a vested interest in someone, do what you feel comfortable with and remember that block button can be an amazing thing. Good luck and I hope your situation improves.

DesFIP -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 1:58:40 PM)
"Thank you for your email. Good luck in your search" And then block the ones who write back upset because you didn't jump at their offer. Also what windchymes said. The worst possible reason to move in with someone is simply because you don't like where you're living. Get a second job, save up and rent a room from someone sane.

Focus50 -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 4:01:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Squirrely I created my account the other day and I've gotten a few messages from interested doms (its always surprises me that anyone is interested in me). After reading a ton of profiles and posts here (and a few things elsewhere) I've come to the conclusion that it may take quite a while to find the right person and then even more time to build up something. I guess that's what I was expecting, I can be patient. its also a bit depressing becuase i'm lonely and in a barely tolorable living situation. I think I know what I'm looking for in a dom, and I think I'm responding ok to interested ones that interest me. I think my biggest problem now would be on how to turn down those that don't seem like a good match. is there a best way to do so? theres at least one who seems to want me to be submissive to them from the get go, ive been warned that its highly possible that their fake (i get the impression there serious though, or very practiced). plus I can't just be submissive to some one that I don't know, have no emotional connection to, and don't respect. I would appreciate some advice or maybe some examples of situations you may have handled in the past, thank you. When it's just you; you be true to yourself. Expect that being new, female and submissive means you have the target trifecta for every rude, arrogant and foul-mouthed "dom" on site and you'll get flooded with mail for it. Expect that when you reject their advances, you'll get abusive responses accusing you of all manner of idiotic untruths - so thicken up your skin! What you DON'T do is become slave to your own keyboard and try to give a polite reply to every msg you get. You ignore (and block, if necessary) the obvious geeks, perverts and time-wasters altogether. For those who seem sincere but don't hold your interest (too old, too young, too far away, too whatever for you), I'd recommend a simple "thanks, but no thanks". What you're doing is learning to filter. Of the few who are left, you TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Anything that doesn't seem right to you most probably isn't. And you don't need a lifetime of D/s experience to get that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that something's wrong - so take notice when it's there! I'd reckon in a population of about 3 billion women on the planet, there's maybe less than a hundred who'd make my ideal partner. Maybe a few hundred more who are close enough.... The odds of meeting more than one or two in a lifetime are astronomical. It's probably no different for you - so be patient - AND TRUE TO YOURSELF. Focus.

IrishMist -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 5:07:11 PM)
quote: I think my biggest problem now would be on how to turn down those that don't seem like a good match. is there a best way to do so? Sorry, but I am not interested. Simple and to the point

littlewonder -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 5:22:50 PM)
Thank you for your interest but we are not compatible. Best of luck in your search.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: handling interest? (10/1/2011 8:59:00 PM)
I stop feeling compelled to respond after a month or so, just make your laundry list clear on your profile and don't bother replying to anyone who clearly did not read it. Example: I'm not looking for anything but intellectual discourse online, so anyone who messages me on the otherside that doesn't open with an interesting conversation point will never get a response, and I don't feel a lick of guilt for it. You shouldn't either. There are a lot of wankers and HNG's that will pollute your inbox for awhile, then it will pass.

fragilepieces -> RE: handling interest? (10/2/2011 6:27:33 AM)
Sometimes I just ignore someone and eventually they go away. I have a difficult time telling someone they are not a match either mostly because I have had so many get bent out of shape and get nasty afterwards.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: handling interest? (10/2/2011 7:41:57 AM)
You don't have to respond at all to any messages, anymore than you have to respond when someone talks to you randomly on the street. It sounds like maybe your priority should be to improve your living situation. Maybe you should concentrate on that, for a while. It is hard to make good choices in relationships if the other parts of your life are chaotic.

lthrpup -> RE: handling interest? (10/2/2011 9:16:03 AM)
Since I do not have to field tons of messages and I want to avoid any perception of being impolite, I always respond except to the few messages that are truly rude. Usually it is easy to deflect interest because of distance or obvious incompatibility with something in my profile. People receiving a "Thanks but not interested in long distance, good luck in your search" from me either do not write back or send a simple "Good luck to you too" email.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: handling interest? (10/2/2011 10:26:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Thank you for your interest but we are not compatible. Best of luck in your search. that's a pretty good way to say it. i imagine every new chick has had that experience. i had i dunno how many pages in my inbox the first day i signed up. it was kinda scary. i try to be polite and at least say "hello" back, if the message warrants it. otherwise, i know what i'm interested in, i know the type of personality i get along with, so if a person doesn't strike me that way, then littlewonder's post is how i deal with it. that said, i also do like making friends; we may not work out for a long-term relationship, but i try to see if friendship is possible.

mysouldesire -> RE: handling interest? (10/2/2011 2:50:55 PM)
quote: I think my biggest problem now would be on how to turn down those that don't seem like a good match. is there a best way to do so? theres at least one who seems to want me to be submissive to them from the get go, ive been warned that its highly possible that their fake (i get the impression there serious though, or very practiced). plus I can't just be submissive to some one that I don't know, have no emotional connection to, and don't respect. I would appreciate some advice or maybe some examples of situations you may have handled in the past, thank you You know Squirrely, some people are so arrogant that they believe they need your submission because they think they are high and mighty in their own mind. Pffft on them. There is a difference in those who are nice in general and you wanna keep cmailing with them, others blow you off and still others are like leeches for some reason, like you say, want you for some reason you do not understand. Respect is earned even anonymously. There is just a sincerity or substance that creates a sense of trust. narkly people in writing are ususally snarkly in real like. You can never tell what sort of sense of humor someone has until you have read posts on here or understand the tone...so CLARIFY often. If they dont like it....tell them then they re not worth responding to. As to telling someone you are just not interested in...remember you are reponding to someone you have never seen and it doesnt matter if you hurt their feelings, tell them your own way and let it go. I have had to block those who came back and back like a leech or used the "hide" button. Good luck.

Squirrely -> RE: handling interest? (10/2/2011 3:44:41 PM)
thanks everyone for your advice. I got to say I got a little piece of wisdom from every post. I think I got a good handle on how to respond now and have been implementing the ideas.

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